Skip to content

Scenes from Spring Training: The Most Interesting Man in the World

Mar 7, 2012, 7:51 AM EST

TT Roadhoue

After I left the ballpark yesterday afternoon I came back to my hotel and placed my health first among all other things. First, I moved into my new non-smoking room, which was good for my lungs. Then I went to the fitness center and ran on a treadmill for 45 minutes which was good for my heart, body and soul.

Then I went to In-n-Out Burger and ate this followed by a trip to a dive bar called TT Roadhouse where I hoisted the moist with a friend of mine. No, I don’t think it’s safe to say that I’m in the best shape of my life after all of that. Hell, I’m not even in the best shape of the bloggers on this site.

The friend of mine was a former sportswriter and former blogger named Connor Doyle who I met back in the Shysterball days.  When I was here last year, as some of you may remember, I had beers with him and DIPS legend Voros McCracken and nearly started a race riot. Last night wasn’t quite as scary, but it definitely turned strange.

We had been there a little over an hour or so when a man with a gigantic head wound came up and sat down at our table and began talking to us. He began in mid-sentence as if he had been with us all night, and took up the political conversation Connor and I were having. Well, OK then. He did pause long enough for Connor to ask him what happened to his head. Seems he was walking with a girl last week when a man ran him over with a car and then drove away. He treated the explanation as though it was bothersome and unimportant and continued on with his political monologue. Well, OK again.

The substance of the monologue: if he had a time machine and could go back and change one historical event, it would be to prevent women getting the right to vote. Really: that’s when he believes all of our country’s problems began.

“The 50s were great,” he said. “Everything was going just fine until women got the vote.”

“You realize that by the 50s women had been voting for over 30 years,” I said.

He just kind of stopped for a second, considered the thought, ignored it and moved on. And to be fair to him, he did expand the point: it wasn’t just women voting that was the problem. It was all racial minorities, homosexuals and “children.”  I thought I’d comfort him by telling him that children still don’t have the right to vote, but I couldn’t really get a word in.

From there we moved on to evolution (“So you believe we came from monkeys? That it went ooze-fish-monkeys-man? Really?”) and then on to religion (“I’m not one of those crazy people, but religion has done more to disprove science than science has to prove evolution”).  He noted at one point that he got a concussion in that hit-and-run last week. I nodded.

Eventually our friend — who would not let me take his picture sadly, because I believe that by that time he realized (a) I was a writer; and (b) I was taking mental notes — mentioned that three women were coming to meet him there and implied that, if we played our cards right, maybe  Connor and I could get lucky.

I figured that was his tallest tale of the evening but I’ll be damned if three women didn’t eventually show up. One had a boyfriend with her. None of them seemed like people who would hang out with our friend, here. Indeed, when he went to use the restroom, one of the women said that she didn’t know the guy’s name and that they just call him “the guy who got hit by the car.”  I am still unclear on why they would all meet him out at a bar.

I was likewise unclear why I was still talking to him, but eventually he disappeared into the night.  I’m still not 100% certain that he existed. It’s possible someone spiked my Double-Double animal style or slipped a mickey into Moose Drool brown ale.  But if he did exist, just know that people like him walk the Earth. Well, sort of stagger the Earth, but still.

Freakin’ Arizona. Drink here at your peril.  Or maybe just don’t go out with Connor Doyle, because for as great a guy as he is, he seems to attract the weird ones.

Back to baseball this morning. I’m heading to the Peoria Sports Complex where I will witness the debut of Yu Darvish.  A man who, until last night, I figured would be the most interesting person I’d meet in Spring Training.

Reports from the ballpark later, my friends.

Latest Posts
  1. O’s, Reds, Mariners “among possibilities” for Nori Aoki

    Dec 17, 2014, 11:35 PM EST

    nori aoki getty Getty Images

    According to CBS Sports’ Jon Heyman, the Orioles, Reds, and Mariners are among the possible landing spots for the 32-year-old free agent corner outfielder.

  2. Video: Jeff Samardzija welcomed back to Chicago before Blackhawks hockey game

    Dec 17, 2014, 10:18 PM EST

    jeff samardzija getty Getty Images

    Jeff Samardzija, former Cubs starter and recent White Sox trade acquisition, was welcomed back to the Windy City prior to Tuesday night’s NHL game between the Chicago Blackhawks and visiting Minnesota Wild …

  3. Diamondbacks avoid arbitration with David Hernandez

    Dec 17, 2014, 9:24 PM EST

    david hernandez getty Getty Images

    David Hernandez looked like a non-tender candidate after undergoing Tommy John reconstructive elbow surgery in April, but the Diamondbacks decided to keep him around …

  4. Marlins, Braves, Giants considering Jake Peavy

    Dec 17, 2014, 8:10 PM EST

    peavy getty Getty Images

    Ken Rosenthal of FOX Sports reports that the Marlins, Braves, and Giants have all expressed interest in free agent starter Jake Peavy …

  5. Royals sign Edinson Volquez for two years, $20 million

    Dec 17, 2014, 7:02 PM EST

    edinson volquez getty Getty Images

    From CBS Sports’ Jon Heyman comes word that the Royals have agreed to terms on a two-year, $20 million free agent contract with Edinson Volquez.

  6. Rays, Padres, Nationals agree to 11-player trade

    Dec 17, 2014, 6:16 PM EST

    wil myers rays getty Getty Images

    A three-team, 11-player trade has been agreed upon between the Rays, Padres, and Nationals. It centers around outfielder Wil Myers.

  7. Nick Markakis had neck surgery

    Dec 17, 2014, 5:08 PM EST

    Nick Markakis AP

    He is expected to be able to resume baseball activities before Spring Training begins.

  8. Blue Jays sign Ryan Kalish

    Dec 17, 2014, 4:16 PM EST

    Daniel Nava Getty Getty Images

    One-time Red Sox prospect trying to snag a bench gig.

  9. On some days, Pedro Martinez knew opposing hitters were “f****d”

    Dec 17, 2014, 4:05 PM EST

    Pedro Martinez AP

    If you don’t love Pedro Martinez there is no helping you.

  10. The Dbacks were apparently not pleased with Wade Miley’s conditioning

    Dec 17, 2014, 2:31 PM EST

    wade miley getty Getty Images

    The pitcher denies there were issues. But now he’s off to Boston, so I guess it doesn’t matter.

  11. So, apparently we’re sweating the Matt Kemp physical now

    Dec 17, 2014, 12:53 PM EST

    matt kemp getty Getty Images

    And if it blows up, it could impact the Jimmy Rollins trade too.

  12. The Red Sox acquire Anthony Varvaro from the Braves

    Dec 17, 2014, 12:30 PM EST

    Anthony Varvaro Getty Getty Images

    The Sox are getting themselves a handy reliever.

  13. Mariners acquire outfielder Justin Ruggiano from Cubs

    Dec 17, 2014, 12:12 PM EST

    Justin Ruggiano AP

    Seattle is looking for right-handed bats.

  14. Michael Kohn knew he’d play for the Braves when he was ten-years-old

    Dec 17, 2014, 11:53 AM EST

    crystal ball

    Right team, even if he picked the wrong position.

  15. “Nothing brewing” on Red Sox trading Allen Craig

    Dec 17, 2014, 11:15 AM EST

    allen craig getty Getty Images

    They’re getting lots of calls on him, though.

  16. The Wil Myers trade is “nearing the finish line”

    Dec 17, 2014, 11:10 AM EST

    wil myers getty Getty Images

    It appears as though it’ll only be a two-team trade, with Myers heading to San Diego.

  17. The United States will seek to normalize relations with Cuba

    Dec 17, 2014, 10:03 AM EST

    Cuba

    Which could have some baseball implications

Featured video

Cubs shore up rotation with Jon Lester
Top 10 MLB Player Searches
  1. M. Cabrera (4183)
  2. W. Myers (2987)
  3. M. Kemp (2638)
  4. W. Miley (2398)
  5. C. Headley (2327)
  1. J. Lester (2290)
  2. M. Morse (2248)
  3. M. Scherzer (1973)
  4. J. Upton (1922)
  5. C. Hamels (1895)