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David Ortiz stole a base. That actually happened.

Jun 22, 2011, 1:00 PM EST

David Ortiz AP

When someone tells me that the DH rules because pitchers can’t hit, I have historically responded by saying “well, it ain’t like watching David Ortiz run the bases is a thing of beauty either.”

I take it all back. Every word of it. Because this was poetry in frickin’ motion. The form. The grace. Sheer beauty.

Everyone on the Padres who had a part in this play ought to be fined severely and/or flogged.

  1. ThatGuy - Jun 22, 2011 at 1:06 PM

    Why has someone not turned that into a GIF yet

  2. IdahoMariner - Jun 22, 2011 at 1:11 PM

    man, he even gave them a nice stutter-step halfway there while he reconsidered his rash course of action. Which turned out to be not so rash after all. How do you NOT see something that big taking a leadoff like that?

  3. The Common Man - Jun 22, 2011 at 1:14 PM

    Well, that was hardly a thing of beauty. What was up with that false-start?

  4. Jonny 5 - Jun 22, 2011 at 1:20 PM

    Man he looked like a giant Red Fox out there, and he still made it.

    • jimbo1949 - Jun 22, 2011 at 1:38 PM

      Redd Foxx? I’m comin’ Lizbeth!

  5. Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Jun 22, 2011 at 1:23 PM

    A true renaissance man.

  6. deathmonkey41 - Jun 22, 2011 at 1:24 PM

    Wow- his HGH dealer should be able to use this as a selling point in his advertisements.

    • aceshigh11 - Jun 22, 2011 at 1:38 PM

      Man, you are REALLY obsessed with PEDs, aren’t you?

      • deathmonkey41 - Jun 22, 2011 at 1:50 PM

        If anyone’s career screams PED use, it’s big Papi’s. From his days in MN to sudden surges in power in Boston to not being able to hit a fastball two seasons ago, to be all world slugger again…but it’s ignored by our media and they treat the guy like a big, lovable Teddy Bear. He’s a cheater, who was caught, failed to man up and admit to it and is now cheating again. People can try fooling themselves with “he’s in the best shape of his life”, that a 35 yr old man can speed up his batspeed like he’s 25, and that he’s a “Renaissance Man”, but all they’re doing is celebrating the accomplishments of a cheater.

      • aceshigh11 - Jun 22, 2011 at 2:56 PM

        Hey, I’m not denying he used PEDs in the past. It’s pretty much a fact.

        Now, I really don’t know if HGH would help someone like Ortiz or not.

        Hell, I’m a Red Sox fan, but I’m willing to admit that it’s clear that something is a bit fishy with his late-career renaissance.

      • 24missed - Jun 22, 2011 at 6:31 PM

        For deathmonkey41 ~

        Papi is a big, lovable Teddy Bear. He always wears a smile in front of the fans and is one of the first to greet you. Call him what you will, but I love this big Teddy Bear.

      • deathmonkey41 - Jun 22, 2011 at 8:54 PM

        I guess Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens should have tried being more cuddly.

    • Jack Marshall - Jun 22, 2011 at 1:45 PM

      A blatantly untrue and unfair comment that reflects on the commenter.

  7. phukyouk - Jun 22, 2011 at 1:31 PM

    BEST.STEAL.EVER!

  8. writtenbyross - Jun 22, 2011 at 1:51 PM

    The highlight clip cut off before they wheeled the oxygen tank out to him.

  9. The Rabbit - Jun 22, 2011 at 1:52 PM

    “A thing of beauty is a joy forever” John Keats
    Just another reason l love baseball.

    • addictedzone - Jun 22, 2011 at 2:43 PM

      Just another of the joys of baseball. Clueless baserunner combined with oblivious pitcher can equal a thing of beauty that is a joy forever.

      Personally, I believe that as a highlight it is top ten material for the day and as a lowlight it is bottom ten material for the day… thereby making it a double winner.

  10. FC - Jun 22, 2011 at 2:22 PM

    He didn’t steal the base, the pitcher gave it to him, they should have charged him an error.

  11. foreverchipper10 - Jun 22, 2011 at 2:49 PM

    Last night I thought there was a misprint on my fantasy team when it told me I got an SB from David Ortiz. Now I have the proof that it did actually happen.

  12. ryanmallettsbluntwrap - Jun 22, 2011 at 2:55 PM

    FC…. You are 100 % right , because most pitchers love letting the 2nd slowest guy ( 1 is Adrian Gonzalez , he is probably the slowest guy in all of baseball ) on the team just have second base with one out , the pitcher definitely would rather that then have the chance to turn an easy double play , especially with Drew at the plate . Not.

    • deathmonkey41 - Jun 22, 2011 at 7:07 PM

      “because most pitchers love letting the 2nd slowest guy ( 1 is Adrian Gonzalez , he is probably the slowest guy in all of baseball )”

      That comment is just stupid…or, you’ve never seen Jorge Posada slug around the basepads.

  13. dcburden - Jun 22, 2011 at 3:46 PM

    I could see that getting ruled Fielders’ Indifference, except that it took Papi so long to get down to second that the catcher decided to give it a shot.

    • The Baseball Idiot - Jun 22, 2011 at 5:17 PM

      Catcher’s indifference in the bottom of the 5th with San Diego only leading by 1, while playing in Boston?

      Wow, that’s the most creative scorekeeping I’ve ever seen. I’ll bet Oliver Perez could pitch a perfect game with your scorekeeping.

      • addictedzone - Jun 22, 2011 at 6:17 PM

        Actually, I do believe the most creative scorekeeping would be the commenter further up that wanted to give an error to the pitcher, though this is a close second.

  14. projectshadow316 - Jun 22, 2011 at 7:56 PM

    The pitcher never saw him because who can honestly say they believe Ortiz would even think about stealing second? The entire infield could’ve been screaming “He’s…..going?” and the pitcher was probably just laughing in his head thinking “Yeah, right.”

    As for Ortiz himself, PEDs or not, the guy is loved in Boston. He could run for Mayor tomorrow and win in a landslide.

  15. cur68 - Jun 22, 2011 at 9:06 PM

    You know, I think it’s true; if Bonds & Clemens had been as lovable as Ortiz they wouldn’t be suffering as much. Watching that stolen base I am reminded of a blind hen my grandmother used to have. She, the hen, not Grammy, would peck and peck and eventually, by blind luck, find some corn. Grammy kept her around because she laid lots of eggs that were nice and big. Eventually we ate her. In a curry. She was stringy.

    ANYWAYS: that stolen base was like that hen. At first she’d be a bit cautious over what she’ got in her beak; hence Ortiz’s pause there. Then she’d lay into that corn with gusto, not unlike Papi’s slide. Afterwards, as she strutted drunkenly around, you could tell she was really proud to have got that corn. Papi standing on 2nd had the same expression in his face as Grammy’s hen used to have on her bill. Suffused pride. Way to go Big Papi.

  16. nocryinginbaseball07 - Jun 22, 2011 at 9:31 PM

    That blind hen analogy was itself a thing of beauty. Makes me proud to be a Canadian!

  17. jwbiii - Jun 22, 2011 at 11:30 PM

    I think you meant “pottery” in motion. Like one of those really big urns that you can you as a planter for a small tree.

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