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Manny found God

Feb 24, 2012, 12:30 PM EDT

Manny Ramirez arrived at A’s camp in Phoenix today.  After hitting several home runs in batting practice, he addressed the media.  Among the things he had to say:

On the one hand:  this is really cool. Though I’m not personally religious, I have seen how people can turn to God as a means of straightening their life out.  Whether there really is some sort of divine intervention at work or, rather, it’s just about finding something — anything — with which and on which to focus their lives, I have no idea. But it can work.  And given the sort of trouble Manny was having in his life in his career and with his family, good for him for finding something to turn things around.

On the other hand: poor God.  I know He is all loving and all powerful, but it’s probably been some time since He’s had someone who can try His patience like Manny can.  Manny is probably like that kid in Catholic school who asks if God can create a rock so large that even He Himself can’t move it, only x1000 and weirder.

“Are you there God? It’s me, Manny.”

“Um, sure, Manny. One moment. I just have to see a guy about a thing.”

[God runs away]

Here’s what Manny had to say to the media today, courtesy of

  1. derekjetersmansion - Feb 24, 2012 at 12:34 PM

    He basically took last year off. He’s rested, and probably wants to keep playing. In other words, a good chance he’ll be a good soldier.

    • jasonwinter - Feb 24, 2012 at 12:38 PM

      Strange that nobody’s saying the same about Randy Moss.

      • derekjetersmansion - Feb 24, 2012 at 12:42 PM

        NFL a young man’s game. Baseball isn’t. Manny can play for a few more years, Randy can’t.

      • sabathiawouldbegoodattheeighthtoo - Feb 24, 2012 at 12:49 PM

        As a Raiders fan, I hope Moss makes it back just long enough to take a crushing, painful, crippling hit. Preferably one of Polamalu’s patented helmet spears, that leaves them both unable to continue their careers.

    • hammyofdoom - Feb 24, 2012 at 2:12 PM

      Wow Sabathia, thats horrible…

    • Jack Marshall - Feb 24, 2012 at 7:17 PM

      I have some swampland in Florida you might be interested in buying….

  2. hurricanept - Feb 24, 2012 at 12:35 PM

    So THAT’S what he was looking for in the Green Monster!

  3. b7p19 - Feb 24, 2012 at 12:35 PM

    God is the that made Manny who he is…probably for his own amusement .

    • kopy - Feb 24, 2012 at 12:36 PM

    • Old Gator - Feb 24, 2012 at 2:03 PM

      Read your Necronomicon instead of your Bible next time. It was the Ancient Old Ones who created mankind for their own amusement. God took us seriously, and that was only his first mistake.

      And if Manny found God, God needs to learn to hide better.

  4. yankeesgameday - Feb 24, 2012 at 12:36 PM

    Finding god in America is the best politics there is.

    • Old Gator - Feb 24, 2012 at 2:25 PM

      Actually, finding Jesus is good politics; he’s easier to identify with:

  5. mirmz - Feb 24, 2012 at 12:37 PM

    Manny found God a while ago – He was chilling in the Fenway Park scoreboard that one day.

  6. aaronmoreno - Feb 24, 2012 at 12:38 PM

    Great if true, but we’ll see if this bears fruit.

    Heb. 4:12

  7. wlschneider09 - Feb 24, 2012 at 12:45 PM

    No, Manny, I’m not God. My name is Brett Anderson…. I’m a pitcher.

    • derekjetersmansion - Feb 24, 2012 at 12:47 PM


    • Bryz - Feb 24, 2012 at 12:51 PM

      Manny: “What’s that? You show pictures? You mean video?”

      Anderson: *facepalm*

      • wlschneider09 - Feb 24, 2012 at 12:57 PM

        That made me laugh. A lot.

  8. cur68 - Feb 24, 2012 at 12:50 PM

    See, this is why I pray to dog. My dog is discriminate. She loves only me (and anyone with a biscuit, true, but she comes back to me). She bites, but only if seriously provoked. Never flooded the world in a fit o’pique. No fatted calves (not that she’d be against a fatted calf, but damn, all that beef would make her sick), no first born, no sacrifices at all, really. Only rapture to look forward to is a daily going over with a brush (she loves that) and killing her frisbee.

    I’m certain my dog would at least growl at Manny, at least at first. Tell him to keep his distance. But, if he behaved appropriately, wasn’t a PIA, just generally acted like a guy who wanted to do the right thing, the right way: hell, she’d be cool with him, I’m pretty sure. Never mind god, Manny. Act like you should around my dog, who has pretty set expectations, is non-judgmental, and pretty easy to please and you’ll be fine.

    • phukyouk - Feb 24, 2012 at 1:41 PM

      you sure youre not just dyslexic?

      • cur68 - Feb 24, 2012 at 1:46 PM

        Dog lovers, UNTIE!
        …and who’s been “thumbs downing” my dog, eh? Whoever you are, you suck sas.

      • paperlions - Feb 24, 2012 at 2:04 PM

        Agreed. The phrase “good dog” is redundant. All dogs are good….the ones that are fucked up were made that way by shitty humans.

    • 24missed - Feb 25, 2012 at 4:30 PM

      Sweet Cur,

      Late to the party on this one, but wowzer. You have reached a new level of Manliness. How someone treats furballs is indicative of how they treat humans.

      I pray for my angel and thank God nightly for her. My owner (cat) came from a shelter and bestows her love upon me when she feels like it. After having been looked at as a pariah in her former shelter and treated like garbage from her former owners, she is a true scaredy-cat. She just needs love, silliness, gentle smothering and of course, catnip. Idiosyncrasies abound and they are just a few of the reasons I love her so. Manny has many of her best qualities.

      I love how your dog would help Manny. Sounds like a good plan and you sound like you have an awesome dog. I’ve always been more of a dog person, but my little one just tweaked at my heart and I had to learn an awful lot. Still learning.

      A welcome read coming back.

      • cur68 - Feb 26, 2012 at 1:07 AM

        Hi 24, my little turtle dove. I haven’t seen you ’round the web pages in a quite a while. Glad you’re still here. You’re cat sounds pretty lucky to have you. I grew up with cats and dogs around. None of them were mine, but I knew them all. One of my favourite creatures as a boy was my neighbors cat, Gaston. He was a good dude. Used to sit on the fence and wash himself in the mornings. We had a great relationship: I didn’t complain about his yowling at night and he’d come sit in my lap when I’d climb the apple tree in my back yard and read. I miss that guy.

        Manny should get a dog or a cat and learn to be accepted by his pet first. If he can do that, then he’ll have hope of being an acceptable person.

  9. joeflaccosunibrow - Feb 24, 2012 at 12:51 PM

    I thought Manny found God at Fenway park? He would always go into the Green Monster to “pray”.

  10. SmackSaw - Feb 24, 2012 at 12:54 PM

    The last act of a desperate man.

    • henryd3rd - Feb 24, 2012 at 2:04 PM

      Who are we talking about? Manny or Billy Bean?

  11. Gamera the Brave - Feb 24, 2012 at 1:24 PM

    Craig – Judy Blume? Really?
    That’s what you get for having kids…
    Next up – Diary of a Wimpy Ballplayer!

  12. gendisarray - Feb 24, 2012 at 1:28 PM

    Manny’s just confused. He didn’t find God – he just tracked down Jesus, his HGH dealer in the Bay area.

  13. rooney24 - Feb 24, 2012 at 1:38 PM

    Am I the only one picturing the laid back Pedro Cerrano from Major League 2 after he found Buddism? Will he have no marbles?

  14. patsandsox - Feb 24, 2012 at 2:05 PM

    Now I have heard everything. I believe this as much as I believe politicians are honest

  15. xpensivewinos - Feb 24, 2012 at 2:43 PM

    Ummmm yeah, that’s great.

    Can he still hit?????

  16. Ralph - Feb 24, 2012 at 3:00 PM

    That’s great that he’s found god, but the real question is….has he found a better masking agent?

  17. jason1214 - Feb 24, 2012 at 5:27 PM

    Finding God….doesn’t work for murderers, rapists or the like, but sure works wonders for athletes LOL

  18. karluke - Feb 24, 2012 at 6:02 PM

    If Manny’s real about it then all the best to him. I know God/Jesus is what changed my life 30+ years ago. Read John chapter 3 for the key.

  19. pisano - Feb 24, 2012 at 7:11 PM

    Yeah he found God, just like Ponce De Leon found the fountain of youth. This scumbag is a total fraud and I hope he gets cut in spring training.

  20. bigleagues - Feb 25, 2012 at 1:00 PM

    Been waiting for Manny to clarify this statement . . . as in he didn’t find God, he found Dog . . . as in Dog the Bounty Hunter. And he didn’t want that mega-mullet in his presence again.

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