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You asked me questions on Twitter. So I shall answer them.

Jun 2, 2011, 11:30 AM EDT

The Question

The video version is coming later — you’ll want to watch it because I drop some Mormon theology on you, brotha — but for now, here are the ones that didn’t make the video cut:

Q: Bruins or Canucks?

Charlestown Chiefs. I’m pretty big into the Federal League.

Q: On the hipster scale, how much more hip do you feel now than in your old glasses?

I could give you an actual number on that scale, but it’s an obscure number that you’ve probably never heard of.

Q: What’s the best meal you’ve ever eaten?

In 2001, my wife and I traveled to Italy. While there, we had the freshest pesto imaginable at a cafe in Portofino, dined in no less then three fantastic restaurants in Tuscany and ate a home cooked meal made by my wife’s sister and her husband in their little Veneto village featuring polenta that God Almighty would praise as divine. But in the immortal words of the sadly mortal Humphrey Bogart, a hot dog at the ball park is better than steak at the Ritz.

Q: Bigger popularity contest: “most overrated player” or “All Star Game”?

Hard to say. We’ll see which one Derek Jeter has a better showing in before we decide.

Q: Has Bobby Cox been thrown out of anywhere lately? I miss him.

I’ve heard rumors that things got rowdy at the Stone Mountain Old Country Buffet last week. Fairly even odds that Cox used the magic words on the guy restocking the hot scalloped apples.

Q: Does anyone besides MLB Network Countdown think Jack Buck’s call of Kirk Gibson’s 1988 HR was better than Vin Scully’s?

I’ve actually heard a fair amount of reasonable disagreement about this. I preferred Scully’s simply because I was watching it on TV and that’s the call I heard in real time. But in replays, Buck’s is pretty solid too.  Scully, due to the ability to be silent for a bit and let the crowd react, had more time to compose his in his mind. Buck’s was more spontaneous and captured the excitement a bit more.  I like ‘em both.

Q: Al Alburquerque. Discuss.

We’ve covered this before. With that name, his future lies in either professional gambling, organized crime or unpainted furniture sales.

Q: Should reached on error count towards OBP?

No.

Q: If you were to drop wOBA or FIP in a typical post, what percentage of your readers would know what you were saying?

More than you think because the readers around here are smart. That is, if I didn’t mangle the reference to wOBA or FIP in such a way as to totally confuse everyone. I’m a fellow traveler of the statheads, but really, I’m a statistical dilettante and anything specific I say in that area should be triple checked before you rely on it and then probably best ignored.

Q: If you had to pick one of the Braves’ post-Andruw center fielders, which one would you choose?

Depends what I’m picking them for. If I need someone to draw gunfire while I escape in the other direction any of them would do and I likely wouldn’t miss them. If I needed them to play actual baseball games I’d probably take Gregor Blanco because at least he knows how to take a friggin’ walk now and again.

Q: Paper or plastic?

The former for airplanes, the latter for Ono Bands.

Q: How much are you supposed to tip the guys who walk the food to your car when you order curbside?

Um, we’re supposed to tip those guys?

Q: Do you fear the possibility of Brian Wilson‘s beard becoming so dark that light cannot escape its surface?

I fear no such thing, for I am Doctor Hans Reinhardt, commander of the USS Cygnus.

Q: What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

African or European?

Q: My car broke down again today. Do they have stem cell treatments like Bartolo’s for Nissans?

Yes, but there is probably some automotive reporter who doesn’t understand how such treatments work and thus casts aspersions on them.

Q: You were watching Oceans Eleven too last night, weren’t you?

No. But in December 2003 and January 2004, there was a great convergence of forces in my life: (a) a newborn daughter; and (b) a free trial of HBO. The daughter did not sleep. Ever. And in those two months HBO did not stop showing “Ocean’s Eleven,” ever. Mookie and I went on a streak of something like 15 nights when she cried, I held her and we both watched “Ocean’s Eleven” while we tried to give my wife a couple hours of sleep. Of course, sometimes I cried too, but that was either due to sleep deprivation-induced delirium or the fact that the scene where the gang all gathers and watches the Bellagio fountains is somewhat touching compared to the previous two hours of cooler-than-thou ersatz Rat Pack irony.

OK, I forgot what we were talking about.  Oh well. We’ll pick up the thread next week.  Thanks for the questions everyone.

  1. dlevalley - Jun 2, 2011 at 11:44 AM

    A Black Hole reference? Wow. You’re really classing up the joint Craig.
    Come for the baseball, stay for the obscure nerdisms

    • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Jun 2, 2011 at 11:50 AM

      …and for the food references. Between HBT breakfast wraps w/ awesome Irish breakfast pics, fine Italian meals, hot dogs, steaks, cake, pie…dammit, I need lunch now!

    • benyamen - Jun 2, 2011 at 11:51 AM

      I come mostly for the obscure nerdisms and deal with the baseball.

  2. rebarratige - Jun 2, 2011 at 11:52 AM

    Braves outfielder to draw fire for me as a distraction? Melky Cabrera, for all the obvious reasons.

    • heyblueyoustink - Jun 2, 2011 at 12:57 PM

      I know who I’d not pick for that job. Jason Heyward…….he’s no good to me if he goes down with an injury after 3 steps…..

  3. Jonny 5 - Jun 2, 2011 at 12:02 PM

    The last one…… Mine never slept until he was 3. That’s 3 years. It made two crazy people kinda insane. And that’s when the plumbing got rearranged…..

    • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Jun 2, 2011 at 12:06 PM

      This explains a lot J5. I can’t blame children for my eccentricities, I’m just f@cking insane! No TV, no beer, makes me go something something….

      Go Crazy?

      Don’t mind if a do! dklafhdfhdafdjfajfdjfkljwowowowowoowowowowoidjfadfwowoowfijdafjd

      • Utley's Hair - Jun 2, 2011 at 12:20 PM

        That might be the most sane and understandable thing you’ve said in a while, Heyward.

      • Jonny 5 - Jun 2, 2011 at 12:46 PM

        LOL!! Well at least I can laugh about it now. This conversation reminds me of something from my childhood. I heard it on a radio show local to Philly.” Dr. Dimento” I think….

      • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Jun 2, 2011 at 3:46 PM

        UH, I will eat your face with a glass of port.

      • Utley's Hair - Jun 2, 2011 at 4:37 PM

        What? No Chianti and fava beans?

    • heyblueyoustink - Jun 2, 2011 at 12:59 PM

      I don’t have kids, but I hear horse tranquilizers help

  4. mattraw - Jun 2, 2011 at 12:42 PM

    “It says here you changed your name, is there a reason for that?”

    “Yeah, would you fear a slider from a guy named Al Huffheim?”

  5. cur68 - Jun 2, 2011 at 12:43 PM

    Oh man, I could have HELPED! I bet it was too quiet That’s why she wasn’t sleeping. That’s almost always why normal term newborns all don’t sleep. Then they cry. Which causes them to swallow air. Then they either puke or get colic.

    Lemme guess about the wives, J5 & Craig; boisterous and/or noisy and/or loves to talk. Like lots of women, god love them.

    9 months of listening to Ma be herself then BOOM you get born and all the noise goes away and you LOVE the noise; it’ like home, like mom and you just miss it…then you cry. Because crying is all you can do and someone picks you up, turns on the TV and sits with you and this is good. So tomorrow night, they turn off all the lights, stop talking and its too friggin quiet and so you cry aaaaaaaand repeat….

    Sigh. Doesn’t anyone teach this stuff at prenatal classes?

    • Jonny 5 - Jun 2, 2011 at 12:52 PM

      Gastrointestinal reflux. EVIL!!!!

      • cur68 - Jun 2, 2011 at 1:12 PM

        Unless due to anomaly or illness (pyloric stenosis, disease states of the intestine [Necrotising Enterocolits {NEC}]) a goodly portion of GER = colic = lots of air.

        Now I could digress into a long boring discussion involving breastfeeding, hind milk (which is very fatty and thick), a 30 degree sleeping angle, lots of burpings, small feeds, thickend feeds etc, let me instead just say this; thank god for PVRs and baseball/hockey/football/science fiction/action movies/and corn chips. It makes having to stay up all night tolerable these days.

        They will never be that small again and soon you can start worrying about where they are with your car. Can’t help with that I’m afraid.

      • Jonny 5 - Jun 2, 2011 at 2:04 PM

        Man, we tried everything, and nothing worked. Until the valve closing the top of the stomach fully grew. That was the culprit. Baby antacid helped some at night though. We were in the doctors all the time, had sleep studies, etc.. etc.. Another thing to mention is he never was a sleeper and still isn’t. He’s late to bed (when allowed) and early to rise. He’s asthmatic. Allergic to 10 different things. And prone to chest and sinus colds. But, we’re past the waking up crap. Now he’s a straight A student and pitches pretty darned good. We have a playoff game tonight for req ball, His 1st place team had the first round off. Lucky them they get to face the 2nd place team that whooped on the competition in the first round. It should be fun. These kids are pretty awesome to watch.

      • cur68 - Jun 2, 2011 at 2:25 PM

        Incompetent esophageal sphincter. If he’d ever had a feeding tube [orogastric (OG) or nasogratic (NG)] they pass from the mouth or the nose into the stomach, via the esophageal sphincter and hold it open a bit; my master’s study is on some of the long term effects of that. Can cause that sphincter to misbehave but often there is no underlying reason for it to not close properly. Upright sleeping (car seat or such) can really help.

        Whatever though; it’s over, he’s a pitcher and sounds like he’s sleeping and eating just fine. I’m looking forward to you detailing his exploits in AAA ball.

        Jonny 5 Jr; drafted by the Blue Jays in the first round. Can’t wait for that headline.

      • Utley's Hair - Jun 2, 2011 at 2:39 PM

        No chance, Seisenta y ocho, Sparky is a Phightin through and through.

      • Jonny 5 - Jun 2, 2011 at 3:51 PM

        Hey if he’s good enough, and lucky enough to get picked up by any team, I’ll be shocked, and tickled to death. But until that day the books are his priority. Yeah, even if it’s the Jays I’ll be happy as only a father can be. Not many kids are as lucky as Jesse Biddle when it comes to getting picked up by your home team.

      • Utley's Hair - Jun 2, 2011 at 4:39 PM

        But no Mutts, right? Please tell me that you’ll put your foot down at least about the Mutts?!?!?

    • Alex K - Jun 2, 2011 at 1:07 PM

      Some babies don’t sleep when it’s quiet OR loud. Mine for example. Little guy just doesn’t sleep.

      • cur68 - Jun 2, 2011 at 1:25 PM

        Gotta be the right kind of loud. Try mom loud. Think running dishwasher/clothes washer with girly talk.

        Also babies gives non specific cues for a variety of problems. They seem to cry or not sleep for everything but after a while you can tell an ‘I’m hungry’ from a ‘change me’ to ‘I’m lonely’. So lack of sleep can be ‘I’m hungry all the time’ which is in fact a feeding problem, not a sleeping problem. Take all factors into account; feeding, sleeping rashes, noise, the dog is poking me etc.

        I hope you’ve googled it and spoken with a professional (and I don’t mean me; I need to lay my hands on the kid and look around before I can say much of anything definitive so don’t just take my advice; I could be some nut for all you guys know). Look this stuff up, speak to a professional (midwives are great at this stuff); in this day and age you have more access to information than ever before and SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE had the exact same problems.

        There is always a solution. Good luck.

      • Alex K - Jun 2, 2011 at 8:15 PM

        We have spoken to many people about it. He is a high needs baby. It’s getting better in fits and starts….

  6. phukyouk - Jun 2, 2011 at 2:00 PM

    “Q: What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

    African or European?”

    WIN!

  7. phukyouk - Jun 2, 2011 at 2:32 PM

    “ou were watching Oceans Eleven too last night, weren’t you?”

    nah… the answer is always Pulp Fiction

  8. thereisaparty - Jun 2, 2011 at 5:00 PM

    re: errors and OBP
    Why should we care about the reason for a player reaching base? With the ruling on errors being subjective, shouldn’t the fact that of being on base be the more important factor in OBP?

    • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Jun 2, 2011 at 5:39 PM

      OBP is an attempt to evaluate hitters, not the fielders on the other side of the ball.

      • thereisaparty - Jun 2, 2011 at 6:25 PM

        Why exclude data? More data is always better than less data. And I’d argue the point of on base percentage is to show how often the player gets on base.

      • Utley's Hair - Jun 2, 2011 at 7:43 PM

        The data isn’t being excluded. It’s just included on the other side as an error on the defense.

      • thereisaparty - Jun 3, 2011 at 12:01 AM

        Fine, credit the defender with an error. But you are absolutely excluding data from the hitter’s on-base data.

  9. jamie54 - Jun 2, 2011 at 5:40 PM

    Pasta with Lobster lunch, white wine, overlooking the Amalfi Coast, July 2009. But I’m going to your sister-in-laws next time.

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