I have to take Wilson’s side, but not because Superman could clearly beat Batman, a fight with many stable equilibria. No, instead I will defend his response of “never happened.” Because it did not.

At this point, all but the highest nerds are saying “Of course it didn’t happen, Superman & Batman aren’t real” which is true in its way. What I am addressing is that The Dark Knight Returns is an Elseworlds title (though published w/out the logo), known in the old days as an “Imaginary Story” (DC’s terminology, not mine). The point of Elseworlds is to tell stories that can take place in alternate universes, or kill off major characters, age them, etc, with no harm done to the flagship titles. Their point in this argument, though, is that, within the DC universe in which this fight would take place, the above panel did not happen.

So, regardless of the logic behind it, Wilson’s words of “never happened” are 100% correct.

P.S. You may send my nerd laurels in the mail, as I am the victor.

P.P.S. If anyone feels like responding to this w/a mockery of how nerdy I am? I already know. God do I know.

Superman’s powers come from the sun. In the comic we’re discussing, actually, Superman loses his powers at one point when a nuclear strike/magnetic storm block his access to the sun (he is then revitalized by some plants (?)).

Goddamnit, I’m such a nerd.

Batman, on the other hand, is not that different from us – a socially undeveloped misanthrope with a miserable childhood. Unlike us, though, he has channelled his inner misery into being a vigilante. He has the same motivations as Superman, but – being human – he gets the crap kicked out of him time after time. But he perserveres and succeeds. He also seems to me to face a lot more criminal psychopaths in Gotham. Must be some message about the northeastern cities.

In the end you have to go with Batman because you love him for his unhappiness. The millionaire playboy is the fake. The twisted loner who fights for justice is real.

“these beams can also be used to produce great concussive force rather than heat. The beams are tremendously powerful and can be used to rupture steel plates and pulverize rock. Also in some stories, it can be reflected like a true laser, able to use great skill and accuracy in manipulating the blasts off multiple targets in rapid succession”

Batman Shatman.

I’m sure Craig and many readers will correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t Superman have his powers by virtue of being on planet Earth? So doesn’t imagining “Superman without his powers” amount to imagining that Superman isn’t even on Earth to fight Batman?

It’s like saying, “if you were to take away Albert Pujols’ baseball skills and athletic ability…” At some point, if you take too much away, he stops being Albert Pujols.

I fully agree with you, of course, that in a man-on-man fist fight with no powers Batman would turn Superman into a toothless rag doll. But this photo is more like Batman and friends v. Superman.

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0qqloznMB1qzhcer.jpg

This is their reaction to sunshine and green grass: Spring Fever, I think it’s called. Contrary to popular opinion, the length of Spring Training isn’t meant to give pitchers time to “stretch out” their arms, it’s to get those northern writers time to recover from Spring Fever.

Fortunately, as April approaches, the writers snap out of it and begin looking for the nuances. It’s too bad that they’ve missed all the Spring Training developments, and embarrass themselves with nutty team projections on opening day. It happens every year.

Now that I’ve built it up, feel free to hate it.

http://i.imgur.com/twv7a.jpg

True story.

The original trilogy is so seared into my brain that I instantly heard Ian McDiarmid (as the Emperor) gleefully hissing those words in my running interior monologue.

Being a nerd really is fun.