Skip to content

The nerdiest baseball article you’ll ever see. Ever. Really.

Nov 4, 2011, 8:15 AM EDT

Sisko baseball

Because I often drop references to Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, Star Wars, comics and other similar fare, I get accused of being a nerd from time to time.  It’s OK. I own it. Not gonna run away from that because I am who I am and I’m OK with that.

But if you ever thought to call me the biggest nerd writing about baseball, I would humbly ask that you go read Larry Granillo’s latest Wezen-Ball installment over at Baseball Prospectus, in which he breaks down — really breaks down — the baseball aspects of the 1998 “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine” episode which featured a baseball game called “Take Me Out to the Holosuite.” If you haven’t seen it, the Deep Space Nine crew — the “Niners” — takes on a team of Vulcans called the “Logicians.” Here’s lar:

First Base – Worf
At first-glance, another fairly easy choice. As Sisko reminds his team early on, there are only two players on the squad who the Vulcans are not stronger than: Worf, the Klingon warrior, is one. Assuming he has the power of a corner-infielder, it makes sense for the biggest, strongest player on the team to play first. However, it is also well-established that Worf is a tremendous athlete and can run rather well. He is not Adam Dunn. Considering his overall athleticism and strong arm, a rightfield assignment would make more sense …

And yes, it goes on and on like that. It’s pretty glorious, actually.

But really, thank God Larry is already married, because I fear having this article tied to him for the rest of eternity wouldn’t do him any favors with the ladies.

  1. oikosjeremy - Nov 4, 2011 at 8:21 AM

    …”wouldn’t do him any favors with the ladies.”

    Depends on the ladies:

  2. Joe - Nov 4, 2011 at 8:56 AM

    My wife is a fan of DS9, so I’ve seen this show a couple of times. It was OK, but Lar’s article was outstanding. Completely agree about Dax.

    • kellyb9 - Nov 4, 2011 at 9:26 AM

      We’re actually watching all the episodes on netflix… I think its a lot better than Voyager at this point.

      • acheron2112 - Nov 4, 2011 at 9:38 AM

        DS9 is the St. Louis Cardinals to Voyager’s Bowie Baysox.

  3. acheron2112 - Nov 4, 2011 at 9:02 AM

    Fantastic article. I like the note about Sisko not wanting an automated umpire. Wonder how he feels about instant replay.

  4. Francisco (FC) - Nov 4, 2011 at 9:02 AM

    Craig listened patiently to the figure on his 70″ LED screen. His bathrobe had a shiny plush feel after a good wash and his pipe was practically puffing bubbles on its own. This interview process had been going on already for a about an hour. But now it was time to end it. His caller had finished and waited expectantly for an answer.

    “Well Pete – I can call you Pete right? – you make a compelling case, however after mulling it over for the last half an hour or so, I must respectfully decline your offer to be GM of the Orioles.”

    Peter Angelos’s wore a crestfallen face as yet another candidate turned down his job offer.

    “But cheer up, someone will be working with you soon. You have a shown a lot of class and have obviously taken the time to make a standout offer. But what’s best for me and my family and MLB is that I continue keeping my watchful eye on Baseball from the sanctity of my Lair. You never know when the sport might go astray. Seriousl,y without me, this whole industry would just collapse in on itself.”

    Before cutting off Angelos he bit on his bubble pipe and said: “Besides, I’m still hoping to get an interview in St. Louis to manage the Cardinals, why won’t John return my calls?”, he shook his head in frustration. Pete appreciated his talent why not Mozeliak?

    • Francisco (FC) - Nov 4, 2011 at 9:14 AM

      Yes, I posted this in the wrong thread… sue me!

      • kellyb9 - Nov 4, 2011 at 9:30 AM

        You’ll be hearing from my lawyers.

      • nolanwiffle - Nov 4, 2011 at 10:40 AM

        …..and perhaps Pete’s lawyers as well.

  5. natstowngreg - Nov 4, 2011 at 9:09 AM

    Good move, not taking the Orioles’ job. It would only have ended in heartache. And a clogged bubble pipe.

  6. sdelmonte - Nov 4, 2011 at 9:10 AM

    As much as I love DS9 – my pick for the best Trek, warts and all – the baseball episode was just goofy. Though as baseball episodes of SF/fantasy shows go, it’s not that bad. (Most of my complaints are Trek-based and I will save them for another forum.)

  7. umrguy42 - Nov 4, 2011 at 9:22 AM

    A couple thoughts –

    1. I’m not sure that Bashir’s genetic enhancements made him as strong as the Vulcans.

    2. When can we start discussing Nog’s scrappiness quotient?

    • Kevin S. - Nov 4, 2011 at 9:36 AM

      When he he’s white and not yellow (or bronze, really).

  8. halladaysbiceps - Nov 4, 2011 at 10:40 AM

    Oh, I see. They didn’t let Data play. Probably because they knew Data would invoke Albert Pujols with his power and strength.

  9. Francisco (FC) - Nov 4, 2011 at 10:54 AM

    I know he’s TNG but would Riker be the Closer? He has the cool last name AND the beard!

  10. joshftw - Nov 4, 2011 at 12:23 PM

    Wow! I’m a fan of DS9 and all, but….

    *clears throat*

  11. iainnyj - Nov 5, 2011 at 10:32 PM

    At the time this episode was aired I was so upset that one of the precious few remaining DS9 episodes was ‘wasted’ without advancing the main story arc.

    Watching it now, it’s silly and pointless, but fun. This article captures it well.

    “Death to the opposition” deserves to catch on.

Leave Comment

You must be logged in to leave a comment. Not a member? Register now!

Top 10 MLB Player Searches
  1. H. Ramirez (2464)
  2. G. Stanton (2430)
  3. G. Springer (2414)
  4. S. Strasburg (2344)
  5. C. Correa (2340)
  1. J. Baez (2333)
  2. B. Crawford (2253)
  3. H. Pence (2243)
  4. M. Teixeira (2167)
  5. B. Harper (2009)