Dec 6, 2011, 2:12 PM EDT
Look, I just feel like we need to get out in front of this stuff now, OK? So just know that you’re all on notice of the following ethical considerations:
1. Anyone who describes Albert Pujols going to Miami in terms that even remotely refer to the LeBron James situation shall be fined $200 and then shunned from whatever social and/or professional group to which they belong;
2. If you ignore rule number one and then go so far as to describe Pujols as “taking his talents to South Beach,” you will be fined, shunned and then flogged with an obvious stick. And we’ll make you pick the very obvious stick with which you shall be flogged; and
3. Anyone who anoints the Marlins as the 2012 NL champions based on a Pujols signing shall be fined, shunned, flogged and then shall be forced to watch every single game the 2011 Boston Red Sox and Philadelphia Phillies played. And then you’ll have to write a report about it.
This would be huge news, folks. Let’s not try to make it even huger with unwarranted hyperbole and kneejerk reactions. Cool?
Of course it is.
- Video: Mike Trout makes a ridiculous slide to beat the tag at third base 2
- Cuba’s best pitching prospect is on his way to America 20
- Will Smith suspended for eight games for the foreign substance on his arm 61
- Will Smith’s ejection once again shows baseball’s silly approach to foreign substance rules 48
- And That Happened: Thursday’s scores and highlights 95
- Who really owns a home run ball? 65
- The story behind the Nationals squirting chocolate syrup on each other after big wins 43
- And That Happened: Wednesday’s scores and highlights 131
- And That Happened: Wednesday’s scores and highlights (131)
- Bryce Harper on Marvin Hudson ejection: “I don’t think 40,000 people came to watch him ump” (130)
- Bryce Harper ejected for second time in a week (122)
- GM Dan Jennings to be named the Marlins new manager. And it’s a terrible idea. (111)
- And That Happened: Tuesday’s scores and highlights (101)