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And That Happened: Monday’s scores and highlights

May 17, 2011, 6:00 AM EDT

Black Swan

Cardinals 3, Phillies 1: I had this game on in my den with the sound off while my wife watched “Black Swan” in the other room. That made it really creepy, especially when I tweeted about it last night and people kept proposing scenes in which Cliff Lee was the Natalie Portman character and Charlie Manuel was that letchy, Eurotrash director.  Try to get that out of your mind. Anyway, in four years every time he pitches, I see Lee obsessed, getting each and every pitch perfectly right but I never see him lose himself. Ever! All that discipline for what? Perfection? Perfection is not just about control. It’s also about letting go. He should surprise himself so he can surprise the audience. Transcendence! Very few have it in them.  Lee often does. But not last night, as he walked six dudes. Of course, he was getting squeezed by home plate umpire Gerry Davis really bad. Just like Portman got squeezed by the letchy Eurotrash director. Yikes! See what I mean?!

Red Sox 8, Orioles 7: A very Matsuzakian start for Matsuzaka (4.1 IP, 5 H, 5 ER, 7 BB) is salvaged by one near-comeback between the sixth inning in which Boston turned a 6-0 deficit into a 6-5 game and then a complete one in the ninth when the Sox scored two on the power of Kevin Gregg walks to Jacoby Ellsbury and Dustin Pedroia and then a game-winning double by Adrian Gonzalez.

Indians 19, Royals 1:  This is one of those games that’s gonna skew the Pythagorean record for both teams for a few weeks. And Vin Mazzaro’s ERA for, like, ever, thanks to him wearing one to the tune of 2.1 IP, 11 H, 14 ER, which is arguably the worst pitching performance in baseball history. Oh, and 76 pitches for Mazzaro too, which is insane. What, did Ned Yost catch poor Vin in bed with his wife or something?  The Royals starter, Kyle Davies, left in the first inning with some sort of shoulder injury, so the stage was set for disaster regardless. All the Royals can do is realize that it only counts as one loss.

Rays 6, Yankees 5:  Alright. Flush the bombers, get the subs in launch mode. We are at DEFCON 1.  You score five runs off David Price in five innings, you figure you’ll get the win. But A.J. gave up six, five of which came in the sixth inning.  Six losses in a row for New York, which is their longest streak in four years.

Rangers 4, White Sox 0: Colby Lewis pitches the shutout while striking out seven. After a little skid in late April, Lewis has put together four straight sharp starts.

Reds 7, Cubs 4: Carlos Zambrano was cruising with a one-hitter until he hit the sixth inning and promptly gave up six runs. In all, the Reds sent 12 batters to the plate. Which, aside from making their scorecards kind of a mess, pleased the hometown crowd.

Braves 3, Astros 2: Chipper Jones‘ injury forced Martin Prado to third and put Eric Hinske in at left. Prado had a couple of fabulous defensive plays (and one awful one) and Hinske had three hits, including the tie-breaking single in the seventh. Just like they drew it up, I guess. A three-hit, ten-strikeout performance for Tommy Hanson.

Nationals 4, Pirates 2: Danny Espinosa had a two-run homer in the seventh to break the tie and give the Nats the win. The same Danny Espinosa who was hitting .193. Six straight losses for the Pirates, which makes it one of the few times in recent history when a comparison to the Yankees is apt.

Blue Jays 4, Tigers 2: Detroit finally loses one and Jose Bautista finally doesn’t hit a home run. Man, I don’t know what I can count on in this world anymore.

Marlins 2, Mets 1: A home run — and I mean a moon-shot — by Mike Stanton in the seventh tied it up at 1, the Mets failed to capitalize on a bases-loaded situation in the bottom of the ninth and then Burke Badenhop — really? The relief pitcher? — drove Stanton in on an RBI single in the 11th which proved to be the game-winner. Badenhop picked up the win too.

Rockies 7, Giants 4: The Giants had recently dominated the Rockies, but it was not Tim Lincecum‘s night last night, as he walked six and gave up seven runs on nine hits. A three-run homer by Carlos Gonzalez sealed the awfulness for Timmy.

Brewers 2, Dodgers 1: L.A’s offense continues to be terrible. And it isn’t helped by stuff like Carlos Gomez robbing Juan Uribe of a homer with a great catch at the wall.

Mariners 5, Twins 2: Michael Pineda toyed with the Twins in a way that a rookie pitcher should never be allowed to toy with a major league lineup (7 IP, 3 H, 0 ER, 7K).

Athletics 5, Angels 4: Stellar 10th inning for Fernando Rodney: in the bottom of the inning, Kurt Suzuki drew a one-out walk, moved to second on another walk then took third on a wild pitch. Mark Ellis then hit an infield grounder to a five-man infield that was deep enough in the hole to score Suzuki.

Padres 8, Diamondbacks 4: If they’re not careful, the Padres hitters are gonna spoil their pitchers what with all of this run support they’ve been giving ‘em.  Meanwhile, I’m not gonna say that Armando Galarraga — who got rocked — is worried about his job in the Dbacks’ rotation, but here was his response when asked a question about his purely hypothetical next start:

“What are you talking about the next start?” Galarraga said, glaring at the reporter. “Who you say I am going to be worried about my next start? Are you saying that I am going to lose my job? Are you trying to say that? I am frustrated about this start, not the next one.”

Careful, Armando! You can’t sell books about good sportsmanship and positive attitudes like that!

126 Comments (Feed for Comments)
  1. halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 6:24 AM

    The Phillies continue to run a double A lineup out on the field, and it shows. This offense is the worse I have seen them have in YEARS! With the remaining schedule that they have this month, I would not be suprised to see them have a below .500 record for May.

    They are very painful to watch right now. Pitching for them is not the problem.

    • Rooster Amaro - May 17, 2011 at 8:19 AM

      Preface by saying that I’m a Phils fan. But to you, and many other Phillies fan, I recommend you heed the words of this post:

      http://www.thefightins.com/danger-guerrero/an-important-public-service-announcement-for-phillies-fans/

      “You know that guy who complains about the sound system in his brand new Porsche? You know how much you hate that guy? Because you’ve become him. Congratulations, you’re an a**hole.”

      • halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 8:54 AM

        The Fightins website is made up of a bunch of young punks that have no clue about baseball. I don’t read them and I will never go to that website. Instead of sending me a link to another website to make your point, what do you disagree with that I stated?

        The Phillies offense SUCKS and is offensive to watch, idiot. Watch some more baseball, learn, and get back to me when you have a clue.

      • rebarratige - May 17, 2011 at 9:13 AM

        You admit that you “don’t read” and “never go to” TheFightins, but you still know that they’re “a bunch of young punks that have no clue about baseball.”

        This sort of aggressive ignorance takes serious Chutzpah. I tip my hat to you, sir.

      • George - May 17, 2011 at 9:25 AM

        I wonder if Fiorentino is jealous, having been replaced as the Official HBT Frothy-Mouthed Phillies Troll by this nut.

      • Rooster Amaro - May 17, 2011 at 9:29 AM

        halladaysbiceps: Fine, if you refuse to read the website, I will post the relevant information for you here.

        The following things are true:

        1) The Phillies have the best record in the National League.

        2) Number one is true despite prominent playing time being given to people named Pete Orr, Wilson Valdez, Brian Schneider, and Ben Francisco.

        3) Chase Utley, Brad Lidge, and top prospect Dom “Aw Man” Brown have not played an inning yet. (Note: Even though he’s periodically infuriating, having Lidge back at closer creates a domino effect that pushes Madson back the 8th, and Bastardo/Romero/Contreras back to the 7th and blah blah blah less Kyle Kendrick in meaningful spots. This is a good thing.)

        4) Our rotation is twelve kinds of awesome with a ten-gallon hat on.

      • halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 9:53 AM

        George,

        You’re another idiot. Calling me a troll.

        What did I way that was troll-like about the Phillies offense? It sucks. I watch them play EVERY night! The current record is smoking mirrors because of our weak schedule in April. They will be exposed this month.

        And this is coming from a die hard Phillies fan!!!

        I don’t like what I see with the Phillies over the last (2) weeks. I’m so sick of people pointing out the Phillies record and saying to relax. If you can’t hit, all the pitching in the world will not help you.

      • Jonny 5 - May 17, 2011 at 10:07 AM

        “Die hard fan” Huh? I liked Bruce better in Pulp fiction though. His character felt more real in that movie I thought.

      • b7p19 - May 17, 2011 at 11:18 AM

        “Smoking mirrors”? What?

      • CJ - May 17, 2011 at 11:22 AM

        I knew he must’ve been smoking something…

      • halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 11:27 AM

        Smoking mirrors, smoke and mirrors, what’s the difference??? You got what I said, now debate this Phillies offense, idiots!

        Do you really think that this club is good enough to keep ahold of the NL East lead. Right now, I don’t see this double A offense able to do so.

      • CJ - May 17, 2011 at 12:03 PM

        My opinion on the Phils offense? Well, since you asked.

        This might actually be of benefit in the long run. Manuel’s downfall come playoff time is that he doesn’t give the bench near as much playing time during the season as he should and they come in to the playoffs cold. Getting the bench players on this team valuable experience during the season will only help them down the road (especially for the young guys like Mayberry and Martinez). Besides, it’s early and we have arguably the one pitching staff in the majors that can support such a pathetic offense. LEt’s not forget, for all their struggles, this team still has the best record in the NL right now (2nd in majors only to Cleveland…never thought I’d say that LOL).

        Additionally, it’s not like the lineup that is struggling is the regular lineup. Let’s get Utley back and settled in for a couple weeks and (assuming everyone else is healthy at that point) then make a fair evaluation. Ideally, I think Brown (once he’s healthy…again) and Mayberry should be given legitimate chances to win the corner OF jobs over Ibanez and Francisco. Those two have struggled enough where we should be looking internally first for replacements and then, if those guys can’t cut it, look externally for potential solutions. At least at some point, I’d like to see how the lineup performs like below and then decide how much trouble we’re in. But there still is plenty of time to fix this thing, and we are still #1 in the NL, so it’s not the end of the world or anything

        Victorino (S)
        Utley (L)
        Polanco (R)
        Howard (L)
        Rollins (S)
        Mayberry (R)
        Brown (L)
        Ruiz (R)

    • Jonny 5 - May 17, 2011 at 9:20 AM

      10th in runs in the NL 8th in hits. It’s not “good”. But it’s not “bad” either, mainly because of pitching as expected. Granted, the Phills are not an offensive force by any means but we expected a drop off in offense with the subtraction of Werth didn’t we? And the team decided to supplement it with pitching. Then We have Utley being out hurting the offense as well. I don’t see the Phillies allowing the trade deadline bell to ring without them picking up offense if one of the replacements we now see don’t pick it up big time, and I don’t expect Utley to be out all season either. The Phillies are in first place still so stop your whining until they’re dropping in the standings at least.

      • halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 9:28 AM

        It’s not whining. It’s about stating facts. This offense is horrible to watch every night. Look at their stats. Other than Polanco and Howard, it’s putrid to watch. Their record is smoking mirrors at this point. They are now playing better teams than they faced in April.

        When will their offense wake up? I don’t see it happening any time soon…

      • Jonny 5 - May 17, 2011 at 9:48 AM

        Well, if that’s how you feel, get MLB network and watch the Indians. You sound like a fair weather “fan”. I’m not crazy about the offense myself, but the team is pretty awesome, even while being hamstrung with injuries all over. Relax, and start fretting when it’s called for.

      • Phillies Homer - May 17, 2011 at 10:21 AM

        So, is no one going to call him out for the “smoking mirrors”??

        Okay… I’ll do it. The phrase is “smoke AND mirrors”.

        Anyways, to answer your question… the offense will wake up when Uncle Cholly isn’t FORCED to bat Valdez SECOND and Ibanez THIRD in a lineup. Not too mention Francisco just isn’t playing up to expectations. Which bums me out b/c I thought he was going to play well enough to keep Dom in the minors. I don’t think it will be long until we have Brown up.

      • b7p19 - May 17, 2011 at 11:20 AM

        Yeah, I got the smoking mirrors up top. Good to know it wasn’t a spelling error…makes it so much better that he thinks thats actually the saying.

    • halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 9:24 AM

      Serious Chutzpah? What? Speak english and I may understand.

      • Rooster Amaro - May 17, 2011 at 9:35 AM

        http://lmgtfy.com/?q=chutzpah

      • halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 10:08 AM

        Rooster Amaro. Why not just say audacity? Using a word like chutzpah is just trying to make yourself feel better about your vocabulary. “Hootspaa” is how it phonetically sounds, anyway. No one would ever know that it’s spelled chutzpah because most of us have not studied Hebrew.

      • Craig Calcaterra - May 17, 2011 at 10:10 AM

        I think it’s Yiddish, not Hebrew, but who’s counting?

        And I’d really hate it if the spice of life was sucked out of our vocabulary by all of us avoiding farkakte words like chutzpah.

      • Old Gator - May 17, 2011 at 11:49 AM

        It’s Hebrew (חֻצְפּה), literally meaning “audacity.” It was absorbed into middle high German along with lots of other delicious Hebraisms as Yiddish gradually evolved (some might say devolved) into a distinctive language, and became idiomized to the point where folks just relate to it as Yiddish.

        You know what would be a great project for some ambitious lexicographer? To start poring over the sports sections in the archive of the Forvitz (Forward), the great New York based Yiddish newspaper that reputedly had some of the best sportswriters who ever lived – try and imagine a cross between Sholom Aleicham and Roger Kahn – and digging out the idiomatic or neological constructions that these guys had to come up with to translate baseball slang into Yiddish. I should have listened more closely to my grandparents.

    • dustin84v - May 17, 2011 at 4:13 PM

      hey halladaysbiceps. put your head up your homosexual buttocks.

      • Old Gator - May 17, 2011 at 10:58 PM

        Hey dustin84v, go crawl back beneath whatever trailer park outhouse you were living under.

      • cur68 - May 17, 2011 at 11:27 PM

        dustin84v: WTF you gotta go say that for? Not only are is your comment wholly inappropriate, stupid and hate filled, it’s also something we don’t engage in around here. Don’t post something like that again.

  2. halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 6:38 AM

    Craig, as a side note, reading your summary for the Phils/Cards game this morning is like trying to eat soup with a fork. Not sure where your going with that comparison. ???

    • CJ - May 17, 2011 at 8:21 AM

      reading your comments is like trying to drink water out of a colander.

      • halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 8:50 AM

        CJ, go eat a bag of d**ks.

      • CJ - May 17, 2011 at 9:23 AM

        now there’s a mature response. stay classy now.

      • paperlions - May 17, 2011 at 10:24 AM

        +1 for the Louis CK reference.
        .
        I deride HB’s willful ignorance regularly, but you gotta give credit where credit is due…and Louis CK is freaking hilarious and the “bag of d*cks” bit he does is great.

      • Old Gator - May 17, 2011 at 11:22 AM

        CJ, trying getting under the collander.

    • halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 9:30 AM

      “reading your comments is like trying to drink water out of a colander.”

      Well, when you respond like that and don’t add anything to the baseball discussion, you will get a response like the one I gave you.

      • CJ - May 17, 2011 at 9:35 AM

        so, what exactly did your original response add to the discussion?

      • halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 9:46 AM

        CJ,

        My original response was directed at Craig, not you. However, you felt a need to respond to me. Why? Because that’s the best you can do to debate me. This is not the first time that you have responded to me with other baseball issues with a non-baseball discussion.

        Do me a favor and get loss off my comments, ingrate.

      • Alex K - May 17, 2011 at 9:58 AM

        How come every time I say something basball related to one of your comments you don’t respond?

        Also, does it matter who your comment was directed at? Craig wrote something you felt the need to comment on, you wrote something CJ felt the need to comment on. It’s the same situation.

      • halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 10:01 AM

        Alex K,

        When you make a baseball related comment, the reason that I don’t normally respond is probably because I agree with you. No one can respond to every comment on this board.

      • Alex K - May 17, 2011 at 11:11 AM

        I was only talking about times when I disagree with you. I didn’t know my comments were so persuasive.

      • CJ - May 17, 2011 at 11:21 AM

        IIRC, the last debate we had was about instant replay in baseball, where I used your own “logic” (I use that term loosely), against your point. But let’s not let reality get in the way. This is much more fun anyway.

  3. paperlions - May 17, 2011 at 7:50 AM

    According to Pitch FX, Lee threw 4 clear strikes that were called balls, threw one clear ball that was called a strike, and got the call on only 2 of about 6 borderline pitches. Westbrook threw 6 clear strikes that were called balls, thew no balls that were called strikes, and got the call on none of his few borderline pitches. In summary, it was a pretty normally called game and Lee wasn’t squeezed much at all, he just lost it, but the Cardinals still couldn’t hit him when he was in the zone.

    • kopy - May 17, 2011 at 9:15 AM

      Yup. http://www.brooksbaseball.net/pfxVB/zoneTrack.php?month=5&day=16&year=2011&game=gid_2011_05_16_phimlb_slnmlb_1%2F&prevDate=516

      The game was called pretty well, except for Lee actually getting some generous calls that were outside.

  4. uuddlrlrbastart - May 17, 2011 at 7:55 AM

    The Mets game was one of the worst managed games I’ve seen in a while. Way too many sacrifice bunt attempts by players who can’t bunt. It’s like watching Willie Randolph and Jerry Manuel all over again. And yes, David Wright wasn’t available, but they ran out of position players in the 10th and had to use Jon Niese to pinch hit with one out to go in the game. His miracle triple aside, it was pretty pathetic.

    • Old Gator - May 17, 2011 at 8:51 AM

      What are you complaining about? The Feesh won on an 11th-inning hit by their relief pitcher, didn’t they? The Mutts need to find some relief pitchers who can hit.

      The game reminded me a little bit of that 20-something inning marathon between the Mutts and the Braves back in, oh, I think it was 1985 (too lazy to look it up this morning) when the Mutts finally scored the go-ahead run in the top of the 23rd inning or some such thing, and then with two outs in the bottom of the inning the Braves’ reliever, Rick Camp, hit a solo home run that tied the game again. I vividly recall the Mutts’ center fielder, Danny Heep, standing by the outfield wall in mute nostril agony with his mouth hanging open and his hands – glove included – folded over his head. The Mutts finally won the game an inning or two later. I stayed up until three or four in the morning to watch the entire thing on TV, and probably could have died from hypertrophic blood pressure after consuming an entire eight pack of potato chips, sodium included, and chugging maybe as many diet cokes. That’s just tumor garden fertilizer. Yet here I remain, and there are the Mutts, still trying to do it with relief pitchers’ bats. You just don’t get great epic games like that in those third world cities where designatedhitterball is played instead.

      The Iron Giant, meanwhile, continues to compete effectively for baseball’s X-Prize with that seventh inning bomb that nicely mimicked the Discovery launch. Bacteria on the ball reported that they could make out the curvature of the Earth while passing over short center field.

      • yankeesfanlen - May 17, 2011 at 8:57 AM

        Oh, and now the Universe is only ONE game above the magnetic disseminator.

  5. proudlycanadian - May 17, 2011 at 8:00 AM

    Kevin Gregg! The gift that keeps giving. Jays fans are happy that he is gone and that we will get an extra draft pick due to his departure.

    • Old Gator - May 17, 2011 at 8:53 AM

      Jays fans aren’t nearly as happy as Feesh fans. It’s taken our boolpen three years to get back on its fins, you know?

      • proudlycanadian - May 17, 2011 at 8:58 AM

        Misery loves company.

    • missthemexpos - May 17, 2011 at 8:59 AM

      9th innings were very hard to watch last season for the Blue Jays. No surprise that again it was the walks that led to doom with Gregg on the mound.

    • Alex K - May 17, 2011 at 10:00 AM

      Stupid Fucking Kevin Gregg is my least favorite ball player in MLB.

      Signed,

      A Cubs fan

      • Old Gator - May 17, 2011 at 11:25 AM

        And this from a fan of the team that originally gave us Mitch Williams. High praise, indeed.

    • spudchukar - May 17, 2011 at 10:43 AM

      Kevin Gregg’s agent is a fellow named Dan Horwits. While it is not my style to champion leaches, one has to give this guy his due. If there were an award given to baseball salesmen, then this guy would be getting my vote.

  6. ryanmallettsbluntwrap - May 17, 2011 at 8:27 AM

    Yeah the O’s relievers from my view last night looked absolutely terrible .On the other hand its like watching a bad horror movie when Dice K is pitching , the walk machine . Alfredo was a huge pick up for the Sox.

    • heynerdlinger - May 17, 2011 at 8:58 AM

      In Dice-K’s defense (and believe me, I’m no fan of Walkzilla) he got hit in the ribs on the first pitch of the game. It’s possible that that stiffened up on him and contributed to his natural tendency to nibble.

      Would Nolan Ryan walk seven guys after getting hit in the ribs? Maybe, but Nolan Ryan might have walked seven guys without getting hit in the ribs, too. That dude was wild.

  7. yankeesfanlen - May 17, 2011 at 8:36 AM

    Suffice it to say:
    But you’re the Yankees! And you blew it like a pimp!
    Then Farnsy gets his 8th save.

  8. Jonny 5 - May 17, 2011 at 8:46 AM

    It appears that Cole Hamels may have been able to successfully transfer the “No run support curse” over to Cliff Lee. That’s why Cole has been smiling lately, it all makes sense now………….. From spring training in a dugout in Clearwater Florida, a recording of Cole and Cliff allegedly “horse playing”.

  9. Old Gator - May 17, 2011 at 8:55 AM

    Black Swan in one room, Mutts-Feesh in another. Great game, shitty movie.

    • APBA Guy - May 17, 2011 at 1:03 PM

      Any film with both Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis is worth 90 minutes of your time, especially with the sound off. Too bad it wasn’t a surfing movie.

      • Old Gator - May 17, 2011 at 11:15 PM

        Then why not just wait for the Portman or Kunis home sex tapes to surface on the web – you just know they both dates some lowlife boyfriend(s) who are even now negotiating with Bob Guccione for the fat bucks before putting them online – and treat yourself to what you really want, and eschew the lumbering plot and all that atrocious dialogue?

        On the other hand, why not treat yourself of a rainy afternoon when the beloved A’s are washed out to a DVD double feature of The Turning Point and The Piano Teacher, and savour a couple of films that perfectly nailed all the themes Black Swan bungled?

  10. curr68 - May 17, 2011 at 9:02 AM

    I love the Jose Bautista part of today’s scores and highlights.

    • cur68 - May 17, 2011 at 12:27 PM

      COOL! Check it out everybody; I’ve got a stalker! Never had one before. Nice to meetcha “curr68″. I hope we hear from you a lot. One day Craig might relent and post people’s IP address and we will know if you really are that douche defnsefelix/ryanmallettsbluntwrap/curr68. Till then I shall enjoy having you about. I am giving you a thumb up click. Now you have 2. Don’t be a stranger, now.

      I gotta tell you folks I am in rough shape today. My dog Carter got attacked and mauled by 2 pit bulls yesterday, my daughter has to skip school because she was up so late and is terribly upset about poor Carter and, just to really make it special; I have the flu. I feel like I’ve been mauled, too. The ONLY bright spot in my day yesterday was the Beavermen beat the Tigers. 6 straight wins now.

      Hey curr68; JB didn’t hit a homer. He did pwn the Tiger’s pitching, though. One hit after another. I…I think..I think I’m in love…that beard, those muscles, that home run trot…dreamy. Either that or I’m really feverish.

      Tonight Jesse Hagar Litsch tries to continue his winning ways. I’m voting him my Fat Pitcher of The Year. Take that Joba!

      Must go; Carter has a drain in his shoulder which he keeps licking. Its the cone of shame for him.

      • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - May 17, 2011 at 12:43 PM

        I’m confused why some folks are hating on your loving Bautista, but this doppleganger is f’ing hilarious. Feel better, the real cur68.

      • Old Gator - May 17, 2011 at 11:04 PM

        Yeah, my boreal buddy, feel better and, as the proud if inadvertent owner of five dogs, all rescued, I hope your dog recovers in good order. But as long as you’re bedridden, I suggest you amuse yourself by watching Baxter, a great, great, sick, sick French film about a pitbull – as told by the pitbull. Here’s the IMDB link: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094713/

      • cur68 - May 17, 2011 at 11:33 PM

        Thanks Gator. I’ll see if its available thru my cable company. If not I shall watch it on line.

  11. ryanmallettsbluntwrap - May 17, 2011 at 9:32 AM

    Well thats funny , because i actually love the Adrian Gonzalez part . You know , the part were he leads the majors in RBI’s . One word to describe him …. Clutch .

  12. Chris Fiorentino - May 17, 2011 at 10:03 AM

    After reading the comments from some Phillies fans, I panicked and checked the calendar this morning. Thankfully, it read “May 17th” and not “September 17th”. RELAX BOYS!!! The bats will heat up. Calm down. Right now, they are all squeezing the bats a little too hard because while hitting is contagious, the opposite is also true. That’s why the Phillies lost to the Giants in the 2010 NLCS…they didn’t hit for 6 games. Same thing is happening here…they aren’t hitting for a stretch. They WILL hit. And they WILL continue to pitch. It’s not like they are wasting awesome pitching that is going to come back to earth. Lee’s ERA is 3.84. It will be under 3 before the season ends. The only guy pitching to his potential is Halladay…the others have ERAs above 3.

    Repeat after me…the bats will heat up…the bats will heat up…and also, remember that the Phillies have Utley coming back…and the Domonator too. When they were 7 back last year, what did I say…wait until September. And what happened? I was proven wrong…they actually took over the division in mid-August.

    Calm down Phillies fans…they played 3 teams with a combined 71-54 record in their houses, and if they win tonight, it’s a 4-4 trip. You really can’t complain about that, can you?

    • Jonny 5 - May 17, 2011 at 10:11 AM

      Chris? The voice of reason? Who are you and what have you done with Fiorentino? BTW, they just hit their 3 in a row they’d never hit. Remember reverse psychology works…… lol!

      • paperlions - May 17, 2011 at 10:29 AM

        No kidding, that was a well reasoned post. Maybe he’s just a contrarian.

      • halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 11:12 AM

        Jonny 5, you are a disgrace to Phillies fans. Chris makes a legitimate point and you criticize him? Give it up, Jonny 5. You know nothing about baseball.

      • Old Gator - May 17, 2011 at 11:32 AM

        Feelies fans fighting amongst themselves. Although it doesn’t quite delight me enough to curl up by my keyboard with a kettle of mead and a horrible horsemeat and velveeta sandwich, it is definitely the most fun I’ve had since watching the Sino-Vietnamese war on CNN in 1979.

        What’s really funny, of course, is that they – and we – really all know deep down in our sooty souls that the Feelies will be handily perched atop their division on September 30. I think they’re just upset that they don’t have Mike Schmidt to kick around anymore.

      • Chris Fiorentino - May 17, 2011 at 11:41 AM

        Yeah, my reverse psychology didn’t work this time. Oh well…and Cliff Lee just happened to have his worst game since the 8th grade.

      • Jonny 5 - May 17, 2011 at 11:43 AM

        Biceps, That was far from citicism. I like Chris, I agree with what he said. “the voice of reason” I called him. Are you really that dense? I know enough about baseball to not cry the blues in the middle of may when my team is in 1st place. Not only are you crying wolf, but you’re also not able to comprehend what others mean, so You shouldn’t jump their sh!t for things they say until you ask for permission first, like a child. Now go to your room!

      • halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 12:17 PM

        Spud, you are a loser. The Phillies will never battle with the Nats for supremacy in the NL East anytime soon. Also, stop using the “Pheelies” name to mock the Phillies. It makes you look like an ass.

    • spudchukar - May 17, 2011 at 10:34 AM

      …And if they lose they will be 3-5, coming home to host the 3 R’s, and it ain’t Readin’, Writin’ and ‘Rithmatic. After 9 against the Rockies, Rangers and Reds it is back on the road where by the end of the month when you are hosts in our nation’s capital you may just be battlin’ the Nats for fourth.

      • Jonny 5 - May 17, 2011 at 10:52 AM

        Wishful thinking potatobird, wishful thinking.

      • Chris Fiorentino - May 17, 2011 at 11:39 AM

        Spud, check back after the Phillies go 6-3 in CBP against those 3 teams. Nothing cure the ills of silent bats more than a couple Philly Cheesesteaks, a pitcher of Yuengling, and some Crab Fries.

      • spudchukar - May 17, 2011 at 12:09 PM

        For your sake, I hope your Pheelies have more punch than that bland, sorry-assed excuse for Beer you champion up there in Pheelie.

      • Old Gator - May 17, 2011 at 11:09 PM

        Crab fries? Sounds like yuppie poutine. And the way the bay is biodegrading, you’re more likely to find yourself with a paper funnel full of Pfiesteria fries.

    • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - May 17, 2011 at 12:33 PM

      Fiorentino, my enemy of my enemy is my friend. The world has gone flat. Hell has froze. Fat women screech.

  13. wheatenwade - May 17, 2011 at 10:43 AM

    Pineda’s performance certainly was great, but the Twins are not “a major league lineup” as currently constituted. It’s going to be a long season, my fellow Minnesotans, and I’m afraid there may not be a light at the end of the tunnel, either.

    • halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 11:46 AM

      Minnesota is a loser city, anyways. Why does it surprise you that they suck?

      • bigxrob - May 17, 2011 at 11:49 AM

        I think Minnesota is a state, I could be wrong though.

    • halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 11:58 AM

      bigxrob, I know Minnesota is a state, idiot. However, it is the first name of their team. They are a loser state/city, whatever you will call it. They honestly don’t deserve a team. My contraction experiment begins with them.

      • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - May 17, 2011 at 12:24 PM

        Biceptual curious, why do you instigate so much? Have you even been to MN? Of course not, or you would call it a state, not a city. Whether or not you consider Minneapolis/St. Paul a “loser” city, what does that have to do with the product on the field? I’d say Tampa is more of a loser city, yet that team does pretty well, don’t they? I’d say Philly is a craptown full of dick bags and douchenozzles, but they seem to play sports alright.

      • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - May 17, 2011 at 12:36 PM

        *wouldn’t

  14. halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 11:39 AM

    Everyone on this board that doesn’t agree that the Phillies offense is a BIG problem can go eat a bag of d**ks! OK….

    • bigxrob - May 17, 2011 at 11:46 AM

      The only thing everyone agrees to on this board is that you have some issues. I suggest you seek professional help.

      • halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 11:49 AM

        LOL!!!! bigxrob, your another idiot. Let me guess who you are a fan of..wait…it’s coming….

    • CJ - May 17, 2011 at 11:50 AM

      that was almost funny the first time. the second? not so much.

      bigxrob, I’m a professional, and I can say he’s well beyond that point.

      • halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 11:55 AM

        CJ, your a professional of what? It seems to me that you could be a pimp…

        Every comment that you make points to this profession. What a way to get paid.

        Pimp this, CJ. The Phillies offense is at the bottom of the league in almost ever category. Want to continue given them passes?

      • CJ - May 17, 2011 at 12:53 PM

        scroll up for my thoughts on the phils’ offense. Since you asked, I’m a certified counselor and minister. A far cry from what you suggest, but I’ll stick around for the jokes anyway. I’m sure it won’t take much for you to have fun with that. just do me a favor and try to come up with something original.

    • Alex K - May 17, 2011 at 12:40 PM

      Why are you so angry?

  15. Ari Collins - May 17, 2011 at 11:59 AM

    Has halladaysbicepts EVER made a constructive comment? Ever? Dude’s trying to set a record.

    • halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 12:04 PM

      I have no idea who you are, “Ari”. LOL at you name. Collins is Irish. Where did ‘Ari” come from? Possible you are related to Ari Fleischer, the press secretary from the Bush days. LOL!!!!

      • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - May 17, 2011 at 12:36 PM

        You laugh at your own jokes more than Jimmy Fallon. HAHAHAHAHHA, his name is Ari! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! His first name is the same as someone else I’ve heard of! HAHAHAHAAHA! (why not Ari Gold btw?) Collins? What is that stupid name? Are you related to Kerry Collins? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I’m awesome! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

  16. Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - May 17, 2011 at 12:19 PM

    Wow, I’m way behind on this thread. Halladays Biceptual Curious is ripping off Louis CK again with bags o dicks, he’s smoking mirrors somehow (and I’m impressed), people are speaking hebrew, and there’s trolls aplenty! What a wonderful morning.

    • halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 12:23 PM

      I heard that your boy is hurt. Sucks, Heyward, doesn’t it? Loser Braves fan once again….

      • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - May 17, 2011 at 12:31 PM

        Biceptual Curious, I’ve had a great time reading you today. Your insight is amazing. Your writing style is contagious. Your arguments, against your own fan base mind you, should be written on stone tablets and placed on Mt. Everest for the sake of world history. Thanks for staying awesome. I’ll see you on some other threads where you will undoubtedly post some more thought-provoking and life-changing commentary for us all to bask in.

    • halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 12:44 PM

      El Bravo, you are correct. I tell it how it is. When the Phillies are playing well, I give my soul to them. However, when they are not, I will critique thwm as deserved.

      I am not a fair weathered fan. I have watched this team play for over 30 years. They will be criticized when they should be.

    • halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 12:44 PM

      El Bravo, you are correct. I tell it how it is. When the Phillies are playing well, I give my soul to them. However, when they are not, I will critique them as deserved.

      I am not a fair weathered fan. I have watched this team play for over 30 years. They will be criticized when they should be.

  17. Charles Gates - May 17, 2011 at 12:40 PM

    halladaysbiceps: Put. The. Shovel. Down.

    • halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 12:45 PM

      Charles, Go eat a bag of d**ks!!!

      • cur68 - May 17, 2011 at 12:56 PM

        halladaysbicepts; I’m pretty sick right now and really feeling craptastick after wrestling my poor dog into a cone to keep him from licking his stitches (a pox on all idiots who cant control their dogs!) but you have cheered me no end.

        The aggressively inane were put on this earth for certain purposes; for the rest of us to know how low the bar is for reasonable behavior and where that ephemeral line is that we shouldn’t cross. I salute you for for having the sheer nards to be that guy.

      • halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 1:01 PM

        cur68,

        To your comments…

        ????

        Didn’t understand a word you said….

      • cur68 - May 17, 2011 at 1:12 PM

        That’s ok. I’m feverish. I’m sure it’s just the influenza virus chewing my brain up making me incomprehensible to you.

        Let me try to be a little more plain spoke; You made me laugh. I haven’t felt like laughing in quite a while. Thank you.

      • halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 1:28 PM

        cur68,

        I then view it as a compliment. I salute you and say thank you. I really am not trying to be that funny. I’m just trying to convey my frustration as a Phillies fan.

      • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - May 17, 2011 at 1:35 PM

        cur68, you win the internet today and you’re not even healthy. Like Jordan’s epic flu game in the 90′s. Well done.

      • cur68 - May 17, 2011 at 1:50 PM

        El Bravo; my influenza and I thank you. I keep hoping my stalker comes back. In honor of you (for imitation is the most sincere form of flattery) think I shall create a new handle for myself if he does. I shall go with ‘Senor Jose “El Blue Jays” Bautista’. I do believe that’s how a true fan does it.

  18. Charles Gates - May 17, 2011 at 12:52 PM

    This comment section, I think, speaks to a larger issue that Craig has mentioned a few times: the future role of sports writers and sports journalism. Reading above, you’ll see a smathering of statistically based viewpoints interacting with what I’ll call traditional stances based on observation and emotion.

    We, meaning us stat-nerds, want the ESPN talking heads to color their commentary with WAR, leverage analysis, run expectancy. Yet, I don’t believe many understand that ESPN also has to cater to the (perhaps) majority of the viewership that consists of casual fans with a ‘traditional’ understanding and passion for the game.

    It’s impossible for the play by play person to develop an argument for VORP between the 1-0 and 1-1 counts, so many times this analysis gets dropped by the wayside. The internet, however, allows anyone to link to articles explaining VORP, Youtube videos and other relevent, and perhaps not so, material. This can’t be done on tv or in a physical newspaper.

    What I’ve read here is a microcosm of how the internet can satisfy both sides of the aisle. How the print and tv medias handle the thirst for information without the proper spouts to deliver it will be interesting to follow. And while halladaysbiceps gives us what many of us seem to consider a limited and phanatical opinion of his favorite team, it’s important to remember that fans like that are an important part of the baseball consumption spectrum, that will greatly impact how our past time is presented to us by a variety of news and entertainment sources.

    • halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 12:59 PM

      Charles, once again, go eat a bag of d**ks!!! LOL!!!!!

      Way to go, Diane Sawyer. LOL!!!!!

      • Alex K - May 17, 2011 at 1:31 PM

        You know he wasn’t insulting you, right?

    • uberfatty - May 17, 2011 at 5:36 PM

      Charles I disagree that anything above has to do with the “stats vs. traditional” problem. The problem is whiny fans getting on a pedestal and shouting to the world how their league leading team with inury problems on offense are complete assholes to anyone who dares disagree or bring up anything reasonable. Heck, with our Bicep friend it’s mainly just because he’s an asshole, period.

      • uberfatty - May 17, 2011 at 5:37 PM

        …and that made no sense in the middle there as i was trying to say two things at once. to sum up: Biceps, stop being a prick.

      • Charles Gates - May 17, 2011 at 10:54 PM

        Perhaps I overstated the stats vs. traditional angle. I was trying to say that while may of the comments here have been dismissive of ‘biceps, he (probably) represents a pretty substantial portion of MLB’s fanbase, and therefore will garner a lot of mainstream media attention. Attention = ad revenue dollars.

        While ‘biceps hasn’t really articulated his argument well, I absolutely appreciate and enjoy his passion. Considering that this is not a unique fan perspective, media sources will have to pander to this perspective as it’s a source of revenue. And that is absolutely something that will impact my/our baseball consumption.

  19. ryanmallettsbluntwrap - May 17, 2011 at 1:08 PM

    Halladay are you trying to say the cardinals are better then the Phillies ? You sound mad as hell as it is , but when you argue a point that is dead wrong you sound like an idiot. While the Cards don’t suck as many bags of d**ks as you do , they are not close to the Phillies in anyway shape or form , or the Reds in that case , that team continues to make the cards look like a bunch of little girls hitting puberty .

    • halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 1:16 PM

      I will make it simple. I believe, right now, that the Phillies are NOT the best team in the NL. Atlanta, Florida, and Cincinnati are playing better. They have offenses that are better and their pitching is holding up comparative to the Phillies.

      Do you disagree with this assessment?

      • Chris Fiorentino - May 17, 2011 at 1:28 PM

        Yes. The Phillies are still far and away the best team in the NL…maybe in baseball. The offense is struggling and they still are in first place. Their pitching makes up for bad offense in a long 162 game season. Come playoff time, ask me that question again and I may have a different opinion. Right now, on May 17th, I don’t think there is a sane person on the planet who thinks the Phillies will not win the division.

      • bobwsc - May 17, 2011 at 1:38 PM

        the Sox tanked, then rebounded. sh|t happens and its a long season. get down off the ledge.

      • halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 1:41 PM

        Chris,

        It’s not a question of winning the division. The question is this offense. You CANNOT continue to put pressure on this starting staff to win games by shutout. It cannot continue to happen. Do I think that this team is a stone cold mortal lock to win east? No. Why is that? Because they do not have the lineup/offense/power to make it happen short of them getting a great Chase Utley back as well as being able to make a trade for a power hitter.

        There is a lot of questions that need to be asked/answered about this team.

      • spudchukar - May 17, 2011 at 1:58 PM

        Call me crazy, Fior, but my money is on the Pheesh. And if your Pheelies do capture the East crown, it may well be more a reflection on your collective competition than on your superiority. Look out if the Marlins do the unthinkable and acquire a legitimate 3B soon and different 5th starter. It may be all that is keeping them from the top spot. Unless Oswalt does a quick turn around, your vaunted starting staff could very well be challenged by Johnson, Sanchez, Nolasco et al.

    • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - May 17, 2011 at 1:36 PM

      ryanmallettsbluntwrap wins the name of the day.

      • cur68 - May 17, 2011 at 1:56 PM

        I like that one, too. He’s named himself after something Ryan Malett puts in his mouth and sucks on. Takes a certain amount of nards to go with a handle like that. Salut!

  20. wkinsomnia - May 17, 2011 at 1:38 PM

    Halladaysbiceps, Although I laughed my ass off when you corrected that other guy for his grammar after you yourself could’nt get the ‘smoke and mirrors’ comment down. I do whole-heartedly agree with you. I’m a White Sox fan, but I have a man crush on Roy Halladay. Had him on my FB team for years. Only problem is that I HATE seeing him get Complete Game Losses because the Phills’ shitty Offense is basically non-existant. The guy already has 2 complete game losses this year where at most he has given up 3 runs. A team that cant score a measely 3 runs in nine innings to help a beast like Roy Halladay will not be going to the World Series anytime soon.

    • halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 1:43 PM

      Thank You. I could not agree more. Halladay and Lee deserved more than that lack of offense. The Phillies position players should be ashamed of themselves.

      • CJ - May 17, 2011 at 1:51 PM

        Shockingly, I think we all agree there. I just think it’s not time to worry about it quite yet. Can’t just take a struggling lineup that’s missing key pieces and extrapolate that out assume the struggles will remain once the usual lineup is restored.

        And again, it’s just mid-May, and in spite of all these struggles the Phils are still #1 in the NL.

      • cur68 - May 17, 2011 at 2:06 PM

        CJ; totally agree. The best team in baseball right now = Phillies.

        In general, pitching doesn’t ‘come around’. Pitchers either have it that season or they do not. Hitting though, does come around. Lots of guys start cold and just explode offensively as the season progresses. See one David Ortiz, the current troubles of Albert Pujols (comparative to his other years), and, of course, my hero, true love and total man crush, Jose Bautista in 2009, and many others.

        Its way harder to grow pitching as the season progresses. The Phills already have it where it really counts, they still manage to win more than they lose, and of course, they’re due back one Chase Utley any day now.

      • halladaysbiceps - May 17, 2011 at 2:19 PM

        cur68,

        “CJ; totally agree. The best team in baseball right now = Phillies. ”

        Are you smoking dope? We lost the last (3) game because of the inability of this team to hit. Are you crazy?

      • cur68 - May 17, 2011 at 2:49 PM

        bicepts; many good teams will lose some games in a row. Hitting will come back and, so long as that excellent staff holds up, that pitching staff is lights out.

        Relax. Utley’s due back. Howard’s a beast. Polanco can flat out hit (.338!), Rollins is not too bad, Victorino is good, and Ibanez has been showing signs of life, too.

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