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Astros minor leaguer Angel Heredia suspended for PEDs

Mar 15, 2012, 5:01 PM EDT

Spinal Tap

I’ve come to look forward to the once or twice weekly minor league drug suspensions. I don’t know who any of these dudes are, but I feel like I learn a little bit about them anyway. Like Astros minor leaguer Angel Heredia:

The Office of the Commissioner of Baseball announced today that Houston Astros Minor League right-handed pitcher Angel Heredia has received a 50-game suspension after testing positive for metabolites of Stanozolol and Boldenone, performance-enhancing substances, in violation of the Minor League Drug Prevention and Treatment Program.

Angel Heredia: These metabolites all go to two. Look, right across the board, two, two, two and…
Bud Selig: Oh, I see. And most metabolites go up to just one?
Heredia: Exactly.
Selig: Does that mean it’s stronger? Is it any stronger?
Heredia: Well, it’s one stronger, isn’t it? It’s not one. You see, most blokes, you know, will be injecting at one. You’re on one here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you’re on one on your syringe. Where can you go from there? Where?
Selig: I don’t know.
Heredia: Nowhere. Exactly. What we do is, if we need that extra push over the cliff, you know what we do?
Selig: Put it up to two.
Heredia: Two. Exactly. One stronger.
Selig: Why don’t you just make one stronger and make one be the top metabolite and make that a little stronger?
Heredia: [pause] These go to two.

  1. Baseball Beer Burritos In That Order - Mar 15, 2012 at 5:17 PM

    Where’s the statement from Angel in his own defense? I hear if you say “I truly believe this substance never entered my body” no one will call you out on your obvious bullshit.

  2. Ben - Mar 15, 2012 at 5:26 PM

    Am I paying attention more, or have there been a lot of minor league suspensions this spring?

  3. WhenMattStairsIsKing - Mar 15, 2012 at 5:36 PM

    Stop cheating. Thanks!

  4. WhenMattStairsIsKing - Mar 15, 2012 at 5:38 PM

    By the way, you reminded me to watch Spinal Tap again.

    Did you know Stonehenge is based on an actual, very similar problem Black Sabbath had in the early 1980’s?

    • stex52 - Mar 16, 2012 at 8:32 AM

      Didn’t know that, but it doesn’t surprise me. That is usually Christopher Guest’s MO. The stuff seems really satirical and over the top, but it is usually based on actual events. I just saw “A Mighty Wind” recently, and it all felt real to someone who saw the end of the folk song era in the ’60’s.

  5. brianbosworthisstonecold - Mar 15, 2012 at 6:15 PM

    This one goes to eleven.

  6. stex52 - Mar 16, 2012 at 8:29 AM

    That’s the real issue, isn’t it? It’s the marginal players, the lifetime AAA types, who think they just need that little boost to get them over the top. Minor league ball is a lousy investment of your time from a compensation standpoint. But just a couple of years of MLB minimum is probably more than you will see the rest of your life in a short period of time.

    I don’t think the problem is as big with the occasional star that gets caught. It’s with all of the borderline players who just need to be a little better.

  7. foreverchipper10 - Mar 16, 2012 at 11:49 AM

    How much blacker can the PED suspension cloud become? None more black.

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