May 12, 2011, 1:31 PM EDT
Well, for all practical purposes he has controlled them for a long time, but as of today it became official, with the other owners approving his elevation at the Owners’ Meetings. The official press release:
Baseball Commissioner Allan H. (Bud) Selig announced today that the Major League owners have formally approved the designation of Nolan Ryan as the control person of the Texas Rangers. The Major League Clubs voted during today’s quarterly owners meetings at Major League Baseball’s New York headquarters. Each Major League Club has a designated control person who is accountable to Major League Baseball for the operation of the Club and for the Club’s compliance with the rules of Baseball.
[in Major League Baseball’s offices, circa Nineteen dickety-two or whenever it was current ownership rules came into effect]
MLB Dude 1: Hey, with all of the multi-member ownership groups these days we probably need a way to make sure we know who speaks for the clubs.
MLB Dude 2: Yeah, you’re right. What if we have two 50% stakeholders in a team disagreeing about something and we don’t know whose vote to accept?
Dude 1: Exactly. Let’s let them sort it out amongst themselves. For our purposes, we should have one person who is, in effect, in control.
Dude 2: Good idea. We can call it “the Control Guy.”
Dude 1: Well — and I know this sounds insane — but now that the Nineteenth Amendment has passed, it’s possible that one day a woman may be in charge of a club.
Dude 2: You think? How could that happen? Do they have voting and property rights now?
Dude 1: They’ve always had property rights. We’ve just systematically kept them from exercising them fully via our white male hegemony.
Dude 2: Oh yeah. Reminds me: I didn’t get the minutes from last month’s hegemony meeting. Can you get me a copy?
Dude 1: Sure. In the meantime, let’s just call it “Control Person,” because the last thing we need is Alice Stone freakin’ Blackwell crawling up our backsides.
Dude 2: Great. “Control Person” sounds kind of corny, but it’s just a placeholder. We’ll come up with another, more appropriate and official sounding title later.
Dude 1: Agreed. Now, how do we keep the Irish from owning teams? I just heard that one “Cornelius McCourt” is interested in purchasing the Brooklyn club …
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