Sep 5, 2012, 12:31 PM EDT
If you’re one of those people who like to post comments after non-newsy articles saying “slow news day, huh?” you’ll just want to move along and not read this.
If, however, you are into epic tales of weak-armed outfielders like Johnny Damon, vainly attempting to throw runners out at home plate, this bit of genius from Jon Bois might be up your alley. I’ll give you only the conclusion. The corpus of the stories has to be read in its entirety:
And that is the story of every Johnny Damon throw from the outfield. It’s sure to involve bears, goblins, civil uprisings, spacecraft, underwater observatories, love, hate, revenge, sword fights atop city skyscrapers, fear, hope, and ultimately, dread.
In other words, everything can and will happen. Except for actually throwing the runner out.
And every fan of every team knows of one outfielder who could easily be substituted into that story. Mostly Johnny Damon, but there are some other guys too.
- Cardinals sign Cuban infielder Aledmys Diaz to a four-year major league contract 0
- UPDATE: Ervin Santana is prepared to wait “days” before signing 41
- Cardinals and Matt Carpenter agree to a six-year, $52 million extension 10
- Jet Blue Park is absolutely incredible 59
- Gary Nolan one of many careers saved by Dr. Frank Jobe 17
- Ian Kinsler hopes Rangers go 0-162, calls GM a “sleazeball” (132)
- Albert Pujols was insulted when someone asked him if he can put up Mike Trout numbers (103)
- The politics of “The Cardinal Way” (67)
- Robinson Cano wants the Mariners to bring in Kendrys Morales and Ervin Santana (64)
- Reporter calls Ian Kinsler as self-absorbed as A-Rod (60)