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Quote of the Day: Melky Cabrera: Criminal Mastermind edition

Aug 20, 2012, 8:52 AM EDT

melky getty Getty Images

From the Associated Press story about Melky Cabrera‘s clearly well thought-out plan to create a phony website cum PED alibi:

It’s the first such case MLB has had and officials hope that uncovering the scheme will discourage similar attempts.

Something tells me that Melky is not the vanguard of a legion of ballplayers who would attempt such a thing. Indeed, this seems like a pretty singularly stupid caper. Melky is a lone gunman here.

Well, not totally alone. The AP story talks about a Juan Nunez who actually created the website:

The person said Juan Nunez, who works with Cabrera’s agents, purchased an existing website and attempted to alter it in a manner that would allow Cabrera to claim the positive test was caused by a substance obtained through the website. The News reported Nunez paid $10,000 for the website.

I was going to scoff at the price, but then I realized that the positive test likely cost Cabrera about $40 million bucks in a free agency deal this winter, so the risk, even if totally stupid to take and even more stupidly addressed, is understandable.

But it is notable that Nunez works for Melky’s agents, Sam and Seth Levinson of ACES. They have said that they had nothing to do with it. Major League Baseball is apparently going to look into that.  Fun times.

  1. sfm073 - Aug 20, 2012 at 8:56 AM

    He shouldn’t play again this year.

    • bsbiz - Aug 20, 2012 at 9:32 AM

      His 50 game suspension ensures that he won’t until if/when the Giants reach the second round of the playoffs.

  2. muir6 - Aug 20, 2012 at 9:12 AM

    Melky Melky Melky

  3. tfbuckfutter - Aug 20, 2012 at 9:18 AM

    I tried this to explain a failed drug test.

    I was foiled when they said a legitimate business wouldn’t have an Angelfire address. Psshh, whatevs.

    • redguy12588 - Aug 20, 2012 at 9:38 AM


    • number42is1 - Aug 20, 2012 at 9:59 AM

      “…and I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn’t been for you meddling kids!”

      • sophiethegreatdane - Aug 20, 2012 at 10:32 AM

        number42is1 – Aug 20, 2012 at 9:59 AM

        “…and I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn’t been for you meddling kids!”


      • ajcardsfan - Aug 20, 2012 at 4:07 PM

        “and your urine tests”

  4. hank10 - Aug 20, 2012 at 9:50 AM

    Melky Cabrera, Super Genius.

  5. aiede - Aug 20, 2012 at 9:57 AM

    Somewhere, Dick Wolf is kicking himself over ending “Law & Order” before he could use this as a basis for one of their “ripped from the headlines” episodes.

  6. tmohr - Aug 20, 2012 at 10:11 AM

    Somebody with Photoshop skills needs to put Snidely Whiplash’s mustache on that picture of Cabrera.

  7. bancacentral - Aug 20, 2012 at 10:42 AM

    Please tell me there’s someone already working on a phony web page mocking the “real” phony web page that Melky’s people made.

    • tfbuckfutter - Aug 20, 2012 at 12:43 PM

      Dr. McKutcheon’s Genuine Not Steroid Supplement Cream*

      *May contain steroids

  8. poreef - Aug 20, 2012 at 10:53 AM

    If only there were someone in the SF area that could create a convincing website.

  9. yankeesgameday - Aug 20, 2012 at 11:49 AM

    All you need to know about Melky you can learn from that beard, because it isn’t really a beard, its just a line circling his face. Only the dumbest dumb assess on the planet would grow such a thing, hence it is totally believanle he could not pull off this little scheme.

  10. lew24 - Aug 20, 2012 at 11:51 AM

    Will he face an additional suspension?

    • spudatx - Aug 20, 2012 at 12:21 PM

      If Goodell ran the league, I’d expect it. With Selig, I suspect he will stay the course with the 30-game suspension. Is trying to cover-up your cheating worse than the cheating itself? If so, Braun-y might have had much more at risk last year when he went on the offensive challenging his “failed” test.

      I think the larger penalty Melky will face is whether the league’s GM’s turn their back on him as he enters free agency. He’s not known for any major upside until his recent performances which were admittedly fueled by something he’ll no longer have to his advantage. I see a future of small 1-year contracts ahead for Melky until he falls out of the league.

  11. sdelmonte - Aug 20, 2012 at 12:55 PM

    I told my wife about this, and she thought it was “Ferris Bueller clever.” In the way that everything Ferris did would fool one or two people, and would be the sort of thing a high student would do. I think she got it right.

    She doesn’t know from baseball, but she does know from Ferris.

  12. kevinbnyc - Aug 20, 2012 at 1:17 PM

    Juan Nunez….any relation to Leo??

    • lostsok - Aug 21, 2012 at 12:52 AM

      The only thing we know for sure about Leo Nunez…is that his name WASN’T Leo Nunez.

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