May 10, 2011, 11:00 AM EDT
The New York Post, abdicating most of whatever residual claim it had to being a news outlet as opposed to an entertainment outlet, decided to give recently-indicted sad sack Lenny Dykstra a column today. You will not be at all surprised to learn that it contains all of the usual cliches one hears from recently-indicted sad sacks who feel it necessary to go on a P.R. blitz:
- The delusion that his current struggles are part of some divine plan rather than his own greed and mendacity;
- The claim that the U.S. Attorney and the FBI are out to get him; and
- The claim that his indictment is a wonderful thing because now it allows him to tell his story;
Maybe God does have plans for people. Yes, the U.S. Attorney and the FBI do sometimes go after people. Yes, sometimes the innocent truly are set free because they finally are given a voice in a court of law. I just kind of doubt that any of these are the case with Lenny Dykstra.
Less humorously, Dykstra claims that he has been tortured — yes, he actually uses that term — and says that he was “physically and mentally assaulted” in police custody. Which is an insult to the very real victims of very real torture and police brutality here and elsewhere. Torture victims don’t write op-eds in the New York Post joking about their exploits in Shea Stadium and parsing the nature of grand theft auto based on the fact that the car involved “was only a Ford Flex.” If you were truly tortured, Dykstra, get a lawyer, register a complaint with the proper authorities and do your best to endure until your nightmare is over. Don’t pound your chest in the pages of the Post.
All of that said, I actually agree with Dykstra on one point. It’s when he says “I did not get stupid overnight.” No Lenny, you didn’t. Because that implies that there has been some sort of change in this particular metric, and of that I see no evidence whatsoever.
- Two radio stations in San Francisco are refusing to play Lorde’s “Royals” during the World Series 10
- Royals tab James Shields, Yordano Ventura to start first two games of World Series 1
- Brian Roberts is retiring 13
- So, if you’re not a fan of the Royals or Giants, who ya got? 115
- Video: Watch Travis Ishikawa’s pennant-winning homer 13
- Travis Ishikawa sends Giants to World Series on walk-off three-run homer 79
- NLCS, Game 5: Cardinals vs. Giants lineups 30
- This team. 30
- So, if you’re not a fan of the Royals or Giants, who ya got? (117)
- “The Kansas City Royals Are the Future of Baseball” — someone actually said that. (93)
- Andrew Friedman leaving the Rays to take over as Dodgers President of Baseball Operations (83)
- Quit making a big deal out of anomalies. Most of what happens is meaningless. (82)
- Travis Ishikawa sends Giants to World Series on walk-off three-run homer (79)