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Bobby Valentine: Mike Aviles has the “DNA” of an everyday shortstop

Feb 20, 2012, 8:50 AM EDT

Mike Aviles

It’s not clear who will get the most reps at short in Boston this year. But yesterday Reds Sox’ manager Bobby Valentine said that Mike Aviles has the “DNA” of an everyday shortstop.

Fact: Mike Aviles was born in New York City in the spring of 1981.  Fact: the “everyday shortstop” of the Yankees at the time of Aviles’ conception was Bucky Dent.

Theory: If Aviles has the DNA of an everyday shortstop, that must mean* that Bucky Dent is his real father, and Aviles has now been delivered to Boston as part of a generations-spanning plot by Bucky Dent to punish the Red Sox even further than he already has.

Unless of course he plays really well, in which case it is Bucky Dent making amends with Red Sox fans for that home run he hit in 1978.

Or it’s possible that Aviles is actually the son of Frank Taveras, who started 141 games at short for the Mets in 1980.  But such speculation would be silly.

 

*Note: it must not mean any of this actually.

  1. proudlycanadian - Feb 20, 2012 at 8:56 AM

    When, I saw the quote, I wondered whom Valentine was referring to. Thanks for the research. I knew that his “uncle” Ramon Aviles had been a back up infielder, but was not a starting short stop. Either Bucky Dent it is, or Mike’s parents have a case for a slander suit.

    • uyf1950 - Feb 20, 2012 at 9:36 AM

      Bobby V never ceases to amaze me. Fans can read into that whatever they want.

  2. paperlions - Feb 20, 2012 at 9:01 AM

    It seems more likely that he bought SS DNA on eBay.

  3. davebrownspiral - Feb 20, 2012 at 9:02 AM

    “The DNA of an everyday shortstop.”

    In fairness to Bobby V, I think he meant to say “everyday AAA shortstop.” Long season for the Sox.

  4. jwbiii - Feb 20, 2012 at 9:25 AM

    This is good. Those with the DNA of, say, tree sloths, do not fare well at SS.

  5. phillyphreak - Feb 20, 2012 at 9:41 AM

    Too bad he doesn’t have the DNA to get on base consistently.

  6. mooseinohio - Feb 20, 2012 at 9:48 AM

    Didn’t work for Charlie Sheen when he claimed he had Tiger Blood, doubt it will work for Bobby V as he tries to conjure up Aviles as starting SS.

  7. snowbirdgothic - Feb 20, 2012 at 9:51 AM

    To be fair, Aviles has the DNA of a starting shortstop. He also has the RNA of a backup second baseman, the Myers-Briggs rating of a wacky left-handed reliever, and the midichlorians of a Sith Lord.

  8. pisano - Feb 20, 2012 at 10:28 AM

    Bobby V is a horseshit artist. I think he feels if he lies enough that even he’ll believe it.

    • bigharold - Feb 20, 2012 at 1:23 PM

      Hey , easy there, .. a little decorum here my friend. You are referring to the man that invented the wrap.

      The sandwich type thing not the thing that you put around you to keep warm.

  9. randygnyc - Feb 20, 2012 at 10:34 AM

    I guess Nomar slept with Avilles. That’s the only way “starting shortstop DNA” is getting inside aviles.

    • WhenMattStairsIsKing - Feb 20, 2012 at 12:42 PM

      Yeah, but Nomar doesn’t have ‘nomar’ talent at the position either!

  10. sdelmonte - Feb 20, 2012 at 11:09 AM

    Has anyone actually broken the genome of real shortstops yet? If not, what is taking so long?

  11. ptfu - Feb 20, 2012 at 11:41 AM

    It must be a recessive gene because Aviles sure hasn’t been dominant.

  12. WhenMattStairsIsKing - Feb 20, 2012 at 12:33 PM

    Do we have science to back up this claim? Did Bobby say this while wearing a white jacket and holding a beaker? Perhaps we should take this seriously and look into Bobby’s possible other talent as a Genetecist.

  13. Mohammed Chang - Feb 20, 2012 at 1:07 PM

    Why must we assume the Yankees’ shortstop impregnated Aviles’ mother? Given human gestation periods and the presence of a second Major League club in the city, by all rights it could have been the Mets’ Frank Taveras.

    • Mohammed Chang - Feb 20, 2012 at 1:08 PM

      And I didn’t read through far enough. :(

  14. 24missed - Feb 20, 2012 at 2:29 PM

    Bobby V is always looking for attention. Perhaps, underneath
    the layer of this latest posturing, there is some good will.
    Maybe he wants to give Aviles a solid compliment, as only Bobby
    can. Of course, there is the self-interest of the RS that Aviles
    feels very comfortable and confident in the role.

    Aviles spent off-season working to become an outfielder. Now,
    the Sox need a shortstop. Punto is reputed to have
    a friendly relationship with Bobby V. Speculation here, but
    maybe there is a vote of confidence going toward Aviles to
    squelch the appearance of favoritism.

    I like Aviles. He plays hard and works with the team.

    The DNA? Crap, I don’t even want to think about what Bobby
    knows about my family.

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