Mar 7, 2012, 7:51 AM EST
After I left the ballpark yesterday afternoon I came back to my hotel and placed my health first among all other things. First, I moved into my new non-smoking room, which was good for my lungs. Then I went to the fitness center and ran on a treadmill for 45 minutes which was good for my heart, body and soul.
Then I went to In-n-Out Burger and ate this followed by a trip to a dive bar called TT Roadhouse where I hoisted the moist with a friend of mine. No, I don’t think it’s safe to say that I’m in the best shape of my life after all of that. Hell, I’m not even in the best shape of the bloggers on this site.
The friend of mine was a former sportswriter and former blogger named Connor Doyle who I met back in the Shysterball days. When I was here last year, as some of you may remember, I had beers with him and DIPS legend Voros McCracken and nearly started a race riot. Last night wasn’t quite as scary, but it definitely turned strange.
We had been there a little over an hour or so when a man with a gigantic head wound came up and sat down at our table and began talking to us. He began in mid-sentence as if he had been with us all night, and took up the political conversation Connor and I were having. Well, OK then. He did pause long enough for Connor to ask him what happened to his head. Seems he was walking with a girl last week when a man ran him over with a car and then drove away. He treated the explanation as though it was bothersome and unimportant and continued on with his political monologue. Well, OK again.
The substance of the monologue: if he had a time machine and could go back and change one historical event, it would be to prevent women getting the right to vote. Really: that’s when he believes all of our country’s problems began.
“The 50s were great,” he said. “Everything was going just fine until women got the vote.”
“You realize that by the 50s women had been voting for over 30 years,” I said.
He just kind of stopped for a second, considered the thought, ignored it and moved on. And to be fair to him, he did expand the point: it wasn’t just women voting that was the problem. It was all racial minorities, homosexuals and “children.” I thought I’d comfort him by telling him that children still don’t have the right to vote, but I couldn’t really get a word in.
From there we moved on to evolution (“So you believe we came from monkeys? That it went ooze-fish-monkeys-man? Really?”) and then on to religion (“I’m not one of those crazy people, but religion has done more to disprove science than science has to prove evolution”). He noted at one point that he got a concussion in that hit-and-run last week. I nodded.
Eventually our friend — who would not let me take his picture sadly, because I believe that by that time he realized (a) I was a writer; and (b) I was taking mental notes — mentioned that three women were coming to meet him there and implied that, if we played our cards right, maybe Connor and I could get lucky.
I figured that was his tallest tale of the evening but I’ll be damned if three women didn’t eventually show up. One had a boyfriend with her. None of them seemed like people who would hang out with our friend, here. Indeed, when he went to use the restroom, one of the women said that she didn’t know the guy’s name and that they just call him “the guy who got hit by the car.” I am still unclear on why they would all meet him out at a bar.
I was likewise unclear why I was still talking to him, but eventually he disappeared into the night. I’m still not 100% certain that he existed. It’s possible someone spiked my Double-Double animal style or slipped a mickey into Moose Drool brown ale. But if he did exist, just know that people like him walk the Earth. Well, sort of stagger the Earth, but still.
Freakin’ Arizona. Drink here at your peril. Or maybe just don’t go out with Connor Doyle, because for as great a guy as he is, he seems to attract the weird ones.
Back to baseball this morning. I’m heading to the Peoria Sports Complex where I will witness the debut of Yu Darvish. A man who, until last night, I figured would be the most interesting person I’d meet in Spring Training.
Reports from the ballpark later, my friends.
Mar 2, 2015, 11:05 PM EST
Gwynn will function as insurance with Jayson Werth and Nate McLouth each rehabbing from shoulder surgery.
Mar 2, 2015, 10:01 PM EST
Mueller died at the age of 26 last month while in captivity in Syria.
Mar 2, 2015, 8:58 PM EST
The Mets cut back on defensive shifts with Wheeler on the mound last season because of his concerns.
Mar 2, 2015, 7:45 PM EST
Some key players are making some encouraging strides on the health front.
Mar 2, 2015, 6:29 PM EST
After facing a pitching machine during an intrasquad game today, Alex Rodriguez is ready for his first real-live game action since September of 2013.
Mar 2, 2015, 5:12 PM EST
Seems a bit light as far as these things go.
Mar 2, 2015, 4:26 PM EST
Trammell and Whitaker in Detroit? Carter and Hernandez with the Mets?
Mar 2, 2015, 3:45 PM EST
Lester joined the Cubs on a six-year, $155 million deal in December.
Mar 2, 2015, 2:45 PM EST
Don’t. Praise. The. Machine.
Mar 2, 2015, 1:48 PM EST
Hart is attempting to resurrect his career on a one-year deal as a part-timer in Pittsburgh.
Mar 2, 2015, 1:27 PM EST
Shocking, I know.
Mar 2, 2015, 11:50 AM EST
GM says “they’re not going to play him for a little while.”
Mar 2, 2015, 11:33 AM EST
Howard Johnson is right!
Mar 2, 2015, 11:19 AM EST
Detroit owes him $28 million per season through 2019.
Mar 2, 2015, 11:09 AM EST
It happened to Wynton Bernard anyway.
Mar 2, 2015, 10:47 AM EST
Since shifting to the bullpen full time in 2011 the Minnesota native has a 2.74 ERA and 286/63 K/BB ratio in 256 innings.
Mar 2, 2015, 10:15 AM EST
Axford had a 3.92 ERA and 63/36 K/BB ratio in 55 innings for the Indians last season.
Mar 2, 2015, 10:03 AM EST
At least one columnist thinks this is a big problem. Is it?
Mar 2, 2015, 9:15 AM EST
Patrick Dubuque of The Hardball Times mounts an in-depth study of the Peanuts’ Gang’s manager.
Mar 2, 2015, 8:17 AM EST
The lives of a couple of “Moneyball” players serves as a jumping off point for a good Monday morning rant.
- Blue Jays sign Dayan Viciedo to a minor league deal 8
- Chris Sale will be sidelined for three weeks with foot fracture 11
- Aramis Ramirez says 2015 will be his last year 32
- Francisco Rodriguez re-signs with the Brewers 9
- If addiction is an illness — and it is — Josh Hamilton shouldn’t be suspended 305
- Pirates open to massive extension for Andrew McCutchen 18
- Report: Josh Hamilton had a relapse this offseason that “involved at least cocaine” 86
- Yankees don’t plan on having to pay A-Rod’s $30 million in home run milestone bonuses 52
- If addiction is an illness — and it is — Josh Hamilton shouldn’t be suspended (305)
- San Francisco — and all of California — will consider a smokeless tobacco ban that includes MLB parks (131)
- Brian Sabean says that California taxes are a hindrance to the Giants signing free agents (102)
- Ichiro is happy to be away from Joe Girardi (88)
- Report: Josh Hamilton had a relapse this offseason that “involved at least cocaine” (86)