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Quote of the Day: Logan Morrison on Ozzie Guillen

Jan 5, 2012, 9:36 AM EDT

Logan Morrison

The Marlins are gonna be so much damn fun this year. Carlos Zambrano. Hanley Ramirez. Ozzie Guillen. Logan Morrison. If they could trade for Nyjer Morgan and figure out roles for Milton Bradley, Carl Crawford I’d have enough bloggy material to last me all summer.

As it is, it’s just a matter of what’s going to set things off.  If they’re winning I imagine Zambrano will maintain his cool and not smash those fish tanks in the new ballpark. To be honest, it seems more likely that we’re going to have some sort of off-the-field issues. Maybe sparked by a miscommunication of some kind. Perhaps a Twitter war.  Here’s Logan Morrison last night, providing some foreshadowing to that effect:

I really hope Ozzies on-field instructions r easier 2 understand than his tweets. I literally have no idea what this dude is talking about.

To be fair to Ozzie, he keeps it clean on Twitter and based on what I’ve heard from him in off-the-record situations that takes away, like, half of his available vocabulary. I’m guessing once he is free to speak like Ozzie speaks his colorful metaphors will make his instructions a lot more clear.

  1. Old Gator - Jan 5, 2012 at 9:41 AM

    F-bombs as article adjectives. That’s the whole secret. And if Slobbering Ozzie can do it, anyone can. I might get him a Ouija Scrabble board for his birthday and watch him trying to communicate with cretins from the afterlife.

    • stex52 - Jan 5, 2012 at 10:01 AM

      I feel your pain, OG. Hope he shows a few signs of being house trained in Miami. Not optimistic, though.

      • Old Gator - Jan 5, 2012 at 1:35 PM

        My dogs are house trained. Big deal. I assure you that Scrooge McLoria wouldn’t enjoy having to squirt Nature’s Miracle™ on the office rug every damned day.

      • bravojawja - Jan 5, 2012 at 2:28 PM

        God bless whoever invented that Nature’s Miracle stuff. Every dog should come with a case of it.

      • Old Gator - Jan 5, 2012 at 3:51 PM

        Guess what? It works great for white throated monitor lizards too.

  2. hep3 - Jan 5, 2012 at 9:54 AM

    ” I’m guessing once he is free to speak like Ozzie speaks his colorful metaphors will make his instructions a lot more clear.”

    Nice Star Trek IV reference, Captain.

  3. milemarker17 - Jan 5, 2012 at 10:06 AM

    Morrison is way too full of himself. Hope he grows up someday. I’m sure the FO does, too.

    • lostsok - Jan 5, 2012 at 10:12 AM

      There’s a reason he doesn’t even bother to pretend to care about defense…he doesn’t have to. He’s THAT good. Just ask him…

  4. mattjg - Jan 5, 2012 at 10:11 AM

    I’m conflicted on Morrison. On the one hand, I’m glad that a player gives fans a chance to see his personality rather than hiding behind cliches all the time. On the other hand, that personality can be pretty douchetastic at times.

    • lostsok - Jan 5, 2012 at 10:13 AM

      “douchetastic”

      That is now officially a word. Verb: to act like Logan Morrison.

      Excellent.

      • wlschneider09 - Jan 5, 2012 at 10:36 AM

        I think it technically falls in the adjective category, but an outstanding word none the less.

  5. joshftw - Jan 5, 2012 at 10:23 AM

    Forget the Giant’s reality show! Can we follow this team around instead?

    • Old Gator - Jan 5, 2012 at 1:37 PM

      Of course you can. I’ll be doing the offcolor commentary here on a daily basis once spring training starts.

  6. trevorb06 - Jan 5, 2012 at 10:28 AM

    With Manny coming out or retirement there is no place I’d rather see him play than Miami.

    • WhenMattStairsIsKing - Jan 5, 2012 at 10:51 AM

      I think he’d be a voice of reason in that clubhouse. Which would be even crazier than Manny being Manny.

  7. Francisco (FC) - Jan 5, 2012 at 10:30 AM

    He looked at his calendar and let out a sigh. He couldn’t believe it was still January. Sitting back and relaxing on his high chair, bubble pipe in hand, Craig looked off into the distance while listening to squeaks, chitters and squawks that sounded downright cetacean. On the 71″ LED screen, the ultra smart display was cataloging the sounds and trying to match it against all known seafaring animal species.

    It was lot like those TV series when police ran their fingerprint recognition software and the display would sort through a bunch of files with known criminals at great speed. The difference here was the “fingerprint” was the sound and the display was going through a large number of marine mammals, crustaceans, fish, etc.

    On the corner of the screen was Tiffany who had called in a couple of minutes ago to say hi and Happy New Year. She had a puzzled expression on her face.

    “Are you listening to dolphins or something Craig?”

    “Not quite, I believe it’s a Marlin…”

    “That doesn’t make sense Craig.”

    His TV stopped and announced a match, with all sorts of highlights and a long beep. It stopped at Ozzie Guillen’s face. “On the contrary, the Marlin is question is the Manager. That’s what he sounds like when he’s deprived of his more colorful vocabulary. Morrison is right, it’s not really possible to separate the man from his invective and make any sense of out what’s left!”

    “Slow day Craig?”

    Craig looked at his calendar again…

    • mcsnide - Jan 5, 2012 at 10:55 AM

      That’s gold, Jerry.

  8. WhenMattStairsIsKing - Jan 5, 2012 at 10:54 AM

    Not in many work situations can you call your immediate supervisor “dude” so informally. I don’t care much about how douchy Logan Morrison is – that’s not news anymore – but I do wish more players called their managers “Mr. ____” like Orlando Hudson does.

    • WhenMattStairsIsKing - Jan 5, 2012 at 3:41 PM

      Love the thumbs down – BOO PROFESSIONALISM TOWARDS FIELD MANAGERS!!

  9. mcsnide - Jan 5, 2012 at 10:56 AM

    what’s up with the italics?

    • Cris E - Jan 5, 2012 at 12:11 PM

      It’s what’s left when the F-bombs are excised. This is going to be a beautiful year.

  10. SOBEIT - Jan 5, 2012 at 11:48 AM

    The Marlins will become the Jets of baseball. It will be great in the beginning…but will devolve into a pathetic mess. The only question is how long will it take.

    • Old Gator - Jan 5, 2012 at 1:38 PM

      I can’t see a viral video of someone sucking on Slobbering Ozzie’s toes hitting YouTube, though. There’s some things even YouTube won’t permit.

  11. xmatt0926x - Jan 5, 2012 at 1:06 PM

    The problem with Morrison is that his outspokeness is not a result of some wild and off the wall personality that he just can’t contain. I could at least understand that. I think Ozzie is a fraud as a manager but is legitimately a wise ass and a loudmouth. Morrison on the other hand said a while back that he and his agent contrived the whole outspoken twitter thing to “expand my brand”. To me that is what makes him the pathetic, attention seeking whore that he has become. If only he had the talent to match his mouth. I can deal with a guy who just can’t get out of the way of his own mouth if it’s sincere. Schtick (spelling?) on the other hand is just unbearable to me.

    • Old Gator - Jan 5, 2012 at 1:40 PM

      That’s OK, you’re not obligated to transliterate Yiddish properly. Even the Vilna Gaon couldn’t figure out how to do it.

  12. hittfamily - Jan 5, 2012 at 2:35 PM

    “along with the likes of Nyjer Morgan………Milton Bradley…………….Carl Crawford”

    Other than being black and being an outfielder, what the hell does Carl Crawford have to do with either one of those guys the Marlins “should pick up”?

    • Old Gator - Jan 5, 2012 at 6:01 PM

      Might have some reference to this teapot tempest from year ‘fore last:

      http://bleacherreport.com/articles/353009-character-issues-with-carl-crawford

      But yeah, I wonder too. I suspect Craig meant someone else – Kevin Mitchell, Jose Offerman?

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