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Tony La Russa employs political decoys

May 12, 2011, 3:00 PM EDT

Lohse as La Russa2

Strong leaders have used political decoys for centuries. While primarily a security tool/assassination defense, political decoys can be an effective means of political control as well.

Indeed, if prudently deployed, they can make the leader appear more robust and active than he otherwise is, showing up on battle lines, shaking his fist defiantly at those accursed rebel fighters in the morning and appearing at the unveiling of the 50-foot statue in his likeness at the central square of the capital city that same afternoon (with statue portraying the leader shaking his fist defiantly at those accursed rebel fighters).

It’s really a fascinating concept, even if it’s one that I was wholly unaware of until the highly underrated movie “Moon over Parador” was released in 1988.

In related news, Tony La Russa is a strong leader who, at present, is somewhat incapacitated. Taking a page from the book of Manuel Noriega, Raoul Cédras, Enver Hoxha, Fidel Castro, Saddam Hussein and Kevin Kline in the movie “Dave,” La Russa employed a decoy at the exchange of lineup cards before this afternoon’s Cubs-Cardinals game.

While the information is highly classified, our spies tell us that the decoy is actually Kyle Lohse in a wig.  Which, if it wasn’t evident from the pic to the upper right — a screencap posted to Twitter by @sportshuman — is clearly evident based on the tattoos in the pic below, posted to Twitter by our own Drew Sliva:

Get well soon, Dear Leader!

UPDATE:  And now video!

  1. sdelmonte - May 12, 2011 at 3:06 PM

    It’s all part of the effort to take Tony LaRussa international and create an army of LaRussa proteges. He’s paying for it with the money the Cards aren’t willing to give Pujols.

  2. Joe - May 12, 2011 at 3:11 PM

    It’s all kind of weird.

    Don’t say one more word about Moon Over Parador – I haven’t seen it yet!

    • Craig Calcaterra - May 12, 2011 at 3:20 PM

      It already has a spoiler built in: it is narrated by the main character in the past tense, thereby killing all of the “will they kill him or not” tension in the movie.

      And no, it’s not doing it as an artistic choice like “Sunset Blvd.” It’s just a brain fart.

      • Ace - May 12, 2011 at 4:35 PM

        Ah yes, but what about the old Casino-style twist at the end? Joe Pesci’s character narrates most of that movie, until suddenly he’s interrupted mid-sentence and beaten to death. (I really hope you haven’t seen Casino yet, Craig.)

      • Glenn - May 12, 2011 at 7:25 PM

        Rosebud is a sled!

  3. superpriebe - May 12, 2011 at 3:13 PM

    and Padme Amidala…

    • Utley's Hair - May 12, 2011 at 3:31 PM

      Ah…Natalie Portman…schwing

      • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - May 12, 2011 at 3:39 PM

        Excellent schwing usage.

      • Utley's Hair - May 12, 2011 at 3:50 PM

        Why thank you, Pieboy.

  4. Drew Silva - May 12, 2011 at 3:13 PM

    This post is gonna win a Pulitzer. Damn fine collaborative reporting.

    • Utley's Hair - May 12, 2011 at 3:52 PM

      I detect an HBT conspiracy here….

  5. Jonny 5 - May 12, 2011 at 3:31 PM

    I never noticed that Lohse had one “Sally girl” arm and one “Popeye” arm before. Huhh? What a freak, I like him more now.

  6. bloodysock - May 12, 2011 at 3:34 PM

    Bobby Valentine must be jealous.

  7. winkeroni - May 12, 2011 at 3:59 PM

    Kyle Loshe can do whatever he wants as long as he keeps producing like he has been lately.

  8. BC - May 12, 2011 at 4:31 PM

    They did it with Boris Yeltsin for years. Supposedly he “lived” about 3 years longer than he actually did.

  9. okwhitefalcon - May 12, 2011 at 6:26 PM

    I wonder if Lohse now has the power to to order a hit on Johnny Queto now?

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