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Oct 4, 2011, 9:15 AM EDT

Internet Tough Guy

I’m old and I go to sleep early so I never watch SNL these days. Given that people have been saying that it’s no good anymore for about the last 30 years, I suppose it’s the same as it ever was: some good stuff, some bad stuff, with the quality ebbing and flowing because that’s just how comedy works.

But sometimes they hit one out of the park.  And they did in this one which, while having nothing to do with baseball, is relevant to our interests here and will resonate with many of you, I’m sure.


Not that any of you are like this. At all. Ever. Biceps. Gator. Cup0Pizza. Fiorentino. Jonny5. Cur68. Dr. Monkeyarmy. Paperlions. The Baseball Idiot. Ditto65. FC. Or any of the rest of you.

(Thanks to CrashburnAlley for the link)

  1. proudlycanadian - Oct 4, 2011 at 9:25 AM

    Thanks for the link I think. Unfortunately, the content is only available to people who live in the USA. Lorne Michaels is a Canuck and here he is discriminating against us.

    • joshfrancis50 - Oct 4, 2011 at 9:27 AM


    • cur68 - Oct 4, 2011 at 10:45 AM

      *sigh* stupid hulu…..

  2. The Baseball Idiot - Oct 4, 2011 at 9:30 AM

    I can’t get it either. Any chance you could e-mail the link to me?

    • Old Gator - Oct 4, 2011 at 12:00 PM

      Based on your last few days of malarkey posts, I think what you really mean is, “I don’t get it.”

      • The Baseball Idiot - Oct 4, 2011 at 1:25 PM

        Yesterday once the first day I had commented on in a week. But go ahead, big the bigger man.

  3. Craig Calcaterra - Oct 4, 2011 at 9:34 AM

    Not sure the link will help (it may be a Hulu thing for foreign countries), but here it is:

  4. Panda Claus - Oct 4, 2011 at 9:34 AM

    Craig, if you’d let yourself go a little bit [OK, a lot], you too could look like XXXDeathByFartsXXX. Not saying that anyone would ever really want to do that.

  5. missthedayswhenwedidnthavetologin - Oct 4, 2011 at 9:36 AM

    What time is the Braves game tonight?

  6. Chris Fiorentino - Oct 4, 2011 at 9:39 AM


  7. Francisco (FC) - Oct 4, 2011 at 9:40 AM

    I love a good snark but I’m not driving to Buffalo just so I can see this particular video clip.

    • Old Gator - Oct 4, 2011 at 2:31 PM

      I have problems with snarks taking my bait.

  8. bigleagues - Oct 4, 2011 at 10:09 AM

    HOST: Why put them (political views) all over the internet?

    DA_TRUF: Well, I’m a lawyer by day, and I feel very constricted at work and the comments section is a nice outlet for my emotions.

    HOST: I see. And are you really a lawyer?

    DA_TRUF: Noooo, I’m not.

  9. halladaysbiceps - Oct 4, 2011 at 11:17 AM

    Hey, that kid in the picture looks like a little bicepts. That pose is what I do in front of the mirror every morning when I wake up. When he gets older, I bet he will be an internet tough guy like me.

    • cur68 - Oct 4, 2011 at 11:24 AM

      Unless I’m mistaken that there is little Craig or possibly Carlo (Craig Jr). I’ve long speculated that you, HB, are really Craig’s sock puppet creation, designed to rouse the rabble and satisfy Craig’s craving for anarchy and discord. The guy he’d be without the glasses and with some hair, in other words. If so, then I give you a thumb click up for morale boosting purposes and as a kudo for successfully rousing the rabble.

      • Craig Calcaterra - Oct 4, 2011 at 11:27 AM

        Nah, not the boy. My wife won’t allow his beautiful long hair to be cut, so he’ll never look like that. And the fact that my wife is fixated on my son’s long hair probably gives you a little insight into our life as a married couple.

        And no, Cepts isn’t my creation. I don’t think a team of mad scientists could create such a thing.

      • halladaysbiceps - Oct 4, 2011 at 11:29 AM

        Thank you. Thank you. The only thing I know about sock puppets is that sometimes when I am inebriated, I talk to them.

      • cur68 - Oct 4, 2011 at 11:33 AM

        You don’t fool me. In a back room of the Lair, there is case of beer, a gallon jug of Southern Comfort, a stained, beaten to rat-crap keyboard and wig.

        Who knows what darkness dwells in the hearts of men?

      • drmonkeyarmy - Oct 4, 2011 at 11:42 AM

        What’s the difference between a muppet and a puppet?

      • CJ - Oct 4, 2011 at 11:46 AM

        besides the spelling? not much

      • Old Gator - Oct 4, 2011 at 12:02 PM

        Craig, did your wife ever read Dag Hammarskjold’s autobiography?

  10. aceshigh11 - Oct 4, 2011 at 11:51 AM

    It’s funny because it’s true.

  11. APBA Guy - Oct 4, 2011 at 11:52 AM

    Muppet is a puppet with talent. I was in elementary school when Jim Henson, a U of Md student, created his first B & W muppet commercials for local DC TV. Hysterical, even then.

    • Old Gator - Oct 4, 2011 at 12:09 PM

      With apologies to Gamerathebrave, I think Jim Henson got the idea for the muppets from watching Japanese monster movies (kaiju eiga) as a troubled adolescent. It’s all there: the chintzy special effects, the godawful lip-synching, the weird accents, the appeal to kids a bit to intelligent to watch Beavis and Butthead with their beer-swilling, sink-vomiting, adolescent high school football star wannabe big brothers. Next time you watch one of the later “Monster Island” kaiju movies, take a close look, not only at what’s left of the once awesome Godzilla himself, but especially at Gojira Junia (Little Godzilla).



    • stlouis1baseball - Oct 4, 2011 at 1:00 PM

      Monkey: Great question. I have often wondered the same thing. I like APBA’s answer. A muppet is a puppet with talent. Nice.

      • drmonkeyarmy - Oct 4, 2011 at 1:19 PM

        Thanks. On English soccer MB’s they use the term muppet in a derogatory fashion. Such as, “Shut the hell up you Yank muppet.” I knew that a muppet was a derivation of a puppet but wasn’t sure what the delineation was between the two. I was also aware of Jim Henson’s muppets, but wasn’t sure if that was just a play off the term puppet or whether it was meant to convey special characteristics.

      • drmonkeyarmy - Oct 4, 2011 at 1:21 PM

        Editors note: I have not been called a “Yank muppet.”

  12. paperlions - Oct 4, 2011 at 12:08 PM

    Hey, I made the list…..

    *hangs head in shame*

    • Chris Fiorentino - Oct 4, 2011 at 12:44 PM

      But that list contains such a small sample size……

      • paperlions - Oct 4, 2011 at 1:23 PM

        I have a reply to that….but I am busy with my day-time lawyer job and don’t have time to post it

    • drmonkeyarmy - Oct 4, 2011 at 1:20 PM

      There is some fine commenters on that list, myself included. You should be proud.

  13. loungefly74 - Oct 4, 2011 at 1:29 PM

    that was hilarious.

  14. mdpickles - Oct 4, 2011 at 1:40 PM

    “Heey, how ya doin? I’m Tommy. Bada boom!”

  15. mdpickles - Oct 4, 2011 at 1:51 PM

    I just assumed that all HBT commenters are like me…Filthy rich, great looking men with ginormous genitals, two wives and a miniature elephant who types out my comments for me with his little trunk.

    • jwbiii - Oct 4, 2011 at 2:35 PM

      Sorry, only one wife and my doberman handles the manual labor.

  16. firedude7160 - Oct 4, 2011 at 3:06 PM

    I cam across this the other day and think it fits perfectly here. An interesting description of the brain of a troll

  17. ditto65 - Oct 4, 2011 at 6:21 PM

    To have my name typed by the Supreme Commander along with the likes of Biceps, Gator, Cup0Pizza, Fiorentino, Jonny5, Cur68, Dr. Monkeyarmy, Paperlions, The Baseball Idiot, and FC makes me feel like I have finally arrived.

    Do I get a membership card?
    Special Minion Privileges?

    Love it! LOVE IT!

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