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So, Jeromy Burnitz used to pee in shampoo bottles

Dec 27, 2011, 4:20 PM EDT

Shampoo

Pete Abraham has his Hall of Fame column up.  It’s good, as usual.

This year he reconsidered his no-vote for Jeff Bagwell from last year, decided that not voting for him based on PED suspicion is “baseball McCarthyism” and cast his ballot for Bagwell.  You may or may not agree with that (I do), but a person’s willingness to rethink past beliefs and change their mind is a damn admirable and damn rare trait. Good on ya, Pete Abe.

Apart from Bagwell he has Trammell, Raines and Larkin, which makes his ballot pretty fantastic in my view.

But that’s not why I’m linking it. I’m linking it for this comment about Jeromy Burnitz, who is also on the Hall of Fame ballot:

Burnitz would have fit in with the cast of “Jackass.” As a practical joke, he would empty out bottles of shampoo in the showers on road trips after the last game of the series and pee in them.

315 homers and an OPS+ of 111 is not good enough to get a corner outfielder into the Hall of Fame. But we have to give him a bit of a kicker for personality, don’t we?

  1. Matt - Dec 27, 2011 at 4:24 PM

    Is that personality? Or would that be considered assault?

    • cur68 - Dec 27, 2011 at 5:14 PM

      Considering what some of these guys injected themselves with, a little urine on the scalp would practically be beneficial, IMO. But yeah, probably assault if we go by that fickle mistress, The Law.

      Peed in the shampoo bottles, jeez…I would never have thought to do randomly gross stuff like that… I’m sure there’s something the matter with me.

    • purnellmeagrejr - Dec 28, 2011 at 7:23 AM

      Finally the PwSI stat is getting some respect. If the Mets had been paying attention they never would have signed Jason Bay.

  2. cbswartz707 - Dec 27, 2011 at 4:26 PM

    Slow news day?

    • 18thstreet - Dec 27, 2011 at 4:32 PM

      No!

  3. marshmallowsnake - Dec 27, 2011 at 4:34 PM

    Jeromy “Suave” Burnitz…. “Head and Shoulders” above the rest…

    • l0yalr0yal - Dec 27, 2011 at 5:20 PM

      He clearly “Aveeno”.. no..
      I remember when he “Johnson & Johnson”… dang it..
      His OBP was very “Gargnier Fruictise”.. crap..

      You took all the good ones.

      • marshmallowsnake - Dec 27, 2011 at 5:33 PM

        LOL! I could not think of any others when I was making my post. I was surprised no one else did the head & shoulders one first.

    • bloodysock - Dec 27, 2011 at 7:42 PM

      Perhaps he did it to Rogaine an advantage. It’s certainly not an example for the Pantene kids to emulate.

  4. test2402 - Dec 27, 2011 at 4:37 PM

    He couldn’t pee in Tim Tebow’s shampoo if he wanted to.

    • kopy - Dec 27, 2011 at 4:42 PM

      LOLOLOLOLOL OMG THAT IS THE FUNNIEST EFFIN’ THING I HAVE READ ALL DAY!!!

      • clevername1 - Dec 27, 2011 at 6:31 PM

        I guess you don’t read PFT.

      • kopy - Dec 27, 2011 at 6:45 PM

        I tried to lay the sarcasm on pretty thick, but it seems a lot of people took it seriously.

      • Francisco (FC) - Dec 28, 2011 at 12:35 PM

        One of the days the internet will have a sarcasm font…

  5. matthewtrueblood - Dec 27, 2011 at 4:39 PM

    And a virtually impossible disfavor to return, because Burnitz shaved his head his whole career. Brilliant.

    • kopy - Dec 27, 2011 at 4:44 PM

      I’m beginning to sense that he shaved his head to hide his imminent balding, and peed in shampoo bottles out of jealousy for his fully-haired teammates. Case closed?

      • dondada10 - Dec 27, 2011 at 5:06 PM

        Bald guy chiming in here: We still use shampoo.

      • cur68 - Dec 27, 2011 at 5:17 PM

        For what? Body hair? Anyways, I’ll bet you that somewhere, someone swears by urine as a hair tonic/restorative. For all we know Burnitz was just helping out…jeez…

      • JBerardi - Dec 27, 2011 at 10:24 PM

        “Bald guy chiming in here: We still use shampoo.”

        Well I think you can stop.

  6. jlinatl - Dec 27, 2011 at 5:28 PM

    Is it an admirable trait that he was willing to reconsider his past belief or that he was willing to reconsider to your belief?

    I would venture to guess admirable would not have been the description if he reconsidered from your belief to the opposing thought.

  7. bbk1000 - Dec 27, 2011 at 5:33 PM

    If he was on steroids his p3nis probably fit into the neck of the bottle…..

    • steelersfan1983 - Dec 28, 2011 at 12:32 AM

      Umm shrinks your testicles not penis…..

      • bbk1000 - Dec 28, 2011 at 4:40 AM

        I’ll take your word for it….

  8. Gonzo - Dec 27, 2011 at 6:24 PM

    Jeromy and Moises Alou must have been BFFs.

  9. brewcrewfan54 - Dec 27, 2011 at 7:36 PM

    You probably deserve to use a shampoo bottle full of pee on your hair when you travel for a living and instead of bringing your own you trust the community stuff. Do these guys also hand off bars of soap to the next guy as they are walking out of the shower as the guy is walking in? If so, I wouldn’t use Braun’s soap.

  10. humanexcrement - Dec 27, 2011 at 8:31 PM

    Now THAT is ‘roid rage taken to an extreme.

  11. dalucks - Dec 27, 2011 at 9:01 PM

    Whoa. I cannot believe an adult took time to write this story. What a low class individual to think this is something mature adults want to read. This is pretty pitiful for the entire staff at NBC sports management group to allow this crap to be posted to your website. I guess class and dignity are not qualifications of journalist any longer. Why would you think this was funny or appropiate reading material? Pretty pitiful people.

    • Ari Collins - Dec 27, 2011 at 9:41 PM

      Whoa. I cannot believe an adult took time to read a story whose contents are obvious from the title, then act shocked and dismayed at its contents, then comment about it.

      Go read a dead tree newspaper. They’ll avoid even the merest hint of opinion or personality, and if that’s your definition of class and dignity in journalism, then, by all means. Have at it.

      • humanexcrement - Dec 27, 2011 at 9:48 PM

        To me, the people who get offended over petty things like that do it just to feel good about themselves. By establishing a standard of behavior over something trivial and getting all indignant, you basically are telling yourself that you are, of course, among this imaginary standard of “high class.” Whatever that means. It is true, that by and large dignity is pretty well removed from a lot of journalism–but I don’t count this website among that, and certainly not for this post. I reserve that for people who deliberately manipulate information and tell half truths and exaggerated stories of isolated incidents and the like just to promote their political agendas. There are real problems out there. If you’re this easily offended, your life must be hell. You probably can’t even leave the house. Or maybe Jeromy Burnitz peed in your shampoo.

    • cur68 - Dec 27, 2011 at 10:44 PM

      You don’t spend much time on the interwebs, do you daluckyducky? By the standards of the local news this here’s pretty tame. No one died. No one was hurt. No children were involved in any way whatsoever. Just a grown man left his urine in some bottles and other grown men may or may not have washed their hair with it. Gross by some standards of grossness, but also kinda funny in juvenile sort of way. Pretty good fare for a slow news day, baseball-wise. Why don’t you go spend some time over at the R.A. Dickey post? We talk some Herman Melville and Ernest Hemingway on that one. Nice and high brow like.

    • steelersfan1983 - Dec 28, 2011 at 12:42 AM

      humanexcrement, well put!

  12. PanchoHerreraFanClub - Dec 27, 2011 at 11:25 PM

    If Burnitz was free of PEDs, then leaving bottles of clean pee should be consider as professional courtesy.

  13. tashkalucy - Dec 27, 2011 at 11:32 PM

    Craig,

    Seriously – are you 12 years-old?

    By the time I was your age I’d fought in Vietnam, had 2 children in Junior High, and had a career going.

    Does your generation have to hit 40 or 50 years old before you show a modicum of maturity? Or is it just the guys, as the girls go to their grandparents for instructions on how to survive in the grown-up world?

    • purnellmeagrejr - Dec 28, 2011 at 7:26 AM

      tashalucy – by the time I was 15 I had been married and divorced twice, invented the microcomputer, had climbed 15 of the world’s highest peaks and ran a cable tv show from my basement! Wait, the last part I think I might have seen in a movie – I also smoked a bunch of ganja.

  14. ralphdibny - Dec 28, 2011 at 11:05 AM

    Sounds like a few folks got a new-fangled computer from their grandkids and are out on the Web for the first time. Let’s cut them some slack, people! After all, imagine how upset they will be once they stumble upon all the porn out there.

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