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Holy Crap: Keith Hernandez may shave his mustache

Sep 4, 2012, 5:03 PM EDT

Keith Hernandez

This, if it comes to pass, may be the biggest tragedy in American history:

Keith Hernandez’s mustache has rarely left its perch below his nose in his adult life. It is the thicker, longer cousin to his eyebrows, the hirsute geometric center of his face. His mustache is an entity and a signature. After years of renown, it was voted the top sports mustache of all time in a survey by the American Mustache Institute in 2007.

But now, the Hernandez mustache might have a month of life left in it.

Read about why Mex may soon lose the sweet ‘satche. And never forget:


  1. tfbuckfutter - Sep 4, 2012 at 5:06 PM

    Wouldn’t it be awesome if he had a birthmark that looked like a penis on his upper lip and after he shaved his mustache he was like “Ohh yeah….that’s why I grew it to begin with.”

    • stlouis1baseball - Sep 4, 2012 at 5:17 PM

      Wow. You have topped yourself Buck. Where do you come up with this shit?

      • tfbuckfutter - Sep 4, 2012 at 5:19 PM

        I can’t think of any other reason a person would still have a mustache in 2012.

      • Old Gator - Sep 4, 2012 at 5:32 PM

        You put his lips together with Slobbering Ozzie’s….

        But seriously, I think the mustache is being removed in connection with some long, long overdue sinus and mucous membrane reconstruction.

      • nothanksimdriving123 - Sep 4, 2012 at 7:25 PM

        tfbuck: And quite a few of us can’t think of a good reason to engage in the bizarre practice of routinely slicing off our facial hair.

      • tfbuckfutter - Sep 4, 2012 at 7:31 PM

        Ok Grizzly Adams, that’s cool…..

        Except people with mustaches, in 2012, who aren’t Nick Offerman (who can pull it off), still routinely remove SOME OF their facial hair.

        Even Burt Reynold dropped the silly “mustache-only” look in the 90s.

      • nbjays - Sep 5, 2012 at 1:37 PM

        Yes, because a stupid looking facial abortion like Luke Scott’s is much more manly than a classic ‘stache. SMH

  2. bernie19kosar - Sep 4, 2012 at 5:23 PM

    Nice game pretty boy!

    • scatterbrian - Sep 4, 2012 at 6:52 PM


  3. unlost1 - Sep 4, 2012 at 5:31 PM

    people were confusing him with Tom Sellek & he didn’t want the association

  4. spudatx - Sep 4, 2012 at 6:20 PM

    He won’t last a month without his soup strainer. The man will realize that life before the cookie duster was just a sad, lonely existence. I believe he will give the lip spinach a last-minute pardon and to preserve not only the sanctity of his best friend, but he will remind all those that his mouth brow is a national treasure and not something to be taken lightly.

  5. keithbangedyermom - Sep 4, 2012 at 6:54 PM

    What?! So many MILFs, so little time.

  6. thefalcon123 - Sep 4, 2012 at 9:10 PM

    How much coke do you think is still stuck in that mustache?

  7. mybrunoblog - Sep 4, 2012 at 9:22 PM

    First Don Mattingly then John Oates and now Kieth Hernandez. Slowly the great mustaches of the 80s go away like a Duran Duran song in the wind…..

  8. arbruins - Sep 4, 2012 at 10:36 PM

    So, how much attention will someone get if they shave their nuts?

    • temporarilyexiled - Sep 5, 2012 at 9:16 AM

      Their nuts will get the same amount of attention they always get, perhaps with added commentary.

  9. tashkalucy - Sep 5, 2012 at 1:15 AM

    Figured this “story” came from Craig.

    So what’s Paris Hilton been up to?

  10. braunliesandcheats - Sep 5, 2012 at 8:42 AM

    This is a non story. Who gives a crap about this liar and cheater!

    • rooney24 - Sep 5, 2012 at 9:19 AM

      Are you confusing him with Rafael Palmiero? Is that why he is shaving?

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