May 12, 2011, 1:31 PM EST
Well, for all practical purposes he has controlled them for a long time, but as of today it became official, with the other owners approving his elevation at the Owners’ Meetings. The official press release:
Baseball Commissioner Allan H. (Bud) Selig announced today that the Major League owners have formally approved the designation of Nolan Ryan as the control person of the Texas Rangers. The Major League Clubs voted during today’s quarterly owners meetings at Major League Baseball’s New York headquarters. Each Major League Club has a designated control person who is accountable to Major League Baseball for the operation of the Club and for the Club’s compliance with the rules of Baseball.
[in Major League Baseball’s offices, circa Nineteen dickety-two or whenever it was current ownership rules came into effect]
MLB Dude 1: Hey, with all of the multi-member ownership groups these days we probably need a way to make sure we know who speaks for the clubs.
MLB Dude 2: Yeah, you’re right. What if we have two 50% stakeholders in a team disagreeing about something and we don’t know whose vote to accept?
Dude 1: Exactly. Let’s let them sort it out amongst themselves. For our purposes, we should have one person who is, in effect, in control.
Dude 2: Good idea. We can call it “the Control Guy.”
Dude 1: Well — and I know this sounds insane — but now that the Nineteenth Amendment has passed, it’s possible that one day a woman may be in charge of a club.
Dude 2: You think? How could that happen? Do they have voting and property rights now?
Dude 1: They’ve always had property rights. We’ve just systematically kept them from exercising them fully via our white male hegemony.
Dude 2: Oh yeah. Reminds me: I didn’t get the minutes from last month’s hegemony meeting. Can you get me a copy?
Dude 1: Sure. In the meantime, let’s just call it “Control Person,” because the last thing we need is Alice Stone freakin’ Blackwell crawling up our backsides.
Dude 2: Great. “Control Person” sounds kind of corny, but it’s just a placeholder. We’ll come up with another, more appropriate and official sounding title later.
Dude 1: Agreed. Now, how do we keep the Irish from owning teams? I just heard that one “Cornelius McCourt” is interested in purchasing the Brooklyn club …
- Giants acquire Casey McGehee from the Marlins 10
- The Padres have given their fans something to talk about. Which is badly needed in San Diego. 55
- Justin Upton traded to the Padres for three prospects 79
- Bud Selig will get a $6 million a year pension. Which is obscene. 141
- Jake Peavy agrees to a two-year, $24 million deal to stay with the San Francisco Giants 24
- Matt Kemp has officially been traded to the Padres 29
- Padres acquire catcher Derek Norris from Athletics 37
- St. Petersburg City Council votes down deal to allow Rays to look for new stadium site 90
- The United States will seek to normalize relations with Cuba (144)
- Bud Selig will get a $6 million a year pension. Which is obscene. (141)
- Cubs, Red Sox, Dodgers, Padres, Rangers, and Astros interested in Phillies’ Cole Hamels (111)
- Rays, Padres, Nationals agree to 11-player trade (97)
- Chase Headley signs a four-year deal with the Yankees worth at least $52 million. (95)