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Birtherism and baseball: a classic combination

Apr 27, 2011, 12:31 PM EDT

Gwynn-Jr._Tony

As you may have seen, today President Obama released his long form birth certificate in an effort to shut up the loony fringe who decided to use the citizenship issue to attack him as Some Horrible Other, seeing as though open racism and xenophobia is off the table in polite society these days.  There are several baseball implications for this.

For starters, given his views on the matter, Orioles’ left fielder Luke Scott‘s pregame routine is going to be a bit more complicated today.  I’d like to see him double down on this and simply respond “I see they’ve gotten to you too,” when confronted by the press, but I am not optimistic that he is that awesome.

More entertainingly, the release of the birth certificate has led many a clever baseball wag to weigh in on Twitter.  Our own Aaron Gleeman made a great point:

Big deal. Show me Livan Hernandez‘s birth certificate. Then we have something.

I’ve seen it. It’s printed a foot off-center. However, in October 1997 the clerk ruled that it was perfectly acceptable.

Here’s a far more substantive connection between birtherism and baseball, from HBT reader Steve Ferra:

The brith certificate I want to see is Tony Gwynn Jr’s. He’s thin and can’t hit. I am extremely suspicious.

We are through the looking glass here people.

  1. Old Gator - Apr 27, 2011 at 12:42 PM

    Forget the birth certificate. What you want is a DNA test.

    • sabathiawouldbegoodattheeighthtoo - Apr 27, 2011 at 12:48 PM

      What are you, Linda Tripp?

    • jwbiii - Apr 27, 2011 at 12:55 PM

      So his father is buried in Kenya and his mother was cremated and her ashes were scattered in the Pacific. No exhumable remains on U.S. soil which can be tested. How convenient!

    • heyblueyoustink - Apr 27, 2011 at 12:59 PM

      Sounds like a perfectly good Springer scenario……turns out he’s a long lost descendant of Sheriff Bart

  2. aarcraft - Apr 27, 2011 at 12:43 PM

    I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. You, as fan of the Braves in the mid 90’s, have no right whatsoever to complain about a pitcher getting a strike called on a pitch outside. Ever.

    • nps6724 - Apr 27, 2011 at 12:57 PM

      No matter what you think about the Braves getting calls over the years, that game was one of the worst-called games by a home-plate ump in baseball history.

  3. Jonny 5 - Apr 27, 2011 at 12:46 PM

    And here I was expecting a cage match between Obama and Trump on the Oprah show… What a let down…

    It’s not over, the idiots screaming this from jumpstreet won’t admit they’ve been wrong. Now it’ll be a “fabricated document”. Obama wasted his time, pretty much.

    • Utley's Hair - Apr 27, 2011 at 1:01 PM

      Hey…he does have the CIA forgers working for him, dammit!!!!!!

      • Jonny 5 - Apr 27, 2011 at 1:19 PM

        Well, after Watergate that would be an all too easy argument to make. This is why I say Obama wasted his time.

      • Utley's Hair - Apr 27, 2011 at 1:27 PM

        Hey, BC!!!!! Jonny’s blaming this on Nixon.

        The whole thing is idiotic. Especially after that other time when he, ya know, released his birth certificate.

  4. heyblueyoustink - Apr 27, 2011 at 12:54 PM

    I’d like to see the certificate of origin on Halladay’s arm (i’m betting it’s Cyberdyne issue)

    • cur68 - Apr 27, 2011 at 12:57 PM

      What about the color of Jesse Litsch’s beard and hair? I’m betting it’s by Krylon Paint.

      • nps6724 - Apr 27, 2011 at 12:58 PM

        No, Brian Wilson has an exclusive deal with Krylon that stipulates they won’t service any other person.

      • heyblueyoustink - Apr 27, 2011 at 1:01 PM

        Wilson’s beard is just the fuzzy half of velcro material glued to his face….Him and the freak had a bong hitting contest…..he lost

      • cur68 - Apr 27, 2011 at 1:12 PM

        No way that bear’s pubis is the fuzzy side of velcro. If that’s California velcro then I don’t wanna see california shag carpet. You’d vacuum your house with a ride-a-vac.

        As for Big Roy’s arm; I agree, Cyberdyne model 800 all the way. This is why he went to the Phillies; the red uni hides the red glow from his eyes.

      • heyblueyoustink - Apr 27, 2011 at 1:12 PM

        Ozzie Guillen’s mouth, sponsored sxclusively by Orbitz Gum?

      • cur68 - Apr 27, 2011 at 1:23 PM

        That vulvate thing? Sponsored by the Chicken Ranch.

      • heyblueyoustink - Apr 27, 2011 at 1:37 PM

        Charlie Manual’s post game presser, brought to you by Rosetta Stone

    • Jonny 5 - Apr 27, 2011 at 1:32 PM

      It must be cyberdyne ,I was looking at his pitch charts the other day. That placement and movement could not be done by a mortal human with a non robotic arm.

      • churchoftheperpetuallyoutraged - Apr 27, 2011 at 2:36 PM

        Can’t find the article, but there was a great comment about Halladay. He thrws every single pitch right at the middle of the zone. But because he has so much movement on every damn pitch, they never end up there.

      • Jonny 5 - Apr 27, 2011 at 2:50 PM

        I read something recently…. BRB….

        And back.

        It’s all right here….
        http://www.crossingbroad.com/2011/04/one-trick-pony-my-ass-roy-halladay-special-14-strike-out-edition.html

  5. Joe - Apr 27, 2011 at 1:02 PM

    Are these “loony fringe” people verifiable Daffy Duck-style loonies, or are you merely engaging in hyperbole once again?

    • Craig Calcaterra - Apr 27, 2011 at 1:06 PM

      I am 1000% sure that the fringe is — quite literally — looney. LOL.

    • cur68 - Apr 27, 2011 at 1:21 PM

      3 guesses on who’s birth certificate we’d all like to see.

      • Utley's Hair - Apr 27, 2011 at 3:13 PM

        frankvzappa, dirtyharry1971 and chrisny3?

      • cur68 - Apr 27, 2011 at 4:35 PM

        Someone has done a nasty in frankzappa’s cornflakes this AM. He is CRANKY! I love people who scream about fascism in the USA or Canada. Its always someone who never lived under a fascist regime. I work with a lady who’s family escaped from Pinochet. You should here her stories. Then you got a right to be up in arms about fascism.

      • raysfan1 - Apr 27, 2011 at 8:22 PM

        Only problem is Craig’s failed to attract chrisny to this thread by not titling the article “Wilpon accused of providing steroids to Barry Bonds!”

  6. Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Apr 27, 2011 at 1:11 PM

    I’d like to see the birth certificate of Mrs. Cheesecake. This would resolve the issue of whether she is pie or cake because it would obviously show that Papa Cheesecake was a berry pie and Mama Cheesecake was a delicious cheese custard. Thus, their offspring became a wonderful mothaf&ckin’ PIE!

    • Utley's Hair - Apr 27, 2011 at 1:16 PM

      And their name? Oh…wait…they were placed into the Federal Witness Relocation Program and needed a new name to throw off the New York mafia!!!!!!!!

      Nice try, Heyward. Go back to your prone position…or Pole Position—which is what you do for a living, right?

    • cur68 - Apr 27, 2011 at 1:19 PM

      Somebody hit El Bravo with a stick; he’s in a pie induced frenzy again. We keep tellin ya man; that stuff is gonna do you harm. Or you’ll go blind.
      The cheesecake is cake. Its right there in its name. Even if it’s not cake (which it is) it wants to BE cake, that’s why its calling itself that. No go soak your head in cold water.

      • Jonny 5 - Apr 27, 2011 at 1:38 PM

        Your logic says a cat bird is half cat.

        PIE RULES!! And Cheesecake is not cake. It’s too good.

    • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Apr 27, 2011 at 1:27 PM

      Pie is my new “f@ck”. I will use “pie” in the place of the word in all social circles from now on. Now, go pie your pie-ing selves you motherpie-ers before I pie you in the pie-hole with a pie-ing piestick.

      • Utley's Hair - Apr 27, 2011 at 1:51 PM

        Pieboy.

      • cur68 - Apr 27, 2011 at 1:58 PM

        The pie you say! Now go pie yourself.

    • heyblueyoustink - Apr 27, 2011 at 1:31 PM

      My compatriots in the Ice Cream Bloc says you boys are going whackadoodle

      • Utley's Hair - Apr 27, 2011 at 1:36 PM

        As long as ice cream cake isn’t involved, we’re good. ‘Cause that’s the lazya$$ trust funding black sheep side of the cake family.

      • Jonny 5 - Apr 27, 2011 at 1:39 PM

        Ice cream cake is not cake either. It’s cylindrically shaped ice cream.

      • heyblueyoustink - Apr 27, 2011 at 1:54 PM

        Oh no….we’re strictly Switzerland on this one….don’t be dragging the ancient order of Ice Cream in your dirty war of attrition…

        (side note, my grammar and spelling would not be smarter than a 5th grader today)

      • cur68 - Apr 27, 2011 at 1:56 PM

        That’s crazy talk Jonny. It’s inbred cake. The cake that just never tried. It is not scrappy, nor a gamer. If you saw the birth certificate of ice cream cake you’d scream. I’d scream. We’d all scream. For…

      • Utley's Hair - Apr 27, 2011 at 2:14 PM

        In a thread about dessert products on a post about birthers and birth certificates and DNA testing (it’s up there…honest!!), you feel the need to apologize for your sub-grade school level grammar and spelling?

      • Jonny 5 - Apr 27, 2011 at 2:18 PM

        Cold stone makes the very best cylindrical shaped ice cream on the planet. FYI.

      • heyblueyoustink - Apr 27, 2011 at 2:34 PM

        As a proud winner of my 4th grade spelling bee, I have a duty to my fellow man…..and Cold Stone is good……but anyone who’s been to Bucks County knows Dairy Delite is where it’s at….

      • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Apr 27, 2011 at 5:13 PM

        Holy pie! I leave and do real work and the comments go nuts! Ice cream is at the table? Why Mrs. Ice Cream, she tastes sweet on everything. Ice cream cake is indeed cylindrical ice cream and nothing more. Never baked and never cake. Speaking of baked…

  7. seanmk - Apr 27, 2011 at 1:56 PM

    tony gwynn was thin once a upon a time and stole lot of bases. he got fatter as he aged. the only difference is hitting ablity

    • b7p19 - Apr 27, 2011 at 2:36 PM

      Yep, once stole 53 in a season. I think the guy was joking though.

  8. frankvzappa - Apr 27, 2011 at 2:54 PM

    nothing like having to suffer through fascist globalist propaganda while trying to distract yourself from such things with sports…and yeah, that birth certificate was a forgery: in those days, they listed “Negro” as race, not “African” like it says, and like it would say if it was a recent forgery, which it is…but hey, keep making anybody who realizes this is a fascist, usurper-led corporatocracy feel stupid, because that is what disinfo agents do when they have no reasonable argument to make…epic failure…stick to what you know, Calcaterra

    • heyblueyoustink - Apr 27, 2011 at 2:59 PM

      Dude….I didn’t see any kind of vote for the current Commander in Cheif’s approval ratings…..matter of fact this just seems like a fun kind of dichotemy article……don’t be an a$$ monkey……

      Bad day at the rifle range?

    • kmgannon - Apr 27, 2011 at 3:01 PM

      Uh, you’re wrong. “Negro” was used “in those days” to describe African Americans, whereas someone of actual African origin (like Kenya) was “African.”

      If you’re going to be delusional and paranoid, at least get your facts straight and talk about something you know rather than wish to be true.

      And, before you tell me to “stick to what I know,” I am a Ph.D. in history who researches race in US history. So I *am* sticking to what I know. You should follow your own advice.

      • Utley's Hair - Apr 27, 2011 at 3:10 PM

        Why let facts get in the way of his anarchist rant?

    • Jonny 5 - Apr 27, 2011 at 3:06 PM

      That settles it I guess… He’s African. But he was still born in Hawaii? Wait, I’m confused now…

      • Utley's Hair - Apr 27, 2011 at 3:15 PM

        Nobody understands you…you don’t understand yourself…wow…tough day to be Jonny 5?

      • Jonny 5 - Apr 27, 2011 at 3:20 PM

        I think Zappa fried my cortex. Next stop Medulla oblongata.

    • Utley's Hair - Apr 27, 2011 at 3:18 PM

      And what part of a post that was titled “Birtherism and baseball: a classic combination” told you it was a safe click to avoid any and all political talk?

      • heyblueyoustink - Apr 27, 2011 at 3:33 PM

        Oh no, I would expect some of it…….just seems like mr zappa up there comes across as one of those internet trollers with little interest in baseball…..or humor for that matter, and I think that was the point of the post.

        Unless I read it wrong and Craig is making a political statement, I find the extremism to be out of place and a little heavy, like a Boston Creme Donut in Saladworks

        That make more sense Hair?

      • Utley's Hair - Apr 27, 2011 at 3:39 PM

        I was replying to him. And now I feel like getting a Boston cream doughnut, damn you….

      • heyblueyoustink - Apr 27, 2011 at 3:42 PM

        Sigh…apologies Hair…got that whole mid afternoon energy sap working on me……I swear it’s the Matrix, now I just have to prove it.

      • Utley's Hair - Apr 27, 2011 at 3:50 PM

        No worries, blue—as long as you bring me a Boston cream doughnut. Get one for yourself, too. It might help with the energy swoon.

    • frankvzappa - Apr 27, 2011 at 5:15 PM

      http://www.abovetopsecret.com/forum/thread694949/pg1

      • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Apr 27, 2011 at 5:43 PM

        Really? I can debunk that site in less time than it took you to link it. Get facts Zappa, don’t look to reassure yourself and your idiotic comments.

      • cur68 - Apr 27, 2011 at 5:49 PM

        Amazed you bothered El Bravo. Crazed paranoia relies on crazed paranoia to live; no amount of bunking required to know that.

      • Utley's Hair - Apr 27, 2011 at 5:51 PM

        Gotta do better than adding a link to a conspiracy theorist interwebs site to prove that we are living in a fascist police state where we elect foreign born black men to the presidency. You need to get out more. Foil hats are portable, you know.

        Not to mention that you rail against the point of the post, though you didn’t have to click on it, much less actually read the content.

    • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Apr 27, 2011 at 5:17 PM

      I’m giving zappa a written thumbs down in addition to the one I clicked above (I’m number 10!).

      • Utley's Hair - Apr 27, 2011 at 5:59 PM

        And I just gave you a thumbs up—maybe you can use it to pull out a plum, pieboy.

        Wait a minute…”conspiracy” looks very close to…consPIEracy!!!!!!!! Damn, Heyward, you’re one of his cronies, aren’t you?!?!?

  9. APBA Guy - Apr 27, 2011 at 3:16 PM

    I think this whole Cyberdyne issue is off point, since Halladay is clearly a product of the Tyrell Corporation, Nexus 6 model.

    • cur68 - Apr 27, 2011 at 4:27 PM

      He’d have died 2 years ago then, if I recall my Blade Runner mythology correctly. Cyberdyne and if not Cyberdyne then at least a really good Asian knock of.

      • APBA Guy - Apr 27, 2011 at 8:19 PM

        Only if he’d had an incept date, which, like Rachel, he clearly does not.

      • cur68 - Apr 27, 2011 at 9:03 PM

        That does it; I demand to see Roy Halladay’s birth certificate!

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