I would prescribe selective amnesia

Bullshit. It is a trade. In terms of the lopsidedness of the value transacted, right down there in terms of ultimate net gain/loss with Cabrera for Maybin and Miller. This would be true if Martinez and the anonymous peetcher were total flops at the major league level – assuming, of course, that Slobbering Ozzie will prove an even bigger one.

Craig, sorry I didn’t include the Pepto-Bismol in your aid package. I needed to drink it all myself last night.

Sorry I was late, folks. My daughter just landed the coolest job you ever heard of, especially if you’re a train freak. Celebratory breakfast of huevos pericos with arepas and some life-giving cafe con leche. She’s out this morning learning how to drive a locomotive. A real one. Seriously. And that’s only part of it. Buddha in his infinite kindness smiled upon my heart at a moment of undifferentiated nausea and despondency.

And the Tathagata has lit the way, too, to my seeing the good so often deeply hidden in all turns of fate: think of all the great pejorative terms I’m going to learn and synthesize over the next few years, while Slobbering Ozzie wears out his welcome in Macondo. Think of all the heights of poetic revilement to which I will rise, solely for the entertainment of you at home. As the immortal (though dead) Bodhisattva Jerry has sung, “Sorry that you feel that way / Only thing there is to say / Every silver lining’s got a touch of gray….”

Now I have to go over to the pet shop to buy a mouse for Friendo – a mouse which, of course, I will name “Ozzie” for the purposes of spending the last few minutes of its miserable rodent life unencumbered by anonymity as well as the humiliation of a truly wretched incarnation. On yet another bright side, of course, being fed to a rattlesnake will absolve it of a lot of rotten karma and militate against it coming back as a Republican in its next samsaric cycle.

Jerry: “So, we’re getting this guy from Florida, and he can field?”
Kenny: “Just wait until we give him a glove!”

Assuming Craig means no-hit, not no-glove (since what he wrote doesn’t make sense), Martinez is eerily reminiscent of Ozzie when he came up.

Wait for it….

They should have had to pay to get the cancer out of their clubhouse.

What manager talks abut his wanting an extension during the stretch run with his team in contention? His players knew what his priority was, and it wasn’t winning.

Ozzie will have a good first year in Miami, and can hang around for a few more as the team plays to the Spanish-speaking population in the area…..until they figure out that while he’s one of hem, he’s not a very good manager.

Then Ozzie can move onto his real calling – being on the TNT pre and post baseball game shows as he attempts to be another Charles Barkley.

Ozzie as a manager and a talker reminds me of the Will Rogers saying – “liberty plays far better in speeches then in practice”.