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Carlos Gutierrez is in the best shape of his — wait! The best shape EVER

Nov 30, 2011, 4:12 PM EDT

Carlos Gutierrez

Best shape of my life? Ha!  Try this on for size. From La Velle Neal:

[Carlos] Gutierrez, I’ve been told, has rededicated himself to conditioning during the offseason and wants to come to camp in the best shape ever. He reported last year noticeably heavier. He could be a bullpen wild card if he can sharpen a second pitch to go with his outstanding sinker.

I take that to mean not just Gutierrez’s life, but the best shape of all people of all time everywhere.  It’s the most likely explanation.

But no, I’m not going to change the meme from BSOML to BSE. Because by definition, only Gutierrez could fit the latter category.

  1. illcomm - Nov 30, 2011 at 4:19 PM

    I didn’t miss these dumb articles at all over the last week. Take another vacation Craig.

    • cup0pizza - Nov 30, 2011 at 4:28 PM

      Relax. It’s just a nerd who thinks he’s better than everyone else playing up to the hardcore group of nerds who spam and troll this site all day with worthless comments, thinking they’re as cute and clever as it gets.

      Their odd little internet power trip thing they have going on is slightly interesting from a psychological perspective, as devoid of substance as it is.

      • phukyouk - Nov 30, 2011 at 4:49 PM

        and you guys keep coming back here cause… why?

      • cur68 - Nov 30, 2011 at 4:56 PM

        Trolls be trollin’, ‘youk. That’s all. They can’t help it.

      • phukyouk - Nov 30, 2011 at 5:05 PM

        I suppose… but i mean couldnt they make themselves more useful.. say… doorstops?

      • cur68 - Nov 30, 2011 at 5:12 PM

        True. Or, possibly bootscrapers.

  2. Bryz - Nov 30, 2011 at 4:22 PM

    I read the headline as “Carlos Gonzalez” and then when I saw the Twins cap on the picture, I thought, “Wait a minute, no way that Carlos Gonzalez is with the Twins!”

  3. WhenMattStairsIsKing - Nov 30, 2011 at 4:26 PM

    I don’t believe it. When he was 4, dude was ripped like a young Schwarzenegger.

  4. Lukehart80 - Nov 30, 2011 at 4:32 PM

    Alright, it seems to me that the next question is: who’s title is Gutierrez trying to take away? Up to this point in history, who has been in the best shape EVER?

    Jerry Rice?
    Jack LaLanne?
    Pheidippides?
    Elle Macpherson?

    • snowbirdgothic - Nov 30, 2011 at 5:12 PM

      I’m going with Primo Carnera, in the lineup scene from “Mighty Joe Young”.

  5. sknut - Nov 30, 2011 at 4:35 PM

    It won’t be that hard to crack the Twins bullpen but this is encouraging none the less.

  6. Francisco (FC) - Nov 30, 2011 at 4:52 PM

    Carlos Gutierrez is in the best shape of his — wait! The best shape EVER

    A Hypercube?

  7. cur68 - Nov 30, 2011 at 4:57 PM

    Yoenis Cespedes will break him and not even work up a sweat.

  8. diehardcubbiefan4life - Nov 30, 2011 at 5:25 PM

    These BSOHL stories should become a theme on hardballtalk. I mean that in the best way possible. This coming from a 2 year HBT reader :D

    • sportsdrenched.com - Nov 30, 2011 at 5:54 PM

      Hell yes they should. I don’t know who this guy is, but it’s a BSOHL or BSE story so I had to click on it.

      Now I’m off to lift weights, and swim.

  9. e5again - Nov 30, 2011 at 5:56 PM

    It seems a bit odd to me that you’ll use La Velle E. Neal’s beat work and report it as news when it suits. Then you’ll go and make fun of his work as well.

    • Bryz - Nov 30, 2011 at 6:14 PM

      When has Craig ever made fun of LVEN3’s work?

  10. boston25rocketman - Nov 30, 2011 at 9:43 PM

    Who?

  11. mojosmagic - Nov 30, 2011 at 11:00 PM

    I wonder if Babe Ruth ever said those words?

  12. Brandon Warne - Dec 1, 2011 at 7:21 PM

    Was this LaVelle Neal I, II, or III?

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