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And That Happened: Monday’s scores and highlights

May 22, 2012, 6:10 AM EDT

Giancarlo Stanton

Marlins 7, Rockies 4: Jamie Moyer pitched in his 50th different major league park. But he may have given up his longest most hellacious homer ever. Giancarlo Stanton hit a grand slam that went 438 feet in basically a straight line and broke the friggin’ scoreboard. Roy Hobbs stuff, there. Gave the Marlins the lead and, eventually, the game.

Nationals 2, Phillies 1: Ian Desmond drove in both Washington runs, one on a homer, and Gio Gonzalez pitched six scoreless for his sixth win. Bryce Harper had two hits, a stolen base and scored a run. No word on whether he was hit with any batteries.

Pirates 5, Mets 4: Michael McKenry hit a two-run homer in the seventh to tie it up and to chase Johan Santana. A Clint Barmes sac fly was the game winner. In other news, Clint Barmes still draws a major league paycheck. Who knew?

Reds 4, Braves 1: Mike Leake pitched eight strong innings and hit a homer. Drew Stubbs didn’t pitch at all but had two of his own. Cincinnati takes their third in a row and keeps the pressure on the Cardinals. Oh, and about that Aroldis Chapman arrest? It happened in Grove City, Ohio. Which is a Columbus suburb, 100 miles from Cincinnati. This on the morning after the Reds got back from a road trip and before a home game. I’m struggling to think what’s so appealing about my fair city for Chapman that he had to make a 200-mile+ road trip in such a short amount of time. But hey, at the speeds he was driving, I guess it’s a short trip.

Cardinals 4, Padres 3: St. Louis needed this one to avoid falling behind the Reds in the Central. They got it via a two-run Tyler Greene home run in the eighth. Clayton Richard pitched seven and a third, Jaime Garcia pitched seven, but they each gave up two runs on seven hit with one walk. Garcia struck out more. I wonder how often two starters have had the same exact pitching line. Had to have happened a few times before, right?

Astros 8, Cubs 3: A laugher. Matt Garza turned in his worst start of the year (3 IP, 5 H, 7 ER) and was countered by Bud Norris‘ seven innings of shutout ball. Norris left with an 8-0 lead.

Blue Jays 6, Rays 2: I’ll let the box score speak for this one and instead note something that caught my eye in the scoring summary. Second inning: “E Thames singled to center, J Arencibia scored, E Thames out stretching at second.”  I read that and I pictured this for some reason. Just put Eric Thames‘ head on the body.

Royals 6, Yankees 0: I’m not saying it would be nice for Royals fans to make “contract the Yankees” jokes like so many Yankees fans have done to them over the years, but I understand it if they do. The Yankees offensive impotence — 0 for 13 with runners in scoring position — hits bottom, they hope. I have this feeling today is gonna be super crazy in the tabloids.

Red Sox 8, Orioles 6: And part of that super crazy tabloid thing is gonna be based on the fact that the Yankees now have the same 21-21 record as do the Boston Red Sox who, as we’ve all been told to believe, are in utter chaos and whatnot. Not that we should be glib about that. They fell behind early before a six-run rally put them ahead and they still weren’t comfortable here.

Mariners 6, Rangers 1: The M’s are not impressed with Yu Darvish, who issued six walks. Felix Hernandez, in the meantime, allowed one run over eight. Ichiro tripled in a run and singled in two. I’m guessing that, in light of all of this, my friends in the Japanese media have a lot to write about today.

Dodgers 6, Diamondbacks 1: Matt Treanor, Andre Ethier and James Loney all homered. Chris Capuano is now 6-1. When people ask later why no one thought the Dodgers would contend, folks like me in the analysis business will say things like “we didn’t expect Chris Capuano to post an ERA more than two runs lower than his career norms.”

Giants 4, Brewers 3: Ryan Braun hit a two-run homer in the eighth to tie things up, but Hector Sanchez with a 14th inning homer to win it.  Lost in no-decision land was Madison Bumgarner who struck out 10 over seven and a third.

Athletics 2, Angels 1: The A’s have now won 5 of 7 matchups against the Angels. And we’re running out words to describe the Angels offense. Just perusing the thesaurus, I got: anemic, debilitated, decrepit, delicate, effete,enervated, exhausted, faint, feeble, flaccid,flimsy, forceless, fragile, frail, hesitant,impuissant, infirm, insubstantial, irresolute,lackadaisical, languid, languorous, limp,makeshift, out of gas, powerless, prostrate,puny, rickety, rocky, rotten, senile, shaky, sickly,sluggish, spent, spindly, supine, tender, torpid,uncertain, undependable, unsound, unsteady,unsubstantial, wasted, wavering, weakened,weakly, wobbly.

Pick a winner.

  1. proudlycanadian - May 22, 2012 at 6:56 AM

    Both the Yankees and the “Risen From The Dead” Sox have the same record, but got there by very different means. They are now tied for last place in a division that they had dominated.

  2. mlenenski - May 22, 2012 at 6:57 AM

    I gotta admit, you’re writing is better than Florio’s.

    The Stanton Video was great…..but NBC would probably like even more video links, I know I would.

  3. proudlycanadian - May 22, 2012 at 7:07 AM

    An interesting pitching match up last night between the Jays and Rays. The winning pitcher, Kyle Drabek was a bust as a rookie last season and had control issues yesterday. Over 6 innings he gave up 6 walks and had 3 wild pitches. He even gave up a ground rule HR that would have been a pop fly out if it had not hit the cat walk. Otherwise, he held the Tampa Bay hitters in check. Jeremy Hellickson was the AL ROY last season, and pitched a typical Hellickson game. He was done in by key Tampa Bay errors and lack of run support.

    Tonight, 22 year old Matt Moore who was an early favorite for ROY goes against 21 year old Drew Hutchinson who spent most of last season in Single A. Moore was much more highly touted coming into the season, but so far, Hutchinson has been the better pitcher.

  4. 1943mrmojorisin1971 - May 22, 2012 at 7:28 AM

    I just hope the healthy Red Sox players that are left will stay away from the Springfield Mystery Spot.

    The guys they have left can still provide enough offense but they can’t afford to lose another starter.

  5. 1943mrmojorisin1971 - May 22, 2012 at 7:31 AM

    Oh, and Chapman was obviously driving to meet his Cuban handler.

    • danandcasey - May 22, 2012 at 7:56 AM

      Not even close. I have 5 words for you – Eat. Drink. Rock. Raise Hell.: http://www.surlygirlsaloon.com/

      • Craig Calcaterra - May 22, 2012 at 7:57 AM

        Good reason! But at the risk of trafficking in ethnic stereotypes, perchance he was going to Starliner Diner because he missed good fried plantains?

      • Old Gator - May 22, 2012 at 8:22 AM

        DWC (Driving While Cuban) is a common traffic offense here in Macondo. One gets used to it; it’s the vehicular equivalent of trying to make a party line phone call during Orson Welles’ War of the Worlds broadcast.

        I think I’m heading over to Oye Grill this morning for a Cuban french toast stuffed with maduros (sweet plantains) myself. And the barista, though she’s not the lissome Brie from the Luna Star Cafe, isn’t bad either. Such are the culinary delights of Macondo.

        Aroldis, though, made his choice. He’s immured in the midwest, but he can wean himself off his native cuisine on Cincinnati chili and goetta and eggs. Hint on the chili: Camp Washington chili is the best of them, followed closely by Blue Ash and Dixie Chili, in no particular order. The two big industrial strength brands, Skyline (pronounced Skah-lee-ni) and Gold Star, don’t come close. Camp Washington will indulge you by dumping a ladle of their ambrosial chili over a couple of fried eggs on whole wheat toast and topping that with diced onions and shredded cheese (this latter item offered in such copious portions that you just know it’s a renewable resource; they must squeeze their cows till it hurts up there). If you;re going to be stuck in Cincinnati, goetta is a must – you can get your life-extending oatmeal and your fried pork in the same traditional wartime favorite breakfast dish. My wife occasionally mistakes the tube of the stuff in our fridge for the very similar looking haute bourgeois overpriced dog food the wan look on Fido, our odd Hemingway hound, guilts her into overpaying for, but you can mark the tubes with a permanent marker so you don’t make the same mistake, Aroldis.

        He can also hit the Mad Frog on off-Mondays to hear a great salsa band.

      • callmecynical - May 22, 2012 at 11:45 AM

        Nah,

        He was just a week late for the Pepsi Max Field of Dreams game at Huntington Park. That’s why he was driving so fast. I know I hit 90 on I-71 in order to see Bench, Reggie, Rickey and Pedro.

  6. mungman69 - May 22, 2012 at 7:40 AM

    I have a battery for you. But I’m heading to OKC to hang out with the great fans.

  7. Charles Gates - May 22, 2012 at 7:54 AM

    Angels offense: Wellsian.

    • proudlycanadian - May 22, 2012 at 7:58 AM

      Angelic

    • 4d3fect - May 22, 2012 at 8:14 AM

      Not for a couple of months going forward, thank Og.

  8. Old Gator - May 22, 2012 at 8:05 AM

    Jamie Moyer hasn’t been hit so hard since his daddy took him over his knee and spanked his tushy. Yes, there is something sad about the spectacle of a mid-centenarian standing in the corner with his pants around his ankles and a red rash on his nates, sniffling bitterly to himself, but as Ned Kelly famously intoned, such is life. The Iron Giant’s bolt went 438 feet only because the scoreboard got in the way. It had no arc, a phenomenon that will be of interest to astrophysicists who keep trying to convince us that space is curved. If you watch the video of that swing, and are not terrified, you are suffering from some form of affect disorder – possibly a buildup of calcium deposits on your dendrites. Stop drinking milk and remove the shells from your hard boiled eggs before eating them, and go have it checked. To my fellow Feesh fan Jimmy, who had expressed some interest yesterday in how the Rainbow Warriors were pulling – fans, I mean – last night’s attendance was 25,000 and change – not bad for Bucharest on a Monday night, eh? And for those of you who are worried about the poor scoreboard, Feesh central announced last night that they had reset the thing and it seems to be okay. Just don’t touch it in the lower lefthand quadrant; it’ll be sore for a few more days.

    Mark Buehrle endured a rough four run first inning and then settled in and gave up nothing more until the eighth, when Randy Choate came on and gagged the Rocky Mountain Oysters the rest of the way. Rocky Mountain Oysters have the same effect on me, by the way, but I’ve dated some women who would probably love to bit into a few. Anyway, Buehrle got the beeeg fourth inning underway with a double, at which point we were able to see that he has shaved the lichen off from around his lips to give himself a nineteenth century whaling bosun’s demeanor. Sometimes our odd Hemingway hound Fido jumps up and licks me when I come home and the outermost layer of epithelium peels off my cheek and the beard goes with it, too. And then, of course, there’s all those hairs of his getting stuck in my T-shirt – but what of that. I enjoy kicking back on the couch – which we’ve covered in plastic now – with a can of Ensure and watching the game with Fido, who likes to curl up in his corner by the ceiling and watch with me. For some reason, though, he gets very upset when a fly lands and walks across the screen. I wish he would stop hanging upside down like that because when he gets agitated he drools on the coffee table, and it’s ruining the finish.

    Anyway, the exciting news – getting back to ballistics – is that the Feesh finally made it to four games out from the Strange Attractor last night on the strength of the Iron Giant’s thrusters. According to some printouts at the NOUS center’s data center, couple of our low-cost, disposable mylar sonds did detect additional, slightly indignant turbulence emanating from the Attractor’s statistical processors so we might not be clear of the inertial belt quite yet. Tonight, Ricky Nolasco – we’re not sure yet if it’s the good Ricky or his pod person evil twin – goes into battle, looking for that big 69 that will make him the winningest peetcher in Feesh history, brief as it is. If he screeches at the umpire after his first bad call, we’ll know we’re in trouble.

    • jimmymarlinsfan - May 22, 2012 at 8:42 AM

      The baseball that Stanton hit was the laser beam Dr. Evil was looking to place atop his sharks. The scoreboard suffered an enormous blow but is expected to be back in the lineup tonight.

      Maybe I’m crazy but it’s not only that our new ball park is drawing good crowds, it’s that for the first time in their history the Marlins have a home field advantage because 90% of the fans there are Marlins fans. And this factor will help a team that just doesn’t quit

      • Old Gator - May 22, 2012 at 8:50 AM

        Yeah, you have to make it a special point to get down here and go to a game at Macondo Banana Massacre Field some time in the near future. I don’t know about Logan but Southwest Airlines usually runs some pretty cheap fares out of Portsmouth or Providence to Fort Lauderdale, especially in the summer. If I haven’t made a sandwich to bring with me, I usually hit the Cuban cafes near the stadium for a couple of croquetas or pastiles at about a tenth of the price you’ll find inside before going into the giant Cuisinart. But the stadium itself is pretty nifty inside, kitsch excrescences like Tommy and the aquariums notwithstanding.

    • stex52 - May 22, 2012 at 8:44 AM

      I felt the disturbance in the Force last night, as if millions of voices cried out and then were silenced.

      But the Astros had three home runs again. The Force must have been tied in a granny knot before the night was over.

    • umrguy42 - May 22, 2012 at 8:54 AM

      Nah, OG, there was a little arc at the end… started curving down probably just after it cleared the outfield wall. But yeah, I do agree that the scoreboard stopped it, that had 475-500 (depending on where seating would’ve stopped it) written all over it, I think.

      /pedantics

  9. uyf1950 - May 22, 2012 at 8:48 AM

    Well right now to say the Yankees offense is anemic would be being kind. There’s not much else that this Yankee fan can say, other then there is always tomorrow.

    • proudlycanadian - May 22, 2012 at 9:13 AM

      I hope that they play better today. Once McCarthy went on the DL, I had to replace him on my fantasy team with Hughes who is starting today.

  10. sportsdrenched.com - May 22, 2012 at 10:11 AM

    Now that Duffy has gone down I think Felipe Paulino is the Royals best pitcher, and last night he went out and did best pitcher type stuff.

    I wouldn’t worry too much about last nights performance Yankee Fan. Now, if Luke Hochevar..and his 7.09 ERA shuts you down…then I’d be worried.

  11. Ducky Medwick - May 22, 2012 at 11:29 AM

    Angels are a bunch of lollygaggers.

  12. APBA Guy - May 22, 2012 at 12:11 PM

    Speaking of the Strange Attractor, the A’s rise above the line thanks to the Angels, now internationally famous for Craig’s rendition of “Land of 1000 Synonyms” for futility. Not that the A’s are much better. They are only slightly better.

    And not that anyone was watching. The entire West Coast was glued to the King mowing down the Rangers with an assortment of movement that could not possibly emanate from human hands. I’ve been waiting for the real King to make an appearance this year, the one who can do what was done last night, and he finally showed up: 8 IP, 7K’s, 1.00 in-game WHIP. And if anything, he was better than that. Texas is the only team with an OPS over .800, #1 in team offense by a wide margin.

    The A’s are 28th, and the Angel’s are 26th.

    • IdahoMariner - May 22, 2012 at 3:28 PM

      it WAS an amazing sight to see. Seriously, crazy, awesome.

  13. minimoose763 - May 22, 2012 at 1:23 PM

    I’m surprised there was no mention of Bochy using Casilla, his closer, in a tie ballgame on the road. Casilla pitched the bottom of the 13th, Giants took the lead in the 14th, and Casilla came back in to close the game out.

  14. foreverchipper10 - May 22, 2012 at 1:42 PM

    Good on Reds fans for cheering when Juan Francisco hit that homer yesterday. Classy. I approve.

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