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NBC blogger looks to pick fight with millions, proposes “putting ‘The Star-Spangled Banner’ out to pasture”

Aug 26, 2011, 2:00 PM EDT

American Flag

Not me! I swear! Even though I pretty much agree with everything Off The Bench’s Rick Chandler says in his post today about getting rid of “The Star Spangled Banner” as our national anthem:*

Now, no one loves America more than me, except perhaps Apollo Creed. But I say it may be time to put The Star-Spangled Banner out to pasture, and let another song have its turn as our National Anthem. The SSB is impossible to sing, the lyrics are hard to remember and it’s too long. Also there’s always the chance the Christina Aguilera could get her hands on it again. In the age of micro technology, The Star-Spangled Banneris a papyrus scroll in a clay jar. If I instead sing America the Beautiful or Hail, Columbia or Ain’t That Americaby John Mellancamp, it doesn’t mean that I love the USA any less. I’m still singing, for God’s sake. It’s just different words that mean the same thing.

For me it’s not a matter of aesthetics or what pop singers often do to it before ballgames as much as it’s about what is most laudable about our country. Do we praise the flag itself? That seems narrow. The bombs bursting in air? Beside the point.  I’m all about the purple mountains majesty and amber waves of grain, so I’d go with “America the Beautiful.”

Well, that and equality and the little guy, but no one would ever go for “This Land is Your Land” once the FOX news people started going on about how it’s a commie anthem.

 

*No, there’s no baseball content here, but since the Anthem is such a big part of the going to the ballpark experience, it’s fair game. Sort of like the kiss cam.

106 Comments (Feed for Comments)
  1. acheron2112 - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:08 PM

    Any good national anthem needs to pass the Casablanca test: If you’re in Rick’s Bar, and need to drown out a bunch of Nazis singing the Horst-Wessel-Leid, you need an anthem up to the task. The Star-Spangled Banner isn’t perfect by that measure, but it’s a hell of a lot better than America the Beautiful.

    • Old Gator - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:14 PM

      Let’s all try singing it together. If it stops distribution of Dick Cheney’s book, it’s probably also up to the task of drowning out a barroom full of drunk Nazis.

    • nolanwiffle - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:30 PM

      Or play Jimi’s version (turned up to 11) and have them Nazis bleeding from their ears

    • jtneville - Aug 26, 2011 at 3:00 PM

      I don’t know these little plastic figures make the SSB soar.

      Seems to me though you also want your national anthem to tell other countries you aren’t afraid to kick butt if the diplomacy fails. =)

    • Rick Chandler - Aug 26, 2011 at 3:09 PM

      Play it again, acheron2112

  2. The Baseball Idiot - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:09 PM

    Controversy gets clicks, whether it’s real or made-up.

    Seems to me baseball, and the country in general, have a lot more serious issues to fix than which particular song is the National Anthem.

    • thefalcon123 - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:14 PM

      Uggg. I hate it, HATE IT, when people make stupid arguments like this. Can’t we have problems AND not like the our national anthem at the same f**king time? I have the ability to do both!

      • The Baseball Idiot - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:42 PM

        Sorry, Falcon, I forgot. No one gets to have an opinion unless it’s the same as yours. All others are automatically wrong. I’ll carve that in my desk so I won’t the same mistake again.

      • buddaley - Aug 26, 2011 at 5:05 PM

        To the Baseball Idiot: I don’t understand your response. Nowhere does the falcon123 say you don’t get to have an opinion that differs from his or that you are automatically wrong if you do. He is simply stating that he thinks your argument is stupid (perhaps invalid would have been a less provocative description) and tells you why.

        His response to you is somewhat aggressive, but it seems to me worthwhile to respond to the meaning rather than the tone and not to set up a straw man so as to appear as a victim.

  3. epmckenna - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:09 PM

    Star Spangled Banner is part of our history. Can’t change it now. It comes from a poem written almost 200 years ago about the War of 1812. It’d be silly to change it to a modern song now.

    • thefalcon123 - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:15 PM

      Slavery was also a part of our history, we changed that…didn’t.

      For those of you who rolled your eyes and are wondering “did this asshole really just compare the National Anthem to slavery?”, you are 100% correct in your disgust. But hey, at least I didn’t compare it to Hitler.

    • Lukehart80 - Aug 26, 2011 at 5:13 PM

      While I probably would have steered clear of comparing it to slavery, the basic point that keeping things the same simply “because that’s how we’ve always done it” is fairly poor reasoning.

      “That’s how we’ve always done it” is the reason so many people prefer umpires’ mistakes to replay getting things right, why so many people still think of wins as an incredibly important statistic for pitchers, why the reserve clause was allowed to exist for so long, and on and on.

      One should be able to come up with more than that to defend a position.

  4. thefalcon123 - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:10 PM

    It really is a pretty terrible song. Plus, we don’t even sing the last three versus!

    I vote we change the national anthem to “This Land is Your Land” by Woody Guthrie.

    • okobojicat - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:15 PM

      blech

      • thefalcon123 - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:17 PM

        That was a humor-joke. Regardless, you dissin’ on Woody Guthrie motherf**ker? I can only assume you’re a fascist if that is the case.

      • marinersnate - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:30 PM

        I vote for Ina-Dagota-Daveta. Iron Butterfly. Would make a great new anthem. It just says it all.

  5. acheron2112 - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:11 PM

    My main issue with the Star-Spangled Banner though is that no one ever sings the second verse. The first verse asks a question (“is the flag still there?”, i.e., did the U.S. stop the British), and the second verse answers it (“yes”).

    It’s like saying “who’s house?” without ever saying “Run’s house!”.

    • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:16 PM

      The answer “YES” comes in the form of cheering after it’s sung. It’s metaphorical b/c if it is sung to the populace, it is in itself, showing that, yes, we’re still here.

      • acheron2112 - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:50 PM

        You know, that’s a pretty good point.

        I’m not completely ready to concede leaving out the second verse, but at least that’s a good reason.

      • firedude7160 - Aug 26, 2011 at 6:18 PM

        That was a very eloquent and thought out response

  6. Old Gator - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:12 PM

    I think what started this current brouhaha (Brouhaha? Hahahahaha…) was some small Mennonite college in the midwest scrapping this unsingable musical atrocity in favor of “America the Beautiful” because the martial imagery (if you want to call it that) of the anthem contradicts Mennonite pacifism (you know, real Christianity).

    No matter what you think of how indissoluble that horrible song is from whatever you interpret the “spirit” of America to be, it’s going to be a horrible song. It is the musical equivalent of a head-on collision between two freight trains. Lyrically, you could probably be bounced out of any poetry writing club – even the kind that meets in a folk cafe on the slowest night of the week because the owner takes pity on you and gets to sell a few more cappuccinos despite having to listen to the recitations – for writing this agglutination of cliches and cheap sentiment. The passion this stupid song arouses amongst its votaries is the quintessential demonstration of H. L. Mencken’s adage that no one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.

    • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:18 PM

      Gator and I are directly at odds here. Just had to point it out b/c it happens once per year. We disagree on THE Anthem and on Ozzie. That’s all I can think of so far…

      • Old Gator - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:40 PM

        Are you willing to give Ozzie up out of….patriotism?

    • bennoj - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:57 PM

      +1 for Firesign Theatre reference.

    • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:58 PM

      I will always love Ozzie even when he makes ignorant but hilarious comments. Well, actually, that’s all he does.

  7. halladaysbiceps - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:12 PM

    ” Also there’s always the chance the Christina Aguilera could get her hands on it again.”

    Here’s a novel idea: No more pop singers need to sing the song. It should only be sung by singers with extensive vocal training. Aguilera certaintly doesn’t meet that qualification. In addition, all singers should be screened prior to performing it in an audience setting. If they can’t sing it, don’t let them.

    Doing away with the the song as our national athem is not the answer. When I still hear it, it brings a great amount of pride to my heart.

    • Old Gator - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:16 PM

      When I hear it, it makes we wish I had gone to the men’s room ahead of the lines that begin to form at the two working urinals by the middle of the fourth inning.

    • The Common Man - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:19 PM

      Actually, I think Aguilera has had extensive vocal training. She just chooses to use it for the forces of evil.

    • aceshigh11 - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:22 PM

      I’m not an Aguilera fan in the slightest, but she is an incredible singer.

      Her songs are for shit, but she has amazing raw vocal talent.

    • danandcasey - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:31 PM

      For every Aguilera rendition there is a Huey Lewis and the News.

      • nategearhart - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:49 PM

        The end…..baseball + Marlboro sponsorship + San Fran-frickin’-cisco = mind BLOWN.

      • bigleagues - Aug 27, 2011 at 6:05 AM

        Seriously . . . is there any better anthem replacement that speaks to the angst and disgust that the American people has for its “leadership” than the seminal metal masterpiece:

        FATHER: What is this garbage your watching. I want to watch the news.

        SON: This IS the news.

    • The Rabbit - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:33 PM

      Your novel idea is exactly the reason it doesn’t work as a national anthem, i.e., if it requires extensive vocal training and auditions to perform, the average citizen has no chance.
      As for the lyrics- If we can’t agree on America the Beautiful or Woody Guthrie’s classic, I’d give Tom Lehrer a shot to write it.

      • halladaysbiceps - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:53 PM

        Well, as a veteran, I can tell you I’m personally offended that anyone would try to change the national anthem. There are many men that died protecting the values of that song and the flag that is sung about in the song. It personally sickens me that there are people out there that don’t like the song. They can have their opinions. I’ll leave it at that.

      • The Rabbit - Aug 26, 2011 at 3:25 PM

        As the widow of a decorated Vietnam veteran who died in a VA hospital, you may feel free to be as sickened and offended as you like.

      • halladaysbiceps - Aug 26, 2011 at 3:43 PM

        Rabbit,

        I am saddened by your loss and the sacrifice your husband made to the country. I just give you my perspective from a military point of view. I think I can speak for all vets out there when I say we like it just how it is. The tradition of the song runs deep for us and we tear up sometimes when we here. It’s something I do not take lightly.

        I certainly meant no disprect to you, ma’am.

  8. Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:14 PM

    I’ve never disagreed with Craig Calcaterra more than this very post (well maybe when you picked the Cubs to win the Central). Holy balls man! This BY FAR is the greatest anthem that any country has or every will have. We don’t want a damned nursery rhyme anthem that any jerk can sing! The song has direct meaning to our past and the revolution. Further, “America the Beautiful” is such weak sauce compared to the SSB. Weak. Sauce.

    Also, what is the beef with Aguilera? Yes, she flubbed one line, but damn folks, she sang that shit pretty beautifully as she usually does with anything she sings. She’s one of the best voices of this generation. I’m sure she’d nail it the next time around. It’s not like she stopped midstream and ran off stage, she stood there and killed the rest.

    This is second time today HBT made me puke in my mouth. First it’s J5 related the Phillies to the good guys in Star Wars and now this? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!

    • Old Gator - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:17 PM

      Can’t agree wth you about the voice. About the tush, yes.

    • firedude7160 - Aug 26, 2011 at 6:22 PM

      I agree 150% with the first paragraph. I disagree with the second and third

  9. redbear18 - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:16 PM

    It hasn’t changed for almost 200 years, why change it now? If it isn’t broke, don’t fix it.

    • Old Gator - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:17 PM

      It’s been broke for two hundred years. It doesn’t need fixing. It needs to be euthanized.

    • jimbo1949 - Aug 26, 2011 at 3:27 PM

      The Star-Spangled Banner” was made the national anthem by a congressional resolution on March 3, 1931.
      .
      80 years ago.
      .
      And there’s been controversy before and since.

  10. danandcasey - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:18 PM

    The Boss said that This Land is Your Land is “the greatest song every written about America.”

    No, not Steinbrenner — the other Boss – Springsteen (who I guess Fox News Channel would consider to be a commie)..

    • aceshigh11 - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:21 PM

      Springsteen IS the Boss. End of story.

      And yes, he most certainly is portrayed as nothing less than a pure Stalinist by the right.

      • Old Gator - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:33 PM

        This is largely because “the right” hasn’t got any idea of what a “Stalinist” actually is. D. H. Lawrence once said that there was only one Christian and he died on the cross. I would paraphrase that by saying that there was only one Stalinist and he died in his bed on March 5, 1953. Although there are no true Stalinists left, the closest thing we have to one is Dick Cheney – who probably sings “The Star Spangled Banner,” including his own verses about the joys of waterboarding, as he brushes his teeth and checks the voltage on his pacemaker every morning.

      • nolanwiffle - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:37 PM

        James Brown “paid the cost to be The Boss” in 1973……while Bruce was still plying his craft at the Stone Pony. James Brown is a bad mutha.

      • Tim OShenko - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:41 PM

        Mainly because he refuses to let them use his songs as campaign anthems.

      • aceshigh11 - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:52 PM

        Stalin was a totalitarian who had more in common with Hitler than with modern social democracies of Western Europe.

        I suspect that most right-wingers know this deep-down, but they need a bogeyman to scare people, so their continual conflation of “liberal social spending” with “Stalinist famines, gulags and breadlines” is intentional.

  11. FC - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:20 PM

    In Winter Ball we have a recording over several loud speakers, but then again it’s musical piece requiring orchestra and a choir so….

  12. 1943mrmojorisin1971 - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:23 PM

    I’d like to see national anthems before sporting events in general be put out to pasture. I’ve heard mine and yours a million times, my expierence at the game wouldn’t be adversely affected if I never heard them there again

    • Old Gator - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:34 PM

      Bravo. Drop ‘em all. And let’s get rid of hip hop during ballgames too. Eccchhhh.

      • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Aug 26, 2011 at 5:13 PM

        What? Did someone call me?

  13. aceshigh11 - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:24 PM

    The only solution is to adopt the Exodus song “The Scar Spangled Banner”:

    Or…maybe not.

    • bigleagues - Aug 27, 2011 at 5:57 AM

      LOVE THIS

  14. mianfr - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:27 PM

    So what do we think about changing it instead to Gold Dust Woman by Fleetwood Mac or perhaps Levon by Elton John instead?

  15. Chris Fiorentino - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:28 PM

    Yeah, get rid of the Star Spangled Banner…sure. And while we are at it why not get rid of that pesky Constitution? I mean, it’s old and outdated and really isn’t current with the 21st Century is it?

    • Old Gator - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:35 PM

      If the Constitution was as unsingable as the Star Spangled Banner, I would agree with you. This isn’t about ideals or principles, it’s about shitful music.

      • Utley's Hair - Aug 26, 2011 at 3:23 PM

        Have you ever tried to sing the Constitution, Gator? It’s not really singable. (Though it does have some singe marks dating back a few years on there….)

    • jimbo1949 - Aug 26, 2011 at 3:31 PM

      The Constitution has been amended 27 times, god forbid we improve the anthem.

  16. aaronmoreno - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:33 PM

    Didn’t Uecker make the same suggestion in an episode of Mr. Belvedere?

    My Country Tis of Thee is better than America the Beautiful. Who seriously wants a national anthem squishier than Canada’s?

    • Old Gator - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:37 PM

      You were probably listening to the French version. But in any case, Canadians can actually sing their national anthem. We can’t, unless you were given up for adoption as in infant by Yma Sumac.

      • aaronmoreno - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:56 PM

        We definitely should not have an anthem softer than one for which there is a French version.

    • The Rabbit - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:38 PM

      Did I miss the sarcasm font? Interesting comment given that the melody is God Save the Queen.

    • Old Gator - Aug 26, 2011 at 3:56 PM

      We still haven’t forgiven the French for being right about Iraq, have we? Then again, if we wanted to make the national anthem even more of a lyrical embarrassment to ourselves, I guess we could throw in a verse about freedom fries.

  17. philly56 - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:41 PM

    With the ten year anniversary of 9/11 just two weeks away (which is hard to believe, doesn’t seem it was that long ago) I think that song is more relevant than at no other time than perhaps when Francis Scott Key wrote it. 

    It’s about the enduring spirit of America, that the flag at Fort McHenry survived a night bombardment by the British Navy and refused to bow down to a foreign king. Or, that NYC will build a new World Trade Center and reclaim its skyline – honoring the victims while showing those who would attack us that they may bring America to its knees with their cowardice, but they will never destroy what America stands for. 

    It stays.

    • aceshigh11 - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:57 PM

      Nice post.

      I had just graduated from college and had only been working professionally for a few weeks when 9/11 happened.

      I truly cannot believe that a whole decade has gone by. It still feels like it just happened.

      • Old Gator - Aug 26, 2011 at 3:58 PM

        I’m all for the endurance of America and all it stands for. I just wish we had a song about it that wasn’t a complete musical and lyrical crock of shit.

      • The Baseball Idiot - Aug 26, 2011 at 4:13 PM

        Wolly Bolly is a complete shit of a song, but it’s been played at every wedding and prom for over 50 years.

        It’s not a song contest. Its about the celebration of something.

      • Old Gator - Aug 26, 2011 at 4:20 PM

        So who wants to celebrate awful music and dumb lyrics?

      • The Baseball Idiot - Aug 26, 2011 at 4:28 PM

        Uh, you’re not celebrating the music or the lyrics. Those are how you celebrate, not what you celebrate.

      • Old Gator - Aug 26, 2011 at 4:52 PM

        If it’s America we’re supposed to be celebrating, I humbly submit that we can come up with a much better way to celebrate it than by croaking and screeching our embarrassingly unsingable current national anthem.

  18. qcubed3 - Aug 26, 2011 at 3:03 PM

    How about we keep the Star Spangled Banner, but do away with the additional God Bless America that now has to be sung right in the middle of every baseball game. In ten years, if this continues, we’ll have to sing one American song per inning . . . but I can see the upside to a Team America 8th inning salute.

    • Utley's Hair - Aug 26, 2011 at 3:29 PM

      It isn’t sung at the Bank—we sing “Take Me Out to the Ball Game,” though I am of the opinion that it should be “High Hopes” (RIP Harry the K).

      Also, while noting your sarcasm, “God Bless America” became so widespread in the wake of 9/11, which will be 10 years ago in two weeks.

      • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Aug 26, 2011 at 4:02 PM

        America: F@CK YEAH!

  19. azvikefan - Aug 26, 2011 at 3:07 PM

    That liberal pussie chandler is picking a fight with me! and all you other liberals pussies that don’t want the SSB played. calcaterra is your leader.

    • Utley's Hair - Aug 26, 2011 at 3:12 PM

      Why not go back to PFT, douchebag?

      Am I a liberal? Damn straight—and proud as hell of it!!!! Do I want the Star Spangled Banner as the national anthem and played at sporting events? Yes, absolutely.

    • citifieldurinal - Aug 26, 2011 at 3:44 PM

      Wow, as a conservative, tone it down, douchebag.

      Remember the whole “free speech” thing? I thought we advanced past wanting to fight people if we disagreed with what they said.

      Go back to whatever primordial sludge you crawled out of.

      • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Aug 26, 2011 at 4:03 PM

        AZ? puke. Vike fan? double puke. ’nuff said.

      • Old Gator - Aug 26, 2011 at 4:54 PM

        If he’s a Vikings fan, that won’t be easy. It’ll be permafrost by the time he gets back to it.

  20. bigleagues - Aug 26, 2011 at 3:17 PM

    Dissent on the Anthem! As American as basketball and Family Guy.

    Errr, or something like that.

  21. Jack Marshall - Aug 26, 2011 at 3:50 PM

    It’s a common opinion, a popular one, and couldn’t be more wrong-headed or misguided:

    1. The Anthem is unique,sounding like nothing else, with the first assertive note signalling something both majestic and grand.

    2.It doesn’t sound like Muzak, like “America the Beautiful” or, even worse, “Oh, Canada.” It sounds great with a band or a full orchestra.

    3. It has a unique American connection with an actual historical event, made symbolic and moving by the writer’s personal experience, seeing the flag still flying after fearing that all was lost. It isn’t about the flag, Craig—you know better than that. It’s about perseverance, courage and the nation the flag symbolizes.

    4. It’s too LONG? For who, ADD sufferers?

    5. It’s too hard to remember? We’ve dumbed down everything else in this country, now you want to dumb down the Anthem? Anyone who can memorize “American Pie” will find the “Star-Spangled Banner” to be a breeze…and anyone who can’t memorize “American Pie” doesn’t deserve to live.

    6. Cristina and Robert Goulet forgot the words? Awwwww. Well, lets make the anthem “Row, Row, Row Your Boat, ” then. (She’d STILL blow the words.)

    7. When someone can knock the Anthem out of the park, like Whitney Houston, there’s is nothing, and I mean nothing, like it.

    7. The favorite replacement, “America the Beautiful”, a) is about scenery b) includes “God” in the chorus. People are suing over God in the Pledge of Allegiance, and you want to put it in the Anthem? c.) has the worst verses, after the passable first, imaginable, unlike the SSB, which is stirring throughout. I especially hate the ATB verse that begins, “Oh Beautiful for Pilgrims’ feet,” For Pilgrims’ FEET????

    8. The Anthem preserves some chance that the history-ignorant public might remember the War of 1812, a truly desperate moment in our history and an especially impressive underdog victory, what with the USS Constitution outmaneuvering the vaunted British Navy and Andy Jackson pulling off the biggest rout—with pirates!—in U.S. military history.

    9. The melody is a drinking song. What could be more appropriate for a sporting event?

    10. “And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
    O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!”

    • Utley's Hair - Aug 26, 2011 at 3:54 PM

      Sorry…you lost me at 4.) :P

    • Utley's Hair - Aug 26, 2011 at 3:55 PM

      But, seriously, good post.

    • bigleagues - Aug 26, 2011 at 3:56 PM

      Nominated: BigLeagues Favorite Post of the Year, non-baseball division.

    • halladaysbiceps - Aug 26, 2011 at 4:02 PM

      Great post. All the reason not mentioned to keep the Star Spangled Banner the national anthem.

      I believe the anti-anthem stuff started when that fat pig Rosanne Barr sung it as a joke and spit on the field after the last note. In my opinion, she should have been tried for treason.

      • bigleagues - Aug 27, 2011 at 5:46 AM

        Roseanne was lampooning all the people who trying to make the anthem “their own song” adding in those R&B style convulsions and what-not. So she went up and sang it as best she could. Which wasn’t good at all. But it wasn’t supposed to be. It went straight over most peoples heads – especially the holier than thou flag waving, GOP card carrying neophytes.

        Personally, it bothered me at the time (I was raised in a Republican household, so I felt like I had no choice). If she was instead, say, Roseanne Cheung – China’s favorite TV actress – and she had done that with the “March of the Volunteers” (yes I looked it up), well . . . let’s just say Ms. Cheung wouldn’t have seen the light of day for quite some time.

    • ThatGuy - Aug 26, 2011 at 4:04 PM

      I agree with everything you said, except bashing Canada’s Anthem. Its a great Anthem, and even as an American I get chills hearing it at the Xcel when the Canadian teams come to St. Paul(Thats hockey btw) . I love the SBB, but O’ Canada is a great anthem.

      • bigleagues - Aug 27, 2011 at 5:48 AM

        Oh Can-a-da,
        I stand on God for thee.

        I guarantee if you play the Canadian anthem for random US Americans in the street and asked them to repeat back what they just heard, they would respond with the above at a 90% clip.

    • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Aug 26, 2011 at 4:05 PM

      I must disagree simply b/c you have two number 7’s….tee hee, I kid.

      This sums up my sentiments perfectly. Craig, I demand a separate post apologizing for even bringing up this absurd idea or even linking to it. RAISE UP, MINIONS! MUTINY!

      • Utley's Hair - Aug 26, 2011 at 4:16 PM

        Have you read the threads today? The minions would kill each other as Craig would sit back laughing with his bourbon.

      • Jack Marshall - Aug 26, 2011 at 4:31 PM

        I LIKE 7!

      • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Aug 26, 2011 at 5:04 PM

        UH, you’re right. We’d cannibalize each other. Craig would shovel the dead bodies out of his basement, bring Tiffany out from hiding, and resume his daily activities while other minions took our place here. I feel so….powerless.

    • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Aug 26, 2011 at 4:12 PM

      Also, it ends ‘home of the Braves’…everyone knows that fact.

      • ThatGuy - Aug 26, 2011 at 4:15 PM

        hmmm… I always heard it in College “home of the SIOUX”

    • Old Gator - Aug 26, 2011 at 4:16 PM

      The melody is a drinking song because it’s so awful that you need a drink when you’ve been subjected to it. It’s about as “majestic” as on of those huge urban garbage dumps that’s the most prominent feature on the horizon. And it’s shrill, clumsy, dissonant and unsingable because, as Tom Lehrer once noted of folk songs, it was composed by “the people.” Sorry. It’s a crock. But it will probably endure because, aside from a brief spasm of creativity that yielded jazz, Americans have no taste in music and a pronounced inclination to mindless belligerence and cheap sentiment in their lyrics.

      • The Rabbit - Aug 26, 2011 at 4:36 PM

        Gator-I’m amused because in my earlier post, I suggested we give Lehrer a shot at writing a new anthem…..and I agree entirely regarding the general taste in music (although I would have said jazz and R&B) and the love of cheap sentiments.

      • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Aug 26, 2011 at 5:02 PM

        Damn you, Gator! I vehemently disagree with you, but don’t have the time or ability to come up with as many similes as you can that quickly. That is why I still gave you a thumbs up even though you are so friggin’ wrong!

    • acheron2112 - Aug 26, 2011 at 4:43 PM

      Excellent post. (Though the SSB has “God” in the 4th verse.)

      • Jack Marshall - Aug 26, 2011 at 6:10 PM

        No, it just quotes the National motto, like on the money. Referring to “God Bless America” is mentioning a song, not God. Same principle.

        I was ready for you.

      • acheron2112 - Aug 26, 2011 at 8:01 PM

        Hm… well played.

  22. Bryz - Aug 26, 2011 at 4:14 PM

    I guess I don’t mind that SSB is the national anthem, but I certainly would like it to be removed from sporting events. Working at Target Field, I’ve heard that song about a combined 85 times, and that doesn’t count all the other games I’ve gone to as a fan, no matter if it’s in the pro ranks or high school. When the SSB comes on at a Twins game, now I just take off my cap (just for respect) and daydream for the minute and a half or whatever it takes for it to be sung.

    If that’s not going to happen, then I’d at least like the singers to stop adding their own flair to the song. Just get it over with, I don’t need to hear the last word “brave” with a minimum of 8 pitches (tones, not pitcher pitches, people).

    • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Aug 26, 2011 at 5:07 PM

      doesn’t this mean you are 85 times (minimum) more of an American than the rest of us?

    • aaronmoreno - Aug 26, 2011 at 6:08 PM

      Right, it’s a march, sing it like a march.

  23. jeffbbf - Aug 27, 2011 at 1:08 AM

    The SSB isn’t about a flag, it’s about the pride felt in defending a fort, a port, a country, a concept of freedom against a superior force with different values. Might not be the greatest song ever written, but it still gives me goosebumps when performed by someone who wants to respect his/her country as opposed to calling attention to themselves. So does ATB. As far as not singing at sporting events – when else would it be played? Baseball and football are as American as it gets. When I look down at my 12 year old son, with his hat off and singing the National Anthem, standing on the foul line before a championship game at a baseball tournament, I’m pretty damn proud just to be there, and thank God I wasn’t born in the middle east.

  24. mattjg - Aug 27, 2011 at 1:25 AM

    If the Star Spangled Banner was good enough for the apostles, it’s good enough for me

  25. Jack Marshall - Aug 27, 2011 at 12:23 PM

    bigleagues: Roseanne deserved all the criticism she got, and more. If you are going to lampoon the Anthem, do it in a comedy routine. The traditional singing of the anthem wasn’t hers to hijack—saying she was mocking singers who self-indulgently massacre the Anthem by doing it herself is a Mobius strip rationalization. The audience didn’t come to see irony, or to watch a crass woman spit and grab her crotch after insulting them with her caterwauling. It wasn’t treason, it was just tasteless and dumb, like most everything else Barr has done in her career.

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