Skip to content

Scenes from Spring Training: The Most Interesting Man in the World

Mar 7, 2012, 7:51 AM EDT

TT Roadhoue

After I left the ballpark yesterday afternoon I came back to my hotel and placed my health first among all other things. First, I moved into my new non-smoking room, which was good for my lungs. Then I went to the fitness center and ran on a treadmill for 45 minutes which was good for my heart, body and soul.

Then I went to In-n-Out Burger and ate this followed by a trip to a dive bar called TT Roadhouse where I hoisted the moist with a friend of mine. No, I don’t think it’s safe to say that I’m in the best shape of my life after all of that. Hell, I’m not even in the best shape of the bloggers on this site.

The friend of mine was a former sportswriter and former blogger named Connor Doyle who I met back in the Shysterball days.  When I was here last year, as some of you may remember, I had beers with him and DIPS legend Voros McCracken and nearly started a race riot. Last night wasn’t quite as scary, but it definitely turned strange.

We had been there a little over an hour or so when a man with a gigantic head wound came up and sat down at our table and began talking to us. He began in mid-sentence as if he had been with us all night, and took up the political conversation Connor and I were having. Well, OK then. He did pause long enough for Connor to ask him what happened to his head. Seems he was walking with a girl last week when a man ran him over with a car and then drove away. He treated the explanation as though it was bothersome and unimportant and continued on with his political monologue. Well, OK again.

The substance of the monologue: if he had a time machine and could go back and change one historical event, it would be to prevent women getting the right to vote. Really: that’s when he believes all of our country’s problems began.

“The 50s were great,” he said. “Everything was going just fine until women got the vote.”

“You realize that by the 50s women had been voting for over 30 years,” I said.

He just kind of stopped for a second, considered the thought, ignored it and moved on. And to be fair to him, he did expand the point: it wasn’t just women voting that was the problem. It was all racial minorities, homosexuals and “children.”  I thought I’d comfort him by telling him that children still don’t have the right to vote, but I couldn’t really get a word in.

From there we moved on to evolution (“So you believe we came from monkeys? That it went ooze-fish-monkeys-man? Really?”) and then on to religion (“I’m not one of those crazy people, but religion has done more to disprove science than science has to prove evolution”).  He noted at one point that he got a concussion in that hit-and-run last week. I nodded.

Eventually our friend — who would not let me take his picture sadly, because I believe that by that time he realized (a) I was a writer; and (b) I was taking mental notes — mentioned that three women were coming to meet him there and implied that, if we played our cards right, maybe  Connor and I could get lucky.

I figured that was his tallest tale of the evening but I’ll be damned if three women didn’t eventually show up. One had a boyfriend with her. None of them seemed like people who would hang out with our friend, here. Indeed, when he went to use the restroom, one of the women said that she didn’t know the guy’s name and that they just call him “the guy who got hit by the car.”  I am still unclear on why they would all meet him out at a bar.

I was likewise unclear why I was still talking to him, but eventually he disappeared into the night.  I’m still not 100% certain that he existed. It’s possible someone spiked my Double-Double animal style or slipped a mickey into Moose Drool brown ale.  But if he did exist, just know that people like him walk the Earth. Well, sort of stagger the Earth, but still.

Freakin’ Arizona. Drink here at your peril.  Or maybe just don’t go out with Connor Doyle, because for as great a guy as he is, he seems to attract the weird ones.

Back to baseball this morning. I’m heading to the Peoria Sports Complex where I will witness the debut of Yu Darvish.  A man who, until last night, I figured would be the most interesting person I’d meet in Spring Training.

Reports from the ballpark later, my friends.

Latest Posts
  1. Jurickson Profar shut down for 2-3 months with renewed discomfort in his right shoulder

    Sep 23, 2014, 7:15 PM EDT

    jurickson profar getty Getty Images

    Jurickson Profar’s nightmarish 2014 continues, as Anthony Andro of FOX Sports Southwest reports that he will be shut down for the next 2-3 months due to renewed discomfort in his right shoulder.

  2. Cubs demote Edwin Jackson to the bullpen

    Sep 23, 2014, 6:48 PM EDT

    Chicago Cubs v St. Louis Cardinals Getty Images

    Chicago owes him $11 million in 2015 and $11 million in 2016.

  3. Blue Jays manager John Gibbons will return in 2015

    Sep 23, 2014, 6:31 PM EDT

    john gibbons getty Getty Images

    Jon Heyman of CBS Sports reports that the Blue Jays will bring back manager John Gibbons for the 2015 season.

  4. Chris Tillman will start Game 1 of the ALDS for the Orioles

    Sep 23, 2014, 6:18 PM EDT

    Chris Tillman AP AP

    Tillman has topped 200 innings for the second straight season, posting a 3.26 ERA that bests last year’s 3.71 mark despite a sizable drop in strikeouts.

  5. Mike Minor diagnosed with shoulder inflammation

    Sep 23, 2014, 5:47 PM EDT

    Mike Minor Mike Minor

    David Hale will start in Minor’s place Thursday against the Pirates.

  6. Juan Lagares won’t return to play again this season

    Sep 23, 2014, 5:17 PM EDT

    New York Mets v Cincinnati Reds Getty Images

    Lagares finishes his sophomore season hitting .283 with four homers and a .706 OPS in 115 games, which along with spectacular defense makes him one of the 10 most valuable all-around center fielders in baseball according to Wins Above Replacement.

  7. Jonathan Papelbon’s suspension is over

    Sep 23, 2014, 5:00 PM EDT

    Papelbon Crotch AP

    And he’s the Phillies’ closer again

  8. Do you want to see Derek Jeter’s highlights done with minifigures? Tough, you’re gonna.

    Sep 23, 2014, 4:25 PM EDT

    Screen Shot 2014-09-23 at 4.05.22 PM

    Every day brings us another bit of weird Derek Jeter weirdness and excess. Why should today be any different?

  9. Jason Heyward rejoins the Braves’ lineup after thumb injury

    Sep 23, 2014, 4:06 PM EDT

    Jason Heyward AP

    Out since last Wednesday when he was hit on the left thumb by a pitch, Jason Heyward is back in the Braves’ lineup for tonight’s game against the Pirates.

  10. Carlos Carrasco criticized the Indians defense last night. Then he apologized.

    Sep 23, 2014, 3:12 PM EDT

    Screen Shot 2014-09-23 at 3.11.41 PM AP

    Not that he didn’t have a point in the criticisms to begin with.

  11. Mets will skip Rookie of the Year candidate Jacob deGrom’s final turn in the rotation

    Sep 23, 2014, 2:49 PM EDT

    jacob degrom getty Getty Images

    Last week deGrom tied the MLB record by striking out the first eight batters he faced against the Marlins and overall since mid-June he has a 1.90 ERA in 15 starts.

  12. The Mets are holding a conference call this afternoon

    Sep 23, 2014, 2:04 PM EDT

    mets logo

    Probably to announce Sandy Alderson’s contract extension.

  13. J.J. Hardy likes playing for the Orioles, but “whatever happens, happens” in free agency

    Sep 23, 2014, 1:47 PM EDT

    JJ Hardy Getty Getty Images

    J.J. Hardy is on the verge of a big payday, but will it be from the Orioles?

  14. HBT Daily: Why did Frank Wren get the axe?

    Sep 23, 2014, 1:33 PM EDT

    HBT Daily Logo

    The Braves could’ve fired their manager, but didn’t. Why?

  15. Anibal Sanchez is back with the Tigers, as a reliever

    Sep 23, 2014, 1:15 PM EDT

    Anibal Sanchez AP

    “I wouldn’t be afraid to use him at any point in the game, really.”

  16. The Orioles clinched home field in the division series last night

    Sep 23, 2014, 12:59 PM EDT

    orioles logo

    The Tigers can’t beat out the Orioles now, so the O’s will start the playoffs at home.

  17. Edinson Volquez wants to re-sign with the Pirates

    Sep 23, 2014, 12:02 PM EDT

    Edinson Volquez AP

    But signing a guy to a multi-year deal after his first above average year in seven seasons is not exactly a winning move.

  18. Thirteen-year minor league veteran gets his first big league hit

    Sep 23, 2014, 11:12 AM EDT

    Guilder Rodriguez AP

    No matter what happens to him for the rest of his life, Guilder Rodriguez can say he was a major leaguer.

Featured video

Why is Wren out and Gonzalez is not?
Top 10 MLB Player Searches
  1. R. Castillo (2666)
  2. J. Heyward (2107)
  3. J. Hamilton (2079)
  4. M. Trout (1977)
  5. S. Pearce (1934)
  1. D. Ortiz (1906)
  2. J. Ellsbury (1893)
  3. D. Jeter (1886)
  4. C. Kershaw (1849)
  5. A. Pagan (1770)