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Ronald Belisario tested positive for cocaine, said he used it only once

Feb 22, 2012, 11:00 AM EDT

ronald-belisario-dodgers2

Dodgers reliever Ronald Belisario already faces a drug suspension at the beginning of the year, but it appears that his drug problems extend beyond whatever it was that sent him to rehab last year: he told reporters this morning that he tested positive for cocaine.

It’s unclear when he tested positive, but Belisario says that wasn’t the drug that led to his suspension.  He also used the Ron Washington defense and said that he used cocaine only once. Which led to this G-chat conversation between Gleeman and me a few minutes ago:

Aaron:  I’ll leave the Belisario coke post to you.

Aaron:  Amazing how many guys get caught on their one and only lifetime usage! Such bad luck!

me:  I was just thinking that! Damn the luck!

Aaron:  Especially when that one usage comes at like age 30 or age 60.

Me:  Prime ages for experimentation, don’t you know.

Aaron:  It’s so weird. What could drive an adult non-user to use that once!

We then moved on to talk about how Aaron’s mom bought a new car last night and paid for it in cash. I asked Aaron if his mom was a drug dealer. He said, yes, she’s Ronald Belisario‘s drug dealer. Which presents the possibility that Belisario is telling the truth, that he used only once, but that he bought $20K worth of blow from Aaron’s mom.

I suppose we could try to report on this a bit more to get the real facts, but I don’t think we’ll find a better explanation than the Aaron’s-mom-sold-cocaine-to-Ronald-Belisario explanation. It just fits.

  1. Jeremiah Graves - Feb 22, 2012 at 11:08 AM

    I love you guys, oh-so-very much.

  2. El Bravo - Feb 22, 2012 at 11:14 AM

    Awesome. We need more coverage of the news like this here. Aaron, what’s your mom’s number? Never mind, it’s right here. BAM!

  3. djdvd - Feb 22, 2012 at 11:15 AM

    So where did his “one time” usage occur? The parking lot of the testing center? You have to be pretty dumb to test positive to cocaine with how long it stays in the system.

  4. twinsinfrance - Feb 22, 2012 at 11:17 AM

    I love that you guys take baseball very seriously and not seriously at all. The only reasonable approach to caring about something that absolutely doesn’t care back.

  5. jfk69 - Feb 22, 2012 at 11:19 AM

    Famous i got caught phrases

    But officer, after blowing a .12,…I only had two maybe three beers
    The test is bogus as i use mouthwash constantly and that has alcohol in it and is legal.

    Bad drug test…My wife uses and we had oral sex
    or…I was at a concert and the people around me were smoking pot. I don’t use…lol

    I love bagels with fresh poppy seeds…Yes but….It would take about dozen bagels that night and morning to register what the test came back at…
    LIKE I SAID …I LOVE BAGELS..I ORDER A BAKERS DOZEN AT A TIME

    and the number one response when caught
    I swear it is the first time i caught….I MEANT USED

    • churchoftheperpetuallyoutraged - Feb 22, 2012 at 12:53 PM

      Bad drug test…My wife uses and we had oral sex

      Wait a sec, is this someone’s honest excuse for failing a drug test? Citation needed please!

      • phukyouk - Feb 22, 2012 at 1:07 PM

        this happened recently.
        http://www.tothepeople.com/2007/01/oral-sex-leads-to-positive-drug-test.html

      • El Bravo - Feb 22, 2012 at 2:32 PM

        I wonder if he got a yeast infection on his mustache to go along with his failed test.

  6. Ralph - Feb 22, 2012 at 11:21 AM

    Belisario doesn’t do coke, he just likes the way it smells.

  7. koufaxmitzvah - Feb 22, 2012 at 11:25 AM

    Smoke more weed.

  8. phukyouk - Feb 22, 2012 at 11:39 AM

    I do not believe for one minute that you actually chat over IM without using “u” or improper grammar/punctuation

    • spindervish - Feb 22, 2012 at 12:51 PM

      Never mind that. I’m far more concerned with the disturbing overuse of exclamation points from a pair of middle-aged men.

      • Bryz - Feb 22, 2012 at 5:57 PM

        Aaron is upset you consider mid to late 20s as being “middle-aged.”

  9. hasbeen5 - Feb 22, 2012 at 11:43 AM

    Aaron’s mom must listen to Dave Ramsey

  10. stlouis1baseball - Feb 22, 2012 at 11:53 AM

    Yep…he only used it once. Then 20 – 25 minutes later he used it once again. Then within the next 30 minutes he used it once again.

    • churchoftheperpetuallyoutraged - Feb 22, 2012 at 12:55 PM

      I used to do drugs. Well I still do, but I used to as well.
      -Mitch Hedberg (RIP)

    • 4d3fect - Feb 23, 2012 at 12:01 AM

      “Cocaine made me feel like a new man. Only problem was the first thing the new man wanted was another hit of cocaine.”

      paraphrased from Geo. Carlin

      • umrguy42 - Feb 23, 2012 at 10:44 AM

        “So I asked him, ‘what’s so great about cocaine?’ And he said, ‘well, it intensifies your presonality’. And I said, ‘yes, but what if you’re an a**hole?’”

        Bill Cosby

      • umrguy42 - Feb 23, 2012 at 10:44 AM

        *personality.

        EDIT FUNCTION!

  11. newin360 - Feb 22, 2012 at 4:38 PM

    “Cocaine is a helluvadrug”
    - Dave Chapelle

    • koufaxmitzvah - Feb 22, 2012 at 5:27 PM

      Nope. That was Rick James, albeit on the Chappelle Show.

  12. humanexcrement - Feb 22, 2012 at 6:23 PM

    I used to hear this bullshit all the time when I was in the military. Yeah, I only used drugs once, and that one single time just happened to be the day before they put a vial in front of me and made me piss in it. Some guy spiked my drink at a bar, just happened to be the day before random urinalysis. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. And you know the funny part? I don’t give a flying fuck if some baseball player wants to spend his money on cocaine and marijuana. To each his own. But don’t lie about it.

  13. gorilladik81 - Feb 22, 2012 at 7:00 PM

    Who is Ronald Bellisaro and why do we care?

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