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Oh, no! Baseball has wrecked Rick Reilly’s dinner reservations!

Jul 3, 2012, 3:03 PM EDT

Rick Reilly

Hey guys! Baseball games can be long sometimes and Rick Reilly is ON IT!

Reilly talks about the pace of the game and makes the current, cutting-edge observation that players step out of the batter’s box a lot, commercials are long and so forth.  The game that raised his ire:

Cincinnati at San Francisco was a three-hour-and-14-minute can-somebody-please-stick-two-forks-in-my-eyes snore-a-palooza. Like a Swedish movie, it might have been decent if somebody had cut 90 minutes out of it. I’d rather have watched eyebrows grow. And I should have known better …

Buster Posey of the Giants, The Man Who Wrecked Your Dinner Reservations, has this habit of coming to the box, stopping outside it and unfastening and refastening his gloves before his FIRST SWING! What exactly was he doing in the on-deck circle? His cuticles?

Sorry you’d rather be out to eat than covering a baseball game, Rick. Coverage which is costing your employer a reported $1.5 million a year. It must be a chore.

Seriously, though, Reilly has a core of a point here about umpires not enforcing the rule which requires pitchers to throw the ball within 12 seconds of receiving it. But then he completely undermines his point by (a) complaining about baseball rules which have been on the book for 150 years such as pickoff throws; and (b) making  jokes in which the punchline is merely “Obamacare!”

And of course he finishes undermining his point when he says:

Three hours and 14 minutes, 170 step-outs, and three double-shot macchiatos for that?

Please, I beg of you, bring on the NFL.

Oh, you mean the NFL which just moved back kickoff times of its late games to accommodate even longer games with even longer commercial interruptions? So that now an early game is given 3:25 to be done? That’s what will save you from the 3:14 baseball hell? The wall-to-wall action of the NFL?

Why doesn’t Reilly just admit he doesn’t much care for baseball so he decided to write a column complaining about things that would have been stale on Bill Cosby’s early comedy albums?

UPDATE: Shocker: this is not the first time Reilly has beaten this horse. Except when he did it 12 years ago, he claimed he’d never watch baseball on TV again.

(thanks to Kopy for the heads up)

  1. snowbirdgothic - Jul 3, 2012 at 4:57 PM

    Silly Rick. There’s no way Posey could have been doing his cuticles in the on deck circle. He’s wearing gloves.

  2. charlutes - Jul 3, 2012 at 5:28 PM

    Send Harps to this chumps house. Clown writing bro. Way to roast him Calcs.

    • brewcrewfan54 - Jul 3, 2012 at 5:39 PM

      Way to keep beating that not even that great quote to death.

  3. willsolo - Jul 3, 2012 at 5:35 PM

    After reading one of Rick Reilly’s article in 2009 about Phil Jackson and his “gloating” of his then tenth title win, I vowed to never EVER read another Rick Reilly article again. He is awful at his craft, and should be fired immediately.

  4. cubsfan101 - Jul 3, 2012 at 5:45 PM

    Honestly Craig, you should try writing about baseball stories instead of fluff pieces about Rick Reilly. He’s entitled to his own opinion, and unfortunately so are you. But seeings as he is making 1.5 million per year, i think you should follow in his footsteps instead of tearing him down. I wouldn’t care as much if this was a one time thing, but you’re constantly writing about topics that don’t carry much significance. People are on here for baseball news, not political articles or random crap about other writers

    • brewcrewfan54 - Jul 3, 2012 at 6:53 PM

      Judgg by the amount of comments this news does interest baseball fans.

    • brewcrewfan54 - Jul 3, 2012 at 6:53 PM

      Judging by the amount of comments this news does interest baseball fans.

  5. Kevin S. - Jul 3, 2012 at 6:04 PM

    Inconveniencing Rick Reilly is a feature, not a bug.

  6. sincitybonobo - Jul 3, 2012 at 6:27 PM

    How much of this hatchet piece did he have written before he entered AT&T park?

    The game he was forced to endure was attended by over 42,000 people, had 6 lead changes (including ties), featured two first-place teams in one of the country’s best sports venues.

    His math regarding an “average number of seconds per pitch” is completely dishonest, not accounting for commercial breaks, pitching changes, pickoffs, broken bats, etc.

    Watching the game’s final play on tv- three hours and fourteen minutes later after the first pitch- I saw a packed ballpark going crazy. Not a “snore-a-palooza”.

    Pickoffs serve no purpose if they don’t result in an out? What if it shaves extra feet off a potential basestealer’s lead? Is that OK with you, Rick?

    ESPN should be embarrassed for greenlighting and publishing this “analysis”. Glad to join the collective brushback pitch that RR had coming. Insufferable.

  7. leeeroooyjeeenkiiins - Jul 3, 2012 at 6:48 PM

    Rick Reilly is one of those incredibly annoying people that thinks every insight that comes into his head is profound and must be shared in a monotone rant that is overly dramatic enough that you’d think he was explaining the fall of Communism live.

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