Jul 18, 2012, 6:12 AM EST
Angels/Giants 22, Tigers/Braves 0: So, I’m a Braves fan and my girlfriend is a Tigers fans and each of our teams got the crap beat out of them last night. So we agreed that baseball sucks and decided to watch downloaded “Parks and Recreation” episodes instead. Good call, yes? I mean, Mike Trout and Buster Posey are good, but they’re not as good as Aubrey Plaza representing the moon in a model U.N.
Reds 4, Diamondbacks 0: We don’t know any Diamondbacks fans or else we would have let them watch TV with us too. I mean, if your team got shutout last night, you probably should have been watching different TV instead.
Nationals 5, Mets 4: The Mets bullpen can do it all. If you need them to blow leads in the ninth inning: they got you covered. Tenth? Hey, they can do that for you too. They can give up RBI singles and triples. They can throw wild pitches with the bases loaded. Really, there’s no job too small for the New York relief corps
Yankees 6, Blue Jays 1: CC Sabathia returns and pitches six shutout innings. So, all that happened with the big man gone was that the Yankees built the biggest lead in all of baseball and they got their ace rested some for late in the season.
Marlins 9, Cubs 5: The Ozzie returns to Chicago. This was fun: Cubs fans booed him during a pitching change in the eighth inning. So Guillen pointed toward his ring finger, telling the Wrigley faithful that unlike the Cubbies, he has a World Series ring. God, I love Ozzie sometimes. Carlos Lee had a grand slam in a five-run fifth inning for the Fish.
Mariners 9, Royals 6: Ryan Verdugo didn’t scare anyone. He was lit up for six runs on eight hits in an inning and two-thirds in his major league debut. I mean, Vin Mazzaro came in and mopped up for the guy. And he’s sort of like a harbinger of death.
Phillies 3, Dodgers 2: Halladay returns. He only went five innings and didn’t figure in the decision, but he struck out six. It took five relievers to go the final four innings, but dadgummit, they held on.
Twins 6, Orioles 4: Three hits and an RBI for Joe Mauer, as the Twins knock off the fading Orioles. Zach Britton walked six guys. The Orioles got lucky with starting pitching in the early part of the season. Now it’s freefall city.
Pirates 6, Rockies 2: Andrew McCutchen homered. The Pirates notch their 50th win. I still don’t buy them as winning the central, but I think they can do better than 31-41 the rest of the way and get that sub-.500 monkey off their back.
- Blue Jays sign Dayan Viciedo to a minor league deal 8
- Chris Sale will be sidelined for three weeks with foot fracture 11
- Aramis Ramirez says 2015 will be his last year 32
- Francisco Rodriguez re-signs with the Brewers 9
- If addiction is an illness — and it is — Josh Hamilton shouldn’t be suspended 305
- Pirates open to massive extension for Andrew McCutchen 18
- Report: Josh Hamilton had a relapse this offseason that “involved at least cocaine” 86
- Yankees don’t plan on having to pay A-Rod’s $30 million in home run milestone bonuses 52
- If addiction is an illness — and it is — Josh Hamilton shouldn’t be suspended (305)
- San Francisco — and all of California — will consider a smokeless tobacco ban that includes MLB parks (131)
- Brian Sabean says that California taxes are a hindrance to the Giants signing free agents (102)
- Ichiro is happy to be away from Joe Girardi (88)
- Report: Josh Hamilton had a relapse this offseason that “involved at least cocaine” (86)