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There were some fanTASTIC names in the 2012 draft

Jun 8, 2012, 11:33 AM EST

Name Game

I saw that guys named Skye Bolt and Storm Throne were selected in the Rule 4 draft earlier this week.  When I saw them my first thought was “Storm Throne rolls saving throw for curve balls …”  But there were more ridiculous names than that! And Dayn Perry of CBS Sports.com catalogs them for us today:

5. Evan Van Hoosier, Phillies (818th overall)
Sounds like: Monarchical heir to the throne of Indiana …

8. Damien Magnifico, Brewers (185th overall)
Sounds like: Up-and-coming celebrity illusionist.

And there are 23 more fabulous ones. But I disagree with Dayn on one of them. “Correlle Prime” does not sound like a software upgrade. It sounds like a planet where Galactica mined for tylium or the crew of the Enterprise encountered a race of aliens who had problems that were, amazingly, allegorical to some 1960s social problem or something.

  1. Jonny 5 - Jun 8, 2012 at 12:04 PM

    “Correlle Prime”

    Sounds like the Transformers home planet.

    • heyblueyoustink - Jun 8, 2012 at 12:35 PM

      Hey pal, that’s Cybertron. Got it?!? Correlle Prime could maybe be where their vacation home resides, and since the name would be gaudy and pretentious, it would have to have a layout similar to the Hamptons.

    • sdelmonte - Jun 8, 2012 at 12:40 PM

      Sounds like Optimus’s graphic designer brother.

  2. sjhaack - Jun 8, 2012 at 12:06 PM

    Correlle Prime is definitely software. You just didn’t do enough professional graphic design 15 years ago, I guess.

    • jimbo1949 - Jun 8, 2012 at 12:14 PM

      added the double r and le for effect?

  3. skids003 - Jun 8, 2012 at 12:28 PM

    I bet neither of you tell these guys to their face their names are “ridiculous,” or they might tell you how ridiculous Calceterra or DaynPerry is.

    • nategearhart - Jun 8, 2012 at 12:44 PM

      Yes, he uses the word “ridiculous”, but they also call them awesome, fantastic, and fabulous. I would hope that if one walked up to a “Goose Kallunki” and said “Your name is fantastically, fabulously ridiculous!” he would say, “INORITE?!”

  4. frankvzappa - Jun 8, 2012 at 12:49 PM

    I once met a man named Illustrious Sally. Nothing can ever top that, even though there are some good ones on this list.

  5. randygnyc - Jun 8, 2012 at 12:56 PM

    Who names their kid Zebulon? WTF?

    • ajcardsfan - Jun 8, 2012 at 1:11 PM

      I actually know 2 people with that name, and this is the STL area, I could only imagine more in NYC

    • Gamera the Brave - Jun 8, 2012 at 1:41 PM

      Either Martians from a 1950’s American International Sci-Fi flick, or a descendent of Zebulon Pike, after whom Pike’s Peak is named.

  6. Gamera the Brave - Jun 8, 2012 at 1:44 PM

    Also, I don’t think you will find “Prime” in the planet-naming convention of the Star Trek of the ’60’s vintage. You’d have to go to the ’80s, for Dune, and Star Trek TNG.

    I hate that I know that…

  7. oltanya - Jun 8, 2012 at 4:07 PM

    Storm Throne is definitely a winner.

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