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The Marlins have not asked Hanley Ramirez to switch positions

Oct 27, 2011, 9:17 AM EDT

Hanley Ramirez Reuters

Ozzie Guillen’s suggestions of a Hanley Ramirez position-switch to the contrary, a representative for Ramirez told the Palm Beach Post yesterday that no one with the team has said a thing to his client about it:

Ramirez was surprised about reports last week that suggested Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen had not ruled out the idea of Ramirez playing another position. He told [representative Andy] Mota that was never discussed in a brief conversation Ramierz had with new manager Ozzie Guillen last week.

Ramirez had shoulder surgery in September. He’s said to be recovering as expected, but you have to wonder how Ramirez would respond to, say, third base with a recovering wing. Or the outfield for that matter.

  1. kiwicricket - Oct 27, 2011 at 10:42 AM

    Yep, over to you Gator…. . . . . . .

  2. Old Gator - Oct 27, 2011 at 10:47 AM

    Hanley must have been not quite recovered from his anaesthesia if he was capable of a “brief conversation” with Slobbering Ozzie. That, or or the Incoherent One must have been taking a beer nap.

    Anyway, there you have it – the special brand of communication Slobbering Ozzie has with his players. I wonder what Larry Beinfest though when the Witless of Oz began running his motormouth about what he was going to do with his players without having consulted the brass – you know, in that “all on board team spirit” Scrooge McLoria, Beinfest and the Chihuahua are always advancing as their ideal style of management. I don’t know if it’s begun to dawn on them yet that they’re not going to manage their manager without repeated tazings; their new motto is likely to be “no tazame ‘mano!” For those anglos and non-tropicals in the audience, here’s a brief lesson in Espanglish conjugation and idiopoeia:

    the verb “tazer” (to taze):

    tazo (I taze)
    tazas (you taze, familiar)
    taza (he, she, it tazes; you [imperative, unfamiliar] taze)
    tazamos (we taze)
    tazais (you, plural familiar) taze
    tazan (they taze; you, plural imperative or unfamiliar] taze)

    ‘mano is the Espanglish equivalent of the English idiom ‘bro. It also happens to be Espanglish for hand. So, ironically, Slobbering Ozzie would be crying “don’t taze me hand” – not a half-bad metonymy for that which feeds him. And feeds him. And feeds him….

    • Old Gator - Oct 27, 2011 at 10:55 AM

      PS – aside from wishing, out loud, for the umpteenth time, that MSNBC would get off its fat lazy R&D-proof nalgas and give us a steenkin’ EDIT FUNCTION, I want to mention that the third person plural form of tazer, tazan, is not related to the way Beanbag fans pronounce Lord Greystoke’s nickname. There is no relation between Lord Greystoke and Slobbering Ozzie. Greystoke was the guy who famously said “Jane, my mother was an ape. I never knew my father.” Slobbering Ozzie was the guy who said…who said…well, what the hell did he say, anyway? I didn’t understand a goddamned word of it.

    • okobojicat - Oct 27, 2011 at 11:00 AM

      I started write a post critiquing the er vs. ar verb ending and conjugation, and I was like, oh s^!t there has got to be more stuff on the internet I have not looked at that has to be better than arguing with Old Gator.

      • Old Gator - Oct 27, 2011 at 12:04 PM

        Yeah, I know that – let’s just call it an irregular verb. Using the “-er, es, e” form wouldn’t have achieved the desired effect, for one thing, and I did identify it as Espanglish, not Spanish. Welcome to Macondo. The grammars were defenestrated long ago.

    • kiwicricket - Oct 27, 2011 at 11:03 AM

      ‘Happy Deepavali’ by the way, Gator

  3. Old Gator - Oct 27, 2011 at 12:07 PM

    Down in deepavalli, deepavalli so low….

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