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Great Moments in Metaphors: Bobby Valentine crashes his bike while texting Dustin Pedroia

Oct 3, 2012, 9:40 AM EDT

Bobby Valentine

And with this, I think Bobby Valentine’s season in Hell is complete:

In the final days of one of the most painful seasons of his career, Red Sox Manager Bobby Valentine on Tuesday lay entangled with his bicycle at the bottom of a ditch next to the Central Park Reservoir.  On the wet, slippery path, Valentine was reading a text on his phone from Dustin Pedroia, the Red Sox second baseman, and riding his bicycle. When he looked up, he had to swerve to avoid the umbrellas of two French tourists walking in front of him. The bike skidded, and he lost his balance and went careening head over pedals down the side of the hill by the road.

The only way that’s better is if he’s riding a tandem bike with Pedroia, Pedroia intentionally swerves at a curb, and Valentine winds up literally under a bus.

  1. nobody78 - Oct 3, 2012 at 9:46 AM

    What are we going to talk about next year if he gets fired? The Sox are going to need to bring in someone really interesting, like Mike Tyson.

    • realgone2 - Oct 3, 2012 at 10:28 AM

      Bobby The Brain Heenan

    • jolink653 - Oct 3, 2012 at 12:12 PM

      The cast of Jersey Shore guest-managing for the year?

      • Kevin Gillman - Oct 3, 2012 at 1:11 PM

        Now that’s a GREAT idea, bring in guest managers for every game. It’s different, and it will draw up the ratings, because you never know how that will go.

  2. tfbuckfutter - Oct 3, 2012 at 9:47 AM

    Bobby Valentine is a dumbass.

  3. realgone2 - Oct 3, 2012 at 9:50 AM

    Stupid Hipsters and their fixed gears.

    • El Bravo - Oct 3, 2012 at 9:58 AM

      Somehow I came to this same conclusion.

  4. brewcrewfan54 - Oct 3, 2012 at 9:52 AM

    I think it may be possible that Bobby V’s year of dysfunction in Boston may cost him a chance to ever get hired as a manager in MLB again.

    • pinstripecameraman - Oct 3, 2012 at 11:20 AM

      and ruined his chances to get into the Hall of Fame

      • kevinbnyc - Oct 3, 2012 at 1:59 PM

        Not sure he’d get in regardless of this year.

    • paperlions - Oct 3, 2012 at 2:03 PM

      I don’t know….I think this was going to be his only chance to manage anyway. There are many reasons for the long interval between his managing gigs in MLB, and they all have to do with Bobby V, the personality.

  5. pisano - Oct 3, 2012 at 9:53 AM

    Amazing, texting the back stabbing runt that led the revolt against him, how effing dumb can you be. Hopefully for Boston fans they’ll both be gone before next season.

    • tfbuckfutter - Oct 3, 2012 at 10:04 AM

      Actually, it said he was reading a text from Pedroia.

      Maybe it said “fk u gtfo lol”

    • lazlosother - Oct 3, 2012 at 10:19 AM

      You mean the back stabbing runt who has been the 2d best 2d baseman in all of MLB this year? The one who has played through injuries over much of the season?

      Pedroia is being scapegoated here as much as anyone. Observing the way the two communicate I have to think that the narrative has been twisted. How shocking and unexpected, especially coming out of Boston. If Boston does decide they don’t require Dustin’s services any longer there are other teams that would be interested (like most of them). I don’t think it will happen though, the Sox could have traded him this year and didn’t.

    • hockeyflow33 - Oct 3, 2012 at 1:31 PM

      Supposedly it was Gonzalez not Pedroia doing that

  6. blantoncollier - Oct 3, 2012 at 9:58 AM

    Guess Bobby V doesnt know about the no texting and riding laws in NYC! Seriously, was he wearing a mask to protect his face so it isnt bruised when he is doing color commentary next year?

    • realgone2 - Oct 3, 2012 at 10:09 AM

      Fatality!

  7. steve7921 - Oct 3, 2012 at 9:59 AM

    The only way this post could be complete would be what the text actually said….

    • Francisco (FC) - Oct 3, 2012 at 10:10 AM

      “ur gonna run into 2 french tourists”

      • Old Gator - Oct 3, 2012 at 10:39 AM

        A plethora of thumbs up.

      • indaburg - Oct 3, 2012 at 11:00 AM

        Thanks for making me snort my drink out of my nose.

        Why is the fact that the tourists were French make this even funnier to me?

      • silversun60 - Oct 3, 2012 at 12:11 PM

        Francisco… you win. You, sir, win.

  8. El Bravo - Oct 3, 2012 at 10:14 AM

    After I’m done laughing, I might have a comment about this.

  9. Old Gator - Oct 3, 2012 at 10:37 AM

    The wife and I were in Metaphors last spring – tried some great wines, then drove down to Pamplona for the running of thee bools. We met Al, gored.

    • Jeremy T - Oct 3, 2012 at 11:20 AM

      Well now I’m trying to picture what a true/false value looks like running down the street…

      • johngalt192 - Oct 3, 2012 at 1:20 PM

        See Tron

      • 4cornersfan - Oct 3, 2012 at 1:45 PM

        Look out for that truth table!

  10. deathmonkey41 - Oct 3, 2012 at 10:55 AM

    It would be really freaky if Pedroia’s text said, “I hope you have to serve to avoid French tourists and wind up in a ditch down by the Central Park Reservoir, you mother#$*#%&*#$!!!.”

  11. kkolchak - Oct 3, 2012 at 11:03 AM

    I would say that Darwin nearly got his due, except that Valentine is probably too old to reproduce at this point.

    • El Bravo - Oct 3, 2012 at 12:19 PM

      How does this affect Darin Barney?

      • El Bravo - Oct 3, 2012 at 12:20 PM

        *Darwin

  12. jolink653 - Oct 3, 2012 at 12:14 PM

    Damn tourists…Is there really any more appropriate ending to the season for Bobby Valentine than winding up face down in a water-filled ditch in Central Park? I’m sure part of him wishes he had been in that ditch for most of the season

  13. cur68 - Oct 3, 2012 at 12:30 PM

    I bet he’s in less agony after the crash than after this season. I gotta feel sorry for him now. Poor ole Bobby.

  14. tcb375 - Oct 3, 2012 at 12:57 PM

    Only the Red Sox could lose to the French.

  15. oldcrocodile - Oct 3, 2012 at 1:03 PM

    He was “lucky” he wasn’t seriously injured.

  16. aceshigh11 - Oct 3, 2012 at 1:19 PM

    Fuck this fucking team.

    I wanna burn my Sox gear after this season.

    • denverdude7 - Oct 3, 2012 at 4:12 PM

      As should ALL Red Sox fans.
      Come on over to the good side and root for the Cleveland Indians !!!!!!!

  17. sabatimus - Oct 3, 2012 at 1:29 PM

    Don’t text and drive, dickhead.

  18. lucidsportsfan - Oct 3, 2012 at 2:59 PM

    I blame the French tourists with umbrellas: http://www.lucidsportsfan.com/2012_09_30_archive.html#624859958455983488

  19. denverdude7 - Oct 3, 2012 at 4:08 PM

    France 2
    Boston 0 Final

    LMFAO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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