A couple of these bufones also have multiple accounts. Unsatisfied with a single witless vote, they will occasionally pile on two, three or more dip-digits because they’re little people with no pot of mental gold at the end of their rainbows, and this is a way of indulging in something like what Joseph Campbell called “mythic inflation.” I have auto-refresh on my browser and occasionally notice two or three pro-lion votes popping up within a matter of a few seconds. This is a sure sign of ballot stuffing, and really, when you think about it, it’s a lot like being voted onto the all-star team.

So smile and relax. You may be reviled by the anencephalic, but you are loved by the well-accoutred minds out there in cyberspace.

He should get his fat ass on a treadmill, stationary bike and multi-task weight machine, swim 50 laps a day to start, increasing gradually to the distance between Havana and Key West (without the use of a truck tire and paddle) and cut out simple carbohydrates and saturated fats from his diet. This is what he should do. And he should get himself a personal trainer with beeeeg tits clad in gossamer spandex so he’ll be more likely to pay attention to what the hell she tells him.

How long have you been president of the Heath Bell fan club? I know he’s the favorite this year of fans in other NL cities.

The King was regal, as he so often is against the A’s, but he was matched by the Captain (see comment above) and the game devolved into a bullpen duel for the second time in 3 games. Seattle plays hard, they just don’t have enough players who take quality at-bats, and consequently the likelihood of them losing in extra innings is higher than the A’s. The A’s have actually scored fewer runs than the Mariners in 2012 (337-319) but Oakland’s pitching and defense have yielded fewer runs (316 to 365), so Oakland should win against Seattle more often, especially when Oliver Perez 2012 is on the hill. He lost both games, giving up 3 runs in 1 IP in the series.

Anyway, fans already expect that anywhere from 2-4 players we associate with the good first half won’t be here on August 1, at least two of them will be pitchers making room for Braden and Anderson. The Captain could be, most likely will be, one of those moved if he keeps going 8.2 of 1 run ball.

Then, there’s a couple of them who actually think that Kevin Youkilis is pretty, or that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder – in this case, eyes covered with lead contact lenses with X’s inscribe on them.

There’s one or two who think I’m a commie pinko fellow travelling socialist nicotine-Nazi tree hugging eco-terrorist pro-Gay Marriage Islamist Bush-hater with a Che Guevara black light poster on my wall who insists on viewing capitalism as a cultural phenomenon instead of as some cockamamie excuse for natural law, and thumb me down on principle. I suspect that many of them had mortgage-backed securities in their retirement portfolios and blame me for how that all worked out. Ah well.

And maybe a few who think my onomatopoetic rendering of the local Espangleesh dialect is somehow offensive. About those, too bad. You don’t like it, come on down to Macondo and give flatland English elocution lessons to three hundred thousand Hispanic Americans. Buenos suerte.

And finally, there’s a bunch who are dyslexic and really meant to click on the thumbs-up. I want them to know that I can read between the lines and that I appreciate their good intentions.

They continued to dominate the AAA Red Sox by taking 3 of 4 games this weekend, despite the rare and embarrassingly ugly defensive mistakes.

The game was officially over when God decided to give Adrianne Gonzalez her period in the early innings. I was surprised to hear that the Red Sox clubhouse ran out of midol and maxi-pads. Had Big Mami replenished the stock, the fortunes of the Red Sox may have been different.

The positive tone to the season was set before opening day, when AJ Burnett was acquired after a lengthy negotiation, and the likely 2012 MVP surprisingly signed a new, long term deal. Of course, the doom and gloom crowd will exist, even if the Bucs make the playoffs. At this point, ending the losing streak would already be a significant achievement, so everything else is a bonus. Important to note the Bucs have a manager with World Series experience.

That + the RISP failures and they have the best record in baseball, is insane.

Craig, did you perhaps mean “the first dude to start three consecutive games for his team”?

Oh, and Jones just barely missed making it five home runs in three games (two days!) in his final plate appearance last night, *just* pulling a towering drive foul before flying out to deep center. Dude’s freaking awesome. I couldn’t understand why Atlanta didn’t try to bring him back this offseason, Chipper isn’t *bad* against lefties per se, but working Andruw in against them with a pseudo-platoon would have been one way to get him regular rest, or having Jones spot Freeman/Heyward if they struggled with southpaws. I’m certainly glad the Yankees brought him back, but Andruw returning to Atlanta would have just felt right.

“Eddies in the space-time continuum.”

“He is?”