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Great Moments in Independent League Baseball

Aug 27, 2012, 11:33 AM EDT

Human Torch

Friend of HBT Emma Span makes her Sports On Earth debut on the day that Sports on Earth debuts. She’s the “Video Killed the Radio Star” of the online sports world.

Her topic: Roger Clemens’ return to baseball with the Sugar Land Skeeters.  You should read it all because she’s a great writer, but if you take nothing else away from it, take this:

As the team’s name indicates, the Skeeters are far from the majors in both attitude and talent. (In honor of the Rocket, they postponed Saturday’s scheduled promotion, in which “Human Fireball” Ted Batchelor would set himself aflame and round the bases, until Sept. 8).

I’ve seen Roger Clemens pitch hundreds of times. I’ve never seen anyone round the bases while on fire. I think the Skeeters made a bad call here, folks.

  1. ajcardsfan - Aug 27, 2012 at 11:41 AM

    Somebody get him for the 2016 Olympics in Rio. Could imagine instead of passing a torch, they just light this guy on fire, have him run 300m then the re-light the torch off of him…afterwards I assume they’ll be treating the man for some second and third degree burns, but he had his moment of glory

  2. cur68 - Aug 27, 2012 at 11:45 AM

    Never seen anyone round the bases while on fire?? Wait’ll Billy Hamilton gets here: not only rounds the bases like the blazes, but leaves a vapour trail, too. And, FTR, Man On Fire > Roger Clemens, so bad move Sugar Land Skeeters.

    Know what I’d like to see as a 7th inning spectacle? Human Cannonball vs Man On Fire. The race? Man On Fire must steal 2nd before Human Cannonball can reach the same base when Human Cannonball launched from home. Bearded Lady can be the umpire tasked with making the call. All calls at the base final, no review (@humanelement).

    Are you not entertained? Are you not entertained? Is this not why you are here?

  3. elmaquino - Aug 27, 2012 at 11:50 AM

  4. siriusred67 - Aug 27, 2012 at 11:54 AM

    Big deal… They replaced one flaming idiot with another.

  5. Jason @ IIATMS - Aug 27, 2012 at 12:43 PM

    Can’t we just light up Ole Rocket’s uniform and have him pitch with it burning? I mean, with all the BenGay/IcyHot stuff on his junk anyways…

    • kevinbnyc - Aug 27, 2012 at 2:40 PM

      If he pitched while on fire, it would help bring him back level with Curt Schilling in the “old, washed up blowhard who I can’t stand to see or hear speak” sweepstakes. It would be his “bloody sock” moment. Then he’d just have to start a wildly unsuccessful company and ruin a hundred people’s lives, and it would be a dead heat again.

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