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Frozen hamburger patties 1, Jeremy Affeldt 0

Sep 9, 2011, 8:02 PM EDT

Jeremy Affeldt AP

Jeremy Affeldt is out for the season after surgery Friday to repair nerve damage in his right hand sustained when he suffered a cut while trying to separate frozen hamburger patties during a Thursday evening BBQ.

Yes, frozen hamburger patties.

First, you’re making $4.5 million per year based on your ability to grip and throw a baseball.  Maybe it’s not such a good idea to do stupid things with sharp knives?  And, for what it’s worth, I’ve done this before; it’s actually quite a bit easier to separate the patties with a dull butter knife.  They’re thicker and they won’t twist

Second, you’re making $4.5 million per year and using frozen hamburger patties for a BBQ?

It’s not Affeldt’s pitching hand, so this shouldn’t have any lingering effects going into 2012.  And if the Giants still had a real shot of playing in October, they probably wouldn’t be ruling the lefty out for the season just yet.

Still, given that this random act of stupidity is going to cost the Giants one of their best relievers for the final three weeks of the season, Affeldt should at least go ahead and donate the remaining half-million he’s due this year to charity so some good would come it.

  1. bcopus - Sep 9, 2011 at 8:20 PM

    That Omaha Steakhouse salesperson was too good NOT to buy from….

  2. ditto65 - Sep 9, 2011 at 8:21 PM

    “They’re thicker and they won’t twist.”

    Or, perhaps more importantly, cause nerve damage.

    • ditto65 - Sep 9, 2011 at 8:23 PM


  3. kiwicricket - Sep 9, 2011 at 8:27 PM

    Frozen patties??? Really? That’s bush league stuff, Jeremy.

    • stinkfist5 - Sep 10, 2011 at 11:20 AM

      Who buys frozen hamburgers anyway?

      • Utley's Hair - Sep 10, 2011 at 1:59 PM

        I do know some people who do, but I have never bought them. It takes 10 flippin’ (more appropriate than friggin’ given the subject matter) minutes to mix up ground meat.

  4. mojosmagic - Sep 9, 2011 at 9:30 PM

    Next time think about defrosting.

  5. bobulated - Sep 9, 2011 at 10:16 PM

    This all part of Miggy Tejada’s revenge plan.

  6. chains23522 - Sep 9, 2011 at 10:34 PM

    So the guy had an HONEST mishap while cooking some crappy hamburgers. How do you justify this as “stupid”? Just because he makes millions doesn’t mean he can’t have a BBQ with friends and family. So he grabbed the first thing he saw to cut a couple of frozen patties apart and…..S**T happened. Oh well. I know your a crappy writer but this is just “stupid”, on your part, not his.

    • drmonkeyarmy - Sep 9, 2011 at 10:51 PM

      It is a stupid thing to do to try to separate frozen items with a sharp knife….particularly one sharp enough to cause nerve damage. It seems like you have an ax to grind with Matthew, but he is spot on in this case.

    • cur68 - Sep 10, 2011 at 12:10 AM

      chains, chill a bit. It’s not a career injury, not his pitching hand, and not life threatening. Matthew is taking the piss out of the guy, because it is kind of a silly thing to happen. Yeah, coulda happened to anyone, but lets get real; you’d have a laugh about it after once you were sure everything was going to be ok. No need to act like you’re the guy’s mom.

      • cur68 - Sep 10, 2011 at 1:03 AM

        Unless you are the guy’s mom. If so, sorry about your son’s hand Mrs. Affeldt. Maybe you should have taught him some kitchen skills? i separate the burger patties with the barbecue spatula when I have the misfortune to cook frozen burgers. Works real well. Good night Mrs. Affeldt.

      • marinersnate - Sep 10, 2011 at 1:45 AM

        Cur, I agree with your opinion. But I also think that you may be swinging a bit after the bell….

      • Utley's Hair - Sep 10, 2011 at 10:50 AM

        Would that be swinging after the cow bell?

    • koufaxmitzvah - Sep 10, 2011 at 2:44 AM

      “I know your a crappy writer but this is just “stupid”, on your part, not his.”

      I was thinking the “stupid” is on your part.

      P.S. The Dodgers will take 2nd place.

    • Utley's Hair - Sep 10, 2011 at 10:49 AM

      There’s a difference between doing stupid things and being stupid. One is a comment on a certain decision and one is an attack on a person’s intellect. Matthew said Affeldt made a bad decision. You launched an attack on Matthew’s intellect. Stupid move on your part.

      And if he’s such a crappy writer, why read his posts? Possibly another stupid move on your part.

      Hmm…evidence seems to be mounting against you, doesn’t it?

  7. paulsdamnblog - Sep 9, 2011 at 10:51 PM

    @chains— No this was stupid on Affeldts part, he was the dumbass that did the nerve damage.

  8. goawaydog - Sep 10, 2011 at 12:51 AM

    That about sums upmthe Giants season

  9. iwanaleya - Sep 10, 2011 at 4:13 AM

    Sigh I guess this qualifies as injury to insult instead of the other way around….can’t believe the number of injuries this season, but it happens. Time for the team to regroup in the offseason and go from there.

  10. purnellmeagrejr - Sep 10, 2011 at 8:33 AM

    If I made 4 million a year I wouldn’t be eating any skanky old frozen hamburgers – You never know where they come from, how they’ve been processed etc. When I read the article my first thought was that he’d contracted food poisoning.

  11. chains23522 - Sep 10, 2011 at 12:06 PM

    You people need to look in a damn mirror. What’s the collective IQ here? 70? I bet NONE of you have ever had an accident in your entire life, right? This is the worst written story I have read in a long long time. And then your idiotic comments to follow just shows how stupid half this country is. I love how you all pipe in with your “BBQ” skills and the “this is what I do” stories. There is a one word phrase that sums each one of you up, Tools. And not “sharp” ones for that matter.

    And to boot, not a single one of you can see how bad this was written. And no I have no ax to grind with “Matthew”, (like you all know him personally) I’m just pointing out the facts of a poorly written piece. This is honestly the 2nd article I have read from this dope and it will be the last.

    I could pick apart every single post on here and prove, to the semi-intelligent readers, just how lost you all are. However, it would be pointless and I have already wasted enough time writing this knowing that 98% of you can’t comprehend.

    Finally, “Matthew”, did you seriously suggest he donate the remainder of what is owed to him? When not even a paragraph before you knowingly stated that he would not have been shut down had they been in a pennant race? That’s as far as I need to go to show that you, Matthew, need to find a job in a small market writing about a single A high school fishing team. Or possibly find something that you must be really good at….flipping burgers.

    Purnell, you will NEVER make that much in your lifetime so I’m sure you will be fine. Don’t get me wrong though, being an idiot will make your life tough but at least you won’t have to worry about the troubles of being rich. And you should look up the extremely tough regulations that surround frozen hamburgers and the way they are distributed and monitored from the kill plants to your mothers Weber.

    One more thing, for the Love of God and this great country, please throw away your voter registration cards.

    • Utley's Hair - Sep 10, 2011 at 1:57 PM

      Wow…angry much? I’m sure your refusal to read his posts anymore will keep Matthew awake, gnashing his teeth and chewing his finger nails all night, lamenting that loss.

      You call out people for namecalling and questioning others’ intelligence by questioning others’ intelligence and namecalling? There’s a word for that.

      I can pick out multiple things wrong in your sanctimonious posts, also, Mr(s). Grammar, so lighten up, Francis.

      You also slam how we call the blogger here by his first names “like (we) all know him personally,” and yet you call out somebody else for saying he(?) wouldn’t use them because you don’t know where they come from. You say the process is safe based on regulations in place. Fine. Explain that massive recall on ground turkey last month, which just so happened to make people sick and included FROZEN TURKEY BURGER PATTIES.

      By the way, please tell me what throwing away voter registration cards would do. The ones we have around here can’t even be used for ID at the polls, so they’re pretty much useless except to verify that, at some point, your registration was on the books.

    • purnellmeagrejr - Sep 10, 2011 at 2:13 PM

      chains in the midst of a self aggrandizing post writes, ” not a single one of you can see how bad this was written”

      Let’s all play a joke on him and not tell him that a High School English teacher would toss this grammatical mess back at him.

  12. chains23522 - Sep 10, 2011 at 12:15 PM

    Sorry, one more thing for you geniuses. Where did it say what “tool” he was using that cut him open? Asses such as most of you and the idiotic writer here assumed this must have been caused from a “sharp” knife. Physics would tell you that injuries like this can be caused by a butter knife, spoon, stick, or anything else that has potential to jam into someone. But, lets all assume like complete incompetent rejects and say it was an ax that did it! Awesome, tools!

    • ocgunslinger - Sep 10, 2011 at 12:33 PM

      “Maybe it’s not such a good idea to do stupid things with sharp knives? ” Now that statement certainly implies it was a sharp knife to me.

      Otherwise I agree with your first post.

    • Utley's Hair - Sep 10, 2011 at 2:07 PM

      The injury was described as a sliced hand on the tweet. In my experience, butter knives and spoons are not usually sharp enough to cut skin—though, admittedly, I don’t know how sharp yours are. Yes, he may have used a stick or an axe. Hell, he may have used a power saw or a chainsaw, too, though either one of those would probably make the action itself even more idiotic, don’t you think?

      • cur68 - Sep 10, 2011 at 2:20 PM

        Hooo boy, we made Jeremy’s mom really mad. I wonder if she was teacher or something? If so then one of those strict ones with a super tight pulled up hair do, a high neckline (and thank Christ for that, eh?), and a set of lips so thin you could grate cheese on her face.

        Take it easy Mrs. Affeldt. The whole thing was meant as a joke, not a personal attack on your boy. We wish him well and hope he recovers from his surgery and is back on the bump making you proud. Also I hope he uses a spatula to separte his burgers in the future. I really mean that you know. I look after the gravely unwell for a living and its my beat to prevent accidents. Just trying to use this graduate education I have, you know.

      • Utley's Hair - Sep 10, 2011 at 2:42 PM

        Graduate of the Tony Rasmus school of intersocial relations?

  13. The Baseball Idiot - Sep 10, 2011 at 12:30 PM

    As much as I hate to agree with chains, there is a lot of name calling and insulting of people on this site.

    Anonymity is a great way to bring out the jerk in people.

    Matthew and the others guys who write here might not always say the right thing (most of us never do) but they do at least publish their names and take responsibility for what they say, unlike the rest of us.

  14. dailyrev - Sep 10, 2011 at 1:00 PM

    I hear PETA is negotiating with JA’s agents to have him appear in their next round of pro-vegan ads.

  15. paulydefense - Sep 10, 2011 at 2:28 PM

    What is Jeremy, like the 348th player this season to slice their hand open? Or does it just seem that way?

    • Utley's Hair - Sep 10, 2011 at 2:41 PM

      348 might be a slight exaggeration, but it seems that hand slicing is the new oblique injury.

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