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Which Red Sox player are you?

Jul 18, 2011, 4:00 PM EDT

ortiz head Getty Images

This quiz which purports to tell you, based on some abbreviated personality inventory, which member of the Boston Red Sox you’d be is so beyond silly that I can’t even begin to quantify it.

But yeah, I did it anyway. And it said I was David Ortiz. I have no idea what to think. Calling me a DH is just going to fill me with self-loathing, and I don’t think any psychological exercise should be in the business of doing that.  Better than Pedroia or Youkilis, I guess.  If I could pick who I’d be I suppose it would be Adrian Gonzalez, but that’s not based on any real insight. I just feel like it would be cool to be Adrian Gonzalez.

Enjoy.  And someone tell me if they get a really weird result. Like Bruce Hurst or something.

(thanks to MooseinOhio for the heads up)

  1. spudchukar - Jul 18, 2011 at 5:12 PM

    I fear taking the test. If I came up Youkilis or Papelbon, I believe Seppuku would be the only remaining option.

    • cur68 - Jul 18, 2011 at 6:03 PM

      Uh, Spuddy, I came up Youkilis. How do you perform Seppuku and will I have to miss time at work because of it?

      • spudchukar - Jul 18, 2011 at 9:58 PM

        Cur, if you came up Youkilis, the test is obviously flawed. It most likely carries a United States bias, much like asking Harlem kids about Herefords. And yes, I am afraid the Seppuku choice would require a leave of absence.

      • cur68 - Jul 18, 2011 at 10:04 PM

        Dang. Better get some bactine then.

  2. patsandsox - Jul 18, 2011 at 5:43 PM

    Wow Craig I always liked you but you just lost me dissing Pedroia of all people. He a hard working over achiever in a nation of under achiever (oh yeah thats probably the problam). I like Youk also but I admit sometimes he can be a little too much, though I think he is great option.

    I guess you would be much more likely a J.D, Drew (which is the biggest insult I could think of lol)

  3. opiedamus - Jul 18, 2011 at 5:55 PM

    Not sure how, but clearly the test recognizes that I “pee excellence every morning when I wake up,” cause the results said …… Mike Schmidt.

    I’m satisfied that this might be the best prognosticator since that old dude that predicted the end of the world several times …… ‘ol what’s his name..

  4. pat123438 - Jul 18, 2011 at 6:02 PM

    Adrian Gonzalez – Your knack for swinging into action and making a difficult task seem simple is due as much to preparation as skill.

    Dustin Pedroia – You talk the talk and walk the walk, sometimes at the same time.

    David Ortiz – You’re admired greatly for speaking loudly and carrying a big stick.

    Kevin Youkilis – You’ve exceeded expectations with relentless effort, uncommon intensity, and more talent than you first got credit for.

    Jacoby Ellsbury – You’re quiet and unassuming, but when there’s a task at hand, there are few who can get up to speed faster.

    Carl Crawford – You have the talent and work ethic to attain the success you covet, even if it arrives slower than you’d like.

    Jon Lester – You always deliver with your dependability and determination that makes you seem wise beyond your years.

    Clay Buchholz – Your friends may think they have the skinny on you and your laid-back manner, but you have the right stuff in competitive situations.

    Jonathan Papelbon – You enjoy a good time but closing a deal is serious business.

    Jason Varitek – You’ve seen it all from a unique perspective, and others lean on you for wisdom.

    J.D Drew – You keep the faith and still have fun even when others get down on you.

    Josh Beckett – You’re always up for the big game, whether you’re hunting it or winning it.

    Daniel Bard – Your quiet manner doesn’t always mask a blazing competitive streak.

    Sorry to ruin the surprise… 😛

  5. bigleagues - Jul 18, 2011 at 6:04 PM

    JD Freakin DREW.

    I’m with Craig that was 2 minutes of absurdity of the highest order.

  6. foreverchipper10 - Jul 18, 2011 at 6:31 PM

    I am also David Prtiz

  7. projectshadow316 - Jul 18, 2011 at 8:11 PM

    I’m Kevin Youkilis. Run your mouth about him some more.

  8. h2opolog0altender - Jul 18, 2011 at 11:35 PM

    I scored! Adrian Gonzalez!

  9. Joe - Jul 19, 2011 at 8:23 AM

    I got Varitek. Which is appropriate, because I’ve wanted both of us to be in a different line of work for years now.

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