Skip to content

Scenes from Spring Training: The Most Interesting Man in the World

Mar 7, 2012, 7:51 AM EDT

TT Roadhoue

After I left the ballpark yesterday afternoon I came back to my hotel and placed my health first among all other things. First, I moved into my new non-smoking room, which was good for my lungs. Then I went to the fitness center and ran on a treadmill for 45 minutes which was good for my heart, body and soul.

Then I went to In-n-Out Burger and ate this followed by a trip to a dive bar called TT Roadhouse where I hoisted the moist with a friend of mine. No, I don’t think it’s safe to say that I’m in the best shape of my life after all of that. Hell, I’m not even in the best shape of the bloggers on this site.

The friend of mine was a former sportswriter and former blogger named Connor Doyle who I met back in the Shysterball days.  When I was here last year, as some of you may remember, I had beers with him and DIPS legend Voros McCracken and nearly started a race riot. Last night wasn’t quite as scary, but it definitely turned strange.

We had been there a little over an hour or so when a man with a gigantic head wound came up and sat down at our table and began talking to us. He began in mid-sentence as if he had been with us all night, and took up the political conversation Connor and I were having. Well, OK then. He did pause long enough for Connor to ask him what happened to his head. Seems he was walking with a girl last week when a man ran him over with a car and then drove away. He treated the explanation as though it was bothersome and unimportant and continued on with his political monologue. Well, OK again.

The substance of the monologue: if he had a time machine and could go back and change one historical event, it would be to prevent women getting the right to vote. Really: that’s when he believes all of our country’s problems began.

“The 50s were great,” he said. “Everything was going just fine until women got the vote.”

“You realize that by the 50s women had been voting for over 30 years,” I said.

He just kind of stopped for a second, considered the thought, ignored it and moved on. And to be fair to him, he did expand the point: it wasn’t just women voting that was the problem. It was all racial minorities, homosexuals and “children.”  I thought I’d comfort him by telling him that children still don’t have the right to vote, but I couldn’t really get a word in.

From there we moved on to evolution (“So you believe we came from monkeys? That it went ooze-fish-monkeys-man? Really?”) and then on to religion (“I’m not one of those crazy people, but religion has done more to disprove science than science has to prove evolution”).  He noted at one point that he got a concussion in that hit-and-run last week. I nodded.

Eventually our friend — who would not let me take his picture sadly, because I believe that by that time he realized (a) I was a writer; and (b) I was taking mental notes — mentioned that three women were coming to meet him there and implied that, if we played our cards right, maybe  Connor and I could get lucky.

I figured that was his tallest tale of the evening but I’ll be damned if three women didn’t eventually show up. One had a boyfriend with her. None of them seemed like people who would hang out with our friend, here. Indeed, when he went to use the restroom, one of the women said that she didn’t know the guy’s name and that they just call him “the guy who got hit by the car.”  I am still unclear on why they would all meet him out at a bar.

I was likewise unclear why I was still talking to him, but eventually he disappeared into the night.  I’m still not 100% certain that he existed. It’s possible someone spiked my Double-Double animal style or slipped a mickey into Moose Drool brown ale.  But if he did exist, just know that people like him walk the Earth. Well, sort of stagger the Earth, but still.

Freakin’ Arizona. Drink here at your peril.  Or maybe just don’t go out with Connor Doyle, because for as great a guy as he is, he seems to attract the weird ones.

Back to baseball this morning. I’m heading to the Peoria Sports Complex where I will witness the debut of Yu Darvish.  A man who, until last night, I figured would be the most interesting person I’d meet in Spring Training.

Reports from the ballpark later, my friends.

Latest Posts
  1. Diamondbacks call up former elite prospect Andy Marte

    Jul 31, 2014, 5:28 PM EDT

    andy-marte-indians-broken-bat Getty Images

    Once upon a time Andy Marte was one of the best prospects in baseball. He cracked Baseball America’s top 15 list in 2004, 2005, and 2006.

  2. Cubs trade James Russell and Emilio Bonifacio to the Braves for a catching prospect.

    Jul 31, 2014, 4:52 PM EDT

    Russell_James

    The Braves get their lefty and a venerable super sub. The Cubs get an interesting catching prospect.

  3. Yankees designate Brian Roberts for assignment

    Jul 31, 2014, 4:46 PM EDT

    Brian Roberts Getty Images

    Shortly after acquiring Stephen Drew and Martin Prado in separate trades this afternoon the Yankees announced that starting second baseman Brian Roberts has been designated for assignment.

  4. Jared Cosart traded from Houston to Miami

    Jul 31, 2014, 4:30 PM EDT

    Cosart AP AP

    Some pitching heading Miami’s way.

  5. Kurt Suzuki stays in Minnesota, signs extension with Twins

    Jul 31, 2014, 4:20 PM EDT

    Kurt Suzuki Twins AP

    All month the assumption has been that the Twins would either sign Kurt Suzuki to a contract extension or trade the 30-year-old impending free agent in the middle of his career-year.

  6. The Yankees acquire Martin Prado from the Diamondbacks

    Jul 31, 2014, 4:16 PM EDT

    Martin Prado AP

    A super sub at heart who can and will be used at multiple positions by the Yankees.

  7. 2014 Trade Deadline Tracker

    Jul 31, 2014, 4:15 PM EDT

    David Price David Price

    Recapping all of Thursday’s dealings in one spot.

  8. Cats and dogs, working together: Red Sox trade Stephen Drew to Yankees for Kelly Johnson

    Jul 31, 2014, 3:59 PM EDT

    Stephen Drew Getty Images

    How committed are the Red Sox to blowing up the roster? They just made a trade with the Yankees–the Yankees–sending shortstop Stephen Drew to New York just 39 games after re-signing him to a $10 million deal.

  9. ACES GALORE: The Rays trade David Price to the Tigers

    Jul 31, 2014, 3:55 PM EDT

    David Price David Price

    With Price in town, a guy who one the AL MVP and Cy Young Award a couple of years ago is now the TIgers fourth starter.

  10. Indians trade Asdrubal Cabrera to Nationals

    Jul 31, 2014, 3:40 PM EDT

    Asdrubal Cabrera Getty Images

    In search of infield help with Ryan Zimmerman on the disabled list again, the Nationals have acquired switch-hitting shortstop Asdrubal Cabrera from the Indians in exchange for minor leaguer Zach Walters.

  11. Orioles acquire Andrew Miller from Red Sox

    Jul 31, 2014, 3:13 PM EDT

    Oakland Athletics v Boston Red Sox Getty Images

    This morning the Red Sox were reportedly close to trading left-handed reliever Andrew Miller to the Tigers, but that deal apparently fell through because now Jerry Crasnick of ESPN.com reports that Miller has been sent to the Orioles.

  12. The Mariners acquire Chris Denorfia from the Padres

    Jul 31, 2014, 2:21 PM EDT

    denorfia getty Getty Images

    A lefty masher is having a down year, but he can help out in Seattle.

  13. Brewers acquire Gerardo Parra from Diamondbacks

    Jul 31, 2014, 2:14 PM EDT

    Gerardo Parra Getty Getty Images

    Parra’s offensive production has dropped off this season, falling about 50 points compared to his career norms, but he remains an excellent defensive corner outfielder capable of handling center field if needed.

  14. Red Sox trade John Lackey to Cardinals for Allen Craig and Joe Kelly

    Jul 31, 2014, 1:00 PM EDT

    John Lackey Getty Getty Images

    Not satisfied with adding Justin Masterson to the rotation yesterday, the Cardinals have added another veteran starter by acquiring John Lackey from the Red Sox. And, much like Boston’s deal to get Yoenis Cespedes from Oakland for Jon Lester, the Red Sox have prioritized the present by getting veterans Allen Craig and Joe Kelly in exchange.

  15. Jonny Gomes says something interesting about chemistry

    Jul 31, 2014, 12:49 PM EDT

    Jonny Gomes AP

    Seems that Gomes knows more about team chemistry than the people who hold him up as a paragon of good chemistry.

  16. Dodgers “trying hard” to get Joaquin Benoit from Padres

    Jul 31, 2014, 12:38 PM EDT

    Joaquin Benoit

    Because the Dodgers can apparently never have too many current and former closers in the bullpen, Joel Sherman of the New York Post reports that they’re “trying hard” to acquire Joaquin Benoit from the Padres.

  17. HBT Daily: Breaking down the Jon Lester-Yoenis Cespedes trade

    Jul 31, 2014, 12:30 PM EDT

    cespedes getty Getty Images

    It’s a win-win from where I’m sitting. In my basement studio. With shorts on beneath the suit jacket, even if I’m trying to look like I’m in an office.

Featured video

The Jon Lester-Yoenis Cespedes trade is a win-win
Top 10 MLB Player Searches