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Did you know that Prince Fielder has a “square body type?”

Apr 25, 2011, 3:00 PM EDT

Image (1) prince%20fielder%20hr%20celebration-thumb-350x200-2056.jpg for post 5684

Scott Boras is the best.

If you give him lemons, he won’t be content to make lemonade, he’ll make a lemon curd white chocolate cheesecake. If he represented a pitcher with no arms and no legs he’d talk about how the guy should get big money because he’ll never tear a ligament. If Stephen Hawking wanted to play baseball, Boras would argue that his mental toughness compensates for his lack of foot speed and he wouldn’t be afraid to make vague-yet-complimentary allusions to Lou Gehrig to boot.

Put simply, the man is an artist.

So it should be no surprise that Boras is over six months ahead of the game in selling Prince Fielder to the free agent pursuing public. Ken Rosenthal reports:

“Prince is a remarkable athlete,” Boras says. “He has size, speed and strength. In football, his comp is Warren Sapp.

“It is rare that a strong, square body type has such flexibility, dexterity and athleticism. Among power-hitting first basemen his foot speed and agility is supreme and without knowing first-hand, he is most likely the better candidate (than Sapp) for ‘Dancing With the Stars.’”

I would be curious to see the ratio of articles about Prince Fielder referring to him as “square” as opposed to other geometric shapes.

But really, I don’t think I can disagree with any of that. Fielder does look athletic out there. He is faster than he should be. It’s so easy to get hung up on his frame and actually miss the fact that he’s a better athlete than a lot of ballplayers. Not just a better ballplayer — he clearly is one of the best — but a better athlete. Honestly: on a purely athletic basis, isn’t Fielder a better bet than Adam LaRoche? I think so.

I agree with the way Rosenthal puts it in the article: Fielder is going to be one of the most interesting free agents of all time.  He is once again knocking the cover off the ball. Meanwhile, Albert Pujols is struggling and now hurt.  None of which makes Fielder the better player right now — he isn’t — but he may be the better free agent bet.

And Boras may not to have to even break a sweat making the sales pitch.

  1. oldnumero7 - Apr 25, 2011 at 3:08 PM

    Prince Fielder is in the most rectangular shape of his life.

    • natstowngreg - Apr 25, 2011 at 6:35 PM

      Boras had me until he mentioned “Dancing with the Stars.”

  2. spudchukar - Apr 25, 2011 at 3:16 PM

    While he may be a better athlete than LaRoche he is not a better defender.

  3. cur68 - Apr 25, 2011 at 3:17 PM

    My family enjoys one, and only one, impression that I do. It is of Prince hitting that in the park home run. I always end it with a picture of Prince himself in all his “square” glory. Boras need only show that clip and he’ll have teams lined up, cheque books in hand, round the block. Prince is not only a gifted natural athlete, with power, speed and reflexes, he is the definitive embodiment of scrappy gamer with hustle. Any one who saw that home run would recognize that Fiedler is the total package and pay accordingly.

    • Jonny 5 - Apr 25, 2011 at 3:21 PM

      AMEN!! Preach brother CUR!!!

      • cur68 - Apr 25, 2011 at 3:28 PM

        Oh I am. I’m hoping Alex Anthopoulos hears my prayers and is the guy with the cheque book that wins the Prince sweepstakes. Can’t you just see the big lug in a Blue Jays uniform? Batting behind Jose Buatista will make them the most devastating 1 – 2 hitting duo in all baseball until Ichiro Suzuki leads off for Curtis Granderson.

      • Utley's Hair - Apr 25, 2011 at 3:29 PM

        What is a “cheque book?”

      • cur68 - Apr 25, 2011 at 3:32 PM

        Its what I use when I buy doughnuts in bulk, mais oui.

      • Utley's Hair - Apr 25, 2011 at 3:39 PM

        But only your favourite colour of cheque book is acceptable when it comes time to buy these doughnuts?

      • cur68 - Apr 25, 2011 at 3:45 PM

        Mon carnet de chèques est grand et jaune.

      • Utley's Hair - Apr 25, 2011 at 3:51 PM

        I see “carnet” there, and translate that as steak, so, mmm…steeeeaaaak….

  4. paperlions - Apr 25, 2011 at 3:18 PM

    I have a small request. Would people please stop referring to Pujols “struggling”, because he’s not. The last 2 weeks he’s OBPed .362 and slugged .679 with a .446 wOBA (which is better than Fielder has been the last 2 weeks). Yeah, he started slow…that ended weeks ago…so let’s let go of the small sample sized first impressions, eh?

  5. Jonny 5 - Apr 25, 2011 at 3:18 PM

    I absolutely love to watch Fielder play. He’s one of my favorite ball players of all time actually. It goes back to being shocked by his ability to move all that mass as well as he does, let alone his bat.

    Craig, you went with cake dude. What gives? PIE RULES!

    • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Apr 25, 2011 at 3:27 PM

      What? Cheesecake is pie! It’s simply named wrong, but look at it! Crust. No flour. PIE PIE PIE!

      • b7p19 - Apr 25, 2011 at 3:56 PM

        Are you saying pie doesn’t have flour in it?

      • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Apr 25, 2011 at 4:06 PM

        Pie crust has flour. Pie filling does not. Cakes have flour and rise (generally speaking).

      • Utley's Hair - Apr 25, 2011 at 4:12 PM

        Heyward is on an Easter Monday sugar crash, so he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

  6. Utley's Hair - Apr 25, 2011 at 3:18 PM

    He looks more trapezoidal to me.

    And this is Craig’s trying to sour (get it? lemons?) folks on cake in the cake vs. pie debate by associating cheesecake with Scott Boras. We in the cake community are wise to you and your subversive tactics, Calcaterra!!!

    • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Apr 25, 2011 at 3:28 PM

      As to my comment above, the cake community will not and shall not claim cheesecake b/c of it’s incorrect name. It is pie and it is ours!

      • Utley's Hair - Apr 25, 2011 at 3:33 PM

        It is named cake and shall remain as such, pie boy. That’s like trying to reclaim a successful waiver wire reject.

      • Jonny 5 - Apr 25, 2011 at 3:52 PM

        I’m With Heyward here. There is no flour in cheesecake filling. Which makes it pie. Cheesey pie…… guhhhhhh… mmmmmm Cheesey pie….. With cherries…. Sorry I drift off at times. All cake has flour!! New rule!!

      • Jonny 5 - Apr 25, 2011 at 3:58 PM

        Don’t look now but there is an ad to the right for the Cheese”cake” in question. Visually it is 100% pie. And it tastes too good to be cake.

      • Utley's Hair - Apr 25, 2011 at 3:58 PM

        That “rule” (your misplaced word, not mine) is not written, and thus is not enforceable. So there.

      • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Apr 25, 2011 at 4:03 PM

        The rule is also with exception. There are flourless cakes, but cheesecake is not one of them.

        I also asked four people around my office and all said cake. All are misinformed. I may be in the minority here, but so were the folks who believe the world was round.

      • Utley's Hair - Apr 25, 2011 at 4:21 PM

        “I also asked four people around my office and all said cake. All are misinformed. I may be in the minority here, but so were the folks who believe the world was round.”

        Wow…playing the race card in (what has somehow become) a cake trumps pie thread. We’re in uncharted territory here, folks.

        And ignoring the evidence to (try to unsuccessfully) further your own objective? Hmm…Heyward has now been outed as Bud Light!!!!!

      • Jonny 5 - Apr 25, 2011 at 4:36 PM

        And so it is written…

        Cake rule #3278

        All cake contains flour

        Cake rule # 3279

        Cake never has crust, otherwise it’s pie

        See, It has been written and so it shall be.

      • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Apr 25, 2011 at 4:37 PM

        We shall let the experts handle this issue since my sound, scientific reasoning can’t sway the stubborn fans of Philly who suckle the teet of the queen mother cake.

      • cur68 - Apr 25, 2011 at 4:43 PM

        heh, heh, heh … suckle the teet….heh, heh, heh

      • Utley's Hair - Apr 25, 2011 at 4:59 PM

        Jonny, I question your numbers here. Unless you can prove that there are 3277 prior cake rules, I hold that your count, and by extension, your entire point, is invalid.

        (And apparently Heyward has thrown you under the bus like Josh Hamilton. The cake rules committee has convened an emergency session and will hereby accept your membership into the cake community provided you renounce all connections and allegiances to pie—oh, and pay your dues, since we are hungry and need to get some cake.)

    • cur68 - Apr 25, 2011 at 3:31 PM

      Pay no attention to the pie eaters or the-cheesecake-is-pie conspiracy nuts. They know only the taste of jealousy and will know defeat when Fielder becomes a Blue Jay.

      • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Apr 25, 2011 at 3:51 PM

        Conspiracy??? It is you fancy cake boys that have conspired! By definition, it is not cake dammit! It is barely a pie either, but much more related to pie than cake! It’s basically a custard in a crust! Do you both think that doughnuts are part of the peanut family, you cake eating sons-o-cakelovers?????

      • Utley's Hair - Apr 25, 2011 at 3:55 PM

        No, sugar rushing pie boy. Doughnuts are in the cake family, duh. Though butternut doughnuts do have some sort of Kevin Baconesque link to both peanuts and cake.

      • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Apr 25, 2011 at 4:04 PM

        mmmmm, bacon. i do find it hilarious that baked goods dominate these threads quite often. i wonder if that was craig’s original intent…

      • cur68 - Apr 25, 2011 at 4:06 PM

        The doughnut is a member of the cake family. Its a simple straightforward matter of phylogeny, not opinion. After all there is such a thing as the cake doughnut. There is no, and never will be, a pie doughnut. I will bet you that Craig has to eat another hat if Prince Fielder prefers pie over cake. Prince is a cake man all the way. You can’t run like that on no pie.

      • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Apr 25, 2011 at 4:07 PM

        I agree that doughnuts are in the cake “family” but it is not cake. It is a doughnut and it gets it own section in any cookbook. Now stop changing the subject. I also appreciate that you are all spelling doughnut correctly, even though the writers of this very blog misspell it frequently.

      • heyblueyoustink - Apr 25, 2011 at 4:15 PM

        Like “Donut”……..jerk :-p

      • Utley's Hair - Apr 25, 2011 at 4:16 PM

        Hehhehheh…”phylogeny” sounds dirty…hehhehheh

      • mentalotherhalf - Apr 25, 2011 at 7:14 PM

        Krispy Kreme (their Reich-reminiscent spelling, not mine) offers a cheesecake doughnut. Where does that leave us?

        And what is the relationship between Boston creme pie and Boston Creme doughnuts?

        I find myself questioning some previously elemental understandings as I progress through this thread.

      • jwbiii - Apr 25, 2011 at 8:36 PM

        The doughnut is a member of the cake family. Its a simple straightforward matter of phylogeny, not opinion.

        Of course. The pie family analog is the kolache, which is similarly delicious, but alas, has a much more restricted domestic habitat.

    • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Apr 25, 2011 at 4:15 PM

      I’ve referred this debate to the experts. The Cheesecake Factory in Chicago. Once I get a written response I will post it here without edits (unless they disagree with me of course).

      • Utley's Hair - Apr 25, 2011 at 6:18 PM

        Well, have they stopped laughing at your assertion long enough to reply? Or are you just taking extra long to paraphrase their answer so that it looks like they agree with you?

      • cur68 - Apr 25, 2011 at 7:22 PM

        He’s summoning his reserves after collapsing into a dangerous pie induced stupor. If he ate cake he’d be erudite, handsome, and modest. Like us.

      • Utley's Hair - Apr 26, 2011 at 12:27 PM

        Hmm…the longer the issue remains unresolved, the more I believe Heyward is rocking back and forth in the fetal position, blubbering like a little girl whose cake was taken away and replaced with pie—ya know, since they told him he was wrong and all.

      • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Apr 26, 2011 at 5:38 PM

        I got nothing yet. It may take a few days. I’ll post in an entirely unrelated thread too, so keep an eye out. Otherwise, I’m going back into my prone position…

  7. iranuke - Apr 25, 2011 at 3:23 PM

    The thing that I will find interesting will be the presentation book that Mr. Borris puts out for Mr. Fielder, and who the comps are.

  8. heyblueyoustink - Apr 25, 2011 at 3:32 PM

    He is by far the most square vegitarian i’ve ever seen in my life…….

    On a second thought, I don’t see why if Trump decides to run for president, he shouldn’t bring Boras around to be his VP…….you want to see fear in the eyes of our country’s enemies? Simply look at the long road of slain general managers…..

    • purnellmeagrejr - Apr 25, 2011 at 4:00 PM

      Trump has the same chance of being elected President that I do taking over at first for the Brewers.

  9. Joe - Apr 25, 2011 at 4:01 PM

    25 comments in, and not one reference to “Bor-ASS”? Folks are in a good mood today.

  10. snowbirdgothic - Apr 25, 2011 at 4:10 PM

    My understanding is that Boras will pitch Fielder as one of the best left-handed pitchers in the major leagues, using Oliver Perez for a comp.

    • Andrew - Apr 25, 2011 at 4:42 PM

      You must be making fun of Oliver Perez, because Fielder is a righthanded thrower.

      • snowbirdgothic - Apr 25, 2011 at 5:59 PM

        No, I’m making fun of Boras, whose “book” for Perez “proved” he was one of the top 5 lefthanded pitchers in baseball. Presumably the other four at the time were Dopey, Sneezy, Bashful, and Ookla the Mok.

    • grafe2 - Apr 26, 2011 at 5:47 AM

      I doubt Boras would’ve lasted long if he outright lied. Not many teams would wanna negotiate with him. I imagine what he did was probably something such as pointing out how a lot of the great power pitchers started to settle down as they aged and quit walking so many people and pointed to things such as his age and strikeout rate as to why he would break out for them.

      • snowbirdgothic - Apr 27, 2011 at 12:12 PM

        For your reading pleasure, courtesy of Craig in the Shysterball days:

        Teams will always continue to deal with Boras as long as he represents talent. As long as he does, as long as they don’t catch him with a dead girl or a live goat, he’ll be in business. When the client list deserts him, then and only then will teams use his behavior as an excuse not to work with him any more.

  11. natstowngreg - Apr 25, 2011 at 6:31 PM

    Enough of this nonsense, trying to fit cheesecake into some arbitrary construct with only two possibilities (cake or pie). Cheesecake not only occupies its own higher plane of existence, but represents proof of the existence of God.

    So there…

    • Utley's Hair - Apr 25, 2011 at 6:40 PM

      Ben Franklin said that about beer.

    • cur68 - Apr 25, 2011 at 7:28 PM

      I like this argument. It elevates the status of the cheeseCAKE to that of holiness. The holiest of cake states = cheese. I like it very much. More to the point I like it in its incarnation as chocolate cheesecake with ice cream, strawberries and Jessica Alba. Little slice of heaven let me worship thee, mmmmm…caaaaake…

  12. umrguy42 - Apr 25, 2011 at 7:25 PM

    As a Cards fan (and a fan of schadenfreude over sports things, even for some of my friends), I hope Fielder goes to another division (or even league) :p

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