Dec 6, 2011, 2:12 PM EDT
Look, I just feel like we need to get out in front of this stuff now, OK? So just know that you’re all on notice of the following ethical considerations:
1. Anyone who describes Albert Pujols going to Miami in terms that even remotely refer to the LeBron James situation shall be fined $200 and then shunned from whatever social and/or professional group to which they belong;
2. If you ignore rule number one and then go so far as to describe Pujols as “taking his talents to South Beach,” you will be fined, shunned and then flogged with an obvious stick. And we’ll make you pick the very obvious stick with which you shall be flogged; and
3. Anyone who anoints the Marlins as the 2012 NL champions based on a Pujols signing shall be fined, shunned, flogged and then shall be forced to watch every single game the 2011 Boston Red Sox and Philadelphia Phillies played. And then you’ll have to write a report about it.
This would be huge news, folks. Let’s not try to make it even huger with unwarranted hyperbole and kneejerk reactions. Cool?
Of course it is.
- And That Happened: Monday’s scores and highlights 93
- Monday’s White Sox/Orioles game postponed due to ongoing protests and violence in Baltimore 150
- Cardinals confirm Adam Wainwright is done for season with torn Achilles 20
- Source: Josh Hamilton rejected a trade to a National League team because he wanted to go back to Texas 51
- Deal done: Josh Hamilton traded to the Texas Rangers for cash considerations 56
- Pitchers batting is dumb and the DH should be universal 356
- And That Happened: Sunday’s scores and highlights 88
- Alex Rodriguez hits 659th career home run, now one shy of tying Willie Mays 60
- Pitchers batting is dumb and the DH should be universal (356)
- Comment of the Day: do not underestimate the seriousness of the anti-DH crowd (199)
- The early leaders in MLB’s “Franchise Four” thing have been announced (166)
- The Royals and White Sox had a benches-clearing fracas, five players ejected (163)
- Monday’s White Sox/Orioles game postponed due to ongoing protests and violence in Baltimore (150)