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It sounds like Mike Quade will have to interview to keep his job

Oct 25, 2011, 4:00 PM EDT


There was a point during the Theo Epstein press conference today in which Epstein said that before he officially resigned from the Red Sox he felt like Milton from the movie “Office Space.” A man without a job, but no one would actually tell him about it.

From the sounds of it, Cubs manager Mike Quade is going to be another character from “Office Space.”  Tom Smykowski, the guy who interviews with “the Bobs,” telling them why he should be entitled to keep his job.  Here’s Theo on Quade’s future with the Cubs:

“Mike seems like a great guy and he has developed a great reputation over many decades in this game. I look forward to sitting down with him in person as a first step, sharing with him my vision for the organization. I’d like to hear his vision for the organization … We have to talk up some things that have happened the last year or so,” Epstein said. “I look forward to that process of exchanging information, sharing our visions and we’ll get together as a group and decide where we go from there.”

Not to be too harsh, but I have this feeling that Quade is not in the Cubs’ future. In fact, here’s how I envision that interview going:

Quade:  Well-well look. I already told you: I deal with the $%#@! players so the front office doesn’t have to! I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can’t you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?!

Theo: Yeah, um, I’m gonna have to ask you to not come back as the Cubs manager next year, Mike, mmm-kay?

Quade:  It’s a “Jump to Conclusions” mat. You see, it would be this mat that you would put on the floor… and would have different CONCLUSIONS written on it that you could JUMP TO!


  1. Chip Caray's Eyebrows - Oct 25, 2011 at 4:10 PM

    “Mike … what would you say … ya do here?”

    • aceshigh11 - Oct 25, 2011 at 4:43 PM

      I told you…



    • qcubed3 - Oct 25, 2011 at 4:47 PM

      Look, I already told you! I have people skills, I am good with people, can’t you understand that? What the hell’s wrong with you people!

  2. scatterbrian - Oct 25, 2011 at 4:48 PM

    You know there are people in this world who don’t have to put up with all this shit? Like that guy that invented the pet rock.

    • bblawnz1 - Oct 25, 2011 at 8:45 PM

      You think the pet rock was a brilliant idea?

      • Max Power - Oct 26, 2011 at 10:26 AM

        Sure it was. The guy made a million dollars.

  3. rollinghighwayblues - Oct 25, 2011 at 4:48 PM

    Then after Theo cans Quade, Theo stands up from behind the desk and menacingly says, “And back up in your ass with the resurrection.”

  4. cur68 - Oct 25, 2011 at 4:58 PM

    The worst part for Mike Quade? It’ll go something like this;

    Theo to Mike: “I’ll be honest with you, I love Randy’s movies. I do. I’m a Randy Quaid fan. For my money, I don’t know if it will get any better than when he appears in an episode of “Dog the Bounty Hunter”.

  5. riverace19 - Oct 25, 2011 at 5:19 PM

    Actually, the Cubs are gonna steal Quade’s stapler and move him to the basement to work on a “special” project.
    Here comes Ryno!

  6. phukyouk - Oct 25, 2011 at 7:28 PM

    seriously craig, THANK YOU! you literally made my day with this post. 100 gold stars

  7. Bryz - Oct 25, 2011 at 10:20 PM

    The Cubs can’t be like Office Space. There’s no one stealing money from the team, like the Dodgers, and I fully believe that the McCourts were off by more than just a single place value with their decimal point.

  8. sawxalicious - Oct 25, 2011 at 10:50 PM

    T. Epstein: Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.
    C. Zambrano: I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Theo!

  9. sawxalicious - Oct 25, 2011 at 10:53 PM

    A. Soriano: It’s not that I’m lazy; it’s that I just don’t care.

  10. nicosamuelson2 - Oct 25, 2011 at 11:35 PM

    Mike qua..aa.. aad… Not gonna work here anymore anyway.

  11. foreverchipper10 - Oct 26, 2011 at 11:37 AM

    I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing work Bob.

  12. WhenMattStairsIsKing - Oct 26, 2011 at 12:33 PM

    Mike Q: How dare you judge me? I mean what are you? You think you’re some kind of, like, angel here? No, you’re just this penny-pinching… wanna-be Cubs President… man.

    Theo: Yeah, well, that may be. But at least I never slept with Lumbergh.

  13. wrg885 - Oct 26, 2011 at 5:04 PM

    …an AP reporter overhears Mike angrily mumbling something about Wrigley Field when he was the only member of the organization that didn’t receive a piece of cake from Theo’s ‘Welcome to Chicago Party’.

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