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Ozzie Guillen on Will Ohman: “he has to get his head out of his ass”

Apr 6, 2011, 9:12 AM EDT

Chicago White Sox v Cleveland Indians Getty Images

Dear lord, do I love Ozzie Guillen. If, for no other reason, than because he says what everyone else thinks but which no one in an official position besides him ever, ever says. Things like this, which Brent Ballantini of CSN Chicago reports Guillen said about White Sox reliever Will Ohman, who has had a rough go of it in the season’s first week:

“He’s here—I have to use him. We’ve got only 11 pitchers. I don’t have the luxury to [matchup Ohman to lefties]. Maybe later on I will. But he’s got to get his head out of his ass … We need him pitching. If he’s not going to help us, we’ll put people in his place that will …”

This wasn’t a rant. Guillen was supportive of Ohman and said he wants him to do well. But he’s not going to sugar coat it either.  That’s the thing about honesty: it can hurt when someone tells you, you know, that you gotta get your head out of your ass. But it can also be comforting in that at least you know where you stand and you can trust that the good that comes with the bad — the part about Guillen wanting Ohman around — is genuine too.

Yeah, it’s rough. But as anyone who has ever worked someplace where they give you nothing but praise and disingenuous smiles only to kick you out the door later can tell you, the blunt stuff is rather refreshing.

  1. kiwicricket - Apr 6, 2011 at 9:21 AM

    Ozzie should share similar advice with his son at some point.

    • Old Gator - Apr 6, 2011 at 9:50 AM

      Ozzie’s idea of “refreshing” is more like a bath in acid. You take a player aside and say things like that to him in private. Professional athletes for the most part have an immense amount of pride and doing poorly afield exerts more than enough pressure to improve anyway. They don’t need some slobbering, proto-literate Neanderthal calling them out in public – especially a cretin like Ozzie whose own head is usually so far up his ass that he can be rolled through the clubhouse as it is. If Ozzie’s idea of management – if anything quite so visceral and reflexive as his slobbering can be deemed a product of actual thought – is to humiliate his ballplayers publicly, I only hope that on the day when one of them snaps and piledrives his fist into Ozzie’s remarkably vulvic-looking mouth, someone has a camera running. I wouldn’t want to miss that for the world.

      • kiwicricket - Apr 6, 2011 at 10:11 AM

        “Ozzie’s remarkably vulvic-looking mouth” …..That Sir, just made my evening.

      • cur68 - Apr 6, 2011 at 11:30 AM

        Wow. Now Gator I can no longer look at Ozzie without thinking his mouth looks like a …. thing. Thanks. That’s one less team for me to pay attention to this season…

        pass the eye bleach Martha….

      • Old Gator - Apr 6, 2011 at 11:38 AM

        Coulda sworn for a minute there you were gonna say “beaver,” Cur.

      • cur68 - Apr 6, 2011 at 11:56 AM

        the beaver is a noble, kindly beast, chewing wood all day long, working tirelessly in the service of the dammed and gracing our nickel. Ozzie is no beaver. He’s more of a hyena. And his mouth looks like a … thing.

  2. minnesconsin - Apr 6, 2011 at 9:28 AM

    let me preface this by saying that i wouldn’t want ozzie as the manager of my team. I just think he’s too erratic and over the long haul of the season, it can be detrimental to his teams. But I’d give my left arm to hear Gardenhire get real like that every so often.

    • trevorb06 - Apr 6, 2011 at 10:04 AM

      My friend, at least Nick Punto is gone. He (and Gardy’s stupid use of him) can’t hurt us anymore.

      • ThatGuy - Apr 6, 2011 at 10:19 AM

        one word… Tolbert

      • okobojicat - Apr 6, 2011 at 11:36 AM

        Punto had to be sent away to make way for his heir-apparent: Toby

  3. heynerdlinger - Apr 6, 2011 at 10:07 AM

    How awesome would it be to have Ozzie managing the Mets? Ownership would never do it because they’d be the ones to whom he’d be recommending the head-in-ass solutions, but I, for one, would welcome our new Guillen overlords.

  4. purdueman - Apr 6, 2011 at 11:12 AM

    What did Ozzie expect from an ex-Cub (Olman)? That’s what the Cubs have taught they’re players to do for over a century now (put their head up their asses)! 102 years of being proud to carry the moniker “Lovable Losers” and counting….

    • fouldwimmerlaik - Apr 6, 2011 at 12:00 PM

      Leave it to a White Sox fan to turn this in a Cubs column.

  5. dfensfelix - Apr 6, 2011 at 1:06 PM

    There are beavers on our nickels??

    • cur68 - Apr 6, 2011 at 1:26 PM

      Canadian nickels. There is more than one country with an MLB franchise, after all. We had 2 but thanks to certain cretins we’re down to 1. When the Mets finally go bankrupt I’m hoping the team is sold to the City of Vancouver, British Columbia, and renamed the Beavers. Go Beavers!

      • marinersnate - Apr 6, 2011 at 2:58 PM

        Cool. They can play in the AL west and maybe the Mariners’ won’t be in the cellar for a couple years. Well, maybe their first year anyway. (We’re Number 4! We’re Number 4!)

      • cur68 - Apr 6, 2011 at 3:16 PM

        Optimism is all well and good but it’s karmically unsupportable to expect the putative Beavers to be in the cellar. Beaver, like Guinness, is good for you. Go Beavers!

      • Old Gator - Apr 6, 2011 at 4:08 PM

        Oh and which cretins could those be, cur? I cannot imagine….

      • dprat - Apr 6, 2011 at 5:04 PM

        Love Beavers as a team nickname. So sad that the Padres AAA team has left Portland and the Beavers nickname behind (Tucson Padres… meh).

        I use the Beavers as the nickname for one of my fantasy teams. When others in the league were busy creating fear-inducing avatars (or at least trying to… most of them ended up looking alot like Justin Bieber), my profile featured the most friendly looking beaver photo I could find. Fear the beaver! I know you do, you nancy boys.

      • cur68 - Apr 6, 2011 at 5:09 PM

        I too,
        know the sting of the Loria.
        Yes, it is true.
        Long have I contemplated
        the unhealed welts on the flesh of my beloved Expos
        Who have now passed, undigested;
        a prune pit hence,
        To the bowels of Washington, .
        That man makes me rethink my stance on violence.
        Sometime soon
        May the Florida lizards feast on his vermin bones
        Under a full moon.

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