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Doug Smith does not like bikini-clad women at the ballpark

Apr 18, 2012, 10:04 AM EDT

St Louis Cardinals v Miami Marlins Getty Images

I’m not a big fan of big, garish entertainment at baseball games that distract from the action on the field. Give me the diamond, the sounds of the game, the smell of beer and grilling meat and maybe a little organ music and I’m good to go.

In light of that, why do I read Doug Smith’s grousing about the scene at the Marlins’ new ballpark and find myself siding with the swimming pools, DJ and bikini girls?

Not sure if was the bikini-clad women – plants by the franchise, obviously – prancing around or the costumed dancers up on the stage or the body-painting going on for the almost the duration of the game or the swimming pool but I saw baseball like I’ve never seen baseball before last night and you can have it.

Yeah, we made a trek to the new Marlins Stadium – a refurbished Orange Bowl – for a night among the people on Monday and it was one of the weirdest experiences of my life … It was, frankly, as far removed from baseball as you can imagine and I am old and a bit cranky and a bit of a traditionalist so if this is the new wave of the baseball stadium “experience” in order to attract fans, you can have it.

It must be serious if he felt obligated to say “you can have it” twice.

Eh, he’s right in the merits. I guess it’s a context thing for me, though. It’s Miami. It’s not like there was some old Tiger Stadium, Yankee Stadium or what have you that has been replaced by the glitz and silliness. It defines the place way more than a classic, dark-green seat and tinkling organ music ballpark ever would so, in its own way, it’s authentic.

  1. birdsnblues - Apr 18, 2012 at 10:10 AM

    It’s a swap meet with a diamond

  2. jarathen - Apr 18, 2012 at 10:14 AM

    A party atmosphere at a Miami stadium? *monocle shatters*

  3. Francisco (FC) - Apr 18, 2012 at 10:18 AM

    Doug Smith does not like bikini-clad women at the ballpark

    Heaven forbid Doug Smith ever goes to a game in Venezuela. The fans there like- ne- DEMAND – scantily clad women as entertainment during the 7th inning stretch.

    • foreverchipper10 - Apr 19, 2012 at 11:57 AM

      I want to go to there.

  4. dkb1968 - Apr 18, 2012 at 10:19 AM

    Bikini clad women at a ballgame?!?! I refuse to believe it until I see photographic evidence!

    • heyblueyoustink - Apr 18, 2012 at 10:25 AM

      Now that there is an example of one putting their thinking cap on.

    • wingsdjy - Apr 18, 2012 at 1:07 PM

      Ask and ye shall receive:

  5. kalinedrive - Apr 18, 2012 at 10:26 AM

    kalinedrive does not like Doug Smith at any location.

  6. fearlessleader - Apr 18, 2012 at 10:29 AM

    I have lots of complex thoughts about employing sexy women in bikinis as entertainment at baseball stadiums, but for the moment they’ve all been shoved aside by a more pressing question:

    How on earth does Doug Smith have a job as a writer?

    The linked article is one of the worst-written things I’ve ever seen from a professional journalist. If that’s what they consider sportswriting in Toronto……you can have it.

    • Old Gator - Apr 18, 2012 at 10:49 AM

      As far as Toronto goes, Mike Timmins’ songwriting more than makes up for Doug Smith’s baseball writing. For that matter, the smoked meat hash and eggs at Caplansky’s deli on College Street more than makes up for Doug Smith’s baseball writing.

      As far as bikini-clad hardbodied women go, they belong everywhere.

      • skids003 - Apr 18, 2012 at 12:53 PM

        Old Gator, I am with you.

      • WhenMattStairsIsKing - Apr 18, 2012 at 1:28 PM

        As always, Gator’s wisdom trumps all.

    • cur68 - Apr 18, 2012 at 11:48 PM

      Sorry, fearless. I’d love to stand in solidarity with you on any number of issues, but I’m with Gator on this. You can pretty much bury me under the bikini clad lasses. *deep sigh*

  7. K. Harker - Apr 18, 2012 at 11:14 AM

    As a female fan, count me among those whose eyes roll whenever some twit in no clothing comes out. The other women fans I know feel the same way; if the women in bikinis even talked or knew baseball, fine. Otherwise, it’s brainless pandering, regardless of the park. Obviously a lot of people like that. Just an alternative perspective from the XX side of things.

    • poprox13 - Apr 18, 2012 at 11:23 AM

      I would like to hear the perspective from the XXX side of things 😉

      • Old Gator - Apr 18, 2012 at 1:12 PM

        Sorry. I can only speak from the XYY side of things. Try and imagine American politics without brainless pandering. No Luke Scott. No Ted Nugent. No Rick Santorum….why, sivilizashun as we no it would kollapse.

      • K. Harker - Apr 18, 2012 at 2:25 PM

        Haha! I’ll get Stephanie Swift to give you a call. (Obviously, my porn knowledge is somewhat restricted… and dated.)

      • Old Gator - Apr 18, 2012 at 2:49 PM

        There’s no reason to be ashamed of being a classicist.

    • Senor Cardgage - Apr 18, 2012 at 1:46 PM

      I too am a fan of females.

      • K. Harker - Apr 18, 2012 at 2:22 PM

        Word play! Kudos.

  8. nolanwiffle - Apr 18, 2012 at 11:42 AM

    Is there a possibility that Doug Smith is “Johnny Robinson”?

  9. natstowngreg - Apr 18, 2012 at 12:44 PM

    So basically Craig is saying, the Marlins’ new baseball palace is authentic in its inauthenticity.

    OK, I can buy that.

    • Old Gator - Apr 18, 2012 at 1:13 PM

      And why shouldn’t you? It’s nothing more than baseline postmodernism.

      • natstowngreg - Apr 18, 2012 at 4:12 PM

        Fine. i respect the Marlins for being what they are, even if — to the rest of North America (Nevada excluded) — it looks phony.

      • Old Gator - Apr 18, 2012 at 5:13 PM

        There are some things about the Feesh that are absolutely genuine – Slobbering Ozzie’s idiocy, for example.

  10. jimmymarlinsfan - Apr 18, 2012 at 3:47 PM

    Would he prefer bikini clad men at the ballpark? Something tells me that he would answer in the affirmative.

    • Gamera the Brave - Apr 19, 2012 at 2:21 PM

      jimmy, your formula is:

      And, “bikini clad men”? I think the formula for that one is:
      likes-bikini-clad-men=Monty Python Fan

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