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Great Moments in the Internet: How Many Altuves?

May 29, 2012, 3:00 PM EDT

Houston Astros v Los Angeles Dodgers Getty Images

I sometimes get confused with units of measurement. Yards? Feet? Meters? Hectares? Bushels? Pecks?  It’s all so mystifying!

So imagine, if you will, that there is a unit of measurement that we can all agree on. Because it’s awesome.  Ladies and gentlemen: the Altuve.

It’s pretty self explanatory. But, just by way of example, that home run that Giancarlo hit off Jamie Moyer last week? It traveled 80.86153846153847 Altuves.

I predict that our children will be learning this in school as a matter of routine by the end of the decade.

UPDATE:  I did not know the provenance of the Altuve — just  saw a link to it on Twitter — but commenter drkincaid enlightens us:

Mike Ferrin and Morgan Ensberg of XM MLB radio talked about the Altuve as a unit of measurement a lot last year and this year.  Doesn’t look like they built the calculator, but they deserve props for popularizing (and maybe inventing) the unit of measurement.  They’re also pretty good to listen to.

Yes, they are. Good work fellas.

  1. l0yalr0yal - May 29, 2012 at 3:09 PM

    This is amazing. I am 1.1446153846153848 Altuves tall, but only 0.8624572440539 Hosmers tall.

  2. jerryball22 - May 29, 2012 at 3:10 PM

    Jamie Moyer is approximately 9.5 altuves years old

  3. unlost1 - May 29, 2012 at 3:14 PM

    not much news today, huh?

  4. number42is1 - May 29, 2012 at 3:18 PM

    Don’t forget about “couric”. that is a VERY important one.
    (1 couric equals approximately 2.5 pounds of excrement.)

  5. casey5jones - May 29, 2012 at 3:22 PM

    Brilliant find, Craig. You should also mention that the ball left Stanton’s bat at 118,921.84 Altuve’s/Hour (that’s is how fast 122mph is in Altuves).

  6. redux23 - May 29, 2012 at 3:27 PM

    how many altuves in a maddux?

    • casey5jones - May 30, 2012 at 10:23 AM

      1.1076923076923078

  7. drkincaid - May 29, 2012 at 3:28 PM

    Mike Ferrin and Morgan Ensberg of XM MLB radio talked about the Altuve as a unit of measurement a lot last year and this year. Doesn’t look like they built the calculator, but they deserve props for popularizing (and maybe inventing) the unit of measurement. They’re also pretty good to listen to.

  8. nolanwiffle - May 29, 2012 at 3:28 PM

    Altuves from the mound to home plate: 11.16923076923077
    Altuves between each base: 16.615384615384616

    It’s no wonder the game’s never caught on in Venezuela……..it’s too damn complicated.

    • casey5jones - May 30, 2012 at 10:21 AM

      So I had a list of about 50 Venezuelans who play or played in the majors. However, because I am not sure if you were kidding or not (though I think you were) here is a condensed edition:

      Luis Aparicio — David Concepcion — Ozzie Guillen — Omar Vizquel — Wilson Alvarez — Luis Sojo — Andres Galarraga (should be a hall of famer) — Magglio Ordonez — Bobby Abreu — Alex Gonzalez — Carlos Guillen — Johan Santana — The Izturis brothers — Carlos Zambrano — Marco Scutaro — Omar Infante — V Mart — K-rod — Miguel Cabrera — One of Craig’s favorite (I hope) Eddie Perez — Rafael Betancourt — King Felix — Martin Prado — Anibal Sanchez — Miguel Montero — Asdrubal Cabrera — Carlos Gonzalez — Gerardo Parra — Panda Bear — Elvis Andrus — Alcides Escobar — Jose Tabata — (The reason Buster Posey will move to 1B) Hector Sanchez — Jesus Montero. Oh yeah, and Jose Altuve.

      That’s a combined 38.769230769230774 Altuves tall (an estimate).

  9. chadjones27 - May 29, 2012 at 3:37 PM

    Our students aren’t even being taught how to a read a non-digital clock. An intern (19 yr old) here at work didn’t know who Dick Clark is. A high school teacher friend of mine told me she had a student who didn’t know who Ronald Reagan is. I know it’s a joke, but, I highly doubt our future students will be learning anything like an ‘Altuve.’ I just hope they know the difference between a yard and a meter.

  10. derklempner - May 29, 2012 at 3:53 PM

    In other news…

    I’m only 1.080985915 Theriots tall (but 1.1807692307076925 Altuves tall).
    The Green Monster of Fenway is 6.727272727 Ecksteins tall.
    Mickey Mantle’s longest home run was 102.727272727 Rizzutos long.
    Tony Campana’s inside-the-park home run last year landed 27.507692308 (Albie) Pearsons away from home plate (but only 26.294117647 Campanas away).

    And finally, if you consider just three pitches for each of Nolan Ryan’s career 5714 strikeouts, the total distance those pitches traveled was a staggering 289,420.744186047 Gaedels in distance.

    • nolanwiffle - May 29, 2012 at 4:01 PM

      We’re going to need you to show your work….

      • derklempner - May 29, 2012 at 4:18 PM

        Sigh…

    • l0yalr0yal - May 29, 2012 at 4:51 PM

      It would appear that your calculation of 289,420.744186047 Gaedels is based on Mr. Ryan only throwing strikes at these at-bats. I’m going to need you to recalculate this theory, but this time… please do it with some balls.

      • derklempner - May 29, 2012 at 4:59 PM

        I see what you did there.

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