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The Rays are giving away a horrifying promotional item

Feb 22, 2012, 1:03 PM EST

The Rays must have some weird tax situation that absolutely requires that no one show up for their June 29 game against the Tigers.  How else to explain them giving away a promotional item that, if there is a God in Heaven, should send people running for the hills or an exorcist or something. From Rays Index, I present you with “Zim Bear”:

source:

I realize that some of you are going to defend this thing and claim it’s adorable, but that just proves that it wields unholy power and that you are malleable and prone to the demon’s suggestion. Because it’s evil incarnate and must be killed with fire lest it wake up in the dark of night and consume your pets and children whole.

  1. cur68 - Feb 22, 2012 at 1:10 PM

    Pedro Martinez isn’t phased one bit. He’s that thing’s Daddy.

  2. The Common Man - Feb 22, 2012 at 1:11 PM

    What? Don Zimmer has an average face:

  3. wildinkc - Feb 22, 2012 at 1:11 PM

    I am not going to lie that thing is so weird and creepy looking I must have one.

  4. Ben - Feb 22, 2012 at 1:13 PM

    At first I thought that was Bill O’Reilly, and then I looked at it more carefully and I still thought that was Bill O’Reilly.

    • Ben - Feb 22, 2012 at 1:19 PM

      Which totally works because if I remember right, Stephen Colbert’s nickname for Bill O’Reilly was papa bear.
      I need one of these bears.

    • Jonny 5 - Feb 22, 2012 at 2:46 PM

      You really do want these things burned by the masses huh?

  5. illegalblues - Feb 22, 2012 at 1:20 PM

    that is one cold dead stare

  6. Max Power - Feb 22, 2012 at 1:24 PM

    Much like the real Don Zimmer, the Zim Bear isn’t wearing pants either.

    • phukyouk - Feb 22, 2012 at 1:26 PM

      how’d you get your name?

      • cur68 - Feb 22, 2012 at 1:28 PM

        I asked him that once. He’s not really “Max Power”, alas. Just an erudite and keen watcher of the Simpsons with a fine sense for a good handle…unlike, say, me.

      • Max Power - Feb 22, 2012 at 1:33 PM

        I got it off a hair dryer.

      • phukyouk - Feb 22, 2012 at 1:36 PM

        You sir are awesome. thank you for the correct answer.

    • cur68 - Feb 22, 2012 at 1:26 PM

      Thanks for pointing that out Max. Now all I notice when I look at that thing is Zim Bear’s weirdly female anatomy. I going to go bleach my eyes now.

      • teblows - Feb 22, 2012 at 2:05 PM

        OMG cur.. I almost threw up after reading that and looking and its “zimgina” i didnt notice that..

  7. kurtstallings - Feb 22, 2012 at 1:27 PM

    Obviously, the Rays signed a movie tie-in deal with the producers of the upcoming summer blockbuster, “Son of Chuckie.” Rumors are Exorcist IV is in the works and Tampa Bay is negotiating some sort of mega-tie-in deal that will involve them putting the Devil back in Devil Rays.

  8. phukyouk - Feb 22, 2012 at 1:28 PM

    BREAKING NEWS: There are plans in the works to remake the “Childs Play” movies… they were just waiting on a doll creepier than Chucky. Production has already begun.

  9. tcostant - Feb 22, 2012 at 1:30 PM

    Reminds me of Talking Tina in the Twilight Zone and that didn’t end well for Kojak.

    • The Rabbit - Feb 22, 2012 at 2:10 PM

      Beat me to it…Exactly what I thought when I saw it.

  10. phillyphreak - Feb 22, 2012 at 1:30 PM

    Plan: go to game, collect bear, sell on ebay, make a mint.

    Also, apparently Longoria is taller than the stadium.

  11. chiadam - Feb 22, 2012 at 1:31 PM

    It looks like that guy kneeling in the bear suit from The Shining. But why stop with the teddy bear (or Zimbear)? There are plenty of other beloved symbols of childhood for the Tampa Zimrays to obliterate.

  12. zfreak666 - Feb 22, 2012 at 1:32 PM

    Chucky Zim Bear.

  13. deathmonkey41 - Feb 22, 2012 at 1:45 PM

    I’d still rather look at that than Rosie O’Donnell.

    • phukyouk - Feb 22, 2012 at 1:49 PM

      I’d rather watch a train wreck than Rosie O’Donnell.

  14. joshftw - Feb 22, 2012 at 1:56 PM

    Don’t you tell me what to do, evil bear thing!

  15. thinman61 - Feb 22, 2012 at 2:02 PM

    I heard Bill Lee is buying them out so he can burn them in effigy, one at a time.

  16. The Baseball Idiot - Feb 22, 2012 at 2:17 PM

    I’ll give you $20 for one.

  17. Francisco (FC) - Feb 22, 2012 at 2:32 PM

    So if you stick a pin in the doll do the Rays fall 5 games behind in the standings?

  18. vanmorrissey - Feb 22, 2012 at 3:36 PM

    Collector’s item. You’ll see them on EBAY June 30th, maybe even the 29th, for $25 each.

  19. drewzducks - Feb 22, 2012 at 3:51 PM

    Lee, Willoughby, Jenkins, Carbo et al called him the Gerbil. Guessing this may bring back some bad memories for Zim. Also, does it come with a metal plate in his forehead?

  20. Old Gator - Feb 22, 2012 at 3:54 PM

    Ohboy, I can’t wait to see what Bill Lee has to say about this thing.

    Incidentally, if the Razed really want to give away something horrible, how about little plastic replicas of the Tropicana Dump – to, say, the first 250 fans through the turnstiles? They can always donate the leftover ones to charity.

    • indaburg - Feb 22, 2012 at 6:41 PM

      You’re way behind the times, OG. That giveaway was done years ago. I am the lucky owner of a replica Tropicana Field.

      I can’t wait to get my Zimmer Voodoo doll.

  21. badmamainphilliesjamas - Feb 22, 2012 at 4:16 PM

    This is way more damaging to the kiddies than a “Si, Motherf#*#*#” t-shirt.

  22. unknowneric - Feb 22, 2012 at 4:27 PM

    Wasn’t that the bad guy in Toy Story 3?

  23. contraryguy - Feb 22, 2012 at 5:05 PM

    One of many problems with this item is that they didn’t make the cheeks big enough. Seriously. If you’re gonna give him the Zimmy-furry voodoo doll treatment at least make it look like him. Also I can’t help but think that somewhere in a Third-World sweatshop somebody is laughing their butt off as they stitch these up.

  24. foreverchipper10 - Feb 22, 2012 at 6:22 PM

    I saw this earlier today and hoped there would be a post about it here. As someone above said, it is so creepy I must have one as well. How can this not make everyone’s day?

  25. Louie Schuth - Feb 23, 2012 at 12:43 AM

    I would have sworn that was Tom Hanks.

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