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Oh noes! Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly are breaking up!

Aug 26, 2011, 10:30 AM EDT

Jeter walks with girlfriend Kelly at Yankee Stadium after final game

Derek Jeter has been on a tear in recent weeks. He’s hitting like it’s 2006 all over again.  Clearly it has everything to do with him eliminating the distractions in his life:

After dating for three years, Minka Kelly and Derek Jeter have broken up, her rep confirms to PEOPLE.  “They care about each other and it was amicable,” says a source. “They’re still friends.”

It’s admirable that Jeter has been able to soldier through this difficult time. I mean, now that the woman who has been the love of his life these past three years is gone, he is left with nothing but his immense wealth, incomparable fame, unblemished reputation and his power to have anything he wants in the world short of having someone killed to fall back on.  And I’m not 100% certain about the not-being-able-to-have-someone-killed part.  There’s a bit of a gray area there when it comes to mega-celebrities.

But this is not just Derek Jeter’s loss. It’s ours too, and this should be a reflective time for all of us.  I mean, if a big time professional athlete and a gorgeous Hollywood starlet can’t make a go of it, what possible hope do the rest of us have?

  1. Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Aug 26, 2011 at 10:32 AM

    I got dibs on Minka. Wait, never mind, not sure I want to follow up fairy dust and glitter. Again, carry on.

    • Utley's Hair - Aug 26, 2011 at 11:34 AM

      Oh, please!!!! Like that would stop you…. Picture her holding pie…with number 2 in it.

      • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Aug 26, 2011 at 11:38 AM

        NO!

      • FC - Aug 26, 2011 at 12:06 PM

        Would that be a cow pie?

      • Utley's Hair - Aug 26, 2011 at 12:30 PM

        Pie is pie, isn’t it? :)

    • phukyouk - Aug 26, 2011 at 11:37 AM

      Sorry man but i called dibs on FB like 3 hours ago….

    • pjmarn6 - Aug 26, 2011 at 4:29 PM

      Gee wonder who he is going to get next to warm his bed in his Tampa Bay 25 million dollar mansion?

  2. Chris Fiorentino - Aug 26, 2011 at 10:38 AM

    “It’s admirable that Jeter has been able to soldier through this difficult time. I mean, now that the woman who has been the love of his life these past three years is gone, he is left with nothing but his immense wealth, incomparable fame, unblemished reputation and his power to have anything he wants in the world short of having someone killed to fall back on. And I’m not 100% certain about the not-being-able-to-have-someone-killed part. There’s a bit of a gray area there when it comes to mega-celebrities.”

    Craig, I have to say that this is probably the single funniest paragraph you have ever written…least what I have read.

    • southofheaven81 - Aug 26, 2011 at 11:15 AM

      http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/drew-brees-casually-wonders-aloud-if-he-really-cou,18103/

    • phukyouk - Aug 26, 2011 at 11:43 AM

      Chris – Sorry for the VERY late response to a post from 3 days ago but its been pretty nuts at work the last 3 days.
      In response to my comment about Swish being selfish and going for the slam instead of the “hit up the middle” what i meant was, all we needed was a hit not a a HR to win that game. him swinging for the fences instead of the single was incredibly stupid. and i understand that “getting a hit” is not an easy thing to do, but hitting a game winning HR is all the harder. i just thought it was stupid of him to not try for the hit rather than the HR.

  3. halladaysbiceps - Aug 26, 2011 at 10:44 AM

    Who’s Minka Kelly? Never heard of her.

    • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Aug 26, 2011 at 10:48 AM

      No matter who she is…It’s this simple: She likes pie. He loves cake. Oil and water, my friend.

    • Chris Fiorentino - Aug 26, 2011 at 10:49 AM

      I just saw her during the pre-movie show last night…she is going to be in the new Charlie’s Angels, which is destined to be cancelled very very soon.

      • halladaysbiceps - Aug 26, 2011 at 10:52 AM

        They need to stop with these Charlie Angel’s remakes. The original series in the 70’s was enough, and even that was unwatchable.

      • The Common Man - Aug 26, 2011 at 11:14 AM

        Um…Friday Night Lights?

      • Utley's Hair - Aug 26, 2011 at 11:21 AM

        I guess Charlie’s Angels is bad enough that it’s going to be canceled before it airs?

      • Chris Fiorentino - Aug 26, 2011 at 11:33 AM

        Just like a guy who is always on the lookout for an “Ex Mrs. [insert last name here]” I am pessimistic about the prospects of Charlie’s Angels lasting through the Fall.

      • Utley's Hair - Aug 26, 2011 at 11:34 AM

        What movie did you see last night?

      • Chris Fiorentino - Aug 26, 2011 at 11:48 AM

        I took my 13 year old to see 30 Minutes or Less. He wanted to see it because he is 13 and like all 13 year old boys, he chose to see the R rated movie. I wanted to see it because I like Jesse Eisenberg and loved Zombieland and this movie was from the same director. Don’t see it…wait for cable and a night when nothing else is on TV. It wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t very good either. Just bleh.

      • Utley's Hair - Aug 26, 2011 at 11:58 AM

        With my kid, the genre I am required to watch right now is anything Pixar or animated.

      • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Aug 26, 2011 at 1:11 PM

        UH, Pixar ain’t bad at all. I thought Rango was fantastic, but actually, I thought it wasn’t good for kids…it could be worse is all I’m sayin’. What if the kid only preferred movies with Kevin Costner? I’d disown my child in that case…

    • paperlions - Aug 26, 2011 at 12:12 PM

      You wouldn’t like her Bicepts, she believes in wOBA, WAR, and BABIP.

    • bigmeechy74 - Aug 26, 2011 at 1:08 PM

      no one finds your lack of pop culture knowledge cool or endearing. so don’t brag about it.

  4. chew1985 - Aug 26, 2011 at 10:48 AM

    To paraphrase Billy Crystal–if I could have a wish granted to be any baseball player of all time, I would be Derek Jeter—ON A DATE with Minka Kelly.

  5. Panda Claus - Aug 26, 2011 at 11:06 AM

    This breakup probably came down to a simple difference in their approach to hitting. Derek believes in full extension, Minka was a fan of choking up.

    Derek has a proven track record with over 3000 on-the-field hits and probably twice that off-the-field. He may have felt above taking her advice or perhaps he was just miffed because he wasn’t chosen as the voice of Charlie.

    From our perspective most of us would feel lucky to someone like Minka as our leadoff hitter. From Derek’s perspective, looking back a few years down the road, Minka may not even make his starting lineup.

    • southofheaven81 - Aug 26, 2011 at 11:16 AM

      Minka didn’t like the changes Jeter made to his stride, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

  6. Utley's Hair - Aug 26, 2011 at 11:12 AM

    First, the earthquake…then some big a$$ b!tch named Irene…now this…? WTF?!? How can we go on?

    • halladaysbiceps - Aug 26, 2011 at 11:15 AM

      My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.

      • Utley's Hair - Aug 26, 2011 at 11:17 AM

        I don’t think it’s illegal to drink and operate a shop vac, is it?

  7. feartherallythong - Aug 26, 2011 at 11:24 AM

    In California, it’s actually illegal to operate a shop vac while sober…
    At least, that’s how I spin it to myself.

    • Utley's Hair - Aug 26, 2011 at 11:32 AM

      It’ll be quite a sight—I’ll be draining the brews down my gullet, while draining Irene down the actual drain.

      • Panda Claus - Aug 26, 2011 at 12:32 PM

        You call your little “friend” Irene? I figured you named it “Roy” or “Chase” or something more conventional. How weird is that? :)

      • Utley's Hair - Aug 26, 2011 at 12:43 PM

        HAHAHA!!!! Somehow, Pacino doesn’t seem right here.

  8. Old Gator - Aug 26, 2011 at 12:10 PM

    If I’m not mistaken, Beep Beep got dumped by a Miss Universe back some years, didn’t he? Minka is small potatoes.

    • Old Gator - Aug 26, 2011 at 12:11 PM

      Oh, right – and anyway, it’s none of our fucking business.

      • Panda Claus - Aug 26, 2011 at 12:48 PM

        If blue pinstripes and the number 2 is involved, then yes, it is our business. Of anybody out there I figured you would know that.

      • Utley's Hair - Aug 26, 2011 at 12:59 PM

        Give Gator a break. The Twit didn’t tweet about it yet.

  9. Sportsdrenched - Aug 26, 2011 at 1:13 PM

    I’d put a wager that Jeter lost her to A-Rod in an “illegal” poker game.

  10. acheron2112 - Aug 26, 2011 at 2:27 PM

    Maybe he couldn’t directly have someone killed, but maybe he’s, say, in a meeting with his advisers and courtiers and whatever, and he casually says “Will no one rid me of this meddlesome third baseman?”

  11. crashkobra - Aug 26, 2011 at 3:26 PM

    Sweet! Here’s my chance!

  12. gostros19 - Aug 26, 2011 at 4:16 PM

    Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Cant Lose Derek!!!

  13. stairwayto7 - Aug 26, 2011 at 4:49 PM

    Jeter needs to date a girl named Judy..Why? BECAUSE HE IS A PUNCH AND JUDY HITTER! MOST OVERRATED PLAYER I EVER SEEN!

  14. b453841l - Aug 26, 2011 at 6:49 PM

    And everyone was thinking that Pujols would be the biggest free agent to hit the market this offseason…

  15. mvpolamalu - Aug 27, 2011 at 12:34 AM

    Oh noes? Really Craig? This is hardball talk, not memebase

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