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The Marlins are fixing a hole where the rain gets in. And the grass too.

May 2, 2012, 1:30 PM EDT

Marlins Stadium

Many holes, actually, though they’re expected and fairly common in new retractable roof stadiums:

A month in, the Marlins are still trying to figure out how to plug leaks in their 8,000-ton retractable roof and how to stop the grass from dying in the outfield.

The grass is dying because the roof has been closed too much and there hasn’t been enough sun when it has been open.  As for the leaks, it’s a matter of simply having lots of joints in a retractable roof and being unable to truly know where it’s leaking until the place is open for business and it, you know, rains:

“[Sunday] there were four of five spots where we had some drips coming down. The roof people were looking at those joints,” Samson said. “Again, it’s very normal [to have leaks].

“But you need it to rain and see where [the leaks are]. There have been different types of rains the last few days.

Little known fact: Samson is a a Quasi Supernormal Incremental Precipitation Inducer. Which, in layman’s terms, makes him a Rain God. But we in the media can’t call him simply that, because it would suggest that ordinary people knew something we didn’t.

  1. brewcrewfan54 - May 2, 2012 at 1:40 PM

    As far as the grass, I can help. Open the roof more and water it. As for the roof, in my college days we used a lot of spackle to fix all the holes we made. I doubt that will work very well in this case

    • bravojawja - May 2, 2012 at 2:59 PM

      Why waste money on spackle when toothpaste works just as well?

      • brewcrewfan54 - May 2, 2012 at 4:40 PM

        They were pretty big holes. Spackle and drywall were our only options.

  2. WhenMattStairsIsKing - May 2, 2012 at 1:41 PM

    Gator, are you going to start calling Samson a Quasi Supernormal Incremental Precipitation Inducer?

    • Old Gator - May 2, 2012 at 2:39 PM

      No, but I would advise him based on extensive experience with my own lawn that dog shit makes a wonderful fertilizer .

  3. deathmonkey41 - May 2, 2012 at 1:48 PM

    The roof’s been closed more than expected? It’s freakin’ Florida. It rains all the damn time and is hot, sticky and disgusting even when it isn’t. Did they think they were building that stadium somewhere else?

  4. xmatt0926x - May 2, 2012 at 2:06 PM

    Tell them while they are at it to get rid of that lime green outfield wall. It’s awful looking.

  5. phukyouk - May 2, 2012 at 2:10 PM

    DUH! bubble wrap!

    • chumthumper - May 3, 2012 at 11:02 AM

      Duct tape. Problem solved.

  6. nolanwiffle - May 2, 2012 at 2:12 PM

    And it really doesn’t matter if it’s leftfield or right…..

    • natstowngreg - May 2, 2012 at 5:00 PM

      …or if it’s day or night…

  7. wrg885 - May 2, 2012 at 2:13 PM

    26 year old fan of your insights I don’t/can’t fully relate to and occasionally misunderstand.

    • Old Gator - May 2, 2012 at 3:00 PM

      Gator here (sung to the tune of “Stranger Here” by Cowboy Junkies).

      Now, would you like my own unvarnished opinion or should I pull out my trusty Ouija Scrabble board and see what Chac, Chalchutlicue and the other rain gods have to say about it? One key thing to remember is that you don’t want to encourage the toads to perform amplexus in front of a bunch of nuns on a day out from the local archdiocese.

    • natstowngreg - May 2, 2012 at 5:08 PM

      No problem. I’m a 60-year old fan of his insights to which I don’t/can’t (and sometimes, don’t want) to relate. Gator is a literate man stuck in the age of 140-character communications, where some consider “[insert name here] is a douche” to be meaningful thought, worthy of public dissemination.

      • hullobudman - May 2, 2012 at 6:46 PM

        where some consider “[insert name here] is a douche” to be meaningful thought, worthy of public dissemination.


        It is always entertaining when the person saying people are illiterate can’t punctuate properly. Well played.

      • Old Gator - May 2, 2012 at 9:10 PM

        (A) There’s nothing wrong with natsowngreg’s spelling and punctuation except a very minor typo that left an infinitive intact instead of idiomatically bifurcating it with a prepositional phrase. You sound like a prig. Badly played.

        (B) Natsowngreg was not accusing anyone of illiteracy. He was accusing them of vapidity and/or stupidity. There is a difference and it’s more than semantic.

        Don’t criticize others when you can’t read with precision and discrimination yourself.

      • natstowngreg - May 3, 2012 at 12:25 AM

        I apologize to Gator and other reasonable commenters for any failure of bifurcation or any other grammatical crime of which I am guilty. I also apologize for any future errors. I would just make a few points to the grammatical prig.

        1. I was under the impression that this is a baseball blog, not a literary magazine.

        2. I think I made my point clear enough, as Gator discerned it.

        3. Let me ask a question. If someone posts a comment with perfect spelling, grammar and punctuation that says, “[insert name here] is a douche,” is that OK?

        I shall now return to regularly scheduled programming — celebrating the Cardiac Nats’ latest walk-off victory.

  8. mybrunoblog - May 2, 2012 at 2:59 PM

    Wait! Jose Reyes did’nt bring sunlight with him?

    • phukyouk - May 2, 2012 at 3:25 PM

      i thought it shined right out his ass?

  9. rcali - May 2, 2012 at 4:03 PM

    They should take up a collection in the neighborhood to pay for it, I mean why not at this point?

  10. umrguy42 - May 2, 2012 at 4:34 PM

    Are there 4000 holes in Banana Massacre Field?

    • natstowngreg - May 2, 2012 at 5:09 PM

      No, those are in Blackburn, Lancashire, home of the Blackburn Rovers of the English Premiere League.

  11. dcfan4life - May 2, 2012 at 4:43 PM

    When i first saw this article i thought they were using metaphors for the Marlins lineup and defense…

  12. dlf9 - May 2, 2012 at 8:51 PM

    A Douglas Adams reference? Very nicely done Craig.

  13. gsrider911 - May 3, 2012 at 6:38 PM

    None of you 60 year old grammatically correct prigs mention the awesome Beatles song reference in the Article headline. That’s my favorite part of this article. But I loved the Reyes sunshine comment even more. That was freakin awesome!
    More of a question than a statement, but is @natstowngreg a douche? I DON’T KNOW! Someone please think for me and let me know.

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