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Just what you’ve been waiting for: Cacti on Parade

Apr 25, 2011, 5:32 PM EDT


For the last few years the All-Star Game host city has featured statues of some local symbol or icon plastered with MLB logos. The Statue of Liberty, the Gateway Arch, Mickey Mouse, etc.  I’m still waiting for them to do it with a beer in Milwaukee, but I’m not holding my breath.

In the meantime we have Arizona this year, where they’ll make statues out of police officers demanding proof of citizenship from non-blond people.

I keed!  It’s Cacti on Parade:

MLB has teamed up with licensee Forever Collectibles to design a series of MLB-themed cactus statues. A total of 10 statues in four different designs measuring seven and a half feet tall and weighing more than 700 pounds will be stationed at key locations around the greater Phoenix area.The statues will be uniquely decorated with bold graphics celebrating the 2011 All-Star Game, the D-backs and each of the 30 MLB clubs and the American and National Leagues. In addition, one of the statues will commemorate significant milestones in D-backs history.

I would have hoped that the statues would be bigger than seven and a half feet because, having spent 10 days in Phoenix over spring training, I discovered that absolutely no one walks in that city, so people will be buzzing by these things at 70 miles per hour.

As for the significant milestones in Dbacks history, One will obviously relate to the 2001 World Series. Another might be some major Randy Johnson accomplishment.  Perhaps we’ll see one of A.J. Hinch, moments before the team revolt undermined his tenure as manager, some seventeen minutes into said tenure.  I’ll defer to Dbacks fans for the others, but if we wait a few more weeks to paint these things, I’m sure one depicting Kirk Gibson killing someone with his bare hands will be appropriate.

Bring on the Cacti!

  1. George - Apr 25, 2011 at 5:37 PM

    Is it just me, or do those things look like bongs?

    • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Apr 25, 2011 at 5:42 PM

      Now, why didn’t I think of that? Real Cacti do make great bongs. Since it’s illegal to smoke pot and illegal to cut down saguaro cacti, the illegal aspect of the whole process cancels out too.

      • Old Gator - Apr 25, 2011 at 7:38 PM

        Anybody who’s ever accidentally backed up against a cholla cactus while trying to take a photograph of a sunset to the west of Tucson will be more than happy that they chose saguaro. If ever in Tucson, after gulping down a platter of green corn tamales at Lerua’s, head east to Tanque Verde cactus farm. They have about three hundred kinds of cacti out there, and another three hundred Euphorbia, one that looks exactly like each one of the three hundred kinds of cacti. Get yourself a real saguaro grown from seed and set up your very own stupid little owl preserve in your back yard.

        You know, has it ever occurred to anyone that Bud Light may be a Euphorbia himself?

  2. Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Apr 25, 2011 at 5:40 PM

    “In the meantime we have Arizona this year, where they’ll make statues out of police officers demanding proof of citizenship from non-blond people.”

    This might be the funniest sentence of 2011.

    • Chris Fiorentino - Apr 25, 2011 at 6:06 PM

      Or the dumbest.

      • Old Gator - Apr 25, 2011 at 7:34 PM

        How’s this for a working definition of a conservative: someone who can’t find humor in reality?

  3. bloodysock - Apr 25, 2011 at 6:36 PM

    1) 2001 World Series Championship

    2) Randy Johnson’s perfect game

    3) Luiz Gonzales’ 57* homer season

    4) Tearing up Rod Barajas’ contract after he lost in arbitration and gave him what he filed for anyway, signing Willie Blair and still paying him and several others deferred money for years later, signing Josh Byrnes to a seven year deal with an ownership stake and allowing him to hire AJ Hinch for some bewildering reason.

  4. shanemcdowell - Apr 25, 2011 at 9:51 PM

    Cacti on Parade? I guess that’s better than how a cacti could just kill a man.

  5. joeflaccosunibrow - Apr 26, 2011 at 6:10 AM

    It’s too dang hot to walk anywhere!

    Air conditioning is one of the greatest inventions ever!

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