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The Marlins have installed the fish tanks in the new ballpark

Dec 28, 2011, 11:45 AM EDT

Fish Tank

It was in June of 2010 that we first heard that the Marlins were going to put fish tank behind home plate of the new ballpark.  At the time, PETA got all mad, complaining in a letter to Marlins’ owner Jeff Loria about how “the loud crowds, bright lights, and reverberations of a baseball stadium would be stressful and maddening for any large animals held captive in tanks that, to them, are like bathtubs.”

I’m not a big fan of Jeff Loria, but I’m probably less of a fan of PETA — it’s a methods thing more than a philosophy thing — so it is with some amount of amusement that today the fish tanks were installed at the new ballpark.

Marlins President David Samson explained the decision to go with fish tanks:

“It really a natural progression from the original mandate from Jeffrey, which was to make this building completely Miami,” Samson said. “So that our fans, those in South Florida, and really baseball fans around the world, when they see a Marlins game on TV, they will know very quickly that it is in Miami. For all the millions of people who come to the games, they will know they’re in Miami as well.”

Gosh, I hope the people who actually go to the ballpark know they’re in Miami. If they don’t they’ll never know where to go out for drinks after the games.

  1. Kyle - Dec 28, 2011 at 11:51 AM

    Cat Fish Bowl Image for the freakin’ WIN

    • Old Gator - Dec 28, 2011 at 1:56 PM

      Reminds me a little of the cat-and-canary logo for the pet shop ad in The Dacron Republican-Democrat.

  2. trevorb06 - Dec 28, 2011 at 11:54 AM

    As a member of PETA3 (People for the Eating of Tasty Animals… it’s the anti PETA PETA) I even think this is a bad idea. It’ll be a task to keep the tanks and water from getting to hot to harbor fish with the sun baking down on it. Throw in the stress from the constant noise, kids tapping/banging on the glass and the stress from the constant upkeep that will come from these tanks, I imagine that in a few years that it’ll be a very cool looking glass backstop that the pitcher hates seeing (much like the batters hated seeing the pine trees in the OF at the new Target Stadium. Pine trees were a way better idea than a fish tank, as well).

    • Francisco (FC) - Dec 28, 2011 at 12:20 PM

      Based on this comment, the Marlins should’ve gone for Palm Trees.

      • trevorb06 - Dec 28, 2011 at 12:35 PM

        That would be pretty cool IMO. In theory the fish tank thing is cool and orginal. In practice though it just won’t be very practical. By the 2014 season there will no longer be fish in the tank. I wouldn’t doubt it if they were gone by 2013. They took those pines out of Target after just one year. :-(

      • Old Gator - Dec 28, 2011 at 1:46 PM

        The Feesh can replace the Feesh with other aquatic organisms: stone crabs, for example, which can be sold in-season (which corresponds neatly with off-season) to generate revenue under some arrangement with Joe’s Stone Crab. That way, Scrooge McLoria can take visiting overvalued free agents downstairs to the concession stand and serve them straight out of the aquariums instead of schlepping through the port tunnel construction traffic to the beach to blow another wad at Joe’s.

        Another possibility: crocodiles directly from the cooling ponds at Turkey Point Nuclear Power Station (http://www.fpl.com/environment/plant/pdf/turkey_point_crocodile_fact_sheet.pdf), where they are seriously overpopulated and their irradiated genes probably hide the next armageddon cannily behind their telomeres.

        Another possibility: fill the tanks with invasive aquatic species in time for the Second Annual Churchill’s Invasive Species Festival. We’ve got plenty: peacock bass, lionfish, tilapia, northern snakehead, walkin’ catfish, cane toad tadpoles, Cuban truck tire with Elian Gonzalez dummy (they float so will require construction of a catwalk above the tank for proper viewing), anacondas (the latter will require a lid on the tank), oscars, knife fish, cichlids, Asian swamp eels, pacu, grass carp.

        The usual run of tropical or saltwater feesh will go cloacas-up every time someone fouls a ball off the plexiglass. Scrooge needs to think about making a long-term investment in some of the promising young invasive species so readily available here in Macondo.

    • Old Gator - Dec 28, 2011 at 1:21 PM

      Paraphrase of a classic George Carlin routine:

      It doesn’t take a lot of imagination to piss off an animal rights activist. You just go up to the headquarters of PETA, stand in the middle of the office and say “which one of you bleeding heart panda huggers wants to come over to my place, brain a couple of baby fur seals with my cricket bat, sew me a new bathrobe, fix me some blubber burgers and throw the gizzards to my venus flytraps?”

  3. mojosmagic - Dec 28, 2011 at 11:58 AM

    Forget the poor fish! Mr. Loria will be in jail for his crooked bond deal to finance the stadium at 100% the taxpayer’s expense.

    • Old Gator - Dec 28, 2011 at 1:26 PM

      Scrooge McLoria is Teflon™ and isn’t going anywhere except maybe to Joe’s Stone Crab to overpay for dinner. Trust me. It’s a couple of local politicians who are likely to take the fall – please Buddha, let it be Bruno Barrieto as a Kwanzaa sacrifice – and if the blueticks start sniffing at his Guccis, you can count on Scroge to throw Logan Mor…heh heh, sorry, I mean the Chihuahua, to the Feds before he goes down himself.

  4. mvpolamalu - Dec 28, 2011 at 12:15 PM

    That actually sounds cool

  5. jwbiii - Dec 28, 2011 at 12:18 PM

    Hmm. World’s largest sashimi restaurant?

    • Old Gator - Dec 28, 2011 at 1:29 PM

      If attendance drops off, those fish are gonna feel like the ones in Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life who watched Mr. Creosote walk into the restaurant. They will all be expendable, even the coelocanths.

    • jwbiii - Dec 28, 2011 at 4:08 PM

      Now that I give this some thought, hamachi is a staple in sushi/sashimi cuisine. It’s also known as a Japanese or yellowtail jack. Bar jacks, horse eye jacks, and cravalles are from the same family and are common in south Florida waters. The former two are shallow water fish and might do well in an aquarium setting. Hamachi are colder water fish and have a higher fat content, but I would give domestic jacks a try.

      • Old Gator - Dec 28, 2011 at 4:51 PM

        Switching from hamachi to some local warm-water feesh would be like switching from coke to baby powder. I bet you the locals wouldn’t be the least bit habit forming. I would strangle, dismember, run through a chipper and rake into my vegetable beds our Florida Power and Light meter reader to get the forty dollars out of his wallet to buy myself four or five negi-hamachi temaki.

        Don’t even ask me what I would do for four negi-toro handrolls….

  6. drunkenhooliganism - Dec 28, 2011 at 12:24 PM

    “It really a natural progression from the original mandate from Jeffrey, which was to make this building completely Miami,”

    I’m looking forward to seeing shitty drivers zooming around the concourses

    • Old Gator - Dec 28, 2011 at 1:58 PM

      Where can you hang chads in a baseball stadium?

    • loge23 - Dec 29, 2011 at 2:12 PM

      So we can expect to get scammed at the concession counter, once the attendant actually shows up?
      Oh boy, we can keep this thread going all year!!

  7. rohlo - Dec 28, 2011 at 1:29 PM

    padres had palm trees at the old jack murphy stadium that worked well… loria first those hideous uni’s designed versace style and now a backstop thats gonna be a distraction to pitchers including the marlins…what a circus! nice looking stadium though,i saw it when i was driving over the summer by the airport area goingto miramar..

  8. brewcrewfan54 - Dec 28, 2011 at 3:34 PM

    It’s going to be awesome seeing some worker trying trying to net a fish that dies during a live broadcast.

    • kopy - Dec 28, 2011 at 3:46 PM

      Or you’ll be at the game and in the bathroom when the worker walks into a stall holding the aquatic creature by the tail…

      • brewcrewfan54 - Dec 28, 2011 at 4:09 PM

        That’s good stuff right there!

      • Old Gator - Dec 29, 2011 at 10:30 AM

        Considering that the Feesh’s cheerleaders are called the Mermaids, that could be a pretty loaded image right there…..

  9. crnvic847 - Dec 28, 2011 at 4:05 PM

    How much noise can 800 fans possibly make to stress out these fish?? The sting rays at tropicana seem like they are happy…well they only see about 800 fans per game as well. See a pattern here?

    • drunkenhooliganism - Dec 28, 2011 at 4:09 PM

      Fish scare away fans?

      • Old Gator - Dec 28, 2011 at 4:54 PM

        I know plenty of surfers who are scared of feesh, Carcharodon carcharias in particular….

      • jwbiii - Dec 28, 2011 at 6:16 PM

        The Man in the Gray Suit doesn’t show up so often in Florida. If you have friends in Northern California, however. . .

  10. growyourlocks - Dec 28, 2011 at 6:16 PM

    Millions of fans? Huh?

    • Old Gator - Dec 28, 2011 at 8:08 PM

      Forget it Jake, it’s Little Havana.

  11. spudchukar - Dec 29, 2011 at 3:45 AM

    Fish Tank. A new attraction, or future headline?

  12. lcdcac - Dec 29, 2011 at 2:07 PM

    Don’t you think these guys have thought most of this stuff out and hired experts to set this up? Make all the jokes you want about Loria but I would have to think that they had done or hired specialist to do extensive research on thise.

    • Old Gator - Dec 29, 2011 at 7:58 PM

      Or maybe, given that it’s Scrooge McLoria, they sent the Chihuahua down to PetSmart and asked the high school senior in the marine aquarium section to bang on the tanks, crossed off all the types of feesh and shreemp that went into shock, and then – given that it’s the Chihuahua we’re talking about – he slipped out the service alley door and left the kid to pay for the dead ones by herself.

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