Skip to content

Scenes from Spring Training: The Most Interesting Man in the World

Mar 7, 2012, 7:51 AM EDT

TT Roadhoue

After I left the ballpark yesterday afternoon I came back to my hotel and placed my health first among all other things. First, I moved into my new non-smoking room, which was good for my lungs. Then I went to the fitness center and ran on a treadmill for 45 minutes which was good for my heart, body and soul.

Then I went to In-n-Out Burger and ate this followed by a trip to a dive bar called TT Roadhouse where I hoisted the moist with a friend of mine. No, I don’t think it’s safe to say that I’m in the best shape of my life after all of that. Hell, I’m not even in the best shape of the bloggers on this site.

The friend of mine was a former sportswriter and former blogger named Connor Doyle who I met back in the Shysterball days.  When I was here last year, as some of you may remember, I had beers with him and DIPS legend Voros McCracken and nearly started a race riot. Last night wasn’t quite as scary, but it definitely turned strange.

We had been there a little over an hour or so when a man with a gigantic head wound came up and sat down at our table and began talking to us. He began in mid-sentence as if he had been with us all night, and took up the political conversation Connor and I were having. Well, OK then. He did pause long enough for Connor to ask him what happened to his head. Seems he was walking with a girl last week when a man ran him over with a car and then drove away. He treated the explanation as though it was bothersome and unimportant and continued on with his political monologue. Well, OK again.

The substance of the monologue: if he had a time machine and could go back and change one historical event, it would be to prevent women getting the right to vote. Really: that’s when he believes all of our country’s problems began.

“The 50s were great,” he said. “Everything was going just fine until women got the vote.”

“You realize that by the 50s women had been voting for over 30 years,” I said.

He just kind of stopped for a second, considered the thought, ignored it and moved on. And to be fair to him, he did expand the point: it wasn’t just women voting that was the problem. It was all racial minorities, homosexuals and “children.”  I thought I’d comfort him by telling him that children still don’t have the right to vote, but I couldn’t really get a word in.

From there we moved on to evolution (“So you believe we came from monkeys? That it went ooze-fish-monkeys-man? Really?”) and then on to religion (“I’m not one of those crazy people, but religion has done more to disprove science than science has to prove evolution”).  He noted at one point that he got a concussion in that hit-and-run last week. I nodded.

Eventually our friend — who would not let me take his picture sadly, because I believe that by that time he realized (a) I was a writer; and (b) I was taking mental notes — mentioned that three women were coming to meet him there and implied that, if we played our cards right, maybe  Connor and I could get lucky.

I figured that was his tallest tale of the evening but I’ll be damned if three women didn’t eventually show up. One had a boyfriend with her. None of them seemed like people who would hang out with our friend, here. Indeed, when he went to use the restroom, one of the women said that she didn’t know the guy’s name and that they just call him “the guy who got hit by the car.”  I am still unclear on why they would all meet him out at a bar.

I was likewise unclear why I was still talking to him, but eventually he disappeared into the night.  I’m still not 100% certain that he existed. It’s possible someone spiked my Double-Double animal style or slipped a mickey into Moose Drool brown ale.  But if he did exist, just know that people like him walk the Earth. Well, sort of stagger the Earth, but still.

Freakin’ Arizona. Drink here at your peril.  Or maybe just don’t go out with Connor Doyle, because for as great a guy as he is, he seems to attract the weird ones.

Back to baseball this morning. I’m heading to the Peoria Sports Complex where I will witness the debut of Yu Darvish.  A man who, until last night, I figured would be the most interesting person I’d meet in Spring Training.

Reports from the ballpark later, my friends.

Latest Posts
  1. Ichiro compares being a free agent to being a puppy in a pet shop

    Mar 28, 2015, 11:25 PM EDT

    Ichiro Suzuki Ichiro Suzuki

    Let Marlins outfielder Ichiro Suzuki tell you how being a free agent is like being a puppy in a pet shop.

  2. Mariners prospect Victor Sanchez has died

    Mar 28, 2015, 10:35 PM EDT

    mariners logo

    Promising Mariners pitching prospect Victor Sanchez died on Saturday night after he was involved in an unfortunate boating accident in February.

  3. Nate Schierholtz opts out of contract with the Rangers

    Mar 28, 2015, 10:10 PM EDT

    Nate Schierholtz Nate Schierholtz

    Outfielder Nate Schierholtz is a free agent again, opting out of his contract with the Rangers after a disappointing spring showing.

  4. Videos: Young talent on display as Bryce Harper homers and Mike Trout robs a homer

    Mar 28, 2015, 9:05 PM EDT

    Mike Trout Mike Trout

    Two baseball superstars put their talented display in spring training action on Saturday afternoon.

  5. Jaime Garcia scratched from Sunday start due to shoulder setback

    Mar 28, 2015, 8:05 PM EDT

    Jaime Garcia Jaime Garcia

    More shoulder problems for Jaime Garcia, who has made 16 combined starts since the beginning of the 2013 season.

  6. The Shane Victorino saga with Boston radio personalities continues

    Mar 28, 2015, 7:15 PM EDT

    Shane Victorino Shane Victorino

    Shane Victorino didn’t like the way a pair of radio personalities in Boston interpreted his desire to see the Red Sox acquire Cole Hamels from the Phillies.

  7. Giants catcher Matt Paré talks about the not-so-glamorous life in the minor leagues

    Mar 28, 2015, 6:25 PM EDT

    giants logo

    Giants minor league catcher Matt Paré discussed the thrifty lifestyles minor league players are forced into.

  8. Video: Alex Rodriguez connects for his third home run of the spring

    Mar 28, 2015, 5:30 PM EDT

    Alex Rodriguez AP AP

    Rodriguez is now batting .306 (11-for-36) with three home runs, a double and a .925 OPS across 15 games this spring.

  9. Report: Mets talking contract extension with Lucas Duda

    Mar 28, 2015, 5:18 PM EDT

    Lucas Duda AP

    Lucas Duda is coming off a breakout year with the Mets and the two sides are now discussing a contract extension.

  10. Didi Gregorius suffers left wrist sprain, X-rays come back negative

    Mar 28, 2015, 4:13 PM EDT

    Travis d'Arnaud, Didi Gregorius AP

    Gregorius injured his wrist Saturday while trying to dive for a ground ball in the second inning.

  11. Felix Doubront granted his release by the Cubs

    Mar 28, 2015, 3:40 PM EDT

    Los Angeles Dodgers v Chicago Cubs Getty Images

    Doubront really struggled during Cactus League action, allowing nine runs on 17 hits (including two home runs) in seven innings across four appearances.

  12. Rangers acquire left-hander Sam Freeman from Cardinals

    Mar 28, 2015, 2:51 PM EDT

    Sam Freeman Getty Getty Images

    Freeman owns a 3.33 ERA with a 61/34 K/BB ratio over 70 1/3 innings in the majors.

  13. J.J. Hardy to undergo MRA on ailing shoulder

    Mar 28, 2015, 2:15 PM EDT

    St. Louis Cardinals v Baltimore Orioles Getty Images

    The Orioles will already be without Matt Wieters on Opening Day as he makes his way back from Tommy John surgery and now suddenly J.J. Hardy’s status is also in question.

  14. Angels release veteran reliever Matt Lindstrom

    Mar 28, 2015, 1:32 PM EDT

    Matt Lindstrom Getty Getty Images

    Lindstrom, who was in camp this spring on a minor league contract, posted an ugly 11.12 ERA and 5/4 K/BB ratio over 5 2/3 innings during Cactus League action.

  15. Twins prospect Lewis Thorpe to undergo Tommy John surgery

    Mar 28, 2015, 12:45 PM EDT

    Twins logo

    Thorpe, 19, owns a 2.80 ERA and 179/54 K/BB ratio over his first 157 2/3 innings in pro ball.

  16. Video: Yordano Ventura throws seven no-hit innings in Cactus League start

    Mar 28, 2015, 12:00 PM EDT

    Yordano Ventura AP AP

    Yordano Ventura was recently named as the Royals’ Opening Day starter and he had a heck of a tuneup in his latest Cactus League outing last night.

  17. Blue Jays GM Alex Anthopoulos watched Jonathan Papelbon pitch Friday

    Mar 28, 2015, 11:01 AM EDT

    Jonathan Papelbon Jonathan Papelbon

    Phillies closer Jonathan Papelbon said last month that he would be interested in a trade to the Blue Jays and it appears that the possibility might still have some legs.

  18. Mike Pelfrey not happy about move to bullpen

    Mar 28, 2015, 10:11 AM EDT

    Mike Pelfrey AP AP

    Pelfrey owns an ugly 5.56 ERA in 34 starts dating back to 2013.

  19. Christian Vazquez says he’s nervous about his elbow

    Mar 28, 2015, 9:30 AM EDT

    25b0e49ab484f722bc9e41439c67a5e8 Getty Images

    An MRI showed “something” in Christian Vazquez’s right elbow.

  20. Carlos Gonzalez exits game with soreness in surgically-repaired knee

    Mar 28, 2015, 8:57 AM EDT

    Colorado Rockies Photo Day Getty Images

    This isn’t what you want to hear with the start of the season just one week away.

Top 10 MLB Player Searches
  1. H. Olivera (3754)
  2. J. Fernandez (3597)
  3. K. Bryant (3388)
  4. J. Kipnis (3244)
  5. C. Rodon (3236)
  1. S. Doolittle (3231)
  2. Y. Tomas (3198)
  3. H. Ryu (3125)
  4. A. Cobb (3106)
  5. G. Richards (3092)