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Derek Jeter gives his hookups autographed baseballs

Dec 13, 2011, 9:40 AM EDT

Derek Jeter Reuters

From the New York Post:  Things that Derek Jeter can get away with that just about no one else on the planet can get away with:

“Derek has girls stay with him at his apartment in New York, and then he gets them a car to take them home the next day. Waiting in his car is a gift basket containing signed Jeter memorabilia, usually a signed baseball,” the friend dished.  “This summer, he ended up hooking up with a girl who he had hooked up with once before, but Jeter seemed to have forgotten about the first time and gave her the same identical parting gift, a gift basket with a signed Derek Jeter baseball,” the pal said. “He basically gave her the same gift twice because he’d forgotten hooking up with her the first time!”

Valuable, at least if you’re not looking too hard for bargains.  And it’s so much classier than giving cash.

I suppose.

125 Comments (Feed for Comments)
  1. cmutimmah - Dec 13, 2011 at 9:44 AM

    This guy must be shooting blanks if none of these skanks has gotten knocked up yet…

    I’m not saying he doesn’t use protection, but girls find ways to get around that and get that child support…

    Just saying… It’s America… the land of opportunity…

    • pjmarn6 - Dec 13, 2011 at 3:25 PM

      He should be glad he doesn’t get a gift back in return, the clap, syphilis or aids.

  2. cleverbob - Dec 13, 2011 at 9:45 AM

    Class act.

    • florida727 - Dec 13, 2011 at 12:08 PM

      “Forgot hooking up with her the first time”? She must have been GREAT…

      Since there’s “consideration” (gifts of value) in exchange for sex, does this constitute prostitution?

      • michiganhockey11 - Dec 13, 2011 at 3:05 PM

        The gift of a signed baseball has only intrinsic value until it’s sold on ebay. Then it has monetary value.

        Would that be any different than him leaving early in the morning and her waking up to a few Andes mint’s on the pillow next to her?

        Isn’t it prostitution when you get the money up front? Or is it only ugly chicks that use that type of invoicing?

  3. drmonkeyarmy - Dec 13, 2011 at 9:45 AM

    Gift baskets?? This is possibly the funniest thing I have heard in the past week. How did the idea of gift baskets even manifest and perpetuate?

    • Jonny 5 - Dec 13, 2011 at 10:06 AM

      Probably after being slapped when he stuffed a couple hundred dollar bills down their shirts…. Of course this is only a guess…

    • koufaxmitzvah - Dec 13, 2011 at 10:10 AM

      I’m thinking Hershire Farms salami tubes.

    • bloodysock - Dec 13, 2011 at 10:45 AM

      Jeter has got a lot of balls

      to give away

  4. joshfrancis50 - Dec 13, 2011 at 9:48 AM

    I’m not a Jeter hater, but this reeks of pomposity and dirtballishness.

  5. franklapidus316 - Dec 13, 2011 at 9:51 AM

    I guess even Jeter can’t afford to go to Jared each time.

    • dianagram - Dec 13, 2011 at 10:18 AM

      We all know about his famous lack of range … this must extend to his gift-giving.

      • florida727 - Dec 13, 2011 at 12:11 PM

        Since a Jeter autographed baseball has value to it, I’m surprised MLB doesn’t ask for a cut. Kind of gives new meaning to the phrase “luxury tax” doesn’t it? :)

  6. protectthishouse54 - Dec 13, 2011 at 9:52 AM

    Livin’ the dream.

  7. trevorb06 - Dec 13, 2011 at 9:55 AM

    I can imagine Jeter having an old butler wearnig a tux and white gloves bringing the hook-ups breakfast with a thank you card that comes from a file filled with the same thank you card. The butler then procedes to say something like, “Good morning madam, Mr. Jeter apologizes for his swift departure and sends his regards. There is a private vehicle waiting for you below as provided by Mr. Jeter. Mr. Jeter thanks you for your company.”

  8. cur68 - Dec 13, 2011 at 9:57 AM

    Hey, that was a gift basket with Leadership Qualities & Class. That’s valuable, that is.

    • cur68 - Dec 13, 2011 at 9:58 AM

      Oh, and any word on if those signed balls of Jeter’s were made of brass and had Selig’s little symbol on them to indicate how special they were?

  9. stex52 - Dec 13, 2011 at 9:59 AM

    Wht coincidence! Exactly what I did when I was single. I started slow, with a dozen autogrphed balls. Still had 11 when I got married.

  10. Jonny 5 - Dec 13, 2011 at 10:03 AM

    That explains it!!! This is why the ball I bought my cousin had what seemed to be personal lubricant on it. It was personal lubricant.. as opposed to leather conditioner like I told him it probably was….

  11. jwbiii - Dec 13, 2011 at 10:03 AM

    That’s classier than the “My Girlfriend Slept with jwb and All I Got Was This Damn T-Shirt” t-shirts I used to give out back in the day. But not much.

  12. test2402 - Dec 13, 2011 at 10:07 AM

    I think cab fare is sufficient.

    • cur68 - Dec 13, 2011 at 10:14 AM

      Really? I always made breakfast and did the driving myself (if required). I must lack leadership. So I’ve been doing it wrong, then?

  13. RedHeadedBastard - Dec 13, 2011 at 10:11 AM

    Were they signed on the sweet spot?

    • trevorb06 - Dec 13, 2011 at 10:23 AM

      The baseballs?

  14. dianagram - Dec 13, 2011 at 10:14 AM

    Jeter? You KNOW he has an edge … with a panoramic vista roof … to drop the gift baskets into …

  15. bozosforall - Dec 13, 2011 at 10:20 AM

    Beats what the Red Sox players give the guys that they pick up randomly whenever they go trolling.

    • drmonkeyarmy - Dec 13, 2011 at 10:23 AM

      Really?? Do you just take every opportunity to bash on Boston? Please diversify your portfolio of hate.

      • bozosforall - Dec 13, 2011 at 1:36 PM

        Why should I? Yankee haters (particularly New England sports fans) have been bashing the Yankees exclusively for nearly 100 years now. What’s the matter? You losers have no problem dishing it but can’t take it in return? Wusses.

      • Ralphie - Dec 13, 2011 at 2:32 PM

        Bozo’s parents are proud of him. They’re also related. His family tree is a stump.

      • bozosforall - Dec 13, 2011 at 8:15 PM

        Should have figured that Ralphie the Idiot would finally show up from under his rock. You ready to watch your Pats go “one-and-done” again this year? LMAO

      • drmonkeyarmy - Dec 14, 2011 at 8:15 AM

        I’m not a Red Sox fan and do not live in New England. I am a Phillies fan and live in suburban Philadelphia. I’m just tired of reading your posts on this blog and it’s cousin blogs that are single minded in their bashing of all things Boston. It is like Ben Affleck stole your girlfriend or something.

      • bozosforall - Dec 14, 2011 at 5:28 PM

        Ben Asscrack stole my girlfriend? Try updating your insults instead of using ones that were out of date when my grandpa was still a young man.

    • cur68 - Dec 13, 2011 at 10:30 AM

      bozo, why is it the vast majority of comments you make seem to involve behinds, BJ’s, gender issues, or some other slur-type comment to do with homosexuality? Seriously man, your gender confusion and self-disgust is really spilling over here. No one cares that much about your orientation, okay? Keep it to yourself if you can’t handle it or get help. Its not a crime or insult to be gay. Accept it, and stop over compensating like this. Jeez…

      • bozosforall - Dec 13, 2011 at 1:39 PM

        Never said that it was a crime to be gay. In fact, I am encouraging you New England fans to embrace your natural inclinations. No need to be embarassed about the fact that you like guys. Most of your local governments now allow you guys to get hitched anyway, so you might as well go for it.

      • cur68 - Dec 13, 2011 at 2:00 PM

        psst, dough-head, I’m a Blue Jay’s fan. A Canadian, too. I make no secret of it. This means I’m actually supposed to be opposed to Yankees, Rays, Red Sox and Orioles fans, see? I could give a crap about New Englanders: they are hardly the most victimized people in the world, so whatever. I just don’t need to engage in homosexual slurs to do needle those people…like you obviously do. Why? Because I don’t actually think being gay is such a big deal. Your constant harping with the gay slurs indicates your lack of acceptance of your own nature: it bothers you and is the worst thing you can think of to say about people because it’s the worst thing, in your mind, that you can say about yourself, get it? Am I spelling this out adequately for you? Get some professional help for your problems.

      • bozosforall - Dec 13, 2011 at 2:21 PM

        Funny that you had no problem laughing along with phukyouk’s response to ricofoy’s “slur” about Jeter though.

        And yeah, I know that you are a Canadien Blue Jays fan. I was speaking in generalities, not specifics…dough-head.

        Keep the professional help for yourself, loser…and F you if you can’t take a joke.

        BTW, I’d be happy to show any decent-looking female acquantance of yours my “true nature”.

      • cur68 - Dec 13, 2011 at 4:04 PM

        The difference, bozo, between you and ricofoy is that pretty much all you do is talk sh!t and make gay slurs to the Sox fans. If you’ve ever made a substantive comment on this message board I’m sure it was inadvertent. I can’t recall rico making any other comments beyond the one today, so whatever.

        In a way, I’m trying to help you a little: Craig’s rules for comments are pretty specific about the homophobia. As in don’t do it. I’m not certain, since my connection to him is pretty much this message board and that’s it, but I’ll wager he’s wondering how long before you go too far and get your ass banned. Frankly I won’t be disappointed, since you are odious, but I strongly suspect you’ll start in on someone whom I rather like (or like more than you, of which there are many, many dozens) and I’d rather be spared the histrionics and ignorance. On top of that, your obvious gender confusion is painful to behold, even in the abstract.

        As to your offer of proof to the opposite, lets put it out there for the many female commenters on here, many of whom I am a reasonably friendly acquaintance of. Any of the ladies on here fancy a “proving” session with bozo here?

      • bozosforall - Dec 13, 2011 at 8:22 PM

        Well then, I guess that I’ll have to just quit encouraging you closet cases to follow your true nature, if Calcaterra doesn’t want any of you guys’ gayness to be an issue here. Wouldn’t want to be the cause of any of you getting banned here, since this seems to be more like real life to most of the New England losers (and one specific Canadian loser). Pretty sad that you chumps seem to think that you can dish it all day but God forbid someone dish it right back to you. I guess your mommy didn’t tell you that life is a two-way street before she sent you out into the big bad ol’ world…or are you still living at home? That would explain alot regarding you. Again, F you if you can’t take a joke. Adios for tonight, loser.

      • cur68 - Dec 13, 2011 at 9:24 PM

        Getting your tiny man pants in a bunch won’t change anything bozo. You’re the one who started dishing at the other commenters with the gay slurs. Your problem is that you’re getting dished back at by me. I notice you’ve dropped to ad hominem attacks, ‘mom’ insults and the old “I know you are but what am I”. Pity. Our high minded repartee was rather amusing while it lasted. Now I fear you’ve gone off to sulk and regress your hate back to personal self loathing. It’ll be ok. It does get better. Hang in there.

      • bozosforall - Dec 14, 2011 at 9:39 AM

        Tiny man pants? That would be something that you would be into, I’m sure. as for “dropping the ad hominem attacks, ‘mom’ insults and the old “I know you are but what am I” remarks”, like I said earlier…if those are Calcaterra’s rules then so be it.

        Also, regarding your lame “gone off to sulk and regress your hate back to personal self loathing” comment….guess what…unlike you, I have a real life. So get back to emptying out those bedpans in your “healthcare” job. It’ll be ok. It does get better. Hang in there.

    • aceshigh11 - Dec 13, 2011 at 11:55 AM

      Man, you’ve got some serious issues.

    • bozosforall - Dec 13, 2011 at 1:37 PM

      Crybabies.

  16. yankeesfanlen - Dec 13, 2011 at 10:21 AM

    Poor ol’ Beep-beep, must add up grounding short into double plays.

  17. trevorb06 - Dec 13, 2011 at 10:26 AM

    Does Mo close it out and drive them home?

  18. badmamainphilliesjamas - Dec 13, 2011 at 10:28 AM

    Gift baskets! Well, I guess memorabilia is better than bad preserves and stale pastry (you can’t sell that on eBay).

    On the plus side, the thought of this will make me smile all day.

  19. lawrinson20 - Dec 13, 2011 at 10:30 AM

    Michael Scott: Gift baskets are amazing, Phyllis. Gift baskets are… the essence of class and fanciness. They are the ultimate present a person can receive.

    Nard Dog: What about cash? Cash you can buy whatever you want, including a gift basket so… it’s kinda the best gift ever.

    Jim Halpert: What about a gift basket full of cash?

    Nard Dog: Yes! Cash basket! Nice work Jim.

    ….

    There you have it. Derek Jeter is the essence of class and fanciness.

    • cur68 - Dec 13, 2011 at 10:31 AM

      Golf clap.

    • brianbowman16 - Dec 13, 2011 at 12:55 PM

      I swear, Michael was the FIRST person i thought of. if he was still on the show, i could ABSOLUTELY see him deciding Jeters’ idea was totally brilliant and deciding to try it himself with autographed reams of Dunder Mifflin paper

      Long Live Michael Scott!!

  20. deathmonkey41 - Dec 13, 2011 at 10:34 AM

    God bless him- seriously- God bless the man. He’s living the frickin’ dream.

  21. neelymessier - Dec 13, 2011 at 10:35 AM

    Gotta love the “thanks for playing” symbolic ego-driven gesture.

    Jeter…

    The only major leaguer who sleeps in his uniform.

    • bozosforall - Dec 13, 2011 at 1:42 PM

      Typical jealous loser fan comment.

  22. El Bravo - Dec 13, 2011 at 10:38 AM

    Did Pujols give every single member of Cards nation a signed baseball after he f@cked them?

    • stlouis1baseball - Dec 13, 2011 at 11:49 AM

      LOL! Outfreakingstanding Bravo. Hahaha! Well done Sir. Well done. I will now be smiling all day. Thanks Man…and I mean that. I really do. Once again…well done.

      • florida727 - Dec 13, 2011 at 12:16 PM

        Total agreement. Awesome post “El Bravo”. Jealous I didn’t think of it first.

    • brianbowman16 - Dec 13, 2011 at 12:56 PM

      OUTFREAKINSTANDING sir!!

  23. xmatt0926x - Dec 13, 2011 at 10:38 AM

    I guess it beats having to actually speak to these girls when the deed is done. Let’s face it. We’ve all been there…….

  24. snowbirdgothic - Dec 13, 2011 at 10:41 AM

    And all across the tri-state area, there are Lupica fans thinking to themselves, “If I can just get Jeter to sleep with my wife, I GET AN AUTOGRAPHED BASEBALL! Honey! Where’s the ab-roller? You gotta get on it!”

    • phukyouk - Dec 13, 2011 at 11:40 AM

      this whole thread is making me laugh non stop… please keep it coming.. the comments are priceless

      • bravojawja - Dec 13, 2011 at 12:28 PM

        We’ll only keep it coming if you offer up a signed baseball and a ride home.

  25. bloodysock - Dec 13, 2011 at 10:41 AM

    You’d think you’d at least get a bat or some other upgraded memorabilia for the second hookup.

    Jete’s black book must be so filled up that the 2x girl wasn’t starred.

    • lawrinson20 - Dec 13, 2011 at 10:52 AM

      “Black book?” Why bother to keep track of ‘em? Not even the most dedicated meteorologist would waste the effort to catalog every rain drop.

    • drunkenhooliganism - Dec 13, 2011 at 10:55 AM

      There is no second hookup. that’s the point of the gift. It means it’s over.

      • stlouis1baseball - Dec 13, 2011 at 11:52 AM

        Hooligan: That’s the funniest part! He gave one girl the same exact gift because he forgot about hooking up with her the 1st time. Outstanding.

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