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Bobby Jenks: “I took too many muscle relaxers”

Mar 23, 2012, 12:33 PM EDT

Bobby Jenks mugshot

Kirk Minihane of WEEI has more on the Bobby Jenks DUI arrest.

Seems Jenks was pulled over for driving erratically, and when questioned, he told the deputy that the “took too many muscle relaxers.” He had dilated pupils, glassy eyes and slurred speech. Then this:

When Deputy Sutphin asked Jenks if he had taken anything else other than the muscle relaxers, he told the officer that he “was going to be honest with you, I was just leaving Babes because I hit a car. I just had to get out of there.”

Babes is a bar. Just before that, witnesses saw a white Mercedes SUV like Jenks’, driven by a guy wearing Jenks’ clothes and with his tattoos, hit another car in the parking lot.  When he stopped to look at the damage, witnesses asked the driver if he wanted a cab. The driver — heh, it’s Jenks, but it’s funny saying “the driver” like it might be someone else — got in the car and drove away.

Jenks failed a roadside sobriety test. But to his credit, he told the officer he would fail it before he took it, so +1 for prescience.

Minus a billion, however, for being yet another rich athlete who seems to think that he’s above taking a freaking taxi anyplace.

  1. doctorfootball - Mar 23, 2012 at 12:37 PM

    Geez, Bobby. You play for the Red Sox now. Just do your drinking in the clubhouse like everyone else. It’s the Red Sox way.

    • evanhartford - Mar 23, 2012 at 1:52 PM

      Hey Craig,

      You’re being a hypocrite.

      How do you KNOW that Jenks was the one that hit the car? Because the officer said that he admitted to it in the police report? Because witnesses saw someone matching his description at the scene? Were you there? Did you see it happen?

      So long as you’re going to apply this “innocent until proven guilty mentality” to Ryan Braun, why not do the same for others who stand accused?

      • Craig Calcaterra - Mar 23, 2012 at 1:54 PM

        Evan, I can assure you, if Ryan Braun admitted to taking testosterone and many witnesses said they saw him take it too, I’d be treating it the same way.

      • koufaxmitzvah - Mar 23, 2012 at 2:38 PM

        Wow. Way to toss an orange bomb in the apple pie.

        @Braun Bashers: Please, get a life.

      • bigleagues - Mar 23, 2012 at 10:59 PM

        Evan IN Hartford? Or is that your last name.

  2. deathmonkey41 - Mar 23, 2012 at 12:39 PM

    When I had my back surgeries, I took muscle relaxants regularly, but don’t ever remember them effin’ me up that bad. He either took a handful of them or washed them down with some spirits.

    • Francisco (FC) - Mar 23, 2012 at 12:46 PM

      Probably the latter

      • cleverbob - Mar 23, 2012 at 1:09 PM

        Possibly both.

      • The Baseball Idiot - Mar 23, 2012 at 2:09 PM

        Allegedly.

        You have to add that. It’s the law.

    • cleverbob - Mar 23, 2012 at 3:06 PM

      Possibly allegedly both.

    • randomdigits - Mar 23, 2012 at 4:49 PM

      When I was in the Army I decided to have a beer after popping a couple muscle relaxers. Halfway through I decided it would just be a better idea to lie down and take a nap.

      That was in Germany when I was at the height of my tolerance.

  3. El Bravo - Mar 23, 2012 at 12:44 PM

    This is a new record in sicne the inception of Douchenozzle recordkeeping. Three additions in a single day (and it’s not even noon here in Chicago yet…):

    1. Randy Miller – South Jersey Courier-Post (abuses BBWAA privileges, HOF vote by submitting blank ballots; also invented superhero Saberboy, which is cool)

    2. Luke Scott – perennial all-star douchenozzle. Luke says, “you don’t have to worry about me unless you’re a criminal or communist.”

    3. Ryan Braun – for cheating and also for not cheating, either way we will likely never know the truth, and that is annoying.

    4. Jon Heyman – CBS (for having a documented history of talking up and selling Scott Boras clients to ball clubs)

    5. Nick Swisher – seriously, do I need a reason?

    6. C.J. Wilson – Tweeted Napoli’s cell number as “prank” b/c Napoli said he was looking forward to hitting HRs off of him this season.

    7. Matt Bush – DUI and for ruining his career

    8. Joba Chamberlain – for thinking he is capable of using a trampoline with his fat toady ass

    9. Bobby Jenks – DUI (influence mainly muscle relaxers…), amazing quote “When Deputy Sutphin asked Jenks if he had taken anything else other than the muscle relaxers, he told the officer that he “was going to be honest with you, I was just leaving Babes because I hit a car. I just had to get out of there.”

    • El Bravo - Mar 23, 2012 at 12:46 PM

      *in sicne = since

      This is a 33% increase in douchenozzles in a single day. Simply astounding.

    • Francisco (FC) - Mar 23, 2012 at 12:47 PM

      What about T.J.?

      • El Bravo - Mar 23, 2012 at 12:52 PM

        Forgive me, I didn’t expect such an onslaught of DN activity. It’s difficult to keep up while working a full-time job. I’ll look into this and be sure to include any that I may have missed. Suggestions are always welcome and appreciated.

    • cur68 - Mar 23, 2012 at 12:51 PM

      El Bravo havin’ a field day with the douchnozzling. Nice. He’s clearly in the BSOHL with D-Listing idjits.

      ¿Drunk/drug Driving & Questionable Activity Theater for rich athletes is off to a rousing start for the 2012 season, si or no?

      • El Bravo - Mar 23, 2012 at 1:28 PM

        Without a doubt: si

    • Baseball Beer Burritos In That Order - Mar 23, 2012 at 12:51 PM

      Don Cooper, Bobby V, Terry Collins next please.

      • El Bravo - Mar 23, 2012 at 1:27 PM

        All three on the verge. Trust me. Esp Bobby V…but he’s going to do something WAY nozzle-i-er soon, so let’s just watch that unfold.

    • danrizzle - Mar 23, 2012 at 1:02 PM

      I’m sorry, but Jon Heyman, CJ Wilson and Matt Bush cannot be the same class of douchenozzle. We need grading of offenses.

      • El Bravo - Mar 23, 2012 at 1:30 PM

        Matt Bush is also a pathetic human being along with being a DN. Heyman is the truest definition of a DN. Wilson is right there with Heyman I think. There has never been a DN heirarchy, the order is strictly chronological.

    • mondogarage - Mar 23, 2012 at 1:14 PM

      You forgot to add:

      10. Bobby Valentine – for buying Joba Chamberlain a trampoline

    • El Bravo - Mar 23, 2012 at 1:31 PM

      After this season ends, I think there should be a 2012 Douchenozzle of the Year Award. I’ll open that up to HBT commenter voting later this year. I think Bush will win this one hands down, but we’ll see what other nozzles present themselves as the season progresses.

  4. ezthinking - Mar 23, 2012 at 12:46 PM

    $50 for a cab or $5,000+ for the DUI; tough choice. Not sure in Florida, but some states have higher penalties for driving under the influence of meds, especially schedule 1 or 2 meds. He need a couple nights in the stoney lonesome for him to understand.

    • Old Gator - Mar 23, 2012 at 12:54 PM

      He needs a long suspension. MLB really needs to institute a draconian policy towards ballplayers who get nailed for DUI before one of the stupid bastards kills or maims somebody.

      • WhenMattStairsIsKing - Mar 23, 2012 at 1:09 PM

        I could not agree more with Gator. This is ridiculous.

      • Utley's Hair - Mar 23, 2012 at 1:31 PM

        Just ask Donte Stallworth.

      • Baseball Beer Burritos In That Order - Mar 23, 2012 at 1:31 PM

        In Arizona you serve jailtime. The first time. And you pay a huge fine, and most of the time lose your license for a long time, and they give you one of those fun things in your car so everyone knows you got a DUI. People still drive drunk.

        They need to start prosecuting DUIs as attempted manslaughter, and then the numbers will start to come down.

      • jhorton83 - Mar 23, 2012 at 11:31 PM

        “They need to start prosecuting DUIs as attempted manslaughter, and then the numbers will start to come down.”

        Absurd. You just said yourself that Arizona has some of the toughest penalties in the country and yet people still drive drunk. You really think prosecuting drunk drivers for manslaughter is going to stop it? What’s next, having the officer put them in a firing line on the spot if they blow above the limit? People are stupid. They’re going to drive drunk no matter what you do and they should indeed be punished for it. But you’re never going to stop stupid even with ridiculous draconian punishments.

  5. Gobias Industries - Mar 23, 2012 at 12:50 PM

    At least there was one smart decision made: he trimmed that hideous beard before his mugshot.

  6. jwbiii - Mar 23, 2012 at 12:54 PM

    I also call a double Booker’s on the rocks a muscle relaxant.

    • jwbiii - Mar 23, 2012 at 12:55 PM

      Oh, and I drink them at home.

    • nolanwiffle - Mar 23, 2012 at 3:40 PM

      Sadly, one too many of those relaxes every “muscle”……like shootin’ pool with a piece of rope.

      • jwbiii - Mar 23, 2012 at 5:20 PM

        Agreed. One should refraining from self-medicating with muscle relaxants until one done with driving, pool-shooting, and related activities for the evening.

  7. spudchukar - Mar 23, 2012 at 12:57 PM

    It’s Spring Training, not Spring Break!

  8. drewzducks - Mar 23, 2012 at 1:13 PM

    At least he passed his breathalyzer. He’s gonna have to go with the “poor reaction to meds” defense. Hey it worked for Patches Kennedy.

  9. randygnyc - Mar 23, 2012 at 1:39 PM

    The “I took to much medication” defense won’t work because he wasn’t charged with a dwi, but rather the correct DUI.

    Anyway, correct me if I’m wrong, but Selig doesn’t have any discretion here, right? It’s going to be a drug suspension according to offense (first, second etc)?

  10. Detroit Michael - Mar 23, 2012 at 2:17 PM

    My recollection is that Bobby Jenks had alcohol abuse problems when he was a minor leaguer in the Angels system. I hope he gets help before he seriously injures someone.

  11. capone888 - Mar 23, 2012 at 2:21 PM

    Everyone is focused on the DUI, but under the law, isn’t a Hit and Run a bigger offense?

  12. askabutcher - Mar 23, 2012 at 2:27 PM

    “Babes” is not just a bar, it’s main function is a ‘strip club’…just wanted to clarify the article.

  13. koufaxmitzvah - Mar 23, 2012 at 2:39 PM

    Dudes, 3 words:

    Pot. Volcano. Couch.

  14. oldpaddy - Mar 23, 2012 at 2:42 PM

    1) Get your facts straight, Jenks was actually coming from the Popeyes chicken next to the bar.

    2) I miss the days when Sox pitchers were known as headhunters and the position players were known as drunks.

    And 3) This is all Bobby V’s fault. He never should’ve banned drinking in the clubhouse.

  15. mybrunoblog - Mar 23, 2012 at 3:30 PM

    Jenks said ” I took too many muscle relaxers but the 12 pack of miller lite may not have been a great idea”

  16. hatrhurter - Mar 23, 2012 at 4:23 PM

    above taking a taxi and not above screwing some guy out of some money after hitting his car when jenks has more than enough.

  17. aceshigh11 - Mar 23, 2012 at 8:28 PM

    I am NOT excusing this idiot for endangering himself and others by driving…

    …but he has had a SHITTY few months based on his awful surgery mishap…He almost died. I’m willing to cut him just a BIT of slack based on the emotional trauma he sustained.

    Still, there’s never any excuse for driving under the influence of anything.

  18. canowack - Mar 26, 2012 at 5:29 AM

    Wonder if he had their chicken finger appetizer?

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