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Anyway, the Feesh have pilfered the farm of their best bets, including Stanton, the apparently chastened Tweeter, Alex Sanabia, Jose Ceda, Brad Hand – not all of whom seem to be panning out, at least not yet. Their top current prospect, Matt Dominguez, is a slick fielder at third but bats in the .250 range in AAA and couldn’t cut ML peetching this past spring. The Feesh P/R department – dwarfed, of course, by their Department of Redundancy Department and by whatever department it is that the Chihuahua heads, charged directly with alienating fans in droves (aside from which it has never been clear just what the Chihuahua does, except maybe falsify financial records for his suzerain) – has been cranking out occasional press releases to the beat writers that always refer to Top Prospect Matt Dominguez, as though his mother wrote that entire name on his birth certificate.

It’s not that the Feesh couldn’t use someone at third who can stop a ball heading down the line before it reaches the outfield wall – they haven’t really had anyone like that since Mike Lowell – but given their demonstrated penchant for orphaning baserunners this lost planet season, someone with a hotter stick than Dominguez’ would probably be better fit. That there isn’t one down in the ethanol fields is more of a reason for this little rejiggering than anything else.