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Your Tuesday Morning Power Rankings

Sep 6, 2011, 9:19 AM EST

Batman logo

Because of the long weekend and a lot of personal hubbub on my end in the past 24 hours, the stars just didn’t properly align for a full-blown Power Rankings this week.  But, considering that all you people like to do is moan and/or cheer the rankings themselves rather than comment about the little blurbs, I figure this will get us through the week.

As always, last week’s rankings are in parenthesis.

THE BATMAN TEAMS (Awesome, and don’t you dare suggest otherwise)

1. Phillies (1)

2. Yankees (3)

3. Red Sox (2)

4. Brewers (4)

5. Braves (5)

THE CAPTAIN AMERICA TEAMS (Cool, dangerous, yet not without their vulnerabilities)

6. Tigers (7)

7. Rangers (6)

8. Diamondbacks (10)

9. Angels (9)

9. Rays (8)

THE SUPERMAN TEAMS (Big, popular and treated like they’re something special, but they really kind of suck and are boring)

11. Cardinals (12)

12. Giants (11)

THE GREEN LANTERN TEAMS (At various times impressive but ultimately quite forgettable and, frankly, interchangeable)

13. Indians (16)

14. White Sox (15)

15. Blue Jays (14)

16. Reds (13)

THE JOKER TEAMS (So much in wasted resources and talents. And for what? Evil ends.)

17. Dodgers (17)

18. Mets (19)

THE FLASH TEAMS (interesting at times, but really, what’s the point?)

19. Rockies (18)

20. Nationals (20)

21. Athletics (23)

22. Pirates (21)

THE CYPHER TEAMS (basically powerless, poorly conceived)

23. Marlins (24)

24. Cubs (27)

25. Padres (22)

THE AQUAMAN TEAMS (utterly useless)

26. Royals (26)

27. Mariners (25)

28. Twins (28)

29. Orioles (29)

30. Astros (30)

  1. Kevin S. - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:21 AM

    Craig, I know you need to have Aquaman at the bottom, and I can appreciate that, but really, Baltimore and Houston are Zan and Jan the Wonder Twins.

    • kopy - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:33 AM

      Let’s just make Minnesota the Wonder Twins. Equally ineffective.

  2. yankeesfanlen - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:27 AM

    You were allowed your little blurbs, don’t get your bubble pipe in an uproar.

  3. halladaysbiceps - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:27 AM

    You have the Superman and Batman categories in the wrong place. Superman should represent the top 5 teams. Remember, Batman has no powers. Superman is all-powerful. Superman rules.

    • phukyouk - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:32 AM

      Cepts is going to get ALOT of thumbs down but man… i agree with him.. there is noone more awesomeer than Superman. FACT!

      • halladaysbiceps - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:38 AM

        Here’s how I look at it. When there is a problem in Gotham, Commisioner Gordon lights up his Bat signal and Batman arrives to fight crime. When the whole planet is in peril, they don’t call Batman. They call Superman. I’d like to see Batman stop a meteor about to crash into Earth or have him fight a god by the name of Darkseid.

      • heyblueyoustink - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:43 AM

        Didn’t superman get kind of punked by the nefarious super villian, um, Richard Pryor?

      • phukyouk - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:44 AM

        yea… but where is Prior now? (not the one in the Yankees Minor’s)

      • halladaysbiceps - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:47 AM

        “Didn’t superman get kind of punked by the nefarious super villian, um, Richard Pryor?”

        Superman III never existed in cannon. It was a bad dream.

      • heyblueyoustink - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:53 AM

        Hey man, just saying, we all have our low points. Like free basing in a hotel and burning it down.

    • kopy - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:35 AM

      Batman is the most admirable superhero because he has no powers, but he is not the most powerful. Plus, I’m not a fan of the character in the new movies talking like Clint Eastwood who lost his voice (some more).

    • kellyb9 - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:38 AM

      Superman is lame. His only weakness is a space-rock from his home planet that is mysteriously in ridiculous abundance on earth. Batman has no weaknesses.

      • kellyb9 - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:42 AM

        …except gravity…..

      • phukyouk - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:43 AM

        ummm.. Guns, Knives, Feet, Hands, Rocks, Windows.. ok pretty much anything in the world is Batmans weakness.. that and Superman.Batman is cool but hes not different than Jet Li or Bruce Lee he just has more money and style.

      • halladaysbiceps - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:45 AM

        “Batman has no weaknesses.”

        Yeah, he kind of does. He’s human. Last time I checked, a bullet can do him in. Also, he ages. Superman has developed a hightened immunity to Kryptonite as he is exposed to it more and more. And Superman also is ageless. No one knows how long he can live.

      • Jonny 5 - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:47 AM

        You only say that because he does have a weakness, and it’s more plentiful than Kryptonite is too. Women. Uhh huh, let’s not sweep THAT under the rug “KELLY”. :P

      • heyblueyoustink - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:47 AM

        And he has his own roller coaster.

      • kellyb9 - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:53 AM

        Haha I love how serious Cepts is taking this. In all seriousness, I think the fact that he does have a distinct weakness is the reason more people prefer Batman over Superman.

      • heyblueyoustink - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:54 AM

        ” And Superman also is ageless. No one knows how long he can live.”

        In other words, he’s Rocky? ;-)

      • halladaysbiceps - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:59 AM

        “In other words, he’s Rocky? ”

        Hahahahaha!!! Yeah. Except Rocky’s kryptonite is his ability to speak in a complete sentence. I would liken Rocky more to Charlie Manuel.

      • indaburg - Sep 6, 2011 at 10:35 AM

        Superman is a boring boy scout who lacks complexity and depth. Why have Batman movies, on the whole, been superior? (George Clooney and his bat-nipples shall be stricken from the record.) A more interesting and complicated protagonist, that’s why. There have been decent Superman movies, but none have been great. There have been great Batman movies.

    • halladaysbiceps - Sep 6, 2011 at 10:30 AM

      This solves the debate once and for all. Superman teaches Batman a lesson:

    • cur68 - Sep 6, 2011 at 12:25 PM

      HB: you need to check this out,

      http://www.boomtron.com/2011/07/badass-of-the-week-batman/

      Note the bit that the only person The Big Red S trusts with the kryptonite is Batman. Technically Batman can destroy Superman. So Batman > Superman.

  4. 18thstreet - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:34 AM

    Oh, Craig. You’ve opened up the most boring can of whoop-ass ever.

  5. Jonny 5 - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:48 AM

    Superman could kick Batman’s a$$ with one hand tied behind his back. He literally could.

    • Craig Calcaterra - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:51 AM

      Really? You sure about that? http://tinyurl.com/3qhgqgb

      • phukyouk - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:54 AM

        they photoshoped that photo.. Batmans hand should have been shattered

      • Jonny 5 - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:56 AM

        That was captured right after Superman said, “Go Ahead, give me your best shot.” He did and then Superman Proceeded to whip him soundly.

        Then he felt bad for whipping on a mere Mortal. And decided to give him his rightful burial. It’s the least he could do.

    • Mark - Sep 6, 2011 at 10:06 AM

      Batman already destroyed Superman in a fight. Kryptonite laced gloves for the win.

      • Jonny 5 - Sep 6, 2011 at 10:09 AM

        “P.E.G.’s”

        Performance enhancing gloves are for cheaters and they ruin the sanctity of the fight.

      • Kevin S. - Sep 6, 2011 at 10:11 AM

        You know what else ruins the fight? Performance-enhancing writing that allows Supes to God-mode unless his one weakness is countered. Don’t blame Batman for being smart enough to exploit it.

      • Jonny 5 - Sep 6, 2011 at 10:17 AM

        This is a job for SUPER BUD!

        http://www.waltsense.com/storage/articles/20091012_Nose.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1255385605642

      • Chris Fiorentino - Sep 6, 2011 at 10:58 AM

        Greatest. Comic. Ever. Got 2 of these with my dad when I was 7 and still have one in pristine condition. He was smart enough to buy two…one for us to read and one to “put away”.

      • halladaysbiceps - Sep 6, 2011 at 11:02 AM

        Chris,

        Did you notice that Batman is sitting ringside at the fight? Probably there to learn a thing or two from Ali and Superman.

      • Chris Fiorentino - Sep 6, 2011 at 11:29 AM

        biceps…I don’t know if you have ever seen the comic, but they have a million celebrities ring-side and they have a legend that has each one numbered and it tells you who they are. Stallone, Arnold, etc. are all there. And yeah, even Batman. But I’m not sure you would like how the comic ended….I won’t ruin it for you. Check eBay they always have some cheap copies out there. If you are a fan of comics and Ali, this is well worth it.

  6. halladaysbiceps - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:50 AM

    Let’s look at Batman and Superman’s alter ego’s:

    Answer this: Who wins in a fight, Bruce Wayne or Clark Kent? My point is made.

    • Mark - Sep 6, 2011 at 10:07 AM

      Bruce Wayne, because Batman has a plan for every scenario :).

    • seanmk - Sep 6, 2011 at 1:31 PM

      only problem is that bruce wayne’s alter ego is batman, and superman’s alter ego is clark kent. superman has the reverse alter ego in that he’s superman first and the non hero second. he pretends being kent and not the other way around. otherwise you have to go bruce, kent’s kind of a wuss.

  7. Francisco (FC) - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:50 AM

    Some people were speculating what underoos Craig wears under his Braves Bathrobe… I’m positive it’s Batman underwear now! :)

  8. The Common Man - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:53 AM

    As usual, Craig comes in as a shill for Big Batman Inc. Let me ask you something, Craig: What is Bruce Wayne paying you to be his personal mouthpiece? I’m sick and tired of your slanted and biased reporting, and I hope the Camaro (the Ohio Ferrari) and beach house in Cleveland is worth the loss of your dignity and integrity. Shame on you.

    Aquaman Truthers Unite!

    • Francisco (FC) - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:56 AM

      You know, Aquaman derision is fairly universal. Even Robot Chicken does it! Though the latest incarnation admittedly looks kind of cool with that bad-ass Trident he carries.

    • phukyouk - Sep 6, 2011 at 9:58 AM

      i really wish i could find a decent clip of the Family Guy Aquaman useless scene.

  9. Kevin S. - Sep 6, 2011 at 10:04 AM

    Craig, you finally found a way to get the Phans to not Phi-jack a thread. Bravo, sir!

    • kellyb9 - Sep 6, 2011 at 10:08 AM

      Kevin S is right… this arguing between Batman and Superman is causing divisions in the HBT Phans group we have going. I can’t help but think that this was Craig’s point in posting this.

  10. Jonny 5 - Sep 6, 2011 at 10:07 AM

    You know, living that close to the great lakes, and vacationing there is pretty ballsy while you’re ALWAYS bashing Aquaman. Craig, you better stay out of the water is all I’m saying….

    • Kevin S. - Sep 6, 2011 at 10:12 AM

      He’s just gonna need a bigger boat.

      • Jonny 5 - Sep 6, 2011 at 10:21 AM

        Larger boat? He’ll just dive bomb it.

        Yes, Aquaman is able to kick ass from the sky as well. Big Boats only give temporary shelter from him.

  11. Colin - Sep 6, 2011 at 10:08 AM

    Come on, no Apache Chief teams?

  12. Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Sep 6, 2011 at 10:21 AM

    Marvel > DC…thus this argument is moot. Batman is by far the best DC character though, and owns the best comic book movies ever created (Dark Knight/Batman Begins).

    • kellyb9 - Sep 6, 2011 at 10:23 AM

      Best series reboot maybe, but that disaster of a film with Arnold and George Clooney set the movie industry back 20 or 30 years.

      • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Sep 6, 2011 at 10:42 AM

        I never made it out of scene 1 so I can’t speak to that…Arnold as Mr. Freeze was enough for me to know I would be making a big mistake watching the whole thing.

        I do know there’s a bunch of shitty Superman movies out there too, including the newer one and the soon-to-be newest one.

      • halladaysbiceps - Sep 6, 2011 at 10:48 AM

        The new Superman movie looks like it’s going to be real good. The dude they casted for Superman, Henry Cavill, looks like the real deal. And look at the supporting cast: Russel Crowe as Jor-El, Kevin Costner as Jonathan Kent, Larry Fishburne as Perry White and Michael Shannon and Zod. Great actors plus good script should make people forget about the piece of crap known as “Superman Returns.”

      • Francisco (FC) - Sep 6, 2011 at 11:14 AM

        I believe the same guy who wrote and directed the Batman reboot is the same guy doing the Superman ones, so there’s a chance the soon-to-be-newest one won’t be shitty at all.

      • Chris Fiorentino - Sep 6, 2011 at 11:35 AM

        I don’t think Christopher Nolan has anything to do with “Superman: Man of Steel”, but I know his Jonathon wrote the screenplay. I am looking forward to Jonathon ‘s “Person of Interest” coming out this fall on CBS. Looks pretty good.

      • Kevin S. - Sep 7, 2011 at 11:51 AM

        I believe Chris Nolan is executive producer and Jonathan is writing, but Zach Snyder is directing.

    • Mr. Jason "El Bravo" Heyward - Sep 6, 2011 at 11:21 AM

      I stand completely corrected…FC is right. Chris Nolan is signed up for ‘Man of Steel’ after ‘The Dark Knight Rises’….fair enough, there will be one good Superman movie in recent memory. Nolan poops gold, everyone knows this (Memento, Insomnia, The Prestige, Inception, soon-to-be Batman trilogy).

      Crowe is indeed a fine actor, but putting Kevin Costner in the same sentence just cost you all of your credibility Mr. ‘Cepts.

      • Chris Fiorentino - Sep 6, 2011 at 11:37 AM

        But Chris Nolan is really only “producing” the new Superman, which means he probably won’t have much to do with it. His brother is a very good screenwriter though, so it will probably be worth watching…although I doubt it will be in the class of the Batman reboot.

  13. nyyankeedave - Sep 6, 2011 at 10:57 AM

    How are you comparing my Yanks to Batman-KNOW YOUR SUPERHEROES!! – SUPERMAN IS THE TOPS!! – By the way, going by your criteria,Craig, the Braves should be in the Superman category. The Braves DEFINE boring baseball- I want character, excitement. Giants suck, yes, but hell, THEY AIN’T BORING!!

  14. Lukehart80 - Sep 6, 2011 at 10:58 AM

    Craig, putting Captain America in with all those DC characters surely breaks some sort of unwritten rule. You should perhaps look out for the high and tight pitch your next time at the plate.

  15. Ari Collins - Sep 6, 2011 at 11:02 AM

    Superman could probably beat Batman in a fight (despite Frank Miller’s comic). But that’s not what’s at issue here: it’s that Superman is really frickin’ boring.

    • kellyb9 - Sep 6, 2011 at 2:23 PM

      Disagree -> Bruce Wayne’s fists are actually made of kryptonite…. little known fact.

  16. elvoid - Sep 6, 2011 at 1:10 PM

    For all you Supreman Simpletons: Batman wins because of Superman’s weakness – Kryptonite – period. A billionaire (and smart cookie) like Wayne gets his hands on as much of it as he wants whenever he wants – and with that applied, Superman is the proverbial 98 pound weakling.

    Yes – eliminate his kryptonite weakness, and he is an invincible God that could crush Batman like a twig – but you can’t eliminate that weakness from him, so get over it.

    Oh, and Frank Miller rules – his Batman is the only one that matters.

  17. leokitty - Sep 6, 2011 at 1:35 PM

    Craig, Cypher was a great character in the New Mutants Asgard Saga. I now personally hold you responsible for Rob Liefeld being unleashed on the world.

  18. sdelmonte - Sep 6, 2011 at 2:21 PM

    I wish I had the time to explain just what makes the Flashes and the Green Lanterns really cool and really interesting.

    Then again, this isn’t Newsarama. Though I dare someone at Newsarama to do a post comparing superheroes to baseball teams in reverse.

    Suffice it to say, the Mets aren’t evil. Just criminally messed up. And if they are a supervillain, they’re more like one of the clowns they made up for the Adam West Batman.

  19. crankyfrankie - Sep 6, 2011 at 5:55 PM

    Just got back from Dragoncon. The Astros, Mets, Twins, Royals, Mariners, and Orioles are King Tut.

  20. macjacmccoy - Sep 8, 2011 at 1:25 AM

    Best power rankings ever but Braves arent a Batman team they have their weaknesses like Captain America and have played more on the level of the teams you ranked their as of late then with the teams you ranked in the first group.

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