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Greetings from the last day of the Winter Meetings

Dec 8, 2011, 8:06 AM EDT


We’re never going to have any resolution on Albert Pujols, I feel. He will have multiple ten-year offers waiting for his decision until the end of time and, in the meantime, he’ll play on barnstorming tours. For a mystery barnstorming team. It’s just fitting.

The lobby of the Hilton Anatole has gotten simply punchy by now. Rumors all seemed so fresh and exciting on Monday morning and now they evoke eye rolls and then guesses as to who will debunk them first.  This is all a very interesting scene, but it’s one where there is far more talk than action. And the action is what really matters.

Here’s some action: people are tracking a private jet that is currently en route from St. Louis to Dallas, convinced that it’s Pujols coming down here to announce that he has signed with … the Nippon Ham Fighters? Manchester United? The Four Horsemen?  Who knows? We’ll know when someone says so.

Until then we’ll watch and wait and maybe pretend we care about today’s Rule 5 draft a little.  Oh, and we’ll try to figure out how to get our coats to stop smelling like the Lockhart Smokehouse. Not that that’s a bad thing.

  1. ukcardsfan - Dec 8, 2011 at 8:17 AM

    As a UK based fan I can say with some certainty that the way Manchester United are playing this season, we’d welcome Albert on board – he’d probably play better soccer than they are right now. I’d rather he stayed with the Cardinals though…

    • proudlycanadian - Dec 8, 2011 at 8:23 AM

      United is having a tough year. Manchester City is cleaning their clocks. I vote for the Nippon Ham Fighters.

      • ukcardsfan - Dec 8, 2011 at 8:25 AM

        Actually you may be on to something there – Manchester City spend about £300 million on new players each year…maybe they’ve signed Pujols?

    • drmonkeyarmy - Dec 8, 2011 at 8:25 AM

      They do need another center back now that Vidic looks to be out awhile. Also could use another striker.

    • natstowngreg - Dec 8, 2011 at 8:49 AM

      Manchester United = Yankees. Spend huge amounts of cash on talent, expect to win the championship every year.

      • ukcardsfan - Dec 8, 2011 at 8:54 AM

        Not quite, but you’re half right. They don’t spend nearly as much as others in the league do but they do (and should) expect to win every year. This is one of the biggest reason I got into U.S sports (aside from U.S family giving me a helping nudge), our “premier” (which is a bit of a joke) league has 20 teams, of which, only 4 can win it, but usually only one of two teams do. It’s boring. And all the players are sleazier than a Dan Lozano weekend, so it’s kinda hard to get on board with it after a while.

      • 78mu - Dec 8, 2011 at 9:33 AM

        Hey ukcardfan:

        If the players are as sleazy as Lozano, what are their agents like? The idea that there could be a slimier species could make a good sci-fi horror movie.

      • ukcardsfan - Dec 8, 2011 at 9:38 AM

        I hear they’re half lizard… Kidding. Maybe.

        You don’t really see much of the agents to be honest, they tend to keep themselves to themselves. If they are worse though, you’re absolutely right. Last year we had players sleeping with teamates partners, with their own siblings’ partners, and throughout the league I’d wager that the money they collaboratively blew on hookers could’ve killed the debt of a few 3rd world countries…

  2. Jonny 5 - Dec 8, 2011 at 8:24 AM

    Do you see the ring of brown 1/8″ deep all the around the outside of that smoked pc of meat? See that people? That there, is a perfectly smoked pc of meat.

    • wlschneider09 - Dec 8, 2011 at 8:26 AM

      Are you just begging for a meatsmoker comment Jonny?

    • fordman84 - Dec 8, 2011 at 8:52 AM

      Meh, the smoke ring can be faked with chemicals now-a-days. I’ll need to have a bit myself to see if it is really that good. Maybe send the burnt end my way while you are at it.

      That sure looks good, maybe I’ll fire the smoker and throw a brisket on this weekend. Haven’t done beef in about a month. Mmmmm

  3. loungefly74 - Dec 8, 2011 at 8:34 AM

    …very cool to hear ya talking about the winter meetings on Common Man and the Torg yesterday.

  4. Old Gator - Dec 8, 2011 at 8:44 AM

    Keep the Lockhart Smokehouse. Gimme the Salt Lick in Driftwood, south of Austin or Rudy’s west of San Antone.

    Enough with the winter meetings. Let Pujols stretch his gambit as long as he wants; he’s irrelevant in Macondo now. Let Wilson go to the Angels. Enough with the throwing cash around; it’s gotten old. Now it’s time to wheel and deal. Let the games begin.

    • koufaxmitzvah - Dec 8, 2011 at 10:06 AM

      Salt Lick has the best billboard on I-35:

      You Can Smell Our Pits From Miles Away

      • Old Gator - Dec 8, 2011 at 11:42 AM

        There’s one such sign coming up from San Marcos and one coming down from Round Rock. And it’s true, If you’re out on those ranch roads in the eastern hill country and find yourself becoming intoxicated, rolling down your windows won’t help at all.

    • kiwicricket - Dec 8, 2011 at 10:14 AM

      Why is there a place called ‘Driftwood’ 150miles from the ocean?

      • Old Gator - Dec 8, 2011 at 11:32 AM

        Forget it, Jake. It’s Texas.

      • Gamera the Brave - Dec 8, 2011 at 12:02 PM

        Gator’s right – recently spent a week in Texas, it’s, well, really REALLY different…

  5. Marc - Dec 8, 2011 at 8:49 AM

    I really do enjoy when random pictures of food are used in the headline of an article. Can we do this all of the time? Perhaps when Pujols signs we can not show him sitting at a press conference with a big smile, but instead just have a nice picture of a BLT because it is the perfect sandwich.

    • kiwicricket - Dec 8, 2011 at 10:08 AM

      I firmly believe you are missing the ‘A'(avocado) from your sandwich.
      The BLAT is the greatest collection of sandwich materials ever assembled.

      • bozosforall - Dec 8, 2011 at 11:18 AM

        Avocado on a sandwich is just gay.

      • Old Gator - Dec 8, 2011 at 11:33 AM

        Reconfirming your lowlife credentials yet again, eh? Hey, give it a rest. We all get that already.

    • aleskel - Dec 8, 2011 at 10:40 AM

      Incorrect, the perfect sandwich is the Reuben. That’s just science.

      • Old Gator - Dec 8, 2011 at 11:38 AM

        Got to agree. With real corned beef, cut in longitudinal chunks, not translucently thin supermarket deli counter slices, and with real hot sauerkraut, real thick-sliced melted swiss, and real thousand island dressing with bits of pickle relish in it, not so smear of carelessly mixed mayonnaise and ketchup, grilled in butter, not Pam, on real crusty Jewish rye with seeds.

        Done right, it is more than mere science. It is the solution to the unified field conundrum and the discovery of the first even integer of π.

      • kiwicricket - Dec 8, 2011 at 12:35 PM

        Look, I’m going to honest. I had no idea what a Reuben was, so I wikipedia-ed it. ‘Blue Reuben’ ……’Grouper Reuben’….. ‘Virgin Reuben’….The several different variants, lead me to believe that there might be something slightly a-rye with Mr Reuben.

  6. natstowngreg - Dec 8, 2011 at 8:51 AM

    Actually, Albert flew to Dallas to sign a huge contract to play shooting guard for the Mavericks.

  7. bobdira - Dec 8, 2011 at 9:02 AM

    It’s the A’s. 1 year 4.25 million. Heard it from Billy Beane.

  8. bobdira - Dec 8, 2011 at 9:03 AM

    It’s the A’s. 1 year 4.25 million. Heard it from Billy Beane. He sold him on the challenge and the Dominican Restraunts in Oakland.

  9. Jeremiah Graves - Dec 8, 2011 at 10:26 AM

    **At 1:30pm, the conference room is packed to the gills with reporters waiting to get the scoop on Albert Pujols’ destination. The podium is set and his agent, Dan “The Sleaze” Lozano is the only man on the stage. He’s smiling like a Cheshire cat and wearing a fancy, new pinstripe three-piece suit and a pair of aviators as he steps up to the microphone.**

    Dan Lozano: “Ladies and gentlemen of the media, it’s time…Albert Pujols has officially made his decision.

    **The crowd goes nuts as each reports clamor over one another trying to be “the reporter who asked the question.” All the while Lozano is still grinning from ear to ear and lets out a bemused chuckle as the fray continues.**

    Dan Lozano: “Let me answer all your questions…with this…”

    **Lozano holds up four fingers and then lets out a loud, uproarious WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! At just that moment ” Also sprach Zarathustra” by Richard Strauss blasts over the PA system and the crowd looks around in stunned silence.**

    Dan Lozano: “That’s right baby…wooooooooooooo!!”

    **Pujols steps out from behind the curtain wearing a bright red, ornate robe with his name in fancy script along the back. Standing beside him, in a powder blue, three-piece suit of his own is none other than “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair.**

    Buster Olney: “Is that Pujols’ grandpa? I’m gonna tweet that it is…”
    Jon Heyman: “This…this can’t be!”
    Craig Calcaterra: “Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!”
    Ken Rosenthal: “I literally have no idea what’s happening right now.”

    **Pujols and Flair step up to the podium and before Pujols can say anything, Flair snatches the microphone away.**

    Ric Flair: “Wooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! Dallas, Texas. The Lonestar State. Well, the “Nature Boy” just went out and bet himself the biggest star…WOOOOOOOOOO…in this entire industry, pal. Albert-By-God-Pujols, baby. The man. There’s no one better in the game today. He can hit. He can field. He can sell Wheaties. Hahahaha and Jack…that’s what it’s all about. To be the man, wooooooooo, you gotta beat the man. I’m sayin’ WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…right here in Dallas, Texas, baby…he’s the man.”

    **Most of the media contingent looks around at one another, trying to grasp the situation at hand.**

    Joel Sherman: “I’m sorry…maybe I missed something, are you Bill DeWitt?”
    Ric Flair: “Whether you like it…or don’t like it…sit down and look at it, because it’s the Best. Thing. Going. Today. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”
    Joel Sherman: “…that, um, doesn’t really answer my question.”
    Ric Flair: “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Space Mountain, baby!!”

    **Lozano steps back up to the podium and wrestles the microphone away from Flair to give a more coherent explanation to the crowd.**

    Dan Lozano: “What Mr. Flair is trying to say is that my client has signed on with The Four Horsemen.
    Jon Heyman: “…like, the Broncos?”
    Ric Flair: “No, Dummy. Like the Horsemen, the most dominant group in the world.”
    Jon Heyman: “I think I’m lost here…”

    **Pujols grabs the microphone himself and stairs off into the crowd for a moment before addressing the hundreds…and hundreds of reporters typing his name.**

    Albert Pujols: “It’s like this, I’m a winner. I ride with winners. The Marlins? The Cubs? The Cardinals? Come on, baby…if it ain’t the Yankees what’s the point? So I looked around and saw that the options were pretty limited and then Ric came calling. He said he’d make me a star. Said he’d make me more money than I’d ever dreamed. All I had to do, was ride with the Horsemen.”

    **Pujols flashes four fingers to the crowd and walks off dropping the microphone.**

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