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Ozzie Guillen couldn’t stay away from Twitter

Sep 5, 2012, 11:51 AM EDT

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Ozzie Guillen quit Twitter in May, explaining his decision in typical Ozzie fashion:

Yeah, I hate Twitter. Everybody following me can [expletive] his pants. You can quote me on that one. Don’t follow me anymore. Twitter is a stupid thing. I never make money out of that. When you speak Spanish, you speak Spanish. When you speak English, you don’t know how to spell “English.” Get a real job, get a life. I don’t make money out of that. I’m done.

And yet yesterday he unretired from Twitter, telling his 250,000 followers “iam. baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack” (that’s a direct quote) before posting another 10 tweets in the next 12 hours. During his Twitter break Guillen seems to have developed a fondness for periods. For instance, here’s his Twitter analysis of the Democratic National Convention last night:

And here’s a later tweet about golfing:

I’m not sure how long Ozzie will stick with Twitter this time around, but it’s good to have him back.

(Incidentally, “everybody following me can [expletive] his pants” is something everyone on Twitter should be forced to tweet at least once per day, as sort of a mantra.)

  1. bennyandthemets - Sep 5, 2012 at 12:01 PM

    I. Love. Castro.

    • Old Gator - Sep 5, 2012 at 6:25 PM

      Me too. My Sears foldout sent a spring up my ass as soon as I sat down on it.

  2. sknut - Sep 5, 2012 at 12:08 PM

    Does he get paid by the period? Holy punctuation Batman!

  3. sabathiawouldbegoodattheeighthtoo - Sep 5, 2012 at 12:10 PM

    BRB. I have to go change my pants.

  4. drewsylvania - Sep 5, 2012 at 12:13 PM

    Lost. his. mind.

    • 18thstreet - Sep 5, 2012 at 12:39 PM

      I need some evidence.

  5. hushbrother - Sep 5, 2012 at 12:14 PM

    Probably the double spacebar tap on an iPhone is causing all the periods. Then again, the next words would all be capitalized. Weird.

  6. Tim OShenko - Sep 5, 2012 at 12:28 PM

    Gah, that hurts my eyes! Are we sure this is the real Ozzie and not some imposter? I mean, Ozzie’s tweets were always a little incoherent, but this reads like forced incoherence.

    • dwrek5 - Sep 5, 2012 at 12:38 PM

      Right, what was the point of typing ‘with’ using his accent. ‘Whit’? Really?

  7. Old Gator - Sep 5, 2012 at 3:14 PM

    No doubt about it – Michelle looked hot last night, while that Romney concubine looked like she’d just had her hair done after finishing up the dishes and mopping the kitchen floor and picked a dress off the rack that needed to be steamed out a bit. Also, Michelle is a natural born speaker. Once again, that Romney concubine brought the kitchen – and her resignation to being condemned to it – to the party. Are all Republican women incapable of being interesting without also being stark raving certifiable?

    • stlouis1baseball - Sep 5, 2012 at 4:07 PM

      Yeah Gator…cause’ you know…it’s incredibly important to look good. Style over substance huh?
      That’s important to you? Style over substance?
      As for stark raving certifiable…that would be your boy Crazy Joe.
      So stark raving certifiable they gave Slick Willy Clinton his prime time speaking slot.
      Stark raving certifiable = Crazy Joe Biden.
      But lets not call the Kettle black huh? That just clouds things.

      • Old Gator - Sep 5, 2012 at 6:17 PM

        This has nothing to do with ideology. I was just comparing one beautiful, vivacious woman to one dowdy, overdecorated brainlocked one. And in the spirit of bipartisanship, I believe wholeheartedly that Joe Biden would probably have looked lousy in the same dress either one of them wore. I also don’t think, comparing papayas to papayas, that allusions to the likes of such neofascist looneytunes as Bachmann, Palin and what was the name of that broomstick rider from Delaware – O’Donnell? Whatever – Biden wouldn’t be in their class of dimwitted or nutty even in drag. But if you want to get ideological about it, sure, Michelle had much more inspiring and pertinent things to say than the predictably anal-retentive, rah-rah jingoistic right-wing platitudes mouthed by the Romney concubine.

        And in politics, as in other areas of the job market, of course it’s incredibly important to look good. I think there’s even a chapter on grooming in What Color is your Parachute.

      • sparky1002 - Sep 6, 2012 at 1:35 PM

        See Gator…that`s why Republicans hate liberal types. Anal retentive rightwingers never had much use for people who use objective rationality…it gets in the way of their unreasoned hatred for the opposition and threatens a deep need to “run with the herd”, like Lemmings over a cliff.

  8. stlouis1baseball - Sep 6, 2012 at 2:59 PM

    “run with the herd”, like Lemmings over a cliff.”
    Oh…you mean like your Occupy Wall Street brethren?
    Again…let’s not call the Kettle black huh? That just clouds things.

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